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Wanting to be friends with someone who seems to reject me Watch

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    Anon please. workmates use this forum.

    I know somebody at work who I would consider my best buddy at work (most other people hate me) but whenever I try to be more friendly with this girl she seems to get uncomfortable and has been trying to avoid me for ages now.

    Do you think the reason she avoids me is because none of her friends like me? I've never done anything to make her hate me, in fact I am always trying to be quite cool with her. It's just that I struggle to find the confidence to make more effort when I can see that the effort is not reciprocated.

    For example I always try to make conversation with her and ask about her life, what she did on her days off etc., but I never get her ask anything about me. Which kind of tells me she just doesn't want to know me at all.

    This situation is really getting me down now.
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    Why waste your time trying to become friends with her. If she isn't even interested in your life you're probably better off without her friendship. Why do the other people hate you?
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    Ah, is it possible that she may just be shy, and may not want to open up to you straight away, i know asking about someones day is trivial but to her it may not be.

    Try talking to her somemore and attempt to get to know her, then if she still seems distant i guess it may be that she dosent want to talk to you, i dont think it would come to that as she is seemingly listening and replying to you so she has some interest.

    just be friendly and warm and see if you can get a little further with a friendship.
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    (Original post by tom_tom_tom)
    Ah, is it possible that she may just be shy, and may not want to open up to you straight away, i know asking about someones day is trivial but to her it may not be.

    Try talking to her somemore and attempt to get to know her, then if she still seems distant i guess it may be that she dosent want to talk to you, i dont think it would come to that as she is seemingly listening and replying to you so she has some interest.

    just be friendly and warm and see if you can get a little further with a friendship.
    :yep: This.

    On a sidenote, who do you think everybody seems to hate you?
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    Are you a guy or a girl op?

    If this 'best friend' figure of yours gives you the impression of hating you (which I'm sure isn't the case) and not taking the same interest in your life as you clearly are with hers, then why are you basing so much time and effort around one person?

    It sounds as though her friends are perhaps wary, or very selective..which isn't your fault, but I would advise against spending so much effort on someone who's so easily influenced by their friends. Why on earth do they hate you?

    Surely if she was worth getting to know, she wouldn't be so easily swayed? Anyway, a workplace gives you the oppurtunity to get to know all sorts of different people, so perhaps shift your focus from someone who is apparently unresponsive. Not only that, but work can be frustrating, trying and ultimately somewhere where personalities can clash.. so chin up and get chatting
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    (Original post by leemkule)
    Why waste your time trying to become friends with her. If she isn't even interested in your life you're probably better off without her friendship. Why do the other people hate you?
    I think I come across as a very quiet person and I do not open up to people unless I can be sure they will accept me.

    With this friend I try so much effort with, it's because we work closely together so I see her most often. However, I think she gets uncomfortable around me, maybe I come across as a bit weird.

    Maybe she wonders why I try to talk to her, but not many other people.

    I am a guy btw, and a few years older than her.
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    you would consider her as your BEST FRIEND at work????
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    (Original post by sashaxxx123)
    you would consider her as your BEST FRIEND at work????
    Yeah, because in the past she has been the only one who has spoken to me. Everybody else hates me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, because in the past she has been the only one who has spoken to me. Everybody else hates me.
    Why do they hate you? Well if you could speak to her when everybody hated you, then I'm sure she being uncomfortable around is not because everyone hates you then.
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    If she is the only person that you talk to at your office then she might think you want to be more than friends. If you don't have a lot of friends then I'm assuming that you are pretty socially awkward - which is fine, a lot of people are. But you have to have a long hard think about how you might look to other people if that's the case. She could have an entirely wrong impression about you if you take a lot of interest in her.

    She might think you're some kind of creepy stalker from hell even! So you might want to ask her advice about another girl, or something to that effect which makes it clear that you're not interested in her in that way.

    Anyway, your big issue seems to be confidence. Which is a tricky hurdle because you can get into a bit of a negative cycle. I know it's not the right time financially, but have you considered a fresh start at another company? If you approach your next environment with a changed perspective you could be amazed at the difference. Plus, you ultimately can't work somewhere if you're not happy.

    Hope that wasn't ALL drivel.
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    why do you want to be friends with someone who rejects you? :confused: surely it's not worth it?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon please. workmates use this forum.

    I know somebody at work who I would consider my best buddy at work (most other people hate me) but whenever I try to be more friendly with this girl she seems to get uncomfortable and has been trying to avoid me for ages now.

    Do you think the reason she avoids me is because none of her friends like me? I've never done anything to make her hate me, in fact I am always trying to be quite cool with her. It's just that I struggle to find the confidence to make more effort when I can see that the effort is not reciprocated.

    For example I always try to make conversation with her and ask about her life, what she did on her days off etc., but I never get her ask anything about me. Which kind of tells me she just doesn't want to know me at all.

    This situation is really getting me down now.
    If it's anything like my situation was, just give up.
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    She doesn't sound like much of a friend, she's probable just being polite and answering your questions. I've been in similar situations where I've tried really hard to be friends with people who didn't want to be friends in return, some were down right rude to me! I find that once I stopped giving them attention they took me more seriously. Just concentrate on your work and be the best you can be.
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    (Original post by Xeren)
    She doesn't sound like much of a friend, she's probable just being polite and answering your questions. I've been in similar situations where I've tried really hard to be friends with people who didn't want to be friends in return, some were down right rude to me! I find that once I stopped giving them attention they took me more seriously. Just concentrate on your work and be the best you can be.
    The simple facts are: I give her more 'friendship' and attention than she is ever going to give me. For example, when we each have days off work, I always ask her stuff like "did you have a good day off" and "what did you get upto", you know and generally take an interest in her life (as in: being friendly), but when the boot's on the other foot, she simply doesn't bother asking me the same kinds of questions.

    It's not an age thing, as her boyfriend is the same age as me, so it's not like I am a bit older and she doesn't have anything in common.

    I think the real reason is she just thinks I am a loser, and if/when she compares me to her boyfriend (i.e. he is what men are supposed to be like) I am always going to come off worse in comparison. However, I accept that but still try to be friendly and help her out.

    I should just really try to forget about her and start giving her the cold shoulder, but at the moment I cannot do that, as she is my only 'friend' (LOL) in my workplace. Without her, I would not even need to open my mouth all week long. So I don't want to cut my nose off to spite my face, as it were.

    I am just sick and tired of being treated like sh**.
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    You sound like one of these people who might be too nice.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The simple facts are: I give her more 'friendship' and attention than she is ever going to give me. For example, when we each have days off work, I always ask her stuff like "did you have a good day off" and "what did you get upto", you know and generally take an interest in her life (as in: being friendly), but when the boot's on the other foot, she simply doesn't bother asking me the same kinds of questions.

    It's not an age thing, as her boyfriend is the same age as me, so it's not like I am a bit older and she doesn't have anything in common.

    I think the real reason is she just thinks I am a loser, and if/when she compares me to her boyfriend (i.e. he is what men are supposed to be like) I am always going to come off worse in comparison. However, I accept that but still try to be friendly and help her out.

    I should just really try to forget about her and start giving her the cold shoulder, but at the moment I cannot do that, as she is my only 'friend' (LOL) in my workplace. Without her, I would not even need to open my mouth all week long. So I don't want to cut my nose off to spite my face, as it were.

    I am just sick and tired of being treated like sh**.
    Woah, you're reading way too much into this. I'm sure she doesn't think you're a loser, she probably just can't be arsed to make conversation.

    I would rather not talk to anyone and be a loner, than being treated like ****. But I guess if you're willing to put up with it, good luck.
 
 
 
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