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religion in relationships

This is an issue about my relationship with my boyfriend really

I have been with him just over 2 and a half years now. he is a devout christian whereas I am not. I am finding his religious life is increasingly bothering me.

He is really "family" orientated and I feel like he sometimes rubs thsi in my face and makes me feel inferior. He mostly makes the plans to fit around what he's doing with his family whereas I make alot of sacrifices to see him. Truth is we wouldnt see each other nearly as much as we do if i didnt make sacrifices.everything just has to be about him, like alot of the time i just let him ring me because if i try to ring him, hes like oh im busy playing with my sister can i ring you back in an hour. it irritates me and makes me kind of resentful.

his family are lovely but they never invite me to anything they do together as a family, not meals, not holidays, nothing. Whereas my boyfriend has come on my family holiday for the last 2 years at my parents expense and he regularly gets invited to family ocassions like birthday meals etc. they are perfectly happy to have him there even inviting him themselves whereas even if im at my boyfriends house i feel like im invading in their precious "family" time. his parents arent like mine, they are very very structurered, you dont see them sitting watching tv simply relaxing everything is very scheduled.

he is a lovely person my boyfriend kind caring thoughtful insanely good looking. im wondering if a christian can be in a relationship with another christian. i am all for anyone believing what they like, but I can see this causing problems later on in life, for example, how our kids would be brought up. (he would definitely want to bring them up christian but i however believe in leaving them to decide for themselves what they want to believe when theyre old enough to make a proper choice) like were meant to be going travelling at the end of uni but hes like no id rather donate the money to charity or go to kenya and build churches. everything is god orientated for him like once he said he didn't like putting his hands up in clubs or at concerts because that should only be for praising god . i was like whattt??? :s-smilie: just little things like that. its starting to irritate me intensely and i know he won't change but what can I do??
Cool religious song, goodhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jaTzQJFzfhs&feature=PlayList&p=5771D92DF29B20AB&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=2
You either love him as he is, or you don't. For him, as a christian, the concept of NOT living this way is as far removed from his concept of normal as living this way is removed from yours. Christians put God first, you have to live with that.

It sounds like you're still very much in love with him regardless, and he is able to set aside your not being a christian in order to be with you- there will be things about your approach to religion that irritate him in the same way. It's important to learn to live with your differences and love each other for them. If you've made it this far, there's obviously something worth saving. Just try your best to keep an open mind, and the two of you can be patient with each other's little niggles.
Reply 3
Avatar for Tootles
Tootles
21
Anonymous
This is an issue about my relationship with my boyfriend really

I have been with him just over 2 and a half years now. he is a devout christian whereas I am not. I am finding his religious life is increasingly bothering me.

He is really "family" orientated and I feel like he sometimes rubs thsi in my face and makes me feel inferior. He mostly makes the plans to fit around what he's doing with his family whereas I make alot of sacrifices to see him. Truth is we wouldnt see each other nearly as much as we do if i didnt make sacrifices.everything just has to be about him, like alot of the time i just let him ring me because if i try to ring him, hes like oh im busy playing with my sister can i ring you back in an hour. it irritates me and makes me kind of resentful.

his family are lovely but they never invite me to anything they do together as a family, not meals, not holidays, nothing. Whereas my boyfriend has come on my family holiday for the last 2 years at my parents expense and he regularly gets invited to family ocassions like birthday meals etc. they are perfectly happy to have him there even inviting him themselves whereas even if im at my boyfriends house i feel like im invading in their precious "family" time. his parents arent like mine, they are very very structurered, you dont see them sitting watching tv simply relaxing everything is very scheduled.

he is a lovely person my boyfriend kind caring thoughtful insanely good looking. im wondering if a christian can be in a relationship with another christian. i am all for anyone believing what they like, but I can see this causing problems later on in life, for example, how our kids would be brought up. (he would definitely want to bring them up christian but i however believe in leaving them to decide for themselves what they want to believe when theyre old enough to make a proper choice) like were meant to be going travelling at the end of uni but hes like no id rather donate the money to charity or go to kenya and build churches. everything is god orientated for him like once he said he didn't like putting his hands up in clubs or at concerts because that should only be for praising god . i was like whattt??? :s-smilie: just little things like that. its starting to irritate me intensely and i know he won't change but what can I do??
Maybe he is being a bit over-the-top, but I will say, as a Christian, that if you can't put up with him being a Christian, then break it off. Simples.

This is why I've never found a girlfriend; because there seem to be no Christian women of my age around where I live, and I only would want to be with a Christian.
To be honest, it sounds like its a bit of a barrier in the relationship- which is never good. Whether that barrier is the faith, the dedication to it, the family or the combination of all of the above.

What happens next depends on how you deal with it. You can either decide that this is something worth trying for, or look to the reality of the current situation and assess how you really feel about it.

It doesnt sound like something I could deal with to be honest, people who are very set in their ways and beliefs to the point you mentioned above frustrate me. 2 years is a long time so there is obviously something there, but only you can really answer as to whether you see that something being there forever or not.
Reply 5
Avatar for lostdoll
lostdoll
11
I can see why you would find that annoying. Especially when your family are so welcoming of him.

I know it would be really hard...and probably end in an argument, but have you tried talking to him about these issues you have? Do you think he's adult enough to stop and listen to what you have to say, and how you feel you don't fit in (or something like that...as inoffensive as possible!) with his family schedules or whatever.

It might turn out that it is too much for you, and too much of a barrier in your relationship. If you could sit down and talk about it, it could be a make or break situation. Two years is a long time, and it would be very hurtful to end it... I wish you luck!

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