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Boyfriend texting another girl - what should I do?
Ive been seeing my boyfriend now for about 7 months but we only became official after uni ended in mid june due to several complications. We have known each other for a year and in the 7 months we have become so close, I have never felt like this about anyone before he says the same.
Anyway I come over to his city to visit him for the weekend (as we go to the same uni but home towns are quite far away) and I havent seen him for a few weeks. We had such an amazing time, it was perfect. Until the last night. I was in bed and I was looking through his sent items (I have a valid reason and I had told him I was going to do this, my mobile is a new nokia and deletes all my text messgages every couple of months so I wanted to resend the one he sent me asking me out, as I like to keep stuff like that through sentiment). So anyway hes away doing something and I notice while looking down through to get my message that there were alot of ones from a girl that he had slept with one or twice from home before we were together. And his phone shows the start of each message and I noticed some not so nice ones.
Basically in the couple of weeks from us leaving for home after uni, he had been sending flirty text messages to this girl, in one case when he was pissed asking her to go round to hers. Naturally I was absolutely livid and gutted, I asked him about it straight away. We argued for an hour, he admitted that what he said to her was out of order, but it was just banter and meant absolutely nothing. He said as for that one time when he asked to go round to hers, he said for once split second in popped into his head, but he would NEVER ever actually do that to me, he couldnt. He looked genuinely terrified when I said that I think we should break up. I can tell from the text messages sent after that one that he never went round, and I can tell from them that nothing actually happened.
What should I do..I have told him I going to think about things. He has said he knows he messed up and he is so sorry but he really loves me and he swears that he isn't interested in her (I do believe this as I knew about her before we were together and he wasn't into her then). What would you do? He hasnt actually cheated as such though he accepts what he done is wrong. I do know he loves me. And he as apologised for and over and promised that never again would anything like this happen. And depsite what it looks like when it came down to it he would never actually have done it. I dont know what to think. Its so out of character for him. Hes not like this at all and know he has never cheated on any past girlfriends. Its also the fact that technically when it happened we were only officially together 2 weeks. Is everyone allowed one mistake? I really love him so Im torn as what to do?
Anyway I come over to his city to visit him for the weekend (as we go to the same uni but home towns are quite far away) and I havent seen him for a few weeks. We had such an amazing time, it was perfect. Until the last night. I was in bed and I was looking through his sent items (I have a valid reason and I had told him I was going to do this, my mobile is a new nokia and deletes all my text messgages every couple of months so I wanted to resend the one he sent me asking me out, as I like to keep stuff like that through sentiment). So anyway hes away doing something and I notice while looking down through to get my message that there were alot of ones from a girl that he had slept with one or twice from home before we were together. And his phone shows the start of each message and I noticed some not so nice ones.
Basically in the couple of weeks from us leaving for home after uni, he had been sending flirty text messages to this girl, in one case when he was pissed asking her to go round to hers. Naturally I was absolutely livid and gutted, I asked him about it straight away. We argued for an hour, he admitted that what he said to her was out of order, but it was just banter and meant absolutely nothing. He said as for that one time when he asked to go round to hers, he said for once split second in popped into his head, but he would NEVER ever actually do that to me, he couldnt. He looked genuinely terrified when I said that I think we should break up. I can tell from the text messages sent after that one that he never went round, and I can tell from them that nothing actually happened.
What should I do..I have told him I going to think about things. He has said he knows he messed up and he is so sorry but he really loves me and he swears that he isn't interested in her (I do believe this as I knew about her before we were together and he wasn't into her then). What would you do? He hasnt actually cheated as such though he accepts what he done is wrong. I do know he loves me. And he as apologised for and over and promised that never again would anything like this happen. And depsite what it looks like when it came down to it he would never actually have done it. I dont know what to think. Its so out of character for him. Hes not like this at all and know he has never cheated on any past girlfriends. Its also the fact that technically when it happened we were only officially together 2 weeks. Is everyone allowed one mistake? I really love him so Im torn as what to do?
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Sigh.
Dump him/don't dump him.
