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So sorry for such a long thread....
EDIT: Really really sorry for such a horrificly long thread, started out just jotting down a few points, don't know where it all came from....
I wanted to start this thread really to demonstrate that it's not an unrealistic aim to try to be friends with someone when you're relationship has fallen apart and you break up. I recognise that to a certain degree it does depend what you break up over, but ultimately it's not out of reach.
Ok, I'll briefly describe by story from the beginning and then the recent events which lead me to starting this thread.....
Was with my ex-bf for 5 years until the end of january this year when I broke it off with him. It was for various on-going reasons really, he wouldn't come and visit me at uni, he wasn't supportive of my decision to move out of home, it was always me who had to comprimise, always me that had to do the running....and all these things really got to me, I'd tried talking to him about them ever since I'd started uni really, and he'd said things would change and they didn't....and I suppose it just ate away at the relationship until really the feelings I had for him began to change. I'd been thinking about breaking up with him for a while, but just couldn't decide if it was the right thing to do, didn't want to break up with him and realise it was the wrong decision....and so I suppose had been putting up with being unhappy just in case things changed.
Finally I realised that I just couldn't stay being unhappy and that the relationship was making me so unhappy....and it was affecting me so badly that I thought things really had to change...and seeing as my ex wasn't prepared to budge on anything, he really left me with no other choice. So, he phoned me one evening, I'd been thinking about it all that week, and so I tried to arrange a time to see him the next day when I was planning to break up with him...however he wouldn't let it rest what was wrong etc and kept asking me questions down the phone- I told him that he already knew what was wrong and raised all the various things that I'd already told him about and he still kept up the same familiar attitude of not wanting to change things. Anyway, I ended up saying that there was something I wanted to talk to him about, and he wouldn't let that rest.....so I ended up telling him over the phone that I didn't think we should be together anymore. I really didn't mean to, and didn't want it to happen that way, but I just felt he'd left me with no choice. Obviously he was very upset and tried to talk me out of it etc.....he was crying by this point...I stuck to my guns and tried to explain to him exactly how I was feeling and why I'd made this decision etc...anyway after about another half an hour we said our goodbyes, and I said I'd keep in touch etc, and that he could ring me if he needed to etc. The strange thing was that I didn't cry or anything and just felt strangely relieved...I suppose I'd been thinking about it for so long that I had kind of dealt with it already.
So that weekend he phoned me several times, wanting to meet up....which I really didn't want to do, mainly as I thought that it would make things worse for him. Anyway, he kept asking if he could see me, so I agreed to meet up with him and talk things through. This consisted of him crying for 2 hours, while I tried to explain and get him to understand that I didn't feel the same way about the relationship anymore, and that even if he changed it was just too late. So, after a while and when I think he realised that I wasn't going to change my mind there and then, I went home and so did he, still very upset.
The next few weeks was lots of phone calls from him, and I saw him a couple of times- all at his request. I just wanted to do whatever it took to help him get through it, and although I thought that it wouldn't help him to see me, I decided that i could cope with it and so it was really his decision to make. Gradually over a few more weeks, the phone calls reduced to about one a week, and I made sure to call him occasionally as well, just to keep in touch.
Then I made a mistake, well, I didn't think it would be one, but it turned out to be. He asked me out to have dinner with him on valentine's day, which would have been our 5 year anniversary...I agreed only on the terms that it was just as friends and nothing more. I naively supposed that this would be the case, and we could have a nice meal as friends and that everything would be ok....which it was until the journey home, when he decided that he wanted to talk about 'us'. So again, more of the same , he couldn't understand why I'd broken up with him, why the relationship failed, and was just really hurting, which of course was very understandable....he tried to make me feel guilty and make me feel like I was in the wrong, and that he could change and we could make it work etc. I managed to be strong and just kept explaining to him why i'd broken up with him, and managed not to cry, although he was, and although we weren't together anymore obviously it made me feel so bad that he was so upset.
