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i've lost my best friend because he confessed his feelings :( Watch

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    Have you considered the possibility that the only reason he hung around with you so much and you were so close was because he fancied you? Now that you've turned him down it's quite possible he doesn't want to be friends with you and with a situation so potentially awkward, who can blame him? It wasn't your fault that he ended up liking you but it sounds to me like you now want to have your cake and eat it. I think you may have to accept that you've chosen your boyfriend. It was clearly never just a simple friendship, at least on his side so I don't really know how you can expect to return to something that never really existed in the first place.
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    (Original post by Svenjamin)
    Yeah true. Although I take 'almost indefinitely' to mean 99% of the time, don't think it's nearly that impossible. :p: Maybe mine is a rare case though, I think it happening in the hormonal years where guys fancy anything with breasts helped.

    Only knowing each other for a short amount of time does make it less likely, but I think a lot depends on how they're friends. If they have lots of mutual friends or go to the same places a lot then chances are it'll be alright to ride out if they're genuinely friends. If they usually don't see each other in their every day lives, then chances are the guy is going to have a cooling off period and decide it's either too awkward to start talking again or not worth the bother.
    my friend and i do everything with a fairly large group of good friends who we lived in halls with. we were all inseparable last year and next year, though we've split into two houses, i think we'll continue to be good friends. the guy in question isn't living in the same house as me btw.
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    (Original post by -Adeline-)
    Have you considered the possibility that the only reason he hung around with you so much and you were so close was because he fancied you? Now that you've turned him down it's quite possible he doesn't want to be friends with you and with a situation so potentially awkward, who can blame him? It wasn't your fault that he ended up liking you but it sounds to me like you now want to have your cake and eat it. I think you may have to accept that you've chosen your boyfriend. It was clearly never just a simple friendship, at least on his side so I don't really know how you can expect to return to something that never really existed in the first place.
    that's what worries me. i think we did get on well as friends, but if he's liked me from the beginning then it seems to be a friendship based on attraction, (at least on his part). but to me, it was a really good friendship, i considered him one of my best friends.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    that's what worries me. i think we did get on well as friends, but if he's liked me from the beginning then it seems to be a friendship based on attraction, (at least on his part). but to me, it was a really good friendship, i considered him one of my best friends.
    I wouldn't necessarily worry about that. I was your friend in a slightly similar situation, though I was never in love with her and I never told her either. However, I'm still friends with her long after moving on.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    that's what worries me. i think we did get on well as friends, but if he's liked me from the beginning then it seems to be a friendship based on attraction, (at least on his part). but to me, it was a really good friendship, i considered him one of my best friends.

    Well, if this is the case then at least you now see things clearly. On the other hand, if he was in love with you he probably liked you a great deal as a person, as well as being attracted to you, so it's possible he could convert his feelings into a good friendship. Perhaps talk to him and tell him how much he meant to you as a friend and leave the possibility open for you to become friends in the future, but don't force the issue.
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    (Original post by jordi1714)
    JUAS JUAS; It's very sad and patetic to be friend with a girl that reject you!!!!!!!!!!
    Oldest trick in the book, and he probably did really like you.. i feel sorry for the guy.
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    Surely your friend knew you have a boyfriend? He's being a bit childish ignoring you for "rejecting" him.
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    (Original post by CapturedSoul)
    Surely your friend knew you have a boyfriend? He's being a bit childish ignoring you for "rejecting" him.
    of course he knew. they were fairly good friends too but they've kind of had a non-said mutual agreement to not contact eachother since he told me he loved me. my boyfriend said he thought it all along. but he never said anything to him or me about it. and he never will say anything to him now because i asked him not to get involved.

    he doesn't ignore me. whenever i've texted him he's replied politely. but he's just so cold. he rarely asks questions back or encourages a conversation. he just answers whatever i've asked him, 'like i'm fine thanks, having a good holiday x' which is so different from how he used to be. i don't want him to be constantly texting me like he used to, but i thought we could at least have the occasional catch up.

    when i saw him last week he was again polite. he chatted to me a little about how he was looking for a job. but he generally avoided me without trying to make it obvious.
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    (Original post by jordi1714)
    Because in the moment that she reject you, she show you that you aren't good enought for she, and always that she looks you she know that is superior!!
    You see, I'm not so insecure as to refuse the company of people who believe themseves better than me. One of these girls was in a reationship with another girl at the time, so it's not even completely relevant.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ugh anon or delete please

    i met this guy in the first couple of weeks at uni and we clicked instantly. we had a big group of mutual friends that we spent all our time with but we were always very close. people noticed it and there was much gossiping about us liking eachother and being together (though nothing ever happened). i have a boyfriend that i love to bits and i have never thought of this guy as anything other than a friend or a kind of brother. when i found out that our friends were thinking like this i decided to back off because i didn't want to give anyone the wrong impression.

