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Very worried about my brother's uni exam results watch

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    My brother is a first year Physics student. Before starting the first year he needed to complete a foundation year because he did not do well in his A-Levels, however, he mnaaged to get into a decent uni. However, his results for the end of his first year have just been released nad they a re dismal to say the least out of nine mouldes he took, he only passed two, the highest grade he obtained was 41% (in the other module he passed, he obtained 40%). The rest of the modules were below 39%, one of which he only gained 10%!!!!!! He now needs to do four resits to gain entry to the second year (however, the maximum he can obtain for the resits is 40%!!!!). Despite all this, he's not bothered in the slightest. He's so relaxed about the whole situation he is even spending a considerable amount of his time looking for a part-time job for the summer (no, I'm not joking!!!). The lecturers have given them various website from which the students can revise from therefore he claims he needs to spend most of his time on the computer. He says he's revising but most of his time on the computer looking for work for the summer or on Facebook.

    If he doesn't pass all these resits he will be excluded by the university for the year and will only be allowed come back to start the second year of his degree if he passes the resits he will need to do next summer. That's will mean that he will need to spend five years gainign a degree that usually takes three years to complete. I've tried to stress the importance of these resits but he really can't be bothered . I've spoken to my parents but they're so busy they can't be bothered and think he's adult to face the consequences. However, he's extremely deluded and thinks he can pass this year and even go onto achieve a 2:1 at the end of his degree (if he gets that far). He thinks just by looking at the computer screen at the websites without fetting pen and paper to make notes and referring to text books, he'll be able to pass!!!!! However, it's really worrying me to the extent that I can't go to sleep!!!! I think it's such a shame because he's very intelligent.

    What do you think I should do, I'm at my wits end?
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    let him suffer the consequences, and prepare a song callled 'I told you so' and sing it to him every day. Perhaps he thinks just because the 1st yr doesnt count then hes okay?
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    (Original post by jabed786)
    let him suffer the consequences, and prepare a song callled 'I told you so' and sing it to him every day. Perhaps he thinks just because the 1st yr doesnt count then hes okay?
    No, the first year counts for 10%, yet he thinks he can carry on the way he is and still graduate with a 2:1!!!!! at the end of the course :eek:
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    Your brother is very lucky to have such a caring

    sibling.You lose sleep for him,yet he isn't even

    bothered to help himself ? Just tell him what you told

    us,and if he doesn't listen,i guess he will just have to

    learn from experience.Don't lose any more sleep for

    him,ok .

    Regards.
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    To be honest, it's none of your business what he does with his life. You don't have an obligation to help him.
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    (Original post by Rock 'n' Roll)
    What do you think I should do, I'm at my wits end?
    I understand how you feel. My sister was in a similar position and she's now dropped out of uni. There really is not a great deal you can do, short of taking the exams for him. It's terrible to see, I know, but it really is his responsibility and he has to be accountable for his actions.

    If I was you I'd just try to explain to him clearly the situation he's in; like you said, he's a bright lad so he must surely understand what he's getting himself into. There is really no more you can do, I'm afraid. University just doesn't suit everybody and he can still lead a successful and happy life without a physics degree. Try to keep things in perspective and remember that you still have a happy and healthy brother who you obviously care a lot about.

    Try not to fret too much. Kind regards, TC.
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    Stop being so caring. If he screws himself over then he will learn from it. Nagging him won't make the slightest difference.
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    My brother was in a similar situation with his 2nd year. He failed it, and had to retake the year. We've just found out that he's failed it again, and has dropped out of uni. It was his choice not too work, and he accepts that. He's now gone into full time employment.


    In short, your brother is old enough to make his own decisions, and almost certainly realises the consequences of his actions. I know you feel bad for him, because it's not a choice that you would make, but it's not your problem to fix either, so stop worrying about it.
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    He didn't study did he?

    (It's not your problem btw, it's his...)
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    Im with these people on this. As distressing as it is to see a sibling do this to themselves, it's not a perfect world, and there isnt neccessarily anything you can do to make him work. If he wants to go through the motions of resits, let him. To be honest, it sounds like a mistake he has got to make, as horrid as that sounds.
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    (Original post by Rock 'n' Roll)

    What do you think I should do, I'm at my wits end?
    aww...you're really sweet to take care of your brother like that.

    but as others has mentioned, you need to let him grow. let him think for himself. let him learned from his action and the consequences that came with it. if you let him grow, he'll have more respect for you and will listen to your advice more.

    i guess your the 'sister' is it?
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    (Original post by Rock 'n' Roll)
    My brother is a first year Physics student. Before starting the first year he needed to complete a foundation year because he did not do well in his A-Levels, however, he mnaaged to get into a decent uni. However, his results for the end of his first year have just been released nad they a re dismal to say the least out of nine mouldes he took, he only passed two, the highest grade he obtained was 41% (in the other module he passed, he obtained 40%). The rest of the modules were below 39%, one of which he only gained 10%!!!!!! He now needs to do four resits to gain entry to the second year (however, the maximum he can obtain for the resits is 40%!!!!). Despite all this, he's not bothered in the slightest. He's so relaxed about the whole situation he is even spending a considerable amount of his time looking for a part-time job for the summer (no, I'm not joking!!!). The lecturers have given them various website from which the students can revise from therefore he claims he needs to spend most of his time on the computer. He says he's revising but most of his time on the computer looking for work for the summer or on Facebook.