I've just summed up the thread. No-one else need bother posting.
Dump him/don't dump him.
I've just summed up the thread. No-one else need bother posting.
I have no idea what you should do - and you clearly don't want to break up with him over the texts, and to be fair I wouldn't either... This is why you don't check their facebook or their texts. You don't have the right to know - they are allowed their personal space.. Whether or not he actually loves you is up to you to decide. Perhaps he wants you around for the easy sex, or maybe he likes stability but is getting bored yet is too much of a coward to admit to it. In any case, he's toying with the idea of a booty call - which can only mean there's not enough spice in your relationship (or he's just not that into you, but i doubt that in this case).
So my advice is try to recall the person you were when he fell in love with you... Maybe the fun, flirty, single girl had some mystery to her that he now misses? Basically, get out there, have a few sick nights out, flirt with other people or don't - whatever floats your boat. Obviously don't cheat on him, but try to remember how fun life can be without your boyfriend. And then come back refreshed and give the poor guy another chance - let's hope he won't blow this one!
Good luck
So my advice is try to recall the person you were when he fell in love with you... Maybe the fun, flirty, single girl had some mystery to her that he now misses? Basically, get out there, have a few sick nights out, flirt with other people or don't - whatever floats your boat. Obviously don't cheat on him, but try to remember how fun life can be without your boyfriend. And then come back refreshed and give the poor guy another chance - let's hope he won't blow this one!
Good luck
Give him a second chance if you want to. I would be wary of the girl, but. 
It's up to you. You can't exactly say, "right, you're not talking to this girl any more" but you can hardly ignore it... You haven't been together that long either so.
It's up to you. You can't exactly say, "right, you're not talking to this girl any more" but you can hardly ignore it... You haven't been together that long either so.
TommyWannabe
Sigh.
Dump him/don't dump him.
I've just summed up the thread. No-one else need bother posting.
Dump him/don't dump him.
I've just summed up the thread. No-one else need bother posting.
INB4 girls telling you what a scumbag he is.
OP, I wouldn't break up with him. From what you've said, it sounds like he's being genuine so I think you should try to put it in the past and move on from it. You said it's clear he didn't do anything so what's the big deal?
OP, I wouldn't break up with him. From what you've said, it sounds like he's being genuine so I think you should try to put it in the past and move on from it. You said it's clear he didn't do anything so what's the big deal?
Anonymous
He looked genuinely terrified when I said that I think we should break up.
he never went round
nothing actually happened.
he knows he messed up and he is so sorry
he really loves me
he swears that he isn't interested in her (I do believe this)
He hasnt actually cheated as such though he accepts what he done is wrong.
I do know he loves me.
And he as apologised for
promised that never again would anything like this happen
everyone allowed one mistake?
He looked genuinely terrified when I said that I think we should break up.
he never went round
nothing actually happened.
he knows he messed up and he is so sorry
he really loves me
he swears that he isn't interested in her (I do believe this)
He hasnt actually cheated as such though he accepts what he done is wrong.
I do know he loves me.
And he as apologised for
promised that never again would anything like this happen
everyone allowed one mistake?
Noone's gonna tell you what to do... but you sound like you've made up your mind.
You risk being hurt if this is a sign he's going to cheat on you, but if you don't think that's going to happen.. then maybe breaking up is needless/pointless and will cause you both unhappiness when you could just as easily be together?
If you can't get over it, there's not much you can do, but it's worth trying if he's really sorry right?
Don't make him grovel anymore. He's clearly sorry and it does seem abit like your unsure, despite the fact that you both 'love' each other. That should be the decider really.
Jeez, I often text guy friends with what could be considered 'flirty' talk, but I'd never encourage them or even want them to break up with their partners! It's more of a bit of a laugh, in the blokey sense, and they realise that and respect that. 
