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    My ex and I (we were together for just over 2 years) recently split up. He was looking for a job but has now decided that he wants to go to the army, despite this not being the career path he was striving to achieve. He figures that since some of his friends will be going to university, his best friend is already away in the army and now he doesn't have me anymore, that he might as well sign up, but it's ripping me apart.

    I know we're not together anymore but part of me always just assumed we would get back together in the future...5, 10 years down the line, but I can't help but feeling that the army would change him, I just don't think he has the mentality, and I wouldn't be able to be with him. Not only that but I always assumed I could pick up the phone any time and talk to him, go and see him if need be. At the end of the day I still love him and we shared our life together for 2 years and the idea of him going away and possibly getting hurt...well it's killing me, but there's absolutely nothing I can do to stop him
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    I know what you mean, I'd feel exactly the same :sad:
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    Tell him how you feel?
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    hey, that's exactly what i'd do if my other broke up with me. i'd join the army lol..

    why did you split up if you knew that you'd still want him. he obviously thought that you were everything in his life, which is why he doesn't think it a waste anymore to just give everything up and put his ass down on the line.

    basically, get back with him if you care about him so much. he obviously cared about you. if you don't wanna get back with him, for whatever reasons, then sorry, but tough. you have to deal with it. guys like this might seem immature and irrational, but i'm sure he was a reasonable guy. his desire for you blinded him. decent guy. rare.
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    (Original post by icn06)
    Tell him how you feel?
    I have...he's still dead-set on going :/
    He says that part of the reason he wants to go is to not have constant reminders of me...I suppose to try and get over me.
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    (Original post by unikq)
    hey, that's exactly what i'd do if my other broke up with me. i'd join the army lol..

    why did you split up if you knew that you'd still want him. he obviously thought that you were everything in his life, which is why he doesn't think it a waste anymore to just give everything up and put his ass down on the line.

    basically, get back with him if you care about him so much. he obviously cared about you. if you don't wanna get back with him, for whatever reasons, then sorry, but tough. you have to deal with it. guys like this might seem immature and irrational, but i'm sure he was a reasonable guy. his desire for you blinded him. decent guy. rare.
    He's a wonderful guy.
    Basically we split up because things weren't working, despite the love and the history together, we were arguing a lot and all the 'spark/chemistry/romance' had gone.
    I suppose I'm not in love with him anymore, but I love and care about him and couldn't bear it if anything happened to him. He's like my best friend or my brother more than my ex.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's a wonderful guy.
    Basically we split up because things weren't working, despite the love and the history together, we were arguing a lot and all the 'spark/chemistry/romance' had gone.
    I suppose I'm not in love with him anymore, but I love and care about him and couldn't bear it if anything happened to him. He's like my best friend or my brother more than my ex.
    Nah, he's not joining the army to get over you.

    He wants to kill himself since you friendzoned his ass.
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    He will come crawling back after a few showers in the army barracks don't worry
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's a wonderful guy.
    Basically we split up because things weren't working, despite the love and the history together, we were arguing a lot and all the 'spark/chemistry/romance' had gone.
    I suppose I'm not in love with him anymore, but I love and care about him and couldn't bear it if anything happened to him. He's like my best friend or my brother more than my ex.
    yes, i understand, but as someone who would also do the same thing after a breakup, i would say that there is nothing YOU can do to stop or persuade him. ESPECIALLY not you. if you are concerned, get his mates to do something. he needs some boy time alone with his guy friends, and it'll also be best if you don't contact him or see him for a while, just until he can get over you.

    if he still wants ta go... i think you need to start preparing yourself emotionally. because nothing will change his mind apart from you being his again.

    it's gonna be tough, but it's a consequence of a breakup that we sometimes just have to go through. we just have to deal with it. do your best to persuade him (indirectly through mates obv).. but at this point, i'm really sorry to say, but you just have to prepare yourself for the worst.

    oh, and btw, if you're not in love with him any more, what makes you think that you'll want to start seeing him again in 5-10 years time?
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    maybe you should tell him that. Jeez what is it with people and an unwillingness to communicate their feelings.
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    Maybe you shouldn't have split up, and maybe you should let him get on with his life?
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    (Original post by unikq)
    yes, i understand, but as someone who would also do the same thing after a breakup, i would say that there is nothing YOU can do to stop or persuade him. ESPECIALLY not you. if you are concerned, get his mates to do something. he needs some boy time alone with his guy friends, and it'll also be best if you don't contact him or see him for a while, just until he can get over you.