    If he doesn't pass all these resits he will be excluded by the university for the year and will only be allowed come back to start the second year of his degree if he passes the resits he will need to do next summer. That's will mean that he will need to spend five years gainign a degree that usually takes three years to complete. I've tried to stress the importance of these resits but he really can't be bothered . I've spoken to my parents but they're so busy they can't be bothered and think he's adult to face the consequences. However, he's extremely deluded and thinks he can pass this year and even go onto achieve a 2:1 at the end of his degree (if he gets that far). He thinks just by looking at the computer screen at the websites without fetting pen and paper to make notes and referring to text books, he'll be able to pass!!!!! However, it's really worrying me to the extent that I can't go to sleep!!!! I think it's such a shame because he's very intelligent.

    What do you think I should do, I'm at my wits end?
    Sounds to me, deep down, that his hearts just not in it - judging by his mannerisms i.e. by not making a consorted effort to step-up despite being up **** creek without a paddle.

    He needs to wake up and live in the real world - where are his friends in all this? What do they say? I can't help but feel he's getting himself into unnecessary debt.

    Has he considered doing another degree? Maybe he should think about taking some much needed time out about coming back next year (to do another degree). He needs to do some growing up, as mentioned, and learn about the real world.

    Or maybe, you perhaps, need to accept hes just not university material and will make his way in life through other means?
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    I'm sorry to say this, but there's nothing you can really do. It is his life, after all, and he needs to live it for himself, and make his own mistakes.
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    (Original post by Rock 'n' Roll)
    However, it's really worrying me to the extent that I can't go to sleep!!!! I think it's such a shame because he's very intelligent.
    In which case he must know perfectly well what he needs to do, but clearly doesn't want to do it. Unless, that is, he has some kind of mental health issue, though it doesn't sound like it, the user who posted 'his heart's not in it' is probably right.

    What do you think I should do, I'm at my wits end?
    I think you must stand back and let him take the consequences of his actions and choices. This hasn't brewed up in a day - he's clearly consistently lacked motivation for his studies and arguably has only finished up at uni because it was expected of him.

    There are plenty of us who dropped out at 19 and have managed to make something of our lives and careers since. Sooner or later he's going to have to get out there and earn a living, and at that point he may start to consider whether a uni education would be a good thing for his career prospects. Then again, he may not. The choice is his. Hard though it is, you must let him do it. Your parents are right - he's a big boy now and must take responsibility for himself.
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    He's on Facebook as I write this. He's got four resits which he will do in one months time!!!! He says he ''needs a break because it's the summer''. He simply can't get into his thick skull that becuase he p*ssed about all year he has to sacrifice his summer!!!! I'm going crazy!!!!!!!!!!
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    (Original post by Rock 'n' Roll)
    He's on Facebook as I write this. He's got four resits which he will do in one months time!!!! He says he ''needs a break because it's the summer''. He simply can't get into his thick skull that becuase he p*ssed about all year he has to sacrifice his summer!!!! I'm going crazy!!!!!!!!!!
    Maybe he's planning to cram at the last minute?
    Lots of people don't take first year seriously or work as hard as they should, but still end up with good degrees, and there's no reason why your brother can't get a 2:1 if he puts the effort in next year.
    That's if he wants to do well in his degree, which he might not, he might have other plans. As people have allready said, there's really nothing you can do, so enjoy your own summer and let your brother worry about his exam results.
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    (Original post by Rock 'n' Roll)
    He's on Facebook as I write this. He's got four resits which he will do in one months time!!!! He says he ''needs a break because it's the summer''. He simply can't get into his thick skull that becuase he p*ssed about all year he has to sacrifice his summer!!!! I'm going crazy!!!!!!!!!!
    As others have said, although its understandable that you care and you're upset, you have to let go of this situation. Its out of your hands, and trying to have a hand in what happens is just going to result in lots of wasted emotion and a damaged relationship between you and your brother. Either he'll resent you for trying to interfere, or you'll build up loads of anger and frustration when he doesn't listen to you. You just have to step out of this situation and get a grip on yourself. Force yourself to stop thinking about it and remind yourself that there's nothing constructive that can happen through your worrying. Only destructive.
    When it comes to people you love and care about, if you don't learn to let go it will literally turn you into a neurotic mess. Think of this as great training for motherhood :p: There comes a point where kids have to face the consequences. It sounds like your brother hasn't worked out a few things, and it would be in his interest if he found out about the messy consequences sooner rather than later in a firsthand sense, so that he doesn't mess up even more spectacularly a few years down the line.

    As others have said - make sure you communicate your concern and explain what you fear will happen. After that leave it entirely. If he doesn't avoid the mess he's heading for, then hopefully being in the mess will be the kind of experience which propels him into making some proactive long term plans of action for himself.

    Incidentally I know how you feel because I have a little brother, and for years when I saw mistakes coming I'd go insane if nobody was stopping him from going into them.
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    i know you want to help but the most you can do is just say

    "you're a mess, sort your life out" , down to him after that, if he hasn't got it in him to make an effort he's going no-where in life, if he does he'll be successful
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    It's his life. I know you care about him, and that's a good thing, but if after you have talked to him, etc and he still continues, it won't be your fault, it will be his. There's nothing you can do, he is an adult and responsible for his own life.
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    There is nothing you can do, and not a lot your parents can do, except cut off any financial support they may be giving him. People screw up! You aren't responsible for him, and you shouldn't worry yourself so much, and I mean that in the nicest possible way Let him know you are there for him, but get on with your own life. I spent far too much time being mad at my brother when he screwed up, and it made no difference to him and only made me miserable.

    It's not the end of the world, he has a whole life ahead of him to get himself back on track. Don't worry so much.
 
 
 
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