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    Okay... i need to rant a little. Basically, to cut a long story short, me and my friend have been planning our gap year for a year and a half now...
    However, now we're at the stage where we're trying to find a job (damn hard atm!) in order to save up- yet everytime i bring the issue of a gap year up, its like she has lost all enthusiasm. I'm really hurt, as deep down i know that she's having second thoughts about the whole gap year thing and that she's doesnt want to go due to her parents (They're muslim and I'm not, and so think im a bad example, drink smoke drugs etc...) saying no. The thing is, she hasn't even asked them, and won't even try! I feel like she's just given up and am frankly, a little annoyed with her as she seemed so keen on the idea and now, has given up just because of her parents! And of course, selfishly i am gutted as now i have no close friend to go with and dont fancy going it alone...
    How could we persuade her parents? Or should i just do it alone? Eughh am a tad stressed about it so any advice (positive!) would be welcome!

    Thanks and sorry for the ranty post!
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    See, I always said that religion sucks...
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    (Original post by Stomm)
    See, I always said that religion sucks...

    Yup wouldn't disagree with you on that one... but each to thier own and all that...
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    lol if she dont want to go then u cant moan about it.
    I really wanted a gap year, when i look on some of the websites i get really happy and thing of all the things i could do. But then i wake up and realise its no gonna happen because of how much they cost and i dont even no if i wanna go uni yet.
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    I think your being selfish too, just because you want to go you expect her whole family to just say 'oh well lets let her go then', if shes adamant her family wil say no then is there any point. Its not like you booked tickets or anything.
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    Yeah i know I'm being selfish... But she never does anything she wants to do because of her parents (her dad in particular- her mum actually said yes) and i think that she would grow so much more confidence if she went on a gap year... God it sounds like im talking total bull here! Ahh well guess i'll have to go on my own then...
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    Why not try working with your friend instead of against her? If the two of you are pratically falling out now as you can't work out your differences how do you expect to deal with situations when you're away somewhere? As trust me, tensions and annoyances like this seem 100 times worst when you're away, and things will crop us as they always do.

    Okay, you say that her parents think that you're a bad example so have you tried showing them that you're not? I know this might sound like an obvious thing and I don't know how close you are to their family, but chances are the fact that they're Muslim will probably have nothing to do with whether or not they let their daughter go off travelling with you. Loads of parents have a similar issue and even if you haven't with yours (I didn't either, but I'd say I'm in the minority) then it doesn't mean that everyone is okay with it and to get what you want you need to show them that you're BOTH capable of acting like adults and looking after yourselves when your abroad. By ditching your friend now it doesn't really make you look that responsible.

    Given this is your good friend I can imagine that you want to help her, and also it is in your benefits if you she does come with you, and like you've said something like a travelling gap year will give her so much confidence. Try talking to her about it and ask if she has spoken with her parents, offer to have your parents speak with her parents (particularly if you've done a fair bit of travelling already - some of my friends parents trusted me so much when I was 18 to get their cotton wooled up children back alive from places as they knew I was a confident traveller) and then they can talk about their reservations together. Even if your parents aren't being open with theirs I'd assume they'd have them as all parents do worry regardless of how experienced a traveller you are already. Even if your friend isn't willing to talk to her parents directly, you could try having discussions/planning sessions about what you're going to do at her house whilst her parents are around so they can get more information on the idea. You've said that her mum has said yes, so why not include her mum more in your planning instead of excluding her? You might have to give on some things a little and come to a comprimise, such as say, not visiting a certain country if they're concerned, or agreeing that you'll only go on prebooked tours (although this is more expensive) etc. If you want her to go then you may have to make sacrifices to your plan in order for it to benefit you in the long run by her coming with you.

    There could be 101 reasons why your friend now has reservations now, perhaps 18 months ago she thought it would never happen and so it was exciting because it wasn't fixed. Now you've started being realistic and planning it will be more scary for her and yes, she might be having doubts about whether she wants to go at all which may or may not be related to her parents. What you need to do is talk to her and work out why she is now unsure, if it is just her parents then this is something the two of you can work on TOGETHER but you also need to be prepared that she genuinley has had a change of heart and doesn't want to go now, so is using her parents as an excuse rather than telling you this directly.