I think that night really made him realise that I wasn't going to change my mind, and that the decision I'd made was final, even though he told me that night that he would never stop loving me and that he'd always be waiting....which I know he will change his mind about with time.
Since then, we've seen each other a few times, and kept in contact over the phone every few weeks, sometimes him phoning me and sometimes me phoning him. The seeing him part, well and the speaking part, was in the beginning very awkward, as you are so used to doing things by habit such as giving him a kiss etc, that it just felt weird not to do those things, although obviously I didn't want to have that type of relationship anymore, but gradually the longer it's been since we broke up, the less akward it has become. The last time I saw him was over the easter break, when we went for a couple of drinks, and it was the least awkward that it has been so far.
Anway, I suppose the point of this incredibly long thread (and for that I apologise and hope you've made it this far) is that he phoned me up last night...it was nice to catch up and hear what he'd been up to etc, as the last time we spoke was when I phoned him about 3 weeks ago. Well, we had a chat and everything and then he said that there were some things that he felt he needed to say. And he apologised to me for the way he had treated me both before and after we broke up, and said that he realised now that he hadn't been listening to me for a long while before we broke up, and that he'd tried to put pressure on me after I'd broken up with him, and that he had been selfish throughout that time, and was only thinking about what was best for himself and not about what would make me happy......and he apologised for all these things. Well I wasn't really quite sure what to say, so I said that he didn't have to apologise, and that I understood completely why he acted the way he did after we broke up, and that it meant a lot that he could apologise. I then decided to apologise to him for the way I'd broken up with him (over the phone) and explained that it wasn't the way I'd planned it and that it wasn't the way I should have done it etc...... And we both agreed that it had helped to put things into the past, and that it was good that we were still keeping in touch, and agreed that next time I was back home that we'd meet up for a drink or something....
So, I really believe that we will keep in touch, and that we'll stay in contact for a long time to come I hope, as we were a part of each others lives for 5 years, which is a long time in anyones book, and I feel that it would be a shame to throw that all away. So I suppose the point of this thread is to say, be patient, give your ex-time and let them come to terms with it, carry on supporting them as a friend and offer them your friendship, whether it be in the form of listening or just letting them know that you're there for them as a friend.
I think that I was lucky, my ex also wants to be friends, but I also think that the fact I made it clear to him from the beginning that I wanted to keep in touch, and be friends etc really helped the situation, and I think it's such a shame when people who have been together and had something special, never speak anymore....
So just a little (sorry, really hugely long) thing to think about, and hope somebody has got something from it.
Ruthie xx
EDIT: Really really sorry for such a horrificly long thread, started out just jotting down a few points, don't know where it all came from....
I wanted to start this thread really to demonstrate that it's not an unrealistic aim to try to be friends with someone when you're relationship has fallen apart and you break up. I recognise that to a certain degree it does depend what you break up over, but ultimately it's not out of reach.
Ok, I'll briefly describe by story from the beginning and then the recent events which lead me to starting this thread.....
Was with my ex-bf for 5 years until the end of january this year when I broke it off with him. It was for various on-going reasons really, he wouldn't come and visit me at uni, he wasn't supportive of my decision to move out of home, it was always me who had to comprimise, always me that had to do the running....and all these things really got to me, I'd tried talking to him about them ever since I'd started uni really, and he'd said things would change and they didn't....and I suppose it just ate away at the relationship until really the feelings I had for him began to change. I'd been thinking about breaking up with him for a while, but just couldn't decide if it was the right thing to do, didn't want to break up with him and realise it was the wrong decision....and so I suppose had been putting up with being unhappy just in case things changed.
