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    need to keep this anon.... sorry for the essay.

    i've been with my boyfriend for way over 2 years now. at first i was sooo into him and it was like that for a long time, but he didnt really treat me very good to be honest. after 2 months of us going out he left his facebook logged in at my house and he had an inbox message, i clicked on it thinking it was my facebook and it was his obv, it was a message from a girl. it was quite flirty. i asked him about it and he lied to me, saying he just speaks to this girl about uni work and nothing else. i knew he was lying though, so behind his back i read his facebook messages and the messages were kinda bad, like i knew if i did anything like that he really would not be happy. they were flirting loads and she was asking him to go round to hers etc, and in one he was even like 'i love you'. i know it didn't mean real love, but at the time it realllly annoyed me because i knew if i had messages to a guy saying stuff like that he would have gone mental. i never told him i read those messages, and i feel in a way our whole relationship is made up of lies as ive never been honest with him that i went behind his back and did that. everytime i asked about that girl, he lied. she text him once and i was like 'how did she get your number?' and he was like 'i dunno'. then i remembered he gave it to her in a facebook message, she didnt even ask for it!!

    during all this time, he never treated me how i really wanted to be treated. he never complimented me about my looks, just told me when i didnt look so good. he never told me that he loved me first, he even got annoyed when id say it 'too much'. things were pretty much like that for about 2 years of our relationship to be honest.
    whenever we were out with his friends drinking, he would ignore me. i remember once we were at a pub, and he was REALLY drunk and acting like i didnt exist. this guy came over who knew him and was like, are you going out with him? and i was like yeah, the guys face, he was like :O cos he couldnt believe it cos of how much he was blanking me. and then later that night, i was stood at the bar bored with him while he was so wasted he couldnt talk, i think i was driving that night so may have been sober. either way, i was pretty sober. out of no where my boyfriend just hit me in the face. it was kind of intended to be a tap i think, like a flirty thing, but cos he was so wasted he did it pretty hard which hurt and resulted in me running off.
    that only happened once, but our nights out together with his friends were like this on a regular basis, him wasted, not speaking to me at all.

    back to that girl-i pretty much forgot about her for a long time. over a year and a half later me and my boyfriend went on holiday. after i got back, i was bored browsing the net and that girl popped into my head so i thought, ahh ill read her online blog. read it, and it said how my boyfriend had rang her at 1am when he was drunk. this was a night he had gone away for a work do and he promised he'd ring me. he never did. i didnt take it personally, the day after i was like ooh you didnt ring me :P and he was like sorry, i was drunk etc. but when i found out he had rang her, and not me, i went mad. we sorted it after that and everything was fine again, for a bit. fine as in, him not giving me much attention like i said previously, but at the time that felt normal to me i guess.

    then in about january, an 'old flame' popped back into my life. haha, never used that term before. someone i went out with when i was very young, that i had actually forgot existed. he basically complimented me, and i think i fell for it because for 2 years i was getting no compliments whatso ever from my boyfriend. the old flame told me i was beautiful and was always too cute for him. i liked the attention so i think that made me fancy him. really bad, i know. but in a way i think my boyfriend drove me to it because of the lying about that girl, and the lack of attention for 2 years.

    in about february i couldnt stop thinking about the other guy, so i ended it with my boyfriend. i didnt even think he would care at all, cos of how he didnt really seem that into me. but he did care, alot. he cried, and didnt understand at all. i didnt tell him about the other guy, i just said i didnt know what i wanted anymore and it didnt feel right, then we got back together a few days later and he was like a new person. he then complimented me everyday, told me he loved me LOADS, which is odd cos he never said it first or never ever told me i was beautiful or anything. it was really strange. i felt like this was all i had wanted all along, to be treated like that by him. how i should be treated, but somehow it wasnt enough? and i still found myself thinking about the other guy alot. i had stopped speaking to the other guy since i got back with my boyfriend, but then we kept speaking on and off... so i couldnt get him out of my head. i dumped my boyfriend again. i cant even remember what happened that time, im pretty sure this happened about 3 times over the last few mmonths. then id stupidly get bullied into going back out with him cos i was worried about the life change and the lonliness of being single. not cos i wanted to. thats my problem.