    if he still wants ta go... i think you need to start preparing yourself emotionally. because nothing will change his mind apart from you being his again.

    it's gonna be tough, but it's a consequence of a breakup that we sometimes just have to go through. we just have to deal with it. do your best to persuade him (indirectly through mates obv).. but at this point, i'm really sorry to say, but you just have to prepare yourself for the worst.

    oh, and btw, if you're not in love with him any more, what makes you think that you'll want to start seeing him again in 5-10 years time?
    Thanks anyway...:/
    May I ask why you'd join the army in response to breaking up with someone? Come to think of it, my other ex is now in the army...am I doing something wrong?

    And I don't know...I just always assumed we would end up together, it's 'meant to be'...I can't imagine a future without him but at the moment it's just not right at all.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks anyway...:/
    May I ask why you'd join the army in response to breaking up with someone? Come to think of it, my other ex is now in the army...am I doing something wrong?

    And I don't know...I just always assumed we would end up together, it's 'meant to be'...I can't imagine a future without him but at the moment it's just not right at all.
    this is what'd basically go through my head. i want to be with her so bad, but we've broken up. everything i do (study, excersize, eat, sleep) was because of her, and to live with her forever and all that cheese, but now she's not there any more. so i'd probably just think that there is nothing to lose, in giving up what i had planned etc, because the plans were based around and had a focus on HER.

    i wouldn't feel like killing myself, but i'd feel the need to do something useful nevertheless. what's better than serving Queen and country? the pain and hardship from the army will be enough to compensate for the emotional pain and hardship. what better way to let out my pain and serve a good cause than to fight for your country?

    i agree that people like us are extreme, but really really really, if you want someone that bad, you really don't/can't see ANYTHING else.

    well that's the reason i'd join the army.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He's a wonderful guy.
    Basically we split up because things weren't working, despite the love and the history together, we were arguing a lot and all the 'spark/chemistry/romance' had gone.
    I suppose I'm not in love with him anymore, but I love and care about him and couldn't bear it if anything happened to him. He's like my best friend or my brother more than my ex.
    Your being selfish. The guy has a life too.
    You can't just have him on reserve to take back when its convenient for you. You're treating him like a bloody library book.
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    (Original post by IAmCroissant)
    Your being selfish. The guy has a life too.
    You can't just have him on reserve to take back when its convenient for you. You're treating him like a bloody library book.
    I wasn't intending on getting back with him anytime in the near future. It's just that I want to know we can be friends, we can call and have a chat sometime, keep each other updated.
    And more than that, even if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore, I want to know that he's safe and well.
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    so hold on - your not with him but at the same time you want him to be around so you can pick him back up whenever you feel like it.

    your not worried about him joining the army for his sake that he might you know get killed or blown up or maimed, your worried that your little safety net is gone and your fallback is gone. You dont want him getting over you so he'll come running when you snap your fingers Talk about having your cake and eating it.

    he lucky to have a selfish bint like you in his life.
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    Even if u do have a point, u r selfish /o
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know we're not together anymore but part of me always just assumed we would get back together in the future...5, 10 years down the line
    What? how on earth can you assume that?

    My advice would be to stop being selfish and let the guy decide on what is best for himself.
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    So, you broke up with him and you still want to control his life?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks anyway...:/
    May I ask why you'd join the army in response to breaking up with someone? Come to think of it, my other ex is now in the army...am I doing something wrong?

    And I don't know...I just always assumed we would end up together, it's 'meant to be'...I can't imagine a future without him but at the moment it's just not right at all.
    To be honest, the Army isn't even that bad to be honest.
    My boyfriends not long started his basic training for the RAF, (I know its a different force, but the principle's the same) and its made us stronger and want to be together more. And there's another guy who's in the same block as him that's recently just got back together with his ex. And the reason they split up was because they didn't think there was anything there anymore... But he's gotten loads more mature now and so they're going to give it a go
    Just wait and see If you truely are 'mean to be' as you say you are, you two will get together.
    But if he's set on the Army, just support him. It's what he'll be looking for at the moment, not people trying to stop him.
 
 
 
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