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Dealing with bereavement watch

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    Hello people,

    I'm good at giving advice, but useless at following it. So just posting a situation to see how you guys would handle it?

    A dear friend of mine has committed suicide, unexpectedly and whilst i havent seen him for a while...this makes it worse to think that the last time i would see him was 6 months ago. It was an untimely and shocking piece of news to receive. I miss him greatly already and it only happened a week or so ago.

    I have a very important exam in a couple of weeks or so time- and i dont feel as though I can grieve over this properly as this is an exam i categorically cannot fail...and if i allow the emotion of this to take over me, i simply will not be able to do the preparation..let alone the exam. I shall probably break down in tears after the exam when I can allow for it to affect me...if you see what i mean?

    In the mean time i need a coping strategy over the next 2 weeks. Like I say i cannot fail, and i know he wouldnt want me to- he was a very successful individual with lots of drive...so i think its a case of getting through the next 2 weeks and focussing before i can grieve about it. Any advice?
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    I'm sorry for your loss. It is extremely difficult to lose someone who you don't see often-I lost my father suddenly 2 years ago. He didn't live with us so I didn't see him often (I had only recently got back in touch with him). This meant I was upset at first but it only really hit me a year after when he wasn't there to witness major events. I'm probably not helping, but what I'm trying to say is that your full grief may not be immediate.

    While losing my father was difficult it almost made me feel closer to him-as though he was with me more than he had ever been. It also made me feel lucky that I had started speaking to him again-maybe you can take this positive too, that you were part of your friends life.

    I've just really put my own experience there as my sister wants the internet off me but I'll be back on later if you want to PM me or discuss this further.

    Also, a couple of days off revision won't hurt you as much as trying to struggle through without grieving. If you feel like you need it take a couple of days just to cry and get some of the strong emotions out in the open.
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    (Original post by leala4628)
    I'm sorry for your loss. It is extremely difficult to lose someone who you don't see often-I lost my father suddenly 2 years ago. He didn't live with us so I didn't see him often (I had only recently got back in touch with him). This meant I was upset at first but it only really hit me a year after when he wasn't there to witness major events. I'm probably not helping, but what I'm trying to say is that your full grief may not be immediate.

    While losing my father was difficult it almost made me feel closer to him-as though he was with me more than he had ever been. It also made me feel lucky that I had started speaking to him again-maybe you can take this positive too, that you were part of your friends life.

    I've just really put my own experience there as my sister wants the internet off me but I'll be back on later if you want to PM me or discuss this further.

    Also, a couple of days off revision won't hurt you as much as trying to struggle through without grieving. If you feel like you need it take a couple of days just to cry and get some of the strong emotions out in the open.
    Thank you for your advice, just never expect it to be this hard..though everyone knows dealing with this is hard.
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    Normally I'd say keep yourself as distracted as possible but considering you have to revise that will be difficult

    Perhaps you could try doing your revision out of the house, in libraries, parks and the like and surround yourself in people even if they are complete strangers
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    (Original post by Miss_Scarlett)
    Hello people,

    I'm good at giving advice, but useless at following it. So just posting a situation to see how you guys would handle it?

    A dear friend of mine has committed suicide, unexpectedly and whilst i havent seen him for a while...this makes it worse to think that the last time i would see him was 6 months ago. It was an untimely and shocking piece of news to receive. I miss him greatly already and it only happened a week or so ago.

    I have a very important exam in a couple of weeks or so time- and i dont feel as though I can grieve over this properly as this is an exam i categorically cannot fail...and if i allow the emotion of this to take over me, i simply will not be able to do the preparation..let alone the exam. I shall probably break down in tears after the exam when I can allow for it to affect me...if you see what i mean?