    im moody all the time, i think about what itd be like to go out with other people (no one in particular, i just wonder if its actually possible), i snap at my boyfriend and deep down i think in a way im trying to get him to dump me? i dont know. we never have sex anymore, im never ever in the mood with him, yet i quite like the idea of it with this other guy, which is bad. however i stll care for my boyfriend alot and i like him as a person, i just think maybe i dont love him anymore? even though hes everything i wanted him to be now. he is nice to me now. i still think about this other guy, and im off to uni in september so a part of me wishes by then i have the guts to just end it with him for good as i wont be seeing him as much due to the distance. i know long distance relationships can work if you really want them to, but i dont think i want this one to work. im just too scared to end it at home. has anyone ever felt like that before? andhow did you get yourself to do it?

    i dont know what to do... why is it so hard to end a relationship?!
    sorry for howmuch ive wrote, i just wanted to give the details on what has happened. well done if you read it.
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    Blimey that was epic!

    You seem to have answered your own question, you don't want to be with your boyfriend, you don't really want to be with this other guy but you don't want to be single either. But why not? You might go to uni in september and meet the man of your dreams. I think you really need to leave your boyfriend ASAP. He may be "perfect" after you've shown him you're not willing to be his doormat anymore, but you obviously don't respect him for that. Frankly, it's a very immature way to behave.
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    yeah i guess i have answered my own question in that way. i suppose what i was trying to say/ask was, how do i get the guts to cope with being single after so long? and how have people handled it? the thought of ending a relationship after this long really scares me, despite problems
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    (Original post by michaela_banana)
    Blimey that was epic!

    You seem to have answered your own question, you don't want to be with your boyfriend, you don't really want to be with this other guy but you don't want to be single either. But why not? You might go to uni in september and meet the man of your dreams. I think you really need to leave your boyfriend ASAP. He may be "perfect" after you've shown him you're not willing to be his doormat anymore, but you obviously don't respect him for that. Frankly, it's a very immature way to behave.
    which is an immature way to behave, me or him?
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    You need to end it with your boyfriend for good.
    It might seem hard, but its clearly not a relationship that will work long term. You arent into him that way anymore, you care about him but those are two different things.

    When you break up with him next, dont give him the silly reasons about not knowing what you want etc, just (as harsh as it may sound) flat out tell him that you dont love him anymore. It may seem mean, but from what you say it doesnt sound like you love him anymore anyway. If anything it seems like you resent him for all thats happened in the past.
    If you say you dont love him, it might strike a chord with him, and hopefully this time it'll stick. Its as much down to you giving in and getting back with him, as its him bullying you back into it. You need to stick to your word this time. If necessary, cut him out for a bit. ignore texts, calls, emails and messages for a while.

    Edit: And in relation to you wondering how to cope with being single after so long- I was with someone for almost 5 years and to be honest, it is strange at first. Its the small things too, like if someone you've just met asks you if you have a boyfriend. You've been so used to saying that you do for the last however many years, that it feels especially strange to say no that you dont. You do get used to it though, and after a while it can be quite a nice, 'free' feeling. I still dislike it somewhat, and miss being in that long term relationshippy place, but id rather be single than in a bad relationship, and you soon realise that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    yeah i guess i have answered my own question in that way. i suppose what i was trying to say/ask was, how do i get the guts to cope with being single after so long? and how have people handled it? the thought of ending a relationship after this long really scares me, despite problems
    I just got out of a 2 year relationship (which by the sounds of it was going alot better than yours, but like you, i finally realised too much damage had been done and that i wasnt in love any more.) Being single was strange at first. You have so much time to yourself and it took me a while to get use to sleeping in an empty bed.

    But it didnt take anywhere near as long as i thought - after a few weeks i was starting to feel optimistic and okay about things again. My advice would be to keep busy and turn to your best friends for the emotional support you need. Thats probably easier for girls since they can talk about stuff like that more easily but even for me going down the pub and having a man-to-man with my best mate, roommate from college, dad etc helped me alot. Once you get over the initial shock and adjust to the new lifestyle it gives way to a really liberating feeling of 'wow, this is the start of my new life and things are going to get alot better'

    Good luck OP and im sure you'll get over this and come out the other side a stronger and more mature person.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    which is an immature way to behave, me or him?
    Him. Sorry, hope I didn't inadvertantly offend. Standing up to him was a very mature move and shows that you've got a lot of self-respect, which is admirable.
 
 
 
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