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I prove muscles are better than skinny-fully loaded with stories watch

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    each post is a seperate story, not one big massive one, post 3 my personal favourite.

    I went to a BBQ....

    I was invited to a backyard shindig by one of my neighbors. He's not a lifter, and usually I only associate with lifters but I decided to make an exception. I called up Lex and Mongo and we headed to the cookout.

    A scrawny ectomorph who was built like Midweststunna was manning the grill, cooking up some greasy double cheeseburgers. I was having none of that. "End of the line, cupcake" I told him. I took the toothpick out of my mouth and threw it into his face, Razor Ramon style. "We own this grill now."

    I knocked the greasy burgers over and reached into the cooler Mongo had brought, pulling out three steaks, each bigger than most of the quads of the partygoers. "Hey Mr. O'Sullivan," I said to my neighbor, "Looks like we got the protein we need for meal #6 of today, but I'm gonna need some high GI carbs as well. Why don't you run in the house and get me some potatoes. I know you got 'em in there, you Irish f**k." He looked horrified and said nothing. I took off my aviators and looked him in the eye. "Now."

    After wolfing down the potatoes and steak, along with a Mega Shake, I surveyed the situation, and it looked pretty grim. Then I saw her. A tall sexy brunette playing volleyball. "See something you like, Doc?", Lex asked. "Yeah. Something real nice" I said, a cigar hanging out of my mouth.

    I headed over to said brunette, flared my lats and rolled up for the approach.

    Dr. Swole: Sup baby?
    Brunette: Hey there!
    Dr. Swole: Who are you here with?
    Brunette: This is my dad's house!
    Dr. Swole: You're Mr. O'Sullivan's daughter?
    Brunette: That's right.

    Mr. Sullivan came over at this point. "Please, Doctor Swole, leave my daughter alone, she's only 15 years old! Please!"

    I promised him, but about an hour his daughter approached again.

    Brunette: This party is f**n' lame! I wish there was some weed around here, or maybe some beers.
    Doctor Swole: Well, cupcake, I just happen to have a six pack right here. (I lifted up my shirt and showed her my abs. She melted and immediately went down on me. I banged her twice, and she bled like a paraplegic. "Like a Virgin" indeed.)

    Mr. O'Sullivan came out to yell at Mongo, Lex, and I as we left. "You prick! You promised!" I lowered my aviators and glared at him. "At least now you know to never again trust a bodybuilder."

    He began talking about pressing charges. Mongo went over and threw him into his front door. His daughter was begging me to take her to prom.

    I lit up a cigar and crawled into my beamer. "Let's get some rest boys," I told Mongo and Lex. "Tomorrow is Back Day."
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    Regular day at the Gym

    I recently joined a gym at a college nearby my house. I workout on my lunch
    break at my
    place of employment, but it’s cutting season and I’ll be doing cardio on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings. I could have
    ran at the track nearby my apartment,
    but I would be missing out on all the hot college CARDIO BUNNIES! I knew I
    would be able
    to score with em, but it didn’t even take me an hour!

    So I head into the gym, wearing a PUMA track suit. First I check out the
    weights section.
    Typical. Bunch of shaggy haired Ashley
    Kutcher look alikes doing some chest and bi’s, hoping to get that beach body
    for Cancun.
    Pathetic. One guy got a SPOT for benching 135x1
    . Amazing. I was going to head over and load up 315 and rep it for 12, but I
    had bigger
    fish to fry.

    On to the cardio area. There’s 16 treadmills. About 10 were occupied; 7 by
    HOT
    college girls, 2 by mediocre girls, and 1 fatty.
    Oh yeah, and like 3 fat guys. I do some stretching in front of the machines
    before removing my tearaway pants and jacket. Underneath
    is a pair of green shorts and a beater. I notice the ladies eyes shifting
    towards me as I pile on a treadmill. I put on my IPOD,
    but do not listen to music. (This is a trick of mine; whenever I work out I
    put my IPOD on because I don’t like to be bothered,
    but I never play music – I like to listen people compliment me when they
    don’t think I can hear them). “Look at the veins in his
    arms!” and “Check out those legs…damn!” were two of the better comments.
    I ran for 30 minutes and got off, walked to the front of
    the treadmills and did some stretching. Then I made my move. Lifting up
    my beater to wipe the sweat off my face, I gave the ladies
    a shot of the goods. I heard one girl even say “Vicki, Look! LOOK at that!”.

    Then I hear a loud BOOM. One girl had fallen OFF her
    treadmill (whether it was because of seeing my body or not I’m unsure, but
    I’m willing to bet that was the cause). She hit her face
    on the belt and had a bloody nose. I got the f**K out of there.

    I was heading back to my car, satisfied that I had planted the seed for
    future hookups when I hear some footsteps behind me.
    “Um…sir” I turn around and see a sexy 5’5” blonde with some nice ta-tas.

    Me: Yes?
    Hot girl: I saw your body in there, and umm… I was wondering if I could g
    et some advice? I’m headed to South Padre Island for
    Spring Break and I really want to look good
    Me: Step into my office baby, and we’ll see what we can do.