Lighten up a little, OP
Lighten up a little, OP
forsaken_earth
I have no idea what you should do - and you clearly don't want to break up with him over the texts, and to be fair I wouldn't either... This is why you don't check their facebook or their texts. You don't have the right to know - they are allowed their personal space.. Whether or not he actually loves you is up to you to decide. Perhaps he wants you around for the easy sex, or maybe he likes stability but is getting bored yet is too much of a coward to admit to it. In any case, he's toying with the idea of a booty call - which can only mean there's not enough spice in your relationship (or he's just not that into you, but i doubt that in this case).
So my advice is try to recall the person you were when he fell in love with you... Maybe the fun, flirty, single girl had some mystery to her that he now misses? Basically, get out there, have a few sick nights out, flirt with other people or don't - whatever floats your boat. Obviously don't cheat on him, but try to remember how fun life can be without your boyfriend. And then come back refreshed and give the poor guy another chance - let's hope he won't blow this one!
Good luck
So my advice is try to recall the person you were when he fell in love with you... Maybe the fun, flirty, single girl had some mystery to her that he now misses? Basically, get out there, have a few sick nights out, flirt with other people or don't - whatever floats your boat. Obviously don't cheat on him, but try to remember how fun life can be without your boyfriend. And then come back refreshed and give the poor guy another chance - let's hope he won't blow this one!
Good luck
Quoting for truth. And also 'cos she's extremely hawt.
The fact that you've checked his messages shows you're getting to be one of those possessive girls who -really- annoy and bore guys our age. If you want to keep him, spice it up a bit more, and STOP CHECKING UP ON HIM. Checking up increases the chance of the person cheating.
If you can get over it and forgive him, forget about it and trust him when he says it won't happen again - stay with him.
If you can't get over it, you are going to remain constantly paranoid and you will bring this up every time you have an argument - split up with him.
Quite easy really!
If you can't get over it, you are going to remain constantly paranoid and you will bring this up every time you have an argument - split up with him.
Quite easy really!
Seriously, they're only texts.
Yes, I would be pissed off.
No, I wouldn't dump him over it.
No, I wouldn't dump him over it.
Anonymous
Ive been seeing my boyfriend now for about 7 months but we only became official after uni ended in mid june due to several complications. We have known each other for a year and in the 7 months we have become so close, I have never felt like this about anyone before he says the same.
Anyway I come over to his city to visit him for the weekend (as we go to the same uni but home towns are quite far away) and I havent seen him for a few weeks. We had such an amazing time, it was perfect. Until the last night. I was in bed and I was looking through his sent items (I have a valid reason and I had told him I was going to do this, my mobile is a new nokia and deletes all my text messgages every couple of months so I wanted to resend the one he sent me asking me out, as I like to keep stuff like that through sentiment). So anyway hes away doing something and I notice while looking down through to get my message that there were alot of ones from a girl that he had slept with one or twice from home before we were together. And his phone shows the start of each message and I noticed some not so nice ones.
Basically in the couple of weeks from us leaving for home after uni, he had been sending flirty text messages to this girl, in one case when he was pissed asking her to go round to hers. Naturally I was absolutely livid and gutted, I asked him about it straight away. We argued for an hour, he admitted that what he said to her was out of order, but it was just banter and meant absolutely nothing. He said as for that one time when he asked to go round to hers, he said for once split second in popped into his head, but he would NEVER ever actually do that to me, he couldnt. He looked genuinely terrified when I said that I think we should break up. I can tell from the text messages sent after that one that he never went round, and I can tell from them that nothing actually happened.
What should I do..I have told him I going to think about things. He has said he knows he messed up and he is so sorry but he really loves me and he swears that he isn't interested in her (I do believe this as I knew about her before we were together and he wasn't into her then). What would you do? He hasnt actually cheated as such though he accepts what he done is wrong. I do know he loves me. And he as apologised for and over and promised that never again would anything like this happen. And depsite what it looks like when it came down to it he would never actually have done it. I dont know what to think. Its so out of character for him. Hes not like this at all and know he has never cheated on any past girlfriends. Its also the fact that technically when it happened we were only officially together 2 weeks. Is everyone allowed one mistake? I really love him so Im torn as what to do?