    my friend noticed me backing off and in what seemed to be a now or never kind of action, confessed that he loved me. he said he'd liked me since the moment he met me and had fell hard for me over the past few months. he didn't seem to think i felt the same way but said he just needed to tell me. i told him as gently as i could that i was in love with my boyfriend but i still wanted to be good friends with him.

    he seemed to accept this and we carried on as friends for a while, though admittedly not as close as before which was understandable. but since we went home for the summer (he only lives a 30 min drive away from me) he's hardly contacted me at all. He gives short replies to texts whenever i've sent him a chatty hey how are you text (which has only been about three times). He generally seems uninterested in talking to me or spending time with me anymore. I've seen him once since we left uni and that was only because it was a mutual friend's birthday. I don't understand what i've done wrong i thought we were getting back on track but now he's virtually ignoring me. my boyfriend thinks maybe he's taking the summer as a time to get over me because at uni we saw eachother every day because of our friends and where we lived. but i thought he got over it already because he's slept with so many girls recently, i thought he'd forgotten about me anyway. Can anyone explain this to me?
    That's the consequence of having a boyfriend. He's reacting to his feelings for you and backing up. As a result, he has to talk to you less should he respect that you have and love your boyfriend.
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    Let him be, if he really 'loves' you or something then he wants to get over it and not be reminded of you all the time!

    Are you 100% sure you don't fancy him at all?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    ugh anon or delete please

    i met this guy in the first couple of weeks at uni and we clicked instantly. we had a big group of mutual friends that we spent all our time with but we were always very close. people noticed it and there was much gossiping about us liking eachother and being together (though nothing ever happened). i have a boyfriend that i love to bits and i have never thought of this guy as anything other than a friend or a kind of brother. when i found out that our friends were thinking like this i decided to back off because i didn't want to give anyone the wrong impression.

    my friend noticed me backing off and in what seemed to be a now or never kind of action, confessed that he loved me. he said he'd liked me since the moment he met me and had fell hard for me over the past few months. he didn't seem to think i felt the same way but said he just needed to tell me. i told him as gently as i could that i was in love with my boyfriend but i still wanted to be good friends with him.

    he seemed to accept this and we carried on as friends for a while, though admittedly not as close as before which was understandable. but since we went home for the summer (he only lives a 30 min drive away from me) he's hardly contacted me at all. He gives short replies to texts whenever i've sent him a chatty hey how are you text (which has only been about three times). He generally seems uninterested in talking to me or spending time with me anymore. I've seen him once since we left uni and that was only because it was a mutual friend's birthday. I don't understand what i've done wrong i thought we were getting back on track but now he's virtually ignoring me. my boyfriend thinks maybe he's taking the summer as a time to get over me because at uni we saw eachother every day because of our friends and where we lived. but i thought he got over it already because he's slept with so many girls recently, i thought he'd forgotten about me anyway. Can anyone explain this to me?
    There are lots of things it could be.

    Maybe he never really considered you as a friend, but just wanted to get into your pants. That's failed, so now there's not much of an incentive for him to remain close to you.

    Maybe he feels like he's made a fool of himself, and feels awkward around you.

    Maybe he's a bit miffed at you, because you hurt him pretty badly, or he thinks you led him on.

    Maybe being around you makes him unhappy now, because it always reminds him of getting rejected.

    I'd suggest you just ask him, and make it quite clear that you still really (really) want to be friends with him. Actually, tell him that a few times. And make it obvious that you really mean it, and aren't just saying it to make him feel better or console him. And then let him take it from there, I guess.

