Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

The Time I Lost Control of My Bowels on the Water Slide Watch

    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    My last few months have been racked with guilt and shame over a horrible incident and the need to purge myself has become overwhelming. So I turn to you for a compassionate ear.

    Last summer, I took my girlfriend, I'll call her Beulah, and her son, I'll call him Eugene, to a water amusement park, attempting to nurture the bond that was forming between us. After a busy morning of paddleboats and bumper cars, we took a moment to refresh ourselves with a hardy lunch of chili dogs, cheese fries, and lemonade. Relaxing under shade trees, Eugene smiled a chili-smeared grin, as the sun cast its languid glow over the park. With the leisurely picnic ending, we hastily dispersed to the changing rooms, in anticipation of our next adventure—the giant water slide.

    During our first run, I noticed a gnawing, internal discomfort, although the first sure signs of brown-capping weren't apparent until Eugene and I climbed the half-mile of stairs to the summit, for our second run. Unfortunately, I had taken the opportunity, to wear a most-revealing, blue Speedo, in the hope of further enamoring myself to the beautiful Beulah. Lord knows, I have the body to accommodate such a blatant, public display of manhood.

    However, I soon began to regret my decision, for the sharp, cut of the elastic dug into my swelling, gaseous abdomen. My intestines were bubbling like a whirlpool. By the time we reached the loading platform at the summit, I was squirming in wretched misery. Considering my options, I surmised that taking the slide was far more promising than fighting my way back down the stairs, through the crowd. Thank God I was next in line. My trouble would soon be over. The only obstacle before me was an elderly German tourist, staring pensively at the wild rapids. With obvious reservation, he shuffled slowly toward the mouth of the blue tunnel. Beyond the point of pleasantries, I bellowed, "Come on, Pops! Shake a leg!"

    Turning toward the acne-pocked boy who was managing the ride that day, he made a feeble attempt in his native tongue to communicate his apprehension. I had no other choice! The brown star pulsated—nearing supernova. The manager boy recoiled in shock as I pushed the old man down the slide, headfirst. Cursing me with hostile foreign jibberish, he disappeared around the first turn. In an instant, I followed, hurling myself down the slick, plastic vortex.

    The fury of the slide was incredible. Rolling and spinning, I gathered speed quickly. The angle of the chute dipped to nearly seventy degrees, increasing my velocity as I careened from side to side, the water turning to white, angry foam. Ricocheting from a high, banking wall, the impact smashed me like some fecal-laden pinata. I lost control, discharging a foul, liquid trail.

    A child screamed somewhere behind me, as I slid toward certain humiliation below. Frantically, I grabbed at the back of my Speedo, in a desperate attempt to flush myself clean. To my dismay, a fetid school of dung-guppies spilled into the churning maelstrom.
    Nearing the final turn, the old man was standing upright in the tunnel in front of me, I'm sure, to exact some sort of revenge. His sinewy muscles were tensed, rage filled his dilated eyes. But with youth, and gravity, on my side, I swiftly took him out at the ankles. A palsied hand grabbed me as we tumbled out of the chute, and into the pool.

    Moments later, a wailing boy fell behind us, riding the crest of a polluted wave. Thinking fast, I collared the old man, and dragged him onto the concrete deck. A lifeguard confronted us as people ran screaming from the pool in pale-faced terror. I explained to the guard how the old man had soiled the waters, how obviously the speed and excitement had proven too much for a man of his age and condition.
    Unable to comprehend my story, or explain himself, the old man could only respond with a flurry of incomprehensible shrieks, vective, and obscene gestures. I suggested that he was hysterical from embarassment and that in the best interests of everyone that he be removed from the park—immediately.

    The guard eyed me with suspicion, but had no alternative but to believe my story. Fortunately, the force of the waters had washed me thoroughly of any incriminating evidence. I gathered Beulah and Eugene, and made a dash for the parking lot. I'm sure the truth eventually surfaced, but not until we were safely on the interstate, heading back home.
    Offline

    0
    What I find more disturbing is that your username is Gary Glitter :lolwut:
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    Cool Story Bro
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    That is an awesome story.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    Nice Copy and Paste :clap:
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FinalFlash)
    Cool Story Bro
    Profesh will hunt you down now D:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    tl;dr
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by teshla^^)
    Profesh will hunt you down now D:
    But i only wanted to have a go at saying that for the first time.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by anisha.doshi)
    What I find more disturbing is that your username is Gary Glitter :lolwut:
    . I did it as a tribute to Micahel Jackson

    (Original post by teshla^^)
    Profesh will hunt you down now D:
    That is an incredible picture in your sig.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Google gives at least 1,400 hits for this story.
    Offline

    0
    (Original post by FinalFlash)
    But i only wanted to have a go at saying that for the first time.
    Don't worry. I'm sure Profesh's life does not revolve around that phrase. If so, then I feel incredibly sorry for him.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by FinalFlash)
    Cool Story Bro
    loool, did you actually get warned for that? :ahee:
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Gary_Glitter)


    That is an incredible picture in your sig.
    Why thank you Garry...I didn't know such a thing would float your boat.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Mm-hm. :indiff:
    Offline

    0
    (Original post by teshla^^)
    Why thank you Garry...I didn't know such a thing would float your boat.
    :rofl:
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Stool cory, yo.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by common_person)
    loool, did you actually get warned for that? :ahee:
    Yeh....Yeh I did :sigh:
    Offline

    0
    (Original post by FinalFlash)
    Yeh....Yeh I did :sigh:
    lol what did they say?
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by anisha.doshi)
    :rofl: :console: There, there *pats shoulder*
    Thanks

    Ahhh damn now i gotta be carefull how i write the next 5-10 days. :ninja:
    Offline

    0
    (Original post by FinalFlash)
    Thanks

    Ahhh damn now i gotta be carefull how i write the next 5-10 days. :ninja:
    Don't be naughty. :naughty:

    And remember - don't spam. :rofl: Especially in chat.
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brussels sprouts
    Useful resources
    AtCTs

    Ask the Community Team

    Got a question about the site content or our moderation? Ask here.

    Welcome Lounge

    Welcome Lounge

    We're a friendly bunch. Post here if you're new to TSR.

    Groups associated with this forum:

    View associated groups
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.