Finally I realised that I just couldn't stay being unhappy and that the relationship was making me so unhappy....and it was affecting me so badly that I thought things really had to change...and seeing as my ex wasn't prepared to budge on anything, he really left me with no other choice. So, he phoned me one evening, I'd been thinking about it all that week, and so I tried to arrange a time to see him the next day when I was planning to break up with him...however he wouldn't let it rest what was wrong etc and kept asking me questions down the phone- I told him that he already knew what was wrong and raised all the various things that I'd already told him about and he still kept up the same familiar attitude of not wanting to change things. Anyway, I ended up saying that there was something I wanted to talk to him about, and he wouldn't let that rest.....so I ended up telling him over the phone that I didn't think we should be together anymore. I really didn't mean to, and didn't want it to happen that way, but I just felt he'd left me with no choice. Obviously he was very upset and tried to talk me out of it etc.....he was crying by this point...I stuck to my guns and tried to explain to him exactly how I was feeling and why I'd made this decision etc...anyway after about another half an hour we said our goodbyes, and I said I'd keep in touch etc, and that he could ring me if he needed to etc. The strange thing was that I didn't cry or anything and just felt strangely relieved...I suppose I'd been thinking about it for so long that I had kind of dealt with it already.
So that weekend he phoned me several times, wanting to meet up....which I really didn't want to do, mainly as I thought that it would make things worse for him. Anyway, he kept asking if he could see me, so I agreed to meet up with him and talk things through. This consisted of him crying for 2 hours, while I tried to explain and get him to understand that I didn't feel the same way about the relationship anymore, and that even if he changed it was just too late. So, after a while and when I think he realised that I wasn't going to change my mind there and then, I went home and so did he, still very upset.
The next few weeks was lots of phone calls from him, and I saw him a couple of times- all at his request. I just wanted to do whatever it took to help him get through it, and although I thought that it wouldn't help him to see me, I decided that i could cope with it and so it was really his decision to make. Gradually over a few more weeks, the phone calls reduced to about one a week, and I made sure to call him occasionally as well, just to keep in touch.
Then I made a mistake, well, I didn't think it would be one, but it turned out to be. He asked me out to have dinner with him on valentine's day, which would have been our 5 year anniversary...I agreed only on the terms that it was just as friends and nothing more. I naively supposed that this would be the case, and we could have a nice meal as friends and that everything would be ok....which it was until the journey home, when he decided that he wanted to talk about 'us'. So again, more of the same , he couldn't understand why I'd broken up with him, why the relationship failed, and was just really hurting, which of course was very understandable....he tried to make me feel guilty and make me feel like I was in the wrong, and that he could change and we could make it work etc. I managed to be strong and just kept explaining to him why i'd broken up with him, and managed not to cry, although he was, and although we weren't together anymore obviously it made me feel so bad that he was so upset.
I think that night really made him realise that I wasn't going to change my mind, and that the decision I'd made was final, even though he told me that night that he would never stop loving me and that he'd always be waiting....which I know he will change his mind about with time.
Since then, we've seen each other a few times, and kept in contact over the phone every few weeks, sometimes him phoning me and sometimes me phoning him. The seeing him part, well and the speaking part, was in the beginning very awkward, as you are so used to doing things by habit such as giving him a kiss etc, that it just felt weird not to do those things, although obviously I didn't want to have that type of relationship anymore, but gradually the longer it's been since we broke up, the less akward it has become. The last time I saw him was over the easter break, when we went for a couple of drinks, and it was the least awkward that it has been so far.
Anway, I suppose the point of this incredibly long thread (and for that I apologise and hope you've made it this far) is that he phoned me up last night...it was nice to catch up and hear what he'd been up to etc, as the last time we spoke was when I phoned him about 3 weeks ago. Well, we had a chat and everything and then he said that there were some things that he felt he needed to say. And he apologised to me for the way he had treated me both before and after we broke up, and said that he realised now that he hadn't been listening to me for a long while before we broke up, and that he'd tried to put pressure on me after I'd broken up with him, and that he had been selfish throughout that time, and was only thinking about what was best for himself and not about what would make me happy......and he apologised for all these things. Well I wasn't really quite sure what to say, so I said that he didn't have to apologise, and that I understood completely why he acted the way he did after we broke up, and that it meant a lot that he could apologise. I then decided to apologise to him for the way I'd broken up with him (over the phone) and explained that it wasn't the way I'd planned it and that it wasn't the way I should have done it etc...... And we both agreed that it had helped to put things into the past, and that it was good that we were still keeping in touch, and agreed that next time I was back home that we'd meet up for a drink or something....
