Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Ok so I'll give you the background info on my relationship; been together 4 years, lived together for one, very rarely argue but when we do it's bad.

    So, lately my boyfriend has been very stressed from work as it's their year end so they're doing loads more than normal. I'm used to him being busy at work but I've never seen him this stressed before and it's awful. I don't know if it is just the stress but he now turns away from me when he gets into bed and holes himself up on the computer playing games most nights.

    Anyway last night we had a HUGE row. He'd gone to the pub straight from work to play darts as he usually does on a Tuesday. I don't mind him going out, don't get me wrong but the text he sent to tell me he wasn't coming home first was cold and stand-offish.

    When he got home he came in and started hugging me (alls well I start to think) he tells me how stressed he is and I get a bit emotional and say I can tell but I wish he would share with me and talk to me more about things when he gets like this. He says I 'couldn't possibly understand' why he's so stressed, which winds me up as I don't see who he should be able to talk to more than me. He then goes off to make food in the kitchen, but comes back through saying he wants a holiday. I say yeah sure when I get a job we'll go away somewhere, and he keeps saying 'I want to go now' eventually saying 'Fine I'll go on my own!' and then he stomped out with a 'YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND'

    I go through 3-4 minutes later to find him lying on the sofa with a towel covering him 'asleep' (this is after he'd set the smoke alarm off) so I try and get him to wake up and say 'Come on, come to bed you can't sleep here'. He doesn't stir, so I get more anxious as he doesn't even look like he's breathing and I start to get upset again. At this point he laughs in my face?! and then pretends to be asleep again.

    Finally he got up and went into the bedroom (I was crying lots at this point through frustration) and again uttered 'You just have no idea, do you?'

    At this point I probably did something childish in that I just walked out the flat and drove round for a while to calm myself down.

    Now he won't speak with me and I'm unsure what I need to do next. I'm so confused and upset, very hurt that he won't share with me and angry too.

    P.S sorry for the long post!
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    Okay, you don't sound like you've done anything wrong :console: The thing on the sofa was pretty childish though.

    Firstly, people say 'you don't understand' all the time, maybe it's not because he thinks you don't, rather he just doesn't want to have to come home and regale you with stories from work and how bad his day was all night. Or if he doesn't get the reaction from you he wants, and you unconsciously make him feel like he's making a huge deal out of something that's not the bad in the scheme of things he's not going to want to talk to you. You've already said it's his most busy time at work, I think you should just accept that he's going to be a stropy bugger because of it for a while and give him a little breathing space. If you keep pushing it it's only going to drive you further apart.

    If he's that stressed and he suggested a holiday, I think you should go. Even if it's just for a few days in France, or somewhere in England. You could easily go very cheaply if you book flights and accommodation separately. Or just take a weekend out and go somewhere in the UK. It could be good for both of you. You can get away from all this stress and just be with each other

    What are you actually doing at the moment, finished college or uni or just not got a job?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    Okay, you don't sound like you've done anything wrong :console: The thing on the sofa was pretty childish though.

    Firstly, people say 'you don't understand' all the time, maybe it's not because he thinks you don't, rather he just doesn't want to have to come home and regale you with stories from work and how bad his day was all night. Or if he doesn't get the reaction from you he wants, and you unconsciously make him feel like he's making a huge deal out of something that's not the bad in the scheme of things he's not going to want to talk to you. You've already said it's his most busy time at work, I think you should just accept that he's going to be a stropy bugger because of it for a while and give him a little breathing space. If you keep pushing it it's only going to drive you further apart.

    If he's that stressed and he suggested a holiday, I think you should go. Even if it's just for a few days in France, or somewhere in England. You could easily go very cheaply if you book flights and accommodation separately. Or just take a weekend out and go somewhere in the UK. It could be good for both of you. You can get away from all this stress and just be with each other

    What are you actually doing at the moment, finished college or uni or just not got a job?

    I've just finished uni and finding it very hard to get a job so I feel pretty crap at the moment too.

    The thing is, usually when something is annoying him at work he will tell me, even if i don't understand it or whatever. He's always on at me when something is wrong to tell him about it but now he won't do the same back. Thing is, I haven't really asked this time because of the way he's been acting, and I'm not going to push it out of him. I do know though, from past arguments he will now ignore me for a few days and this was fine when we didn't live together but now it feels all awkward and horrible.

    I would suggest the holiday part except I think right now it will go down like a ton of bricks. My uni friends are either working or on holiday too which makes it worse I think as there's nowhere I can escape to.

    I'm going over to his mum's for lunch, not to badmouth him but because I need to speak to somebody about this in person and I'm pretty close with her. I realise I shouldn't have walked out but I was so frustrated and upset I just did it.

