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I feel the most normal but also the most tired when away from home why?(long post) watch

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    I have a partial theory, one is that I am somewhere new or even somewhere I havent been in ages i.e parents.

    I suffer from depression over someone in my family who was murdered, before that I had low self esteem and was afriad of social interaction but rather happy with myself(except I wanted to change but deep down maybe not)

    Back then I used to love clubbing, went once a week and at one point 2 or 3 times a week even sold all my games and dvds to have a good night out.

    Then after the death I still went out but both physically and mentally changed, I got drunk easy despite drinking the same and to extremes that the entire night blacked out and I only remember the odd few seconds where I did stuff like try and breakdance or tell a girl I wanted to """" her basically I think I was being self destructive.

    I started getting a tiny bit better when I moved town so away from the memories but then took in a friend(he paid half the rent) who was suffering from depression himself and he dropped me into something so deep even 2 years on I havent recovered.

    I have got to the point where my entire body aches and I never go clubbing(well maybe once every few months) sit at home for hours and feel dizzy and want to puke up, I dont even enjoy playing video games or watching dvds which was a massive thing for me before since I have a HND in Media.

    The only time I ever get the slightest form of energy is when I go away on holiday, im still knocked out energy wise but at least hugley more normal in terms of wanting to do things, when away I wish I lived in that town/city,want to go clubbing, want to explore but the tiredness is still there but doesnt normally affect me totally until evening.

    Also I get out of bed a bit easier etc.

    Is this all psycological(apart from a bit of the tiredness)
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