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Commitment-phobic
Anyone else seriously scared of commitment??
I've just started going out with a guy I've liked for a while, but I keep acting really weird around him. I don't know what he thinks of me or what he wants from the relationship and I'm too scared to ask in case I frighten him off. But the way I'm acting, I'll probably lose him anyway. I'm terrified of liking someone too much. I can't explain it. I'd much rather be casual with him, with more chance of him running away, than have him as my boyfriend, because then I can't run away. I get a weird look on my face when I think, and he always asks me what I think, and I never tell him. I think I'm really messing him around.
When I ask him what he wants, he's really vague and just sorta agrees with whatever I'm saying. He knows I wasn't looking for a relationship and it took him a week to ask me out cos of this. He knows I've misbehaved in the past and knows I've had more relationships etc. He never tells me anything about his past, which I take to mean there isn't much to know.
Any thoughts? What should I say to him? I don't wanna mess this up by being a freak. He probably thinks I hate him...
I've just started going out with a guy I've liked for a while, but I keep acting really weird around him. I don't know what he thinks of me or what he wants from the relationship and I'm too scared to ask in case I frighten him off. But the way I'm acting, I'll probably lose him anyway. I'm terrified of liking someone too much. I can't explain it. I'd much rather be casual with him, with more chance of him running away, than have him as my boyfriend, because then I can't run away. I get a weird look on my face when I think, and he always asks me what I think, and I never tell him. I think I'm really messing him around.
When I ask him what he wants, he's really vague and just sorta agrees with whatever I'm saying. He knows I wasn't looking for a relationship and it took him a week to ask me out cos of this. He knows I've misbehaved in the past and knows I've had more relationships etc. He never tells me anything about his past, which I take to mean there isn't much to know.
Any thoughts? What should I say to him? I don't wanna mess this up by being a freak. He probably thinks I hate him...
Lozza
Anyone else seriously scared of commitment??
I've just started going out with a guy I've liked for a while, but I keep acting really weird around him. I don't know what he thinks of me or what he wants from the relationship and I'm too scared to ask in case I frighten him off. But the way I'm acting, I'll probably lose him anyway. I'm terrified of liking someone too much. I can't explain it. I'd much rather be casual with him, with more chance of him running away, than have him as my boyfriend, because then I can't run away. I get a weird look on my face when I think, and he always asks me what I think, and I never tell him. I think I'm really messing him around.
When I ask him what he wants, he's really vague and just sorta agrees with whatever I'm saying. He knows I wasn't looking for a relationship and it took him a week to ask me out cos of this. He knows I've misbehaved in the past and knows I've had more relationships etc. He never tells me anything about his past, which I take to mean there isn't much to know.
Any thoughts? What should I say to him? I don't wanna mess this up by being a freak. He probably thinks I hate him...
I've just started going out with a guy I've liked for a while, but I keep acting really weird around him. I don't know what he thinks of me or what he wants from the relationship and I'm too scared to ask in case I frighten him off. But the way I'm acting, I'll probably lose him anyway. I'm terrified of liking someone too much. I can't explain it. I'd much rather be casual with him, with more chance of him running away, than have him as my boyfriend, because then I can't run away. I get a weird look on my face when I think, and he always asks me what I think, and I never tell him. I think I'm really messing him around.
When I ask him what he wants, he's really vague and just sorta agrees with whatever I'm saying. He knows I wasn't looking for a relationship and it took him a week to ask me out cos of this. He knows I've misbehaved in the past and knows I've had more relationships etc. He never tells me anything about his past, which I take to mean there isn't much to know.
Any thoughts? What should I say to him? I don't wanna mess this up by being a freak. He probably thinks I hate him...
It sounds like you're not into him that much. If the idea of being stuck with him is that awful...
Reply 3
lets face it, you're blatantly just glorified f*ck buddies if neither want to commit at all.
people at it whilst they wait for something better to come along.
people at it whilst they wait for something better to come along.
Reply 4
You are not that into him anyway.
Just make sure he knows what he's getting (i.e. that you are not going to commit).
Just make sure he knows what he's getting (i.e. that you are not going to commit).
Reply 5
I'm probably not the person to listen to, as far as relationships go...but I always think honesty is the best policy. After all, if you don't have the same goals for the relationship then you'll lose him anyway. It's best to have everything out in the open so you can decide whether to continue with the relationship or move on.
Reply 6
Not scared of it, but don't want it.
i don't know if it's about not wanting it, my last relationship was really casual so i've had 7-8 months of not really being committed. i think it's about not knowing what he thinks, and it sounds a bit...intense...to say "yeah, well i'm scared of going out with you because i don't know what you think" after a couple of weeks. i dunno. i get this feelings like i just want to run away and never see him again because he's doing my head in. doesn't help that he's in all my lectures and i can see him looking at me every so often out of the corner of his eye.
i think you're right J.
i think you're right J.
Hey, yeh i know exactly what you mean..i've been with my bf for 4 months now and yesterday he told me he loved me and all i could say was "thanks" how crap an answer was that??! he was fine about it tho..just said i should wait til im ready to say it..thing is i know i do really like him but cos i loved a guy before an got hurt i think i'm scared of commiting to someone again...its much safer to not get in too deep.
i know exactly how you feel. i was like that when i started up with my boyfriend, though i realise now it was mainly because I was so surprised that he could fancy me, and just so insecure. Not to mention scared of getting hurt. Most of his friends are female and even now whenever I see him with one of them I get the urge to dump him because I'm certain he'd be happier with one of them and it's going to happen eventually anyway...
Reply 10
C...c...c...commm....mmm...itment! (*!shivers!*)..........
I have this weird feeling that commitment will enslave me and swallow up all freedom in my life.The funny thing is that at the same time I am totally against o.n.s and the "f-buddy" system...hmm...that doesn't leave many options does it? :P
I have this weird feeling that commitment will enslave me and swallow up all freedom in my life.The funny thing is that at the same time I am totally against o.n.s and the "f-buddy" system...hmm...that doesn't leave many options does it? :P
I thought I was getting over it, then my bf asked me what I did yesterday and really quickly I replied "nothing" as if to hide whatever I'd been up to. All I did was revise and watch tv and go for coffee but lol I hate people knowing things about my life!
According to a mutual friend (who got drunk with my bf last week and had a heart to heart about her ex, love, me etc), we both really really like each other but won't say. So I guess maybe he's as commitment phobic as me...but likes me...so is equally confused. Either that or shy. Hmm.
According to a mutual friend (who got drunk with my bf last week and had a heart to heart about her ex, love, me etc), we both really really like each other but won't say. So I guess maybe he's as commitment phobic as me...but likes me...so is equally confused. Either that or shy. Hmm.
Reply 13
Lozza
omg i feel the same as you...
i think maybe we all do to some extent...
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