    I'm just so upset and he puts on this hard face like he doesn't care.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The thing is, usually when something is annoying him at work he will tell me, even if i don't understand it or whatever. He's always on at me when something is wrong to tell him about it but now he won't do the same back. Thing is, I haven't really asked this time because of the way he's been acting, and I'm not going to push it out of him. I do know though, from past arguments he will now ignore me for a few days and this was fine when we didn't live together but now it feels all awkward and horrible.
    Oh trust me, I know that feeling.

    Why would the holiday suggestion go down badly if it was him that suggested it in the first place and he was annoyed at you for shooting it down?

    Seeing your mum is a good idea

    I don't think storming out and going for a drive is as bad as you make it out to be. You got your time to cool down and it's better than staying in the house and saying something you'll regret.

    Maybe if you text him rather than talk to him you'd get more of a response? Or just not talk to him about work at all, ever, and wait for him to come to you.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ok so I'll give you the background info on my relationship; been together 4 years, lived together for one, very rarely argue but when we do it's bad.

    So, lately my boyfriend has been very stressed from work as it's their year end so they're doing loads more than normal. I'm used to him being busy at work but I've never seen him this stressed before and it's awful. I don't know if it is just the stress but he now turns away from me when he gets into bed and holes himself up on the computer playing games most nights.

    Anyway last night we had a HUGE row. He'd gone to the pub straight from work to play darts as he usually does on a Tuesday. I don't mind him going out, don't get me wrong but the text he sent to tell me he wasn't coming home first was cold and stand-offish.

    When he got home he came in and started hugging me (alls well I start to think) he tells me how stressed he is and I get a bit emotional and say I can tell but I wish he would share with me and talk to me more about things when he gets like this. He says I 'couldn't possibly understand' why he's so stressed, which winds me up as I don't see who he should be able to talk to more than me. He then goes off to make food in the kitchen, but comes back through saying he wants a holiday. I say yeah sure when I get a job we'll go away somewhere, and he keeps saying 'I want to go now' eventually saying 'Fine I'll go on my own!' and then he stomped out with a 'YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND'

    I go through 3-4 minutes later to find him lying on the sofa with a towel covering him 'asleep' (this is after he'd set the smoke alarm off) so I try and get him to wake up and say 'Come on, come to bed you can't sleep here'. He doesn't stir, so I get more anxious as he doesn't even look like he's breathing and I start to get upset again. At this point he laughs in my face?! and then pretends to be asleep again.

    Finally he got up and went into the bedroom (I was crying lots at this point through frustration) and again uttered 'You just have no idea, do you?'

    At this point I probably did something childish in that I just walked out the flat and drove round for a while to calm myself down.

    Now he won't speak with me and I'm unsure what I need to do next. I'm so confused and upset, very hurt that he won't share with me and angry too.

    P.S sorry for the long post!
    That could be you rproblem, maybe he'd just had a few too many at the pub that evening? Have you talked to him about what happened since?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    Oh trust me, I know that feeling.

    Why would the holiday suggestion go down badly if it was him that suggested it in the first place and he was annoyed at you for shooting it down?

    Seeing your mum is a good idea

    I don't think storming out and going for a drive is as bad as you make it out to be. You got your time to cool down and it's better than staying in the house and saying something you'll regret.

    Maybe if you text him rather than talk to him you'd get more of a response? Or just not talk to him about work at all, ever, and wait for him to come to you.
    Oh I'm seeing his mum, not my own. My mum is back in Newcastle and would worry herself stupid if I told her about this and it turns out to be fine.

    I think (as he's working from home and work being the problem) I'll try and speak to him after work and suggest the holiday, see how he reacts to that.

    I won't get a response from a text if he won't talk to me face to face, when we've rowed in the past he just doesn't reply or answer calls. obviously now we live together it's different.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Battenberg)
    That could be you rproblem, maybe he'd just had a few too many at the pub that evening? Have you talked to him about what happened since?

    I agree that it amplified what happened but I don't think it's the main cause. He's been acting weird for a week now and then all of that happened, I think it was a case of when not if. Haven't spoken to him as he's working from home and I don't really wish to make him angry while he's doing the thing that's stressing him out.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I agree that it amplified what happened but I don't think it's the main cause. He's been acting weird for a week now and then all of that happened, I think it was a case of when not if. Haven't spoken to him as he's working from home and I don't really wish to make him angry while he's doing the thing that's stressing him out.
    Make him a nice lunch or run him a bath to get him to de-stress a bit from doing work then try talking to him. He's the only one who's really going to be able to explain why he did/ said all that and he'll be the only one who knows you well enough to make you feel better. Try not to get yourself too stressed about this though, if both of you are feeling stressed, arguments will be even more likely.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: July 15, 2009
Poll
How are you feeling in the run-up to Results Day 2018?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.