Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

not wanting to 'do stuff'? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    sorry- I'm sure there are threads along this line every day...
    it feels incredibly cringing writing this, but any responses would be very welcome:

    I am not a virgin, and I've only had sex on 2 occasions, both one night stands with boys I didn't really know, both when I was off my face. I'm 19 and I've never had a boyfriend or anything really.

    I always feel reluctant to go out with boys I like, because I would find it really awkward if they started trying to mess around- by which I mean any kind of foreplay, mainly because It's not something I particularly want to do, and I have 0 confidence trying things out (I'm generally bad at everything apart from kissing).

    I basically feel, if we're not in a serious relationship, I don't want to do anything, because it would make me feel really embarrassed and ruin whatever we had going.

    any advice on how to get round this?
    I know any guy worth having would be considerate and not put pressure on me, but a) guys have needs and b) I would completely be up for having a sexual relationship if I get used to the idea and feel confident I know what I'm doing
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I am not a virgin, and I've only had sex on 2 occasions, both one night stands with boys I didn't really know, both when I was off my face. I'm 19 and I've never had a boyfriend or anything really.
    Doesn't matter.

    I always feel reluctant to go out with boys I like, because I would find it really awkward if they started trying to mess around- by which I mean any kind of foreplay, mainly because It's not something I particularly want to do, and I have 0 confidence trying things out (I'm generally bad at everything apart from kissing).
    What's wrong with foreplay and who says you're bad at everything? You had 2 one-night-stands. Did they say you were really awful?

    I basically feel, if we're not in a serious relationship, I don't want to do anything, because it would make me feel really embarrassed and ruin whatever we had going.
    You ruin your relationship by doing nothing. I don't think you're that bad that your boyfriend rather wants to do 'nothing' :P
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    i wouldn't feel reluctant to go out with boys you like just because you're scared they might try something- the only way to really get over this fear is to get some practice! i'm sure most people have felt what you're describing here so don't feel that it's unusual! if you're with a boy you like as opposed to it just being a one night stand you might find you enjoy foreplay more than you think
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I always feel reluctant to go out with boys I like, because I would find it really awkward if they started trying to mess around- by which I mean any kind of foreplay, mainly because It's not something I particularly want to do, and I have 0 confidence trying things out (I'm generally bad at everything apart from kissing).

    I basically feel, if we're not in a serious relationship, I don't want to do anything, because it would make me feel really embarrassed and ruin whatever we had going.
    I dunno about advice but a heads up any use to you?

    Theres nothing embarassing about sex and getting physically intimate, stop being so uptight and let loose a bit

    Also if I was seeing a girl and realized she was shy about this sort of stuff, I'd just leave her, there and then
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    nah sex is about as difficult as parking a car, as long as you don't crash into anything the worst that can happen is you have to do a few extra shunts to get it in there

    haha by this analogy ace ventura must be some sort of sex god
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by plerpler)
    nah sex is about as difficult as parking a car, as long as you don't crash into anything the worst that can happen is you have to do a few extra shunts to get it in there

    haha by this analogy ace ventura must be some sort of sex god
    You have no idea how difficult it is to park a car for a lot of girls
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by JackDaniels^)
    You have no idea how difficult it is to park a car for a lot of girls
    haha... i was just thinking about my parking skills and i'm pretty worried now.....!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by yellowpolkadotbikini)
    haha... i was just thinking about my parking skills and i'm pretty worried now.....!
    Let's just say it's as hard as driving a freeway. Does that make you feel better or are you just an awful driver?:p:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Once you've played around a little, it'll relax you, and you'll come to enjoy it. Happens pretty quickly.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by JackDaniels^)

    What's wrong with foreplay and who says you're bad at everything? You had 2 one-night-stands. Did they say you were really awful?