So, I really believe that we will keep in touch, and that we'll stay in contact for a long time to come I hope, as we were a part of each others lives for 5 years, which is a long time in anyones book, and I feel that it would be a shame to throw that all away. So I suppose the point of this thread is to say, be patient, give your ex-time and let them come to terms with it, carry on supporting them as a friend and offer them your friendship, whether it be in the form of listening or just letting them know that you're there for them as a friend.
I think that I was lucky, my ex also wants to be friends, but I also think that the fact I made it clear to him from the beginning that I wanted to keep in touch, and be friends etc really helped the situation, and I think it's such a shame when people who have been together and had something special, never speak anymore....
So just a little (sorry, really hugely long) thing to think about, and hope somebody has got something from it.
Ruthie xx
Grrrr!! I feel conned 
I read all of that expecting some sort of problem or dilemma, but instead you were giving the advice! I'm not even in a relationship so it really had no significance to me at all! Although maybe one day I might remember some of it, i guess it just depends on the breakup.
Anyway, well done for staying friends with him, I know ex couples that can't even be in the same room as eachother, let alone get along!
I read all of that expecting some sort of problem or dilemma, but instead you were giving the advice! I'm not even in a relationship so it really had no significance to me at all! Although maybe one day I might remember some of it, i guess it just depends on the breakup.
Anyway, well done for staying friends with him, I know ex couples that can't even be in the same room as eachother, let alone get along!
In theory, especially if a relationship ends amicably, it is easy to stay friends, but if one person still feels strongly about the other, and then the other gets a boyfriend/girlfriend relatively soon after the break up, its a difficult situation to be hapopy with, and you will find it hard to remain friends!
I'm glad you and you ex managed to be friends in the end. I've alwayts believed in the possibility of maintaining a friendship despite the end of a relationship, because no matter what happens, that person has been one of the most important people in my life, and if all that can be erased just like that, i'd think of myself as being a cold-hearted creature.
I broke up with my bf in Nov 15th, 9 months after we started our relationship. I found out that he had cheated on me by sleeping with my "friend", who he had just bumped into at a bar one night, got drunk, and the rest followed. I guess the reason why I broke up with him wasn't exactly the best thing, but I knew it was for the best even though I still loved him so much at that time and cried my eyes out when I confronted him. We didn't talk for a month, though in the meantime sometimes he would send me apologetic sms messages and i would reply to tell him that i'd already forgiven him. I never hated him to start with, I couldn't because back then I loved him too much. But I just had to break up with him because I knew I wouldn't be able to face him again as a gf without thinking about what he did. After a month, I had a school performance and that day I texted him again, asking him to come and watch cos it would have meant a lot to me. He was reluctant, partly cos he felt ashamed to see me, and cos he knew my friends would give him nasty looks. He came in the end, and we talked for a while. He started talking more after that and we became good friends. He told me I was still one of the people he trusts most, and he really wanted me back but he knew i would refuse. I only wanted a friendship and he knew that.
But then I gradually moved on, and while we were still friends, as soon as he realised I started liking my current bf (KingAS), he began making rather mean and cold comments. I guess he was jealous, and when I started my relationship with my bf, he was really angry at me, probably cos he never expected me to move on. One night he sent me 3 hate messages in a row, dissing me this and that, for moving on, for leaving him etc. I was really worried and upset that night already because my mom, who had just found out that she has a calcified lump in her left breast, hip-joint, back & neckbone problems (that could paralyse her if left untreated) had just came back from the hospital from treatment for her backbone and was feeling extremely dizzy and ill. His messages basically gave me that push to the edge, and I phoned him and just poured out everything - my mom, brother and my depression, my eating disorder, my friend's death, my mom's health conditions and the on-going family problems. I cried throughout the call...and he just felt silent. He apologised for the messages and said that he was just really jealous and really hated himself for losing me.
