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Ex boyfriend's birthday
This is a bit long sorry..
My ex boyfriend and I broke up after a year because he was going to uni (he's 2 years older than me). We didn't want to, we were each other's first loves and everything, but we knew it was for the best to agree to just be friends. Unfortunately I ended up getting really depressed, we couldn't deal with the long distance friendship and we argued loads. We made up at Christmas and temporarily got back together. While this made me get closure from everything, my ex got really down, saying he was still in love with me and everything. He insisted on knowing what I was getting up to, and got very angry when he heard I'd kissed another guy. One night we were on the phone and he got reeeeally angry/upset, was crying and smashed stuff. So I told him not to talk to me until he could deal with it a bit better.
It's now 2 years later, and he refuses to talk. He deleted me and all of my friends on msn, my number etc, which is fair enough as he did need to get over everything. I did try to contact him several times after a few months of not talking, because I missed him and he had always promised me he'd love me whatever happened and that we could be friends, but he refused and said it could take years before he gets over me. So I basically left it at that, there have been a few attempts to talk but I've always ended up being rejected.
Nowadays I'm great, have a boyfriend and would like to stress I am completely not still hung up on this guy. But I had a dream about him the other day, and it got me thinking. He's 20 soon, and we were friends for ages so would still really like to see how he is. Is it wise to send him a card or letter or something, or am I just being really selfish and girlie and asking too much of him? Actually, I don't even want to force him to see me, just want to let him know I still care if he ever changes his mind! Bad idea??
My ex boyfriend and I broke up after a year because he was going to uni (he's 2 years older than me). We didn't want to, we were each other's first loves and everything, but we knew it was for the best to agree to just be friends. Unfortunately I ended up getting really depressed, we couldn't deal with the long distance friendship and we argued loads. We made up at Christmas and temporarily got back together. While this made me get closure from everything, my ex got really down, saying he was still in love with me and everything. He insisted on knowing what I was getting up to, and got very angry when he heard I'd kissed another guy. One night we were on the phone and he got reeeeally angry/upset, was crying and smashed stuff. So I told him not to talk to me until he could deal with it a bit better.
It's now 2 years later, and he refuses to talk. He deleted me and all of my friends on msn, my number etc, which is fair enough as he did need to get over everything. I did try to contact him several times after a few months of not talking, because I missed him and he had always promised me he'd love me whatever happened and that we could be friends, but he refused and said it could take years before he gets over me. So I basically left it at that, there have been a few attempts to talk but I've always ended up being rejected.
Nowadays I'm great, have a boyfriend and would like to stress I am completely not still hung up on this guy. But I had a dream about him the other day, and it got me thinking. He's 20 soon, and we were friends for ages so would still really like to see how he is. Is it wise to send him a card or letter or something, or am I just being really selfish and girlie and asking too much of him? Actually, I don't even want to force him to see me, just want to let him know I still care if he ever changes his mind! Bad idea??
Send him a card so he doesnt think you hate him. Who knows, maybe you might be friends.
Im in the situation your ex is. I wouldn't mind receiving a card, cos its like a suggestion that "Im still here and care about you, but its ok if I hear nothing back" sort of thing. However, DONT see him again - stick with your new future with your new bf, cos otherwise both your feelings could well come flooding back - hence making things 10 times more complicated!
You might not even like what he has to say when he see's you again - he may just chat about his "new gf", etc.
You might not even like what he has to say when he see's you again - he may just chat about his "new gf", etc.
Send card.
No other contact.
No other contact.
My girlfriend was like you. She kissed some other lad (when she was very drunk but I told her dont get so drunk you dont know what youre doin), did some other stuff and didn't tell me about it. I mean if she can't talk to me then what's the point? BTW I am a nice guy, I've never shouted or swore at her once, always been nice to her regardless. Can't say the same for her though...Anyway I decided I dont need that, and am staying away.
Anyway, perhaps your bf needs space. I know everytime my ex would say hi to me or just talk to me, saying she loves me it only made, and still makes it harder because she wont leave me alone and I cant forget about her, which I need to.
You've both moved on, its been two years. You really think things could go back to how they were? You're over him, he is over you and if he isnt you need to allow him to be. If he doesnt send you birthday cards then you dont do the same for him. It might be hard but you both really need to move on, until you're settled again. Wait for him to talk to you, if he wants to.
Anyway, perhaps your bf needs space. I know everytime my ex would say hi to me or just talk to me, saying she loves me it only made, and still makes it harder because she wont leave me alone and I cant forget about her, which I need to.
You've both moved on, its been two years. You really think things could go back to how they were? You're over him, he is over you and if he isnt you need to allow him to be. If he doesnt send you birthday cards then you dont do the same for him. It might be hard but you both really need to move on, until you're settled again. Wait for him to talk to you, if he wants to.
its a sad situation but you cant say you haven tried. Although me and my ex promised to say friends, and I DID make the effort, he couldnt be bothered.
I know its not exactly the same situation but ive learnt that if you have any respect for yourself you'll wait for him to realise your friendship is worth keeping.
In these 2 years that have passed, has he ever bothered wishing you a happy birthday or just asking how you are? if not why should you make the effort with him?
Sounds harsh but whatever you do he'll just find another way of hurting you
I know its not exactly the same situation but ive learnt that if you have any respect for yourself you'll wait for him to realise your friendship is worth keeping.
In these 2 years that have passed, has he ever bothered wishing you a happy birthday or just asking how you are? if not why should you make the effort with him?
Sounds harsh but whatever you do he'll just find another way of hurting you
jeni8686
its a sad situation but you cant say you haven tried. Although me and my ex promised to say friends, and I DID make the effort, he couldnt be bothered.
I know its not exactly the same situation but ive learnt that if you have any respect for yourself you'll wait for him to realise your friendship is worth keeping.
In these 2 years that have passed, has he ever bothered wishing you a happy birthday or just asking how you are? if not why should you make the effort with him?
Sounds harsh but whatever you do he'll just find another way of hurting you
I know its not exactly the same situation but ive learnt that if you have any respect for yourself you'll wait for him to realise your friendship is worth keeping.
In these 2 years that have passed, has he ever bothered wishing you a happy birthday or just asking how you are? if not why should you make the effort with him?
Sounds harsh but whatever you do he'll just find another way of hurting you
Well yeah actually, my birthday was last august and he texted me saying happy birthday, and that he thought about me still every morning when he woke up and every night when he went to sleep. I never replied...
Send him a card. Tell him you care and that you think of him often, etc etc, but don't ask to meet up.
It's better to regret what you've done than what you didn't do...
It's better to regret what you've done than what you didn't do...
Thanks for all the advice everyone!
Yeah. I think that's exactly what I'll do, although I'll put money on me not getting any response!
Cxx
lessthanthree
I think a nice, simple card would do. Not some kind of gushy essay, but enough to say "hey, I remembered - if you ever want to have a chat, I'm about - happy birthday"
It's smart, casual, and it leaves the ball entirely in his court.
It's smart, casual, and it leaves the ball entirely in his court.
Yeah. I think that's exactly what I'll do, although I'll put money on me not getting any response!
Cxx
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