I've been with my boyfriend for two months now, beforehand we were great friends as well. Because of this, I always thought it'd be easy to get along with him and be with him and all. But lately, I'm just starting to think I'm just not... right for him. I know he won't say anything about it but I can sort of feel it. I don't know if it's just me though.
It seems that I'm the one always trying to make conversation. Literally, all the time. I don't know what it is but he never answers so we can carry on the topic but with everyone else, they're fine, they can. He can be so abrupt and blunt sometimes and it hurts because I think I'm boring him. When I offer him the chance to talk about whatever he wants, he says "it's fine". He's never willing to carry on a conversation unless, I've found, he's talking about himself. I feel so dull with him.
Another reason that sort of goes with this one is that one of my best friends, an amazing, gorgeous, funny person, gets on with him so well. They seem to talk more easily without even trying, and he starts the conversation with her a lot of the time. I told him that I thought he liked her once but apparently not, and it was stupid for me to think so. That's when he told me he loved me. But it doesn't make sense to me, I don't know why. On top of this, he sometimes drags out my insecurities, trying to make me feel better when I just don't want to because it makes me feel so much worse - it's like I'm a liability. Hence, we get into a few phases were I just tell him I feel exactly like that, he gets upset, I get upset, then we're fine. I can't help but think that he would have more fun, be more free, with her.
Last reason. Long story short, he lied to me about what actually happened when he told his family about me. He said they were happy and all. What really happened was is that his sister thought he was with my best friend that I just mentioned. He corrected her, but she then said "well then why did I think it was her... probably because she's prettier". I was upset, obviously. He tried to reassure me but it didn't seem genuine. He'd never told me I was "beautiful" before then. I think more and more about it everyday and it makes me feel so small and just reaffirms what I think.
I'm trying so hard here, but it feels like I'm making all the effort. I don't know what more I can try. I know it probably sounds like I'm being insecure and jealous but I wouldn't mind it, as long as he made an effort when I spoke with him rather than it being just me. At the moment, him telling me he loves me just seems a bit fake. Like... an obligation. I don't know. Is there anything I can do, besides keeping on trying? Or am I just being a cow?
Sorry if my post is a bit of a ramble. Thanks for reading if you got this far, it is pretty long.
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