After that, we started talking less and less. I still tried to initiate our conversations on sms, msn etc. cos I didn't want to just lose him as a friend. But he kept on avoiding me, and even started getting his friend to "test" me if I still liked him, and when he realised it was merely friendship i wanted, he stopped responding to my messages. I finally confronted him asking if he wanted to be friends, which he said "yes". I told him that friends have to BOTH contribute and not just me going on and on one-sidedly. But nothing changed, and sometimes he would still send me sms after reading my online blog if i mentioned my bf. Often the msg's were very mean, and I guess it really hurt me that he would be so nasty to me.
We haven't really talked these days anymore, and it's been 6 months since our breakup. I guess in a way I still wish we could be friends, but I knew that if he wasn't going to make that effort as well, there really is not much point. But I know that just because it failed with my ex, it doesn't mean the same would happen if one day with me and my bf, esp. when I know that my bf now is probably one of the most understanding people I've ever known. It really depends on the individual i guess, but I'm sure if the two people make that effort, maintaining a friendship wouldn't be difficult at all. In fact, those friendship would probably be one of the most treasured ones because they were once the love of each other's lives.
Sorry I've written too much.
I broke up with my bf in Nov 15th, 9 months after we started our relationship. I found out that he had cheated on me by sleeping with my "friend", who he had just bumped into at a bar one night, got drunk, and the rest followed. I guess the reason why I broke up with him wasn't exactly the best thing, but I knew it was for the best even though I still loved him so much at that time and cried my eyes out when I confronted him. We didn't talk for a month, though in the meantime sometimes he would send me apologetic sms messages and i would reply to tell him that i'd already forgiven him. I never hated him to start with, I couldn't because back then I loved him too much. But I just had to break up with him because I knew I wouldn't be able to face him again as a gf without thinking about what he did. After a month, I had a school performance and that day I texted him again, asking him to come and watch cos it would have meant a lot to me. He was reluctant, partly cos he felt ashamed to see me, and cos he knew my friends would give him nasty looks. He came in the end, and we talked for a while. He started talking more after that and we became good friends. He told me I was still one of the people he trusts most, and he really wanted me back but he knew i would refuse. I only wanted a friendship and he knew that.
But then I gradually moved on, and while we were still friends, as soon as he realised I started liking my current bf (KingAS), he began making rather mean and cold comments. I guess he was jealous, and when I started my relationship with my bf, he was really angry at me, probably cos he never expected me to move on. One night he sent me 3 hate messages in a row, dissing me this and that, for moving on, for leaving him etc. I was really worried and upset that night already because my mom, who had just found out that she has a calcified lump in her left breast, hip-joint, back & neckbone problems (that could paralyse her if left untreated) had just came back from the hospital from treatment for her backbone and was feeling extremely dizzy and ill. His messages basically gave me that push to the edge, and I phoned him and just poured out everything - my mom, brother and my depression, my eating disorder, my friend's death, my mom's health conditions and the on-going family problems. I cried throughout the call...and he just felt silent. He apologised for the messages and said that he was just really jealous and really hated himself for losing me.
After that, we started talking less and less. I still tried to initiate our conversations on sms, msn etc. cos I didn't want to just lose him as a friend. But he kept on avoiding me, and even started getting his friend to "test" me if I still liked him, and when he realised it was merely friendship i wanted, he stopped responding to my messages. I finally confronted him asking if he wanted to be friends, which he said "yes". I told him that friends have to BOTH contribute and not just me going on and on one-sidedly. But nothing changed, and sometimes he would still send me sms after reading my online blog if i mentioned my bf. Often the msg's were very mean, and I guess it really hurt me that he would be so nasty to me.
