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Got bullied at school, it still affects me now i've left Watch

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    Through things like when i remember how it affected my family, and how they had to take a different job so they could be home for me more (this was when i was around 11/12)... so now when they have to come home late, i always think to myself:

    "if they were in another job, they may be back normal time and i could have more time with them".
    it seems very trivial, but to me its important because i believe they may be in a different job if it wasnt for the bullying.

    Shame this has just come up, I have just started to overcome it
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    must have been serious bullying
    does it bother you nowadays?
    there are lots of what if! questions, dont let it bother you.
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    Thing about the "what if I did this" are killers inside one mind.
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    (Original post by sam789789)
    Through things like when i remember how it affected my family, and how they had to take a different job so they could be home for me more (this was when i was around 11/12)... so now when they have to come home late, i always think to myself:

    "if they were in another job, they may be back normal time and i could have more time with them".
    it seems very trivial, but to me its important because i believe they may be in a different job if it wasnt for the bullying.

    Shame this has just come up, I have just started to overcome it
    That's so crap man Use it to motivate you into really make something of yourself. If you can get through this, you'll come out a stronger person. Whenever I was bullied it just strengthened my determination to excel academically and work my ass off to achieve the best I possibly could.
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    (Original post by OneWayOfLife?)
    Thing about the "what if I did this" are killers inside one mind.
    Very true.

    OP, think about the future, not about the past.

    As for your parents: They may not have been 100% happy with it - but they are adults - they made their choice and thought it was the best possible choice.

    Everyone has to make choices and sometimes sacrifices in their life - you will too, at some point. It's not such a bad thing.

    So don't feel guilty - just be grateful.
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    The unfortunate thing about bullying is that the victims feel at fault.

    Scientists suggest there are three reasons why people bully:

    1) Their brains are so underdeveloped they cannot control their neanderthallic behaviour
    2) They are insecure little girls inside and so take their insecurities out on others to self affirm
    3) They have small penises

    You have to remember it wasn't your fault. Your parents would be annoyed at you suggesting you slowed their progress; you are their progress. Whatever benefits you benefits them. At the end of the day, regardless of all their wealth or security, you are what they bequeath to this world and you are what they care about.

    Work hard, achieve and make them (and yourself!) proud, and feel good about the fact that your tormentors are likely in some sink estate or far less successful than you.
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    This is just sad... I hate how people can do harm to others and still sleep well at night :/
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    They made a sacrifice for you as a gesture of their love for you. You'll have to show your love back one day, you'll have your opportunity. All you have to do is move on with life each step as it comes, there is no point thinking about 'what if's as you can't help what happened in the past, you can only learn from it and move on.
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    Thanks for the replies.

    And on another note: to those who got bullied, was it by the "cool" kids, or by an outcast?

    Cos my main bullying was done by the class outcast, who had no one really to egg him on to do it.
    This is why i am so upset, cos he had no reason to do it.
    At least if it was the cool kids, i'd know they were just doing it to be cool, and i could accept it as a part of life.
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    (Original post by Lefty Leo)
    The unfortunate thing about bullying is that the victims feel at fault.

    Scientists suggest there are three reasons why people bully:

    1) Their brains are so underdeveloped they cannot control their neanderthallic behaviour
    2) They are insecure little girls inside and so take their insecurities out on others to self affirm
    3) They have small penises

    You have to remember it wasn't your fault. Your parents would be annoyed at you suggesting you slowed their progress; you are their progress. Whatever benefits you benefits them. At the end of the day, regardless of all their wealth or security, you are what they bequeath to this world and you are what they care about.

    Work hard, achieve and make them (and yourself!) proud, and feel good about the fact that your tormentors are likely in some sink estate or far less successful than you.

    I would say number 1 is the exact reason he bullied me.

    He didn't have many friends, neither did I. He could have easily just chatted to me and tried to be nice to me, but instead he decides to do all this terrible stuff to me.
    He had no friends, so i dont get why, so it must be because his brain is underdeveloped.

    But surely that is impossible? No one else in the class was as mental as him, so is this underdeveloped brain thing just a myth?
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    (Original post by sam789789)
    He didn't have many friends, neither did I. He could have easily just chatted to me and tried to be nice to me, but instead he decides to do all this terrible stuff to me.
    He had no friends, so i dont get why, so it must be because his brain is underdeveloped.
    Maybe he had "mental" issues. I.e. aggression or sadism. I know a kid like that.

    There's nothing rational about bullying, and it probably won't help to try to rationalise his behavior. Try to move on.
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    (Original post by llys)
    Maybe he had "mental" issues. I.e. aggression or sadism. I know a kid like that.

    There's nothing rational about bullying, and it probably won't help to try to rationalise his behavior. Try to move on.
    well whose fault is it he is aggressive? cos his mum i spoke to on the phone and she seems nice.
    plus his dad is a doctor, not exactly a builder or plumber like you might expect.
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    anyone?
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    (Original post by sam789789)
    plus his dad is a doctor, not exactly a builder or plumber like you might expect.
    wtf?

    Anyway.. it doesn't have to be anybody's "fault".

    The child I know (or knew, to be precise) - his family is nice, his siblings are nice, and he's a sadist. **** happens in the best of families.
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    (Original post by llys)
    wtf?

    Anyway.. it doesn't have to be anybody's "fault".

    The child I know (or knew, to be precise) - his family is nice, his siblings are nice, and he's a sadist. **** happens in the best of families.
    exactly, almost like we know the same person here... but why are they sadists? its wrong, they should be locked up in a mental hospital, not be allowed to ruin me and my family's life :mad:
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    (Original post by sam789789)
    exactly, almost like we know the same person here... but why are they sadists? its wrong, they should be locked up in a mental hospital, not be allowed to ruin me and my family's life :mad:
    I don't know enough to answer that question. These things are classified as "personality disorders": sadism, narcissism, antisocial personality disorder, psychopathy etc.. I do not know if they are endogenous mental disorders (caused by imbalance of chemicals in the brain, like e.g. depression), or if they are developmental disorders (like e.g. autism). Probably rather the latter but I'm just guessing.

    Yes they should be 'locked up'/in treatment if they are a danger to society. But children who are like this are mostly not diagnosed. Probably because the parents are afraid.. The child I knew was diagnosed and in therapy. I even think he was willing and trying (or maybe it only seemed like that outwardly), but he had relapses. It was very tough for his parents. I don't know what became of him in the end.


    I think maybe I've gone a bit too far here. Most bullies are just bad losers/arrogant tossers/*******s and grow out of it at some point in their life. In any case I really don't think it helps to overanalyse this. You are rid of him now (I assume). I know that doesn't mean you can just feel at peace inside but please try to focus on positive things you can do with your life. For your own sake, try to find some peace and happiness.
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    its not that easy though
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    (Original post by sam789789)
    its not that easy though
    I know. :hugs:

    But do try, or you will ruin the best part of your life thinking and worrying and questioning and feeling bitter and angry and resentful about someone who really does not deserve so much attention from you.

    Compare this to instead thinking about your plans, your future, your hobbies, your career, your friends, girlfriend, family, kids you may want. I think it's clear that this is a better and much more enjoyable way to spend your thinking time.

    I know it's hard but try to REFUSE to think about this guy. He does not deserve it.
 
 
 
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