Anyway I come over to his city to visit him for the weekend (as we go to the same uni but home towns are quite far away) and I havent seen him for a few weeks. We had such an amazing time, it was perfect. Until the last night. I was in bed and I was looking through his sent items (I have a valid reason and I had told him I was going to do this, my mobile is a new nokia and deletes all my text messgages every couple of months so I wanted to resend the one he sent me asking me out, as I like to keep stuff like that through sentiment). So anyway hes away doing something and I notice while looking down through to get my message that there were alot of ones from a girl that he had slept with one or twice from home before we were together. And his phone shows the start of each message and I noticed some not so nice ones.
Basically in the couple of weeks from us leaving for home after uni, he had been sending flirty text messages to this girl, in one case when he was pissed asking her to go round to hers. Naturally I was absolutely livid and gutted, I asked him about it straight away. We argued for an hour, he admitted that what he said to her was out of order, but it was just banter and meant absolutely nothing. He said as for that one time when he asked to go round to hers, he said for once split second in popped into his head, but he would NEVER ever actually do that to me, he couldnt. He looked genuinely terrified when I said that I think we should break up. I can tell from the text messages sent after that one that he never went round, and I can tell from them that nothing actually happened.
What should I do..I have told him I going to think about things. He has said he knows he messed up and he is so sorry but he really loves me and he swears that he isn't interested in her (I do believe this as I knew about her before we were together and he wasn't into her then). What would you do? He hasnt actually cheated as such though he accepts what he done is wrong. I do know he loves me. And he as apologised for and over and promised that never again would anything like this happen. And depsite what it looks like when it came down to it he would never actually have done it. I dont know what to think. Its so out of character for him. Hes not like this at all and know he has never cheated on any past girlfriends. Its also the fact that technically when it happened we were only officially together 2 weeks. Is everyone allowed one mistake? I really love him so Im torn as what to do?
Does anon have to strangle a bitch?
Don't break up with him.
If he seemed genuinely terrified, do you really think he would do anything with her?
Let him know he was way out of line, but at the end of the day, it really comes down to how much you trust him, which none of us can really decide for you.
If he seemed genuinely terrified, do you really think he would do anything with her?
Let him know he was way out of line, but at the end of the day, it really comes down to how much you trust him, which none of us can really decide for you.
Thanks for the replies! Firstly for those saying they're only text messages its not a big deal, how many people on here can honestly say that if their bf or gf text another guy/girl when pissed asking if they had a free house and if they could come over just the two of them (despite whether they actually went through with it or not) they would not be extremely angry and upset? I don't think I'm making a big deal out of this at all. Some messages were flirty to the point that I think anyone who had seen their partner say those things would not be too happy to say the least, for example telling someone how sexy they looked that night etc.
And as for going through his phone, I asked permission to get a text message that was actually sent to me, otherwise I would not have done it. I found the messages he had sent to her by sheer chance. The crazy thing is we both have an absolutely amazing sex life, it really couldnt be any better, he says it himself. We usually have sex everytime were together so its not like hes missing out on anything.
I don't know I think he is geniunely very sorry, its not so much whether he would do it or not that upsets me so much but just the fact that even for a split second when he was wasted that the idea popped into his head. And then when he sobered up in the morning he didnt realise what he'd said and do something about it. I don't think hes really into her, but I know she likes him and so the flirting is probably just the fact that he liked the attention or whatever even if he wasn't actually going to day anything.
And as for going through his phone, I asked permission to get a text message that was actually sent to me, otherwise I would not have done it. I found the messages he had sent to her by sheer chance. The crazy thing is we both have an absolutely amazing sex life, it really couldnt be any better, he says it himself. We usually have sex everytime were together so its not like hes missing out on anything.
I don't know I think he is geniunely very sorry, its not so much whether he would do it or not that upsets me so much but just the fact that even for a split second when he was wasted that the idea popped into his head. And then when he sobered up in the morning he didnt realise what he'd said and do something about it. I don't think hes really into her, but I know she likes him and so the flirting is probably just the fact that he liked the attention or whatever even if he wasn't actually going to day anything.
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