    <I unlock the doors to my BMW and she climbs in>

    Hot girl: Wow, this is a really nice car.
    Me: Yeah, its alright. I auctioned off my Porsche and gave the profit to
    the tsunami relief fund. I miss that car.
    HG: That is so sweet! Oh my god...Are you crying?
    Me: <trying to cry fake tears> Yeah well, its just so awful what
    happened to those people.

    <Note: I’ve never donated a PENNY to charity, nor have I owned a porsche>

    Me: But we were talking about you. Why don’t you take off that
    shirt so I can see what we’re working with.
    <I thought it would be difficult to talk her into this, but she
    never hesitated. I surveyed her body saying “mmm, hmmm” and “okay”>

    Me: You’re gonna have to take off those pants. I NEED to get a
    good overall look at you.
    HG: Is that really necessary?
    Me: Off with the pants, sweetie.

    <She takes off her pants, and I notice that “HOTTIE” is printed
    across the ass. At this point, I know I’m getting some. Girls
    that wear pants that say “HOTTIE” or “ANGEL” or “BABY” on the
    pants are HUGE whores.>

    Me: Well, I’ll tell ya what. I’ll give you my ab routine free of
    charge.
    HG: Really? You’d do that for me?
    Me: Yeah I’ll just email it to ya.
    HG: That’s so nice of you. How could I ever repay you?
    Me: <surveying her body> I can think of one way <I point to my ****
    and she goes down>


    This girl was a Hoover ****in’ vaccum. Obviously a sorority girl,
    she stops after 25 minutes and says “how long is this gonna
    take?” (I had slammed my girlfriend at about 4PM so I wasn’t blowing
    any time soon)

    Me: You want the ****in’ ab routine or not?

    <She goes back to doing her job, and about 45 minutes later she gets
    a serving of protein down her throat>

    Me: Alright. I’m out.

    <I throw her pants and shirt outside the car. She starts getting
    dressed.>

    HG: Email me that routine, K?
    Me: Sure.
    HG: When are we gonna hang out again?
    Me: Ummm…
    HG: Come on, give me your number.
    Me: <putting on my avitaor sunglasses> Look baby, you don’t wanna get messed
    up
    with me. I’m an outlaw. A rebel.
    HG: But, i dont even know your name and--

    With that, I peel out into the night. All in a day’s work. All in a day's
    work.
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    Had my 5 year school reunion thing

    When the invitation for my 5 year class reunion came in the mail, I almost
    had a nervous breakdown. You see, Doctor Swole was not
    always an alpha male pimp with 18 inch pythons. In fact, high school was
    hell for me, I graduated at 105 lbs and was constantly
    tortured by my classmates.

    After graduation, I spent three years in my basement with my cat, lifting
    weights and eating cans of tuna like they were junior mints.
    The only time I came out was to go to night classes at a local college.
    Since that time, I have built my body into a rock hard temple
    and am also a self-made millionaire. I couldn't wait to show all the
    f**kers from high school what I had become

    The invitation said "suit and tie", but if you know me, I'm just not a suit
    and tie kind of guy. I walked in dressed in my usual fur
    coat, aviators and beater, with a shovel. I also was carrying my homemade
    protein shake: 1 jar of Natty PB, 2 scoops of cottage cheese,
    one can of tuna, and a cup of oatmeal, all blended with skim milk. Delicious

    I walked in, lats flared and my adrenaline pumping. I was walking around
    like
    I owned the place. Two former classmates approached me.

    Classmate #1: Hey I remember you! Hey Sully, remember this kid?
    Classmate #2: Oh yeah, that's the one we used to strip naked, wrap him in
    ceran wrap and tie him to the flagpole. You got a lot bigger man.
    How ya been?

    I felt the rage burn up inside of me. I grabbed each of them by the throat
    and dragged them into a back room, where I beat both of them
    unconscious with my shovel. "How's it feel? I said hows it F**KIN' feel?!?!
    "
    I screamed at their motionless bodies.

    Next stop I headed to the bathroom, where I stripped down to my speedo and
    oiled up my body. "You've been waiting 5 years for
    this, Doc" I told myself, psyching myself up. I felt like Eminem before the
    rap battle in 8 mile.

    I headed to the stage, pointed to the DJ, indicating for him to start
    playing my
    song. "Welcome to the jungle" blared throughout
    the room, as I began my posedown. Side Chest, Back double, Most Muscular, I
    showed off every pose in the book. I watched the stunned
    reaction of male classmates, while women flocked with dollar bills. "Take it
    off, Doc!" When I hit the crowd with my signature lat
    flare, the screams were deafening. One girl even fainted.

    I put my fur coat back on and started to walk out. Someone grabbed me by the
    arm.
    Tiffany Brown. Nicknamed "Pass Around Brown" for

    her reputation of having the offensive line run a train on her under the
    bleachers.
    She still looked the same. Hot face, nice body,
    huge tits. "F**k do you want?" I screamed at her.