    You ruin your relationship by doing nothing. I don't think you're that bad that your boyfriend rather wants to do 'nothing' :P
    I feel awkward doing anything because I don't feel confident doing it, and I think it's pretty hard to give the guy a good time if you have absolutely no idea how to give hand/blow jobs.

    part of it is- if I'm really drunk then I'll be up for it and won't care so much, but if I'm sober and particularly if its day time I would just feel so awkward about the whole thing I can't imagine how I could enjoy it
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by JackDaniels^)
    Let's just say it's as hard as driving a freeway. Does that make you feel better or are you just an awful driver?:p:
    oh dear..! i'm definitely just a terrible driver, i only passed because i had the nicest examiner in the world. hopefully this doesn't reflect my ability in other areas of life.....
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by yellowpolkadotbikini)
    i wouldn't feel reluctant to go out with boys you like just because you're scared they might try something- the only way to really get over this fear is to get some practice! i'm sure most people have felt what you're describing here so don't feel that it's unusual! if you're with a boy you like as opposed to it just being a one night stand you might find you enjoy foreplay more than you think
    ok..
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by yellowpolkadotbikini)
    i wouldn't feel reluctant to go out with boys you like just because you're scared they might try something- the only way to really get over this fear is to get some practice! i'm sure most people have felt what you're describing here so don't feel that it's unusual! if you're with a boy you like as opposed to it just being a one night stand you might find you enjoy foreplay more than you think
    ok..

    how bad is it to want to get 'practice' when I'm really drunk and work up to doing things sober
    seemed to work for me when I had a similar fear about kissing when I was 14..
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by a_t)
    I dunno about advice but a heads up any use to you?

    Theres nothing embarassing about sex and getting physically intimate, stop being so uptight and let loose a bit

    Also if I was seeing a girl and realized she was shy about this sort of stuff, I'd just leave her, there and then
    that seems a bit harsh to me- to break it off with a girl no matter what else she has going for her, just because she has any trouble putting out

    what about girls who aren't 'shy' because they have no self-respect/don't think twice about whether the guy is having a good time?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ok..

    how bad is it to want to get 'practice' when I'm really drunk and work up to doing things sober
    seemed to work for me when I had a similar fear about kissing when I was 14..
    as long as you can remember what you've learnt when drunk :p:
    some people might disagree but that could work as an idea, i had a similar experience with my 'first time' as all the awkward moment didn't feel awkward when drunk and i got them all out the way, it made things a lot easier later on
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    that seems a bit harsh to me- to break it off with a girl no matter what else she has going for her, just because she has any trouble putting out
    A girl you're with that's not putting out isn't a gf, she's just a female friend, I have enough of those

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    what about girls who aren't 'shy' because they have no self-respect/don't think twice about whether the guy is having a good time?
    Yeah... most girl who put out lack self respect

    Your notions about sex are skewed to be honest
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by yellowpolkadotbikini)
    oh dear..! i'm definitely just a terrible driver, i only passed because i had the nicest examiner in the world. hopefully this doesn't reflect my ability in other areas of life.....
    I wouldn't dare to judge about that:p:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I feel awkward doing anything because I don't feel confident doing it, and I think it's pretty hard to give the guy a good time if you have absolutely no idea how to give hand/blow jobs.

    part of it is- if I'm really drunk then I'll be up for it and won't care so much, but if I'm sober and particularly if its day time I would just feel so awkward about the whole thing I can't imagine how I could enjoy it
    You think too much. I rarely ever give this advice but you should do more and think less.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by JackDaniels^)
    I wouldn't dare to judge about that:p:
    probably wise... i'm not one to hold a grudge but remember that i could run you over at any moment without even meaning to!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by yellowpolkadotbikini)
    probably wise... i'm not one to hold a grudge but remember that i could run you over at any moment without even meaning to!
    You might wanna give me a call when you're in town so I know when I have to worry that my parked car can be hit any second
    Come to think about it.. I would hold a grudge if you hit my car!
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 14, 2009
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.