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    Well I broke up with my girlfriend (now ex) 2 weeks ago but we've tried to remain friends because we were close friends before the relationship ended. Problem is that I didn't want it to end and whenever we do talk on something like MSN I'll be thinking about wanting her back (although I know that's virtually impossible). She really wants us to remain friends but I'm not so sure on the idea. I saw quite a negative/bad side to her whilst together and at times it makes me really angry just thinking about it because I do feel sort of played.

    So, should I tell her I just can't deal with talking to her and just distance myself a lot from her in that there is zero communication between us? Or, should I just try to talk a bit with her so we keep up the friendship status but I can slowly get over her? Someone gave me advice that it's better to completely just not think about her and talk to her at all as I'll get over her faster but then someone else said I don't want to lose her as a friend and then regret it later on.
    • #2
    #2

    It seems you're not over her, I think you should cut down on the talking to her a lot so you can get your life back together and get over her.
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    Cutting her out might help you feel like you're over her because shes not permanently in your face, but in the long run it's not really the best way to get over things. If you have to block someone out to force yourself to get over it, tbh it isn't what you want. (Yeah okay it's not what you want, you said that).

    It might work for you, I think it's sometimes the easiest way when you're younger especially, but it's not really the best way to do it, speaking from experience here!
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    (Original post by PoisonDonna)
    Cutting her out might help you feel like you're over her because shes not permanently in your face, but in the long run it's not really the best way to get over things. If you have to block someone out to force yourself to get over it, tbh it isn't what you want. (Yeah okay it's not what you want, you said that).

    It might work for you, I think it's sometimes the easiest way when you're younger especially, but it's not really the best way to do it, speaking from experience here!
    So what would you reccomend is the better way to go about getting over her if I may ask?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Well I broke up with my girlfriend (now ex) 2 weeks ago but we've tried to remain friends because we were close friends before the relationship ended. Problem is that I didn't want it to end and whenever we do talk on something like MSN I'll be thinking about wanting her back (although I know that's virtually impossible). She really wants us to remain friends but I'm not so sure on the idea. I saw quite a negative/bad side to her whilst together and at times it makes me really angry just thinking about it because I do feel sort of played.

    So, should I tell her I just can't deal with talking to her and just distance myself a lot from her in that there is zero communication between us? Or, should I just try to talk a bit with her so we keep up the friendship status but I can slowly get over her? Someone gave me advice that it's better to completely just not think about her and talk to her at all as I'll get over her faster but then someone else said I don't want to lose her as a friend and then regret it later on.
    Yes. Completely ignore her. If you stay in touch you won't get over her... Or at least it will take longer.
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    #1

    Please anyone can help some more?
    • #3
    #3

    Dude the only way you will REALLY get over her is by cutting contact and pretending to yourself that she has died and you have to move on and you are never going to hear from her again. I know it's hard, but I did it when my gf dumped me and I deleted her from msn and felt depressed for weeks but told myself I MUST NOT CONTACT HER and also SHORT TERM PAIN LONG TERM GAIN stupid things like that but they are very true. And what do you know.. after 2 months she continuously called me until once I picked up and gave her a chance to talk and she started crying and begging me to take her back and now were together again.

    Trust me this might not work for u but you have to do it anyway to save ur own sanity IF U KEEP TALKING TO HER even on msn then it will take MUCH MUCH longer to get over her besides I'm sure u dont want to be there when she tells u she has a new bf and puts pictures of them up on her msn.
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    I've been through a really bad break up, and finally have realised that no contact is really the only way I'll have a chance of getting past all this

    It's taken about three months for me to realise this, believe me I know how hard it is to let go - I still felt like I needed to be around him and stay friends but that just doesn't help

    It hurts, but in the end its really the only way
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    I broke up with my bf a month ago, and it was horrible the first 3 weeks because I kept talking to him, so just told myself to stop, and got busy with other things. He phoned me up today to say how much of a mistake hes made and if ill consider getting back with him, i told him maybe (will probably give it another go). But its easier if you try to slowly decrease the amount you talk to her, is painful, but it gets better.
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    No Contact = the win. I'm a believer.

    After my ex suddenly left me for another dude, I went all omgomgmental and tried to see her as much as possible. Then after three weeks I saw it wasn't helping at all, and I took the plunge and blocked her out completely. Two weeks later came the first of several communication attempts from her. I ignored them all entirely. About five months later, however, we met up again (kind of for work), and since then we've hung out a few times and I feel completely at peace with it all. I'm glad I've seen her again, because it was the last step to recover, I think - otherwise there's always a bit of anxiety like I *can't* see her (even if I didn't want to anyway, it makes it pressured).

    We barely see each other now - like once every few weeks and never for the actual purpose of hanging out. And I don't mind one bit. I expect we will drift completely apart soon enough.


    It's up to you how you play things, though. Only you really know the situation and your own mind.
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    I can ignore people forever, I really can and let me tell you once you start you can't stop, so make sure you have a good reason to it that's all.
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    #1

    I think I'll follow the advice of just blocking her out (for a while at least). However, guys, what should I do about the fact that many of her friends are also my friends? By this I mean that usually we go out as a big group and she'll be there - should I go when I she'll be there or not? I feel like it sucks that I have to give up going out with friends but I'm worried too that seeing her at all will make it much worse and harder to get over.
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    I wouldn't ignore her; though that's most likely because I wouldn't be able to bring myself to ignore her.
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    Well it's definitely not going to be easy considering we were really good friends pre-relationship and then we had a really good relationship (only got worse right near the end of it). However, I feel like if I do keep in constant contact with her then I'll never get over her because I still feel like I love her and have feelings for her and if those don't go away then it'll be almost impossible to actually get over her.
    • #4
    #4

    just checking..your name is not Ben is it?
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    Its unlikely that you'll remain friends.
    I suggest you cut contact as much as possible at least until any urges to be with this person again have subsided. Regular contact just stunts the grieving process.
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    Why did you break up with her if you can't get over her now?
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    (Original post by Livi_510)
    Why did you break up with her if you can't get over her now?
    Sorry that was a fail on my part - I was meant to say "we broke up" but in actual fact she broke up with me.

    Also, no, my name is not Ben.


    Does anyone have any advice on what to do when all my friends get together in a big group and she'll be there - should I attend and just not talk to her or should I just not go? I'm worried that seeing her at all will make it harder to get over her.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Sorry that was a fail on my part - I was meant to say "we broke up" but in actual fact she broke up with me.

    Also, no, my name is not Ben.


    Does anyone have any advice on what to do when all my friends get together in a big group and she'll be there - should I attend and just not talk to her or should I just not go? I'm worried that seeing her at all will make it harder to get over her.
    Talk to her beforehand maybe, ask if she'd be okay with you being there. If she's sat near you or something just don't blatantly ignore her.
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    I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks back, and so far ive had zero communication and found its the easiest thing to do for me at the moment, but im waiting for another couple of months for us to get over each other, (he doesnt seem that upset but I certainly am) then I'm hoping we could talk as friends after that, maybe that is the best thing to do?
 
 
 
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