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My ill friend is really starting to get me down Watch

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    Anonymous, because she has an account on here and would really take offense at me posting this =S

    Basically, I've been really close friends with this girl for about 5 years and throughout that time she's always been ill, from tonsilitis to cancer scares, and it's starting to wear me down.

    I'm her closest friend, so I'm always the one she comes to when she's upset and I always go to her when I need someone to talk to. I love her to bits really. But now she's been so upset for so long, because there's a high chance she has cancer in her kidney (She's currently being tested for it).

    I know this is a horrible thing for her to go through, but she is shutting herself off from all our other friends and when we're out with them she doesn't even try to involve herself. I feel I have the responsibility to stay with her and keep her happy, so I end up missing out. I'm starting to feel a bit like her carer.

    I keep getting really annoyed at her and we've been fighting so much more lately. I'm so scared for her, but I'm getting a bit fed up of her defeatist attitude.

    Am I really horrible for feeling this way? She is going through a lot... and how can I get her to realise this shouldn't stop her living her life, without it turning into an argument again?

    (Sorry for length)
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    Well, it's nice to know she has such a sympathetic friend :rolleyes:

    Can you really blame her for her 'defeatist attitude?' Do you have any idea what it's like to have a cancer scare? Jesus. There's nothing worse than some ****** telling you that you should be happier and nicer when all you want to do is be left alone to wallow in self pity for a while. She's going to be very scared, can you blame her for not being the life and soul of the party? I can't imagine how it'd feel to get over one illness and get hit with another one.

    All you can really do imo is try to get her to interact with her old friends, that way it takes some of the pressure off you to be there for her as much as you are, and maybe she'll be able to come out of her shell a bit more? Maybe go round together and see her when she's having a good day, but organise it first? That's all I can really think of.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anonymous, because she has an account on here and would really take offense at me posting this =S

    Basically, I've been really close friends with this girl for about 5 years and throughout that time she's always been ill, from tonsilitis to cancer scares, and it's starting to wear me down.

    I'm her closest friend, so I'm always the one she comes to when she's upset and I always go to her when I need someone to talk to. I love her to bits really. But now she's been so upset for so long, because there's a high chance she has cancer in her kidney (She's currently being tested for it).

    I know this is a horrible thing for her to go through, but she is shutting herself off from all our other friends and when we're out with them she doesn't even try to involve herself. I feel I have the responsibility to stay with her and keep her happy, so I end up missing out. I'm starting to feel a bit like her carer.

    I keep getting really annoyed at her and we've been fighting so much more lately. I'm so scared for her, but I'm getting a bit fed up of her defeatist attitude.

    Am I really horrible for feeling this way? She is going through a lot... and how can I get her to realise this shouldn't stop her living her life, without it turning into an argument again?

    (Sorry for length)
    I understand your in a tough position, you dont want to upset her at such a hard time.
    But at the sametime you need a life away from her to and thats understandable, so no your not horrible if you was so horrible you wouldnt be doing this thread.
    Perhaps just you and her could do something she enjoys sometime?
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    Do things that you need to do.

    Dont feel obliged, shes not her responsiblity
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    ******* hell... slight overreaction from some people.
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    Well, it's nice to know she has such a sympathetic friend :rolleyes:
    theres only so much people can put up with to be honest
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    not really ...how is someone else's cancer and tonsilitis scares wearing her (So called) friend else down? sorry am i missing something here, is she the one having the scares? no. what a loser
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    (Original post by tom//)
    theres only so much people can put up with to be honest
    Which is understandable, but shouting about 'omg I can't cope with her defeatist attitude' is a bit much don't you think? I'm sure if the OP was in her friend's situation she'd hardly be jumping for joy.
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    (Original post by FM08)
    not really ...how is someone else's cancer and tonsilitis scares wearing her (So called) friend else down? sorry am i missing something here, is she the one having the scares? no. what a loser
    Would you like to waste your teenage years looking after someone else, then? It's not possible without getting a bit impatient.
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    (Original post by AugustWestie)
    Would you like to waste your teenage years looking after someone else, then? It's not possible without getting a bit impatient.
    Wtf? This isn't her parents who live with her.

    This is a 'friend' of a girl whose confidence will have hit rock bottom most likely, and has a potentially life threatening illness and yet her friend deems it a problem enough to actually moan about her not coming out with their friends??!