    There's nothing you can do to guarantee that he'll be friends with you again. The most you can do is just show him that the option is still available to him.
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    Just let it heal for a while - he either needs to get over you or have a girlfriend - the latter will pretty much instantly sort things out and you guys will be able to be normal again.
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    Sorry but im going to have a bit of a go at you. Sorry to fall in the cliche here but what if this isnt about you. Oooh "what have I done wrong" , "uninterested in ME" , "doesnt want to spend time with ME". Have you considered that its not all about you and that he may have just moved on? He's probably a bit embarrased being around you and feels a bit stupid as a result of your rejection. 90% of the time when this happens, things just dont go merrily back to how they were. Things change, people move on! Stop feeling so sorry for yourself, boo hoo he wont talk to you, its not exactly surprising is it...after you rejected him. You didn't need 20 people to 'explain' this to you, the answer was fking obvious. I only got annoyed with your ME ME ME approach. It seems like your the one who hasn't moved on as you cant seem to understand why he doesnt like you any more. Thats pretty arrogant in my opinion. On a lighter note, just go and talk to him and ASK HIM, NOT US, why he doesnt speak to you anymore. Dont just always assume that its about you. Maybe he's found another girl who he really likes and is thinking about her alot more than you. There are loads of reasons why. Sorry for the rant and the long post.
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    In all likelihood he probably feels bad about how things went between you and needs time to get over you. Maybe he's afraid you'll think he still likes you in that way, so he's acting cold and completely disinterested. Eventually I expect he'll come round and you can be friends again, and the friendship will probably be stronger as neither of you wants to lose the other again.
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    I couldn't help but get the feeling that you're being pretty selfish. The tone of the original post was all about you.

    He put his feelings on the line because he probably got tired of just being your friend in all these situations and nothing more. You rejected him, you can't expect him to be all jolly, forget his feelings and move on just like that. Dented pride and emotional hurt can last for a very long time and on occasion will never go away, you just need to give him space.
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    (Original post by dude55)
    Sorry but im going to have a bit of a go at you. Sorry to fall in the cliche here but what if this isnt about you. Oooh "what have I done wrong" , "uninterested in ME" , "doesnt want to spend time with ME". Have you considered that its not all about you and that he may have just moved on? He's probably a bit embarrased being around you and feels a bit stupid as a result of your rejection. 90% of the time when this happens, things just dont go merrily back to how they were. Things change, people move on! Stop feeling so sorry for yourself, boo hoo he wont talk to you, its not exactly surprising is it...after you rejected him. You didn't need 20 people to 'explain' this to you, the answer was fking obvious. I only got annoyed with your ME ME ME approach. It seems like your the one who hasn't moved on as you cant seem to understand why he doesnt like you any more. Thats pretty arrogant in my opinion. On a lighter note, just go and talk to him and ASK HIM, NOT US, why he doesnt speak to you anymore. Dont just always assume that its about you. Maybe he's found another girl who he really likes and is thinking about her alot more than you. There are loads of reasons why. Sorry for the rant and the long post.
    i appreciate your opinion. and i'm obviously aware that he's the one who's been really hurt here and not me. but i have been hurt a little. he was my BEST FRIEND. some of you guys don't seem to understand this. we had alot in common and were always there for eachother. we went through alot together. i was there for him when his grandad died. it was on my shoulder that he cried. likewise he was there when i was feeling down. we had lectures together, we hung out together, we got drunk together. i was the one directing his head into a toilet and putting him to bed. he was the guy i would text when i wanted to do something. and now that's all gone, through no fault of my own really. except that i met my boyfriend first. and that i fell in love with him and only wanted him.

    so while i appreciate that i may seem a little self centred, i feel i have some kind of a right to grieve for the loss of what was a really great friendship. one that i haven't had with most people. i know i need to let him get over it, but i thought he already had. i don't want to have my cake and eat it. i just want none of this to have happened, none of his feelings to have evolved and for me to have my best friend back. i feel a bit lost without him.
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    Give him a kitten. Everyone likes kittens
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    He's trying to get over you, let him be. Also, because you care this much is it possible that you might be developing feelings for him?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i appreciate your opinion. and i'm obviously aware that he's the one who's been really hurt here and not me. but i have been hurt a little. he was my BEST FRIEND. some of you guys don't seem to understand this. we had alot in common and were always there for eachother. we went through alot together. i was there for him when his grandad died. it was on my shoulder that he cried. likewise he was there when i was feeling down. we had lectures together, we hung out together, we got drunk together. i was the one directing his head into a toilet and putting him to bed. he was the guy i would text when i wanted to do something. and now that's all gone, through no fault of my own really. except that i met my boyfriend first. and that i fell in love with him and only wanted him.

    so while i appreciate that i may seem a little self centred, i feel i have some kind of a right to grieve for the loss of what was a really great friendship. one that i haven't had with most people. i know i need to let him get over it, but i thought he already had. i don't want to have my cake and eat it. i just want none of this to have happened, none of his feelings to have evolved and for me to have my best friend back. i feel a bit lost without him.
    This is the problem. You and him were acting like a couple, so you can't blame the guy for developing feelings for you. You telling him that you don't want it to go anywhere with him but you want to continue being close friends is like saying you want to have your cake and eat it.

    He's decided to cut his losses, simple as that. Leave the poor bloke be to live his life.
 
 
 
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