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Do I tell people I'm bi? watch

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    Keep anonymous for obvious reasons.

    Everyone I know apart from a few think I'm straight girl. My best friends think I'm straight. My friends from school think I'm straight. My family thinks I'm straight. I've been aware I'm bi to some extent since mid sixth form, but it's now the end of my third year of uni and only two people know. This is down to a combination of me taking a while to accept it properly, not having an opportune moment to say anything, and not wanting everyone's opinions of me to change.

    Reasons not to tell anyone

    -I don't feel comfortable EVERYONE I know knowing, just some, but it's hardly something I can keep under wraps.
    -I don't want anyone's opinion of me to change; I know this is the 21st century and everything, but you can't deny some people would think less of me for it.
    -I could never ever imagine telling my parents.
    -It's not something anyone needs to know, because the only girl-crushes I've had have been ridiculously unattainable and that's unlikely to change; I like boys more than girls, but I like girls too.
    -The people I've told I've told while drunk, one of whom I regret telling - he's not even a close friend, he was someone I had to talk to for a while and mistook for a friend - and one of whom I don't regret telling - some of my friends would feel put out at the very least I told them first.

    Reasons to tell everyone

    -Keeping it quiet isn't likely to help should I fall madly in love with a girl.
    -Why should I feel the need to keep it quiet? It's just who I am.
    -Now I've told these two people, I feel bad for still keeping it from my friends.
    -There are two or three people I actively want to tell.

    I'm really really confused, I've had this argument with myself several times since I told the second person recently, and since there's no one I can talk to in real life right now about telling everyone, I'm turning to you guys. I suspect you'll tell me to tell everyone, which might give me the kick up the backside I need...
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    Nah, why bother? If you fall in love with a girl it might shock people but who cares, I dunno, it seems to me that "people thinking you're straight" is like a synonymn for "no one caring about your sexuality" but if you told people you were bisexual like *on purpose* you'd become "that girl wot is bisexual". It's not as if it's anyone's business; I myself would rather not make a big deal about it. Even if you did often go out with girls in real life it's not like anyone actually *needs* to know and if they find out well bully for them.

    But that's just me tbh :dontknow:
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    (Original post by littleshambles)
    Nah, why bother? If you fall in love with a girl it might shock people but who cares, I dunno, it seems to me that "people thinking you're straight" is like a synonymn for "no one caring about your sexuality" but if you told people you were bisexual like *on purpose* you'd become "that girl wot is bisexual". It's not as if it's anyone's business; I myself would rather not make a big deal about it. Even if you did often go out with girls in real life it's not like anyone actually *needs* to know and if they find out well bully for them.

    But that's just me tbh :dontknow:
    See, this is exactly how I feel - at the same time, I dunno, I feel like I should tell them. I went to a pride parade the other day (with some people who didn't know) which kind of made me feel awkward. This desire to tell people may have been brought on by that...

    Thank you
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    Theres no reason to tell everyone. I can understand telling people if they ask, or because you wanted someone to go with you to a gay bar, etc. But really, no-one goes round and says 'Hello, my names Sam and Im straight/gay/bi/asexual/etc', because you dont want to be known just for that. Its part of you in the same way that things like being.. religious or very tall, are. Theres no need to make a big deal out of it.
    Plus you havent mentioned being with a girl, it could just be a phase, or when/if you actually went with a girl you might hate it. Lots of straight women find other women 'attractive' but still choose to be with men. Theres no need to label yourself:nah:
    If you do end up dating a girl and your parents/friends are shocked just remind them you never said you were straight, sexuality isnt that simple, and its not a big deal because you are still you.
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    I agree with littleshambles. It's only an issue if you make it an issue. No point bringing it up unless it's relevant to the conversation or you're directly asked. Bringing it up out of the blue would make no sense, and some people may even see it as attention seeking if it's done the wrong way. Be yourself, and if people find out when you get with a girl, so what?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Keep anonymous for obvious reasons.

    Everyone I know apart from a few think I'm straight girl. My best friends think I'm straight. My friends from school think I'm straight. My family thinks I'm straight. I've been aware I'm bi to some extent since mid sixth form, but it's now the end of my third year of uni and only two people know. This is down to a combination of me taking a while to accept it properly, not having an opportune moment to say anything, and not wanting everyone's opinions of me to change.

    Reasons not to tell anyone

    -I don't feel comfortable EVERYONE I know knowing, just some, but it's hardly something I can keep under wraps.
    -I don't want anyone's opinion of me to change; I know this is the 21st century and everything, but you can't deny some people would think less of me for it.
    -I could never ever imagine telling my parents.
    -It's not something anyone needs to know, because the only girl-crushes I've had have been ridiculously unattainable and that's unlikely to change; I like boys more than girls, but I like girls too.
    -The people I've told I've told while drunk, one of whom I regret telling - he's not even a close friend, he was someone I had to talk to for a while and mistook for a friend - and one of whom I don't regret telling - some of my friends would feel put out at the very least I told them first.

    Reasons to tell everyone

    -Keeping it quiet isn't likely to help should I fall madly in love with a girl.
    -Why should I feel the need to keep it quiet? It's just who I am.
    -Now I've told these two people, I feel bad for still keeping it from my friends.
    -There are two or three people I actively want to tell.

    I'm really really confused, I've had this argument with myself several times since I told the second person recently, and since there's no one I can talk to in real life right now about telling everyone, I'm turning to you guys. I suspect you'll tell me to tell everyone, which might give me the kick up the backside I need...

    Just tell the people that you want to tell. You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to tell.
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    No point telling them, I can tell you're a raging tricycle from miles off.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by ChristinaJ)
    Theres no reason to tell everyone. I can understand telling people if they ask, or because you wanted someone to go with you to a gay bar, etc. But really, no-one goes round and says 'Hello, my names Sam and Im straight/gay/bi/asexual/etc', because you dont want to be known just for that. Its part of you in the same way that things like being.. religious or very tall, are. Theres no need to make a big deal out of it.
    Plus you havent mentioned being with a girl, it could just be a phase, or when/if you actually went with a girl you might hate it. Lots of straight women find other women 'attractive' but still choose to be with men. Theres no need to label yourself:nah:
    If you do end up dating a girl and your parents/friends are shocked just remind them you never said you were straight, sexuality isnt that simple, and its not a big deal because you are still you.
    Heh I kind of feel like this too - it's reaalllly not that big a deal, but then comes the counter argument - if so, why not tell people?
    I kind of thought it might have been a phase, since I'd never had a crush on a girl, then I actually did, and now I've got another one (although I have to admit, a much bigger one on a boy). I suspect this won't go away. But, maybe it will.

    Thanks
 
 
 
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