    If the push comes to the shove, when you've got a job, you might have to give her a deadline and say okay, if you don't tell me by then I am booking my flights to go alone. Tell her that she is more than welcome to book at a later date and come with you too, but you can't wait for her for so long at the same time as you need to get organised too. Putting a time frame on it might prompt her to deal with the issue with her parents if she is wanting to come, rather than just thinking it's okay and she'll deal with it later.

    Good luck
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    ok say if she did come with you but ends up that she wants to other stuff and not what you acttually want to do. You will be angry with her because you wouldnt be able to do anything you want and you cant ditch her because you are there together. Its better to go on a gap year by yourself, to get a better expeirence,
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    She was probably romanticizing the idea like a lot of people and never really wanted to go in the first place.
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    Do it alone and try and immerse yourself in the culture, meet the locals and have a good time. When she hears of your tall tales she'll be kicking herself for not asking Daddy Dearest!

    On second thought, I'm sure you could find a travel buddy online or something.
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    (Original post by Ewan)
    She was probably romanticizing the idea like a lot of people and never really wanted to go in the first place.
    This. A lot of people agree to things and like the idea of it but have no intention of carrying out out and get scared off once plans become more definite.

    I'd go it alone OP! There's plenty of things you can do, and depending on what you do you'd most likely meet other travellers while you're doing the gap year thing and make friends with them.
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    On the job front, can't you just work in a call centre? I'm sure the pay is crap, but a job is better then no job, right?

    I live in Manchester and from flicking through the job ads for the newspapers for my city, there seems to always be stuff going (and for those with no experience...they're even after immediate start). I haven't given them a ring yet, and don't intend to until mid August due to a few commitments I have until then, so I suppose I don't have knowledge of the actual work conditions, but eh, it's worth considering. So yeh, that's my advice...look through the newspapers for ads.

    Also, check the advertisements they put in shop fronts....again, I don't image the work or pay to be excellent, but it is worth considering.

    Sort your CV out (get it looking reeeeeally good...maybe go to Connexions and have them look at it. I'm pretty could on the computer so didn't use the service myself, but it might be worthwhile) and hit every shop you can think of. I've given that less then a half assed shot (again because I know I can't work until mid august, so don't see much of a point just yet) and already I managed to find 2 employers that were interested (one of them was even going to give me the job, but then the guy who I was supposed to replace decided to stay on ¬.¬)

    On the point of Connexions too, it's worth going as they can help you find job vacancies and the suchlike. I have heard though that it does depend on where you live as to how far they're useful, but on the chance that your one might be decent, it's worth going in.

    Just, use all the resources you have and everything you can think of. Also, if you show how commited and determined you are about this, your friend (and her family) might be a little more persuaded. I'm a little shattered right now so I can't really give much advice on the friend/family front, but everyone else seems to have given you some given info on that

    Good luck!
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    (Original post by oxymoronic)
    Why not try working with your friend instead of against her? If the two of you are pratically falling out now as you can't work out your differences how do you expect to deal with situations when you're away somewhere? As trust me, tensions and annoyances like this seem 100 times worst when you're away, and things will crop us as they always do.

    Okay, you say that her parents think that you're a bad example so have you tried showing them that you're not? I know this might sound like an obvious thing and I don't know how close you are to their family, but chances are the fact that they're Muslim will probably have nothing to do with whether or not they let their daughter go off travelling with you. Loads of parents have a similar issue and even if you haven't with yours (I didn't either, but I'd say I'm in the minority) then it doesn't mean that everyone is okay with it and to get what you want you need to show them that you're BOTH capable of acting like adults and looking after yourselves when your abroad. By ditching your friend now it doesn't really make you look that responsible.

    Given this is your good friend I can imagine that you want to help her, and also it is in your benefits if you she does come with you, and like you've said something like a travelling gap year will give her so much confidence. Try talking to her about it and ask if she has spoken with her parents, offer to have your parents speak with her parents (particularly if you've done a fair bit of travelling already - some of my friends parents trusted me so much when I was 18 to get their cotton wooled up children back alive from places as they knew I was a confident traveller) and then they can talk about their reservations together. Even if your parents aren't being open with theirs I'd assume they'd have them as all parents do worry regardless of how experienced a traveller you are already. Even if your friend isn't willing to talk to her parents directly, you could try having discussions/planning sessions about what you're going to do at her house whilst her parents are around so they can get more information on the idea. You've said that her mum has said yes, so why not include her mum more in your planning instead of excluding her? You might have to give on some things a little and come to a comprimise, such as say, not visiting a certain country if they're concerned, or agreeing that you'll only go on prebooked tours (although this is more expensive) etc. If you want her to go then you may have to make sacrifices to your plan in order for it to benefit you in the long run by her coming with you.