We haven't really talked these days anymore, and it's been 6 months since our breakup. I guess in a way I still wish we could be friends, but I knew that if he wasn't going to make that effort as well, there really is not much point. But I know that just because it failed with my ex, it doesn't mean the same would happen if one day with me and my bf, esp. when I know that my bf now is probably one of the most understanding people I've ever known. It really depends on the individual i guess, but I'm sure if the two people make that effort, maintaining a friendship wouldn't be difficult at all. In fact, those friendship would probably be one of the most treasured ones because they were once the love of each other's lives.
Sorry I've written too much.
Well done for being able to hold onto your friendship, after all he was your best friend for nearly 5 years wasnt he
Its sad cos my ex goes out of his way not to contact me, although he said we'd keep in touch. And although I do miss his friendship, i jsut cant bring myself to text or ring him again cos its so sad when they dont even want your friendship back!
But at the end of the day its his choice so I probably have to accept it
I completely understand, cos although I have text him a couple of times to try and hold onto our friendship, he just doesnt seem interested. It was his birthday a few months ago and I would have text him happy birthday, but then I thought "why should I, Ive made all the effort and all hes done is throw it back in my face".
So although I am gutted Ive lost him as a friend, like eurasianfeline said, I realise that not every ex is gonna be like that!
Thanks for sharing your view by the way
Its sad cos my ex goes out of his way not to contact me, although he said we'd keep in touch. And although I do miss his friendship, i jsut cant bring myself to text or ring him again cos its so sad when they dont even want your friendship back!
But at the end of the day its his choice so I probably have to accept it
eurasianfeline
After that, we started talking less and less. I still tried to initiate our conversations on sms, msn etc. cos I didn't want to just lose him as a friend. But he kept on avoiding me
I completely understand, cos although I have text him a couple of times to try and hold onto our friendship, he just doesnt seem interested. It was his birthday a few months ago and I would have text him happy birthday, but then I thought "why should I, Ive made all the effort and all hes done is throw it back in my face".
So although I am gutted Ive lost him as a friend, like eurasianfeline said, I realise that not every ex is gonna be like that!
Thanks for sharing your view by the way
I have a similar story to tell, but i don't think it's always worth staying in touch with exes - it depends on the situation.
I went out with a chap (let's call him Rob, on account of that being his name) for about 6 months when I was 18. He broke it off when we went to uni, and I later found out that he'd cheated on me. He was one of my close circle of friends and we always went to the pub together, so we had to be adult about it and be friendly. This worked for a while, although I soon realised that I wanted to be around him because I still had feelings for him.
We ended up getting back together a couple of years later. This time, it was me who realised that we just weren't meant to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and I broke it off. It was all very amicable, and we're still good friends now.
There are three specific things I would warn against in this situation:
1. Think about it very carefully - are you just keeping in touch because you think something might happen between you in the future? Not a sensible way to behave, believe me. A break-up is the perfect opportunity to cut ties with a relationship that's bad for one or both of you, and you should be moving on.
2. What will future partners think of the friendship? No matter what happened in the past, if my current boyfriend got upset about my friendship with Rob, I would understand completely and do my best to reassure him, even if that meant cutting down on the contact between the ex and me.
3. How will you feel when your ex starts going out with someone else? It will happen, and you need to be prepared. If it upsets you, don't immediately think you're still in love and jump off the nearest cliff - considering your history, it's bound to have an effect. Do take this into consideration when you decide to keep in touch though - a friend of mine was determined to stay friends with her ex, but a month after they split up, he emailed her to tell her he was engaged.
I went out with a chap (let's call him Rob, on account of that being his name) for about 6 months when I was 18. He broke it off when we went to uni, and I later found out that he'd cheated on me. He was one of my close circle of friends and we always went to the pub together, so we had to be adult about it and be friendly. This worked for a while, although I soon realised that I wanted to be around him because I still had feelings for him.
We ended up getting back together a couple of years later. This time, it was me who realised that we just weren't meant to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and I broke it off. It was all very amicable, and we're still good friends now.