    In the mean time i need a coping strategy over the next 2 weeks. Like I say i cannot fail, and i know he wouldnt want me to- he was a very successful individual with lots of drive...so i think its a case of getting through the next 2 weeks and focussing before i can grieve about it. Any advice?
    I went through a similar situation to you two years ago, just before taking my AS levels. I suppose people deal with it differently. For me, I remained in the state of not believing my close friend to be dead until my exams were over. It was a struggle when the exam desk by me, the one his was meant to be sitting at, was empty. Some times now I still believe him not to be dead. When I see someone in the street who looks similar, I will always glance back to see if it is him. I did let all my grief out after the exams. I don't know how I managed to revise, but I just did it. Just try to put everything aside and focus on the task in front, though it is far easier said than done I know. It doesn't make you a bad person for not thinking about them for the time being, you can grieve later. A lot of people said to me at the time how selfish my friend was to put all his family and friends though such grief, I don't know what you think about that, but it didn't really help me at the time. I am sure that you can do it, be strong and focus on the goal ahead. There is time for everything else after. xx
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    Just do what you can- if you feel like you need to cry- let it out.
    My Grandad died last year whilst I was revising for the Jan exams, and personally I tried to avoid the grief by throwing myself into more and more revision, because it hurt too much to think about him not being there anymore. But after a while I just found that when everyone else was asleep and I was alone in my room at night- having a good cry and recalling the times I'd spent with him helped me to cope during the day when I could feel the loss welling up again.

    Everyone copes in different ways- but bottling it up and not allowing the grief to come through can be more painful than facing what has just happened.
    I managed to get 4 As in those Jan exams- despite my situation. I'm sure you'll be fine
    Keep your chin up and take each day at a time - although he's gone you'll never forget him, and I know its hard to deal with, but over time the pain gets less
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    Sorry to hear about that. I've been there too - a friend of mine was killed during my exams this year (exams I need to do well in to get into vet school) and last year during my uni finals my dad had a series of massive strokes (doctor's words, not mine). You will get through it, I promise. These things take a long time to deal with so don't worry that you're not dealing with it enough now. Allow yourself to talk about it, cry, scream, knacker yourself out at the gym, or whatever, and once you've got it out of your system you'll be able to settle down to try and focus on working more effectively - it's not easy to compartmentalise like that, but in a couple of weeks' time you'll be able to take some time to deal with it more fully, and like I said, it will probably take a while to come to terms with. It sucks, it really does, but try to focus on your goal, look after yourself, and you'll be ace. Good luck with the exam - go kick it's butt!
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    My mother died a couple of years ago, it's different for everyone, but for me personally it didn't properly hit me until after the burial, which was a month later. I had tons of work to do at the time and I didn't want to mess it up, especially in the circumstances. I kind of put all the energy into doing the work, it was kind of like escapism, when i was doing my work, i wasn't thinking about a thing but the work...more because i didn't want to to think about it whilst i was doing work at college in a public place as i'd be crying for hours otherwise...when i got home/during the night i'd have a big cry.

    I suppose you need to cry and let your feelings out otherwise it may be difficult to concentrate on revising, so i suggest having someone to talk to...i know everyone says that but it really does help!!
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    (Original post by SoggyFroggy)
    i suggest having someone to talk to...i know everyone says that but it really does help!!
    Agree 110%!!
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    Hiya, I'm sorry to hear about your friend.
    A friend of mine died the day before my exams this year and certainly for me there was no way to postpone the grief or ignore it really. I mean everyones different and I have friends who wouldn't be affected much. But if you are affected, I dont think you should or even will be able to just ignore it. I think you have to give yourself time to think about the person and work your way through your emotions before you'll be able to concentrate.. certainly that was the case for me.

    Perhaps its different due to the circumstances of your friends death but my friends death really put exams into perspective (or threw them out of perspective perhaps) and I stopped caring about them much. When I sat them I was in a daze. A pretty upset/angry with the world daze and thats not really way to be.

    It took me a good 4 or 5 days of being really upset before I felt kinda normal again.. but no idea how it'll be for you.. and even now I can still get upset. If you're anything like me, you should probably just try to let it out now so you can work hard for the week or so before the exam and really focus in the exam. Otherwise you'll probably keep remembering in the library and just getting more upset that you can't even allow yourself time to really grieve.

    I don't know. No one can say how it'll be for you. I hope its not too bad though and best of luck in your exams xxx
 
 
 
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