    There could be 101 reasons why your friend now has reservations now, perhaps 18 months ago she thought it would never happen and so it was exciting because it wasn't fixed. Now you've started being realistic and planning it will be more scary for her and yes, she might be having doubts about whether she wants to go at all which may or may not be related to her parents. What you need to do is talk to her and work out why she is now unsure, if it is just her parents then this is something the two of you can work on TOGETHER but you also need to be prepared that she genuinley has had a change of heart and doesn't want to go now, so is using her parents as an excuse rather than telling you this directly.

    If the push comes to the shove, when you've got a job, you might have to give her a deadline and say okay, if you don't tell me by then I am booking my flights to go alone. Tell her that she is more than welcome to book at a later date and come with you too, but you can't wait for her for so long at the same time as you need to get organised too. Putting a time frame on it might prompt her to deal with the issue with her parents if she is wanting to come, rather than just thinking it's okay and she'll deal with it later.

    Good luck


    Wow this is a late reply but thanks for taking the time to write all that! :P It was really helpful and has kind of made me see things in a new light! So far have not found a job (damn this credit crunch!) but will keep trying...
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    (Original post by La Esmerelda)
    Do it alone and try and immerse yourself in the culture, meet the locals and have a good time. When she hears of your tall tales she'll be kicking herself for not asking Daddy Dearest!

    On second thought, I'm sure you could find a travel buddy online or something.
    Yeah, we talked about it lately and she tells me she still wants to go but that she just needs her parents blessing. Either way, i think I'm gonna have a plan B just in case she bails out on me! Thanks for the advice
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    (Original post by allieRAWR!)
    On the job front, can't you just work in a call centre? I'm sure the pay is crap, but a job is better then no job, right?

    I live in Manchester and from flicking through the job ads for the newspapers for my city, there seems to always be stuff going (and for those with no experience...they're even after immediate start). I haven't given them a ring yet, and don't intend to until mid August due to a few commitments I have until then, so I suppose I don't have knowledge of the actual work conditions, but eh, it's worth considering. So yeh, that's my advice...look through the newspapers for ads.

    Also, check the advertisements they put in shop fronts....again, I don't image the work or pay to be excellent, but it is worth considering.

    Sort your CV out (get it looking reeeeeally good...maybe go to Connexions and have them look at it. I'm pretty could on the computer so didn't use the service myself, but it might be worthwhile) and hit every shop you can think of. I've given that less then a half assed shot (again because I know I can't work until mid august, so don't see much of a point just yet) and already I managed to find 2 employers that were interested (one of them was even going to give me the job, but then the guy who I was supposed to replace decided to stay on ¬.¬)

    On the point of Connexions too, it's worth going as they can help you find job vacancies and the suchlike. I have heard though that it does depend on where you live as to how far they're useful, but on the chance that your one might be decent, it's worth going in.

    Just, use all the resources you have and everything you can think of. Also, if you show how commited and determined you are about this, your friend (and her family) might be a little more persuaded. I'm a little shattered right now so I can't really give much advice on the friend/family front, but everyone else seems to have given you some given info on that

    Good luck!

    Thanks for the advice! All of you have been really helpful! Recently did the C.V. thing but so many people my age are looking for jobs at the moment- they go so fast that by the time you hand your C.V in they're already gone! Like i said earlier though, i will keep trying! Whoo determination :p:
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    I had a similar situation - friends say they are going to come and then don't (in the end I planned to go by myself and if friends decided to join me that would be a bonus(in the end though I am very glad I went on my own)) go by yourself - I did and I had the time of my life (traveled across Europe, I just came back)
    The fact is, if you wait around for someone to go with you, the chances are you will never make it (and will regret it)
    Life is too short - go for it! Best of Luck
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    Shawn has the right idea. When organising a trip always accept the possibility that the other person won't come. You won't be so disappointed when it doesn't work out then :awesome:
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    Yeah, thanks guys! Like i said, just gonna see how it turns out but am starting to see that going on my own wouldn't be such a bad thing! thanks again
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    Just wanted to say, you'll be fine, go alone, you'll probably have more fun and meet more people Plus I don't care how well you get along now, she WILL drive you insane after a while lol.
 
 
 
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