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    OK so here it is...

    I met a girl about 5 months ago, went out a couple of times and ended up really falling for eachother.

    Initially we decided that it shouldn't be anything too serious (she was graduating and going travelling, I was recently out of something quite long-term) but that didn't really work and we started going out.

    Anyway, the first few times we "did stuff" I had...problems...(not the first time, previously entirely unrelated to attraction/sexual desire). I found myself from then on not particularly wanting to have sex with her, partly because I think I was worried about not performing.

    Since the first few times I've had no erectile problems when having sex but have found myself not really wanting it. It's become a sort of running joke between us but even when having sex I struggle to climax, having to do so from behind exclusively and often after some time (and imagination...).

    I've always "imagined" during sex, so that's no big change, but what is new is my seeming lack of sexual drive towards her. I find her really attractive, more so than any exes, and constantly want to kiss/cuddle her...just not have sex.

    I fear it may start to affect our relationship, she's aware of it when I'm not erect at times she expects me to be and has been with several people before never having experienced anything like it.

    Anyway, it's got to the point where we would only have sex 2-3 times a week and I would only really want it once...the rest is to "keep her happy".

    I'm fairly concerned...

    Guys: has this happened to anyone? High sex drive with long-term gfs in the past seemingly disappear? What would you do about it?

    Girls: how would you react if this was your bf? Should I seek help to try to understand it in case this really affects her?

    Any help would be great!
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    I would be worried about you sweeetie, like why aren't we having sex more often.

    I think I would want you to talk about it.

    I love it when I try to arouse my partner and he has a hard on its hot and lets me know Im doing the right thing...
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    Hm...I would probably begin to feel a bit secure and wonder why you aren't having those feelings towards me; I'd think I didn't look right or was doing something wrong. Also a mismatch in sex drives is always a difficult thing to negotiate in a relationship. Might it just be the case that your sex drive is pretty low and if you just had it once a week, you would 'perform' better that once? You shouldn't be having sex with her 'to keep her happy' anyway.

    How long have you been feeling like this? It may just be that you're not particularly horny at this time, and are more interested in kisses and cuddles etc.
    I think you need to explain to her how you feel but reassure her that she isn't doing anything wrong.
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    You sure you ain't gay?
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    Perhaps you are asexual. Have you had sexual desires with other people?

    There may also be a problem with your libido, which you can discuss with your doctor.
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    You are probably just like someone like me. Im in a relationship of near 18 months and Im totally in love with my gf and think she is the most beautiful girl Ive ever seen. However, that doesn't mean I want to have sex with her every five minutes. She has quite a high sex drive and mine much lower but it doesn't make you any less manly not to want to have sex with everything that moves.

    Just talk to her is my recommendation! Discuss it in an adult fashion and I'm sure you'll work something out !
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by missaphrodite)
    Hm...I would probably begin to feel a bit secure and wonder why you aren't having those feelings towards me; I'd think I didn't look right or was doing something wrong. Also a mismatch in sex drives is always a difficult thing to negotiate in a relationship. Might it just be the case that your sex drive is pretty low and if you just had it once a week, you would 'perform' better that once? You shouldn't be having sex with her 'to keep her happy' anyway.

    How long have you been feeling like this? It may just be that you're not particularly horny at this time, and are more interested in kisses and cuddles etc.
    I think you need to explain to her how you feel but reassure her that she isn't doing anything wrong.
    Yeah this is the thing...I've been in longer term relationships than this before and loved having sex. My last girlfriend I never found as attractive as my current yet I would want sex with her every day.

    In terms of performance I can nearly always come but it takes quite a lot of effort, even if I hadn't had sex for a long time.

    She's really into talking about sex, explaining what she likes and tried really hard to understand the problems I was having earlier with her by talking it over etc. It's not something I'm overly comfortable with or used to...wonder if this might be the cause?

    My main concern is that in the past she has said it makes her feel self-conscious and worry that I don't find her attractive - which definitely isn't the case! I'm scared of explaining it to her rather than just denying it, if she knew I really was having genuine difficulty she'd probably be horrified!
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    Stuff like this made can make you think you're gay...
    Don't know what the answer is though!
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    I have a similar problem. I've met girls who I've had no instant sexual interest in but I was definitely attracted to them. I would want to get to know them, speak to them and see if they were interested in my personality, not my looks.

    I can't say it's been an issue to me personally. I'm not the kind of guy who needs a girlfriend so I don't particularly...I don't know, try? It's hard to say at half one in the morning.
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    I dont think it is quite fair to be throwing round comments about you being gay, or asexual as its not like this is the final and deciding point of your life, sexuality moves and changes in points of your life. You find her attractive but your sexual feelings at the moment may be low, and your not feeling as secure with her as you would like to feel? See how things develop, they may get better as you feel closer to her and more open to things. We are not all void of feelings and emotions that we are able to not feel self concious and such at times, its perfectly human.
 
 
 
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