    I find the thread title ironic and pathetic ' my ill friend is really starting to get me down ' ... maybe it's just me, I find it simply wrong, what this poster says.

    'I'm getting fedop of her defeatist attitude' ...... that is one vile thing to say in this situation.

    That ain't a friend in my book.
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    #1

    I do understand that she's at an extremely low point. I've been through it all with her and I know how much it's hurting her. There's no way I can relate to what she's going through. I just know that if she reached out a bit rather than shutting down, we'd all be able to help her get through it.
    Some of my OP was 'vile', and the only excuse I have for that was I'd just had another fight with her. I just want to help, and I'm scared that eventually she'll shut me off too.
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    She has the same likelihood of knowing this is you posting this thread than if you were to not be anon :rolleyes:

    BTW try to be more sympathetic dear, cancer is a big deal
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    I can see both perspectives tbh.
    I am ill a lot, and I absolutely hate it when people pester me to go out and be happy etc, you just don't want to hear it.
    I understand what you're saying OP, but until you've been through it I don't think you can really know how she's feeling.
    If I were you, instead of going on at her about being positive and whatever, I would just tell her that you're here if she ever needs it, you'll always be there for her and whatever, but you're going to let her do this on her own at the moment as it's clearly what she's wanting to do. That's all you can do really.
    The more you pester, the more she'll push you away.
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    I can releate to your friend in that since febuary I have been suffering with constant sore throats. I have been in hospital with it and the process is really slow. First they were telling me they want to remove my tonsils, next they say they want to do a few more blood tests and try steroids etc. I've had so much pumped into me it has now had a serious effect upon my liver. My family are always there for me but sometimes I feel I can't go to my friends as I'm scared they won't understand or they might get pissed off with me for always going on about it. I have to admit, I got butterflys in my tummy when I read the OP, I thought this was about me! But then I realised the differences lol. And I know my best mate understands.

    All I have to say is that your friend is in a much worse position to me and I rely on my family and best mate for support so I can only imagine just what shes looking for in a friend atm. Be there for her. Tonsilitis isn't much fun tbh and cancer... well thats just awful and I really feel for her

    Shes needs you. Put yourself in her position. You'll thank yourself one day.
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    (Original post by Sakura-Chan)
    Which is understandable, but shouting about 'omg I can't cope with her defeatist attitude' is a bit much don't you think? I'm sure if the OP was in her friend's situation she'd hardly be jumping for joy.

    Being someone's sole emotional support can be very difficult. There's being a supportive friend, and then there's being her counsellor.

    OP - she obviously needs emotional support, but it's more than you can give her. Is there anyone else she is close to she can talk to? What about an unemotionally involved person like a uni counsellor?
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    There's nothing vile about the OP. If the OP were really a ***** she'd have abandoned her by now. Instead she seems like she wants to stick by her and seems saddened by the fact that the relationship is deteriorating.

    Imagine if your best friend were ill. It might not make you love them any less but facing the fact that they might be about to change, or that you might have to change for them, is not easy. Everyone gets tired now and again and needs a bit of security and stability. The OP is being honest, and I admire that. She's clearly concerned both for her friend and by her own feelings.

    Not much you can do, OP, except just be there. She's probably terrified of being left alone. Just relax, encourage her to be normal but know when to leave her alone and don't let her get to you. You have other friends.

    Also, sorry if you're not a she
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    In all honesty Im pretty sure that she feels like shes letting you/her other friends down a bit. I know when I got ill (not cancer but still life threatening for about 2 months) I just felt like **** 'cause I was relying so much on my friends over and over and not giving anything back. I do think that some of the replies in here are a bit of an over-reaction, you have to have your life outside of this as well. You need time to relax and unwind a bit and caring for someone is pretty stressful.

    Your not a bad person for feeling this way, your just human like everyone else.
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    (Original post by Grotbag)
    Being someone's sole emotional support can be very difficult. There's being a supportive friend, and then there's being her counsellor.

    OP - she obviously needs emotional support, but it's more than you can give her. Is there anyone else she is close to she can talk to? What about an unemotionally involved person like a uni counsellor?
    Sole emotional support? She never said that at all. What about her family.
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    let her die
 
 
 
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