There are three specific things I would warn against in this situation:
1. Think about it very carefully - are you just keeping in touch because you think something might happen between you in the future? Not a sensible way to behave, believe me. A break-up is the perfect opportunity to cut ties with a relationship that's bad for one or both of you, and you should be moving on.
2. What will future partners think of the friendship? No matter what happened in the past, if my current boyfriend got upset about my friendship with Rob, I would understand completely and do my best to reassure him, even if that meant cutting down on the contact between the ex and me.
3. How will you feel when your ex starts going out with someone else? It will happen, and you need to be prepared. If it upsets you, don't immediately think you're still in love and jump off the nearest cliff - considering your history, it's bound to have an effect. Do take this into consideration when you decide to keep in touch though - a friend of mine was determined to stay friends with her ex, but a month after they split up, he emailed her to tell her he was engaged.
The only reason to avoid an ex is when you actually don't get on as friends, or one person isn't over it, or someone did something really bad to the other person.
I'm great friends with a guy I went out with for two years, and kind of friends with a guy I went out with for a year (altho he wants me back so it's a bit awkward). The most recent ex...well we're civil and friendly but it's still a lil awkward. But if you want to be friends, and you have to see each other regularly anyway, then it's easy.
I'm great friends with a guy I went out with for two years, and kind of friends with a guy I went out with for a year (altho he wants me back so it's a bit awkward). The most recent ex...well we're civil and friendly but it's still a lil awkward. But if you want to be friends, and you have to see each other regularly anyway, then it's easy.
Trousers
There are three specific things I would warn against in this situation:
1. Think about it very carefully - are you just keeping in touch because you think something might happen between you in the future? Not a sensible way to behave, believe me. A break-up is the perfect opportunity to cut ties with a relationship that's bad for one or both of you, and you should be moving on.
1. Think about it very carefully - are you just keeping in touch because you think something might happen between you in the future? Not a sensible way to behave, believe me. A break-up is the perfect opportunity to cut ties with a relationship that's bad for one or both of you, and you should be moving on.
No I definitely don't want anything to happen with him in the future, I would just like to keep in touch because we've known each other for so long...and I hope he feels the same. I know initially he wanted us to get back together but I think he's realised now that that's not going to happen so wants to be friends for the right reasons.
Trousers
2. What will future partners think of the friendship? No matter what happened in the past, if my current boyfriend got upset about my friendship with Rob, I would understand completely and do my best to reassure him, even if that meant cutting down on the contact between the ex and me.
I'm hoping that they will understand...I've just started going out with a new guy (which i'll come onto in question 3) and so far it hasn't come up, but really a phone call every now and then and seeing each other the odd time shouldn't cause too much of a problem. My new guy knew why me and my bf broke up anyway, and I would hope that he trusts me that I don't want to get back together with my ex but I do want to be with him.
Trousers
3. How will you feel when your ex starts going out with someone else? It will happen, and you need to be prepared. If it upsets you, don't immediately think you're still in love and jump off the nearest cliff - considering your history, it's bound to have an effect. Do take this into consideration when you decide to keep in touch though - a friend of mine was determined to stay friends with her ex, but a month after they split up, he emailed her to tell her he was engaged.
I would like to think that it wouldn't change anything between us, in fact I think it would be good for him to have someone new to spend time with, and perhaps someone who he was better suited to than me. As some of you will know, I've just started going out with a new guy from uni, and haven't told my ex yet. I obviously spoke to my ex the other day, and didn't mention it to him. This was for several reasons really...firstly, I haven't been with him very long, secondly I'm a bit worried about how he will react, and thirdly thought it would be better to tell him in person, having broken other news to him over the phone. So I've decided that the next time I see him (probably in a few weeks when I'm back home for the holidays) I'll casually mention to him about it and hopefully it will all go ok.
Ruthie xx
jeni8686
So although I am gutted Ive lost him as a friend, like eurasianfeline said, I realise that not every ex is gonna be like that!
Thanks for sharing your view by the way
Thanks for sharing your view by the way
it's always good to hold onto our faith.
Trousers
Both.
butthead.
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