    Tiffany: Well, I thought that was really amazing. My husband's body is-
    well,
    not that great. I mean, he's rich and all, but its
    just so hard to find that total package of wealthy and jacked.
    Me: <waving my BMW key in her face> Yeah, I guess so.
    Tiffany: Oh god, a BMW. Will you take me for a ride?
    Me: <keeping it alpha> I want gas money and a blow job out of it.
    Tiffany: <handing me a $20> You drive a hard bargain, but I accept!

    I took her for a 2 minute ride into one of the busiest sections of
    Philadelphia
    and told her to slob my knob.

    Tiffany: Here? In the middle of the city? This is so dangerous!
    Me: Tinted windows, cupcake. Now suck.

    She knew what she was doing. An absolute Hoover Vacuum.

    Me: Hey Tiff, remember the time you asked me to the prom, but then when I
    showed up at your house you had the football team drive by
    and throw eggs at me, and then your real boyfriend took you to the prom?
    Tiffany: <mouthful of dong> Mmmm… Mmmm.
    Me: Well, I never got to tell you how I felt about that.

    I pulled my **** out of her mouth and jerked off in her eyes. Two shots of
    baby
    batter in each pupil.

    Tiffany: Oh god, what the f**k! I can't f**kin see!

    I opened her door and pushed her into the street, in only her underwear and
    shoes. Keep in mind this is one of the busiest intersections
    in Philadelphia.

    I pull my beamer about 50 feet from her, take her clothes and pour some
    gasoline
    on them, and light a match. Meanwhile, Tiff was stumbling
    around like Stevie Wonder on crack.

    Tiffany: <screaming> YOU F**KIN PRICK! GET BACK HERE!

    The glare of the pile of clothes on fire reflected in my aviators.

    Me: Revenge is a *****, Tiff, aint it? REVENGE IS A *****!

    I pulled into my beamer and sped away, laughing like a madman and beeping
    my horn. I looked in my rearview and saw Tiff standing there, clueless.

    A small smile crossed my face. "Revenge is a beautiful thing," I thought to
    myself, lighting up a cigar and speeding home.
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    I go for a steak

    After our grueling leg day (night), I headed down to the local
    Outback with my training partner, Lex. A few steaks, mounds of
    potatoes, cold beer, and laughs were on the agenda for the evening.
    Getting pussy was not, but when you are THE alpha male, it's
    always a possibility.

    So after the meal, and taking a huge dump in the men's room, we
    are paying the bill when Lex motions over to the bar. Couldn't
    believe what I saw. Four hotties laughing it up with a couple of
    college frat boys. I took off my aviators to get a better look
    at the guys.

    Me: <squinting> Yep, just as I suspected, looks to be 13, maybe
    14 inch biceps?
    Lex: You thinking what I'm thinking?
    Me: <grinning> Lets do it.

    Me and Lex do the lat flare walk over to the bar area, sleeves
    rolled up on our 18 and 17.5 inch pythons, taking a seat nearby the
    aforementioned crew. I took out of my pocket my "trick money";
    $100 dollar bills on each end, with about 25 singles in the middle.
    One of the girls saw this and flocked (If muscles are #1 on women's
    wish list, money is number 2 on their sleazy gold digging agenda).

    Girl1: Hey baby! You gonna buy me a drink?
    Me: <pulling down my aviators a bit> F**k would I do that? Do I look
    like your boyfriend or something?
    Girl1: What's your problem? Figured your cheap ass could spare a drink
    with all that cash you're carrying.
    Me: <condescendingly> Well apparently that's not the case, Shirley Temple.
    (She was wearing a Temple University sweatshirt) Run
    along to your skinny frat friends. You aint getting none of this (I flash
    the
    wad of cash) and you aint getting none of this
    (flashes 18 inch python)

    <She runs back to her friends. Lex knows what's going on and gives me a
    wink.
    Not two minutes later, the whole group returns.>

    Frat Boy: I'll be buying all you ladies a drink tonight, cuz I'm a nice guy.
    Me: <takes a shot of tequila> More like an AFC if you ask me, chump.
    Girls: What's an AFC?
    Me: You wanna know what an AFC is? Follow me girls. <Me and Lex walk out the
    door, not looking back but knowing they will follow>

    We take them across the street to an internet cafe. I try to log onto
    bodybuilding.com but its not working (apparently you have to
    PAY to use the internet at these cafes? I usually wouldnt be caught
    dead at one of those places. The depressed emo loser thing doesnt
    get you hot pussy)

    Me: Give me $5 so I can use this piece of s**t
    Girl3: You have $2500 in your pocket, why cant you pay for it?
    Me: I'm out of here. I cant deal with--
    <All of a sudden girl 4 takes a 5 dollar bill out and i put it in the
    computer. I log onto the Sauce Head sticky>

    Me: <grinning> Read up, ladies.

    The next few minutes, I hear the girls excitedly screaming "Oh my GOD,
    those frat guys WERE AFC's! And you guys are Alpha Male PUA's!". I
    grin at lex, knowing that we would be getting laid tonight. The girls
    read for about ten more minutes (even putting in 5 dollars to read
    more) before we all head back to the Outback.

    Frat Guy 2: So about that beer?
    <Sorority Girl 2 takes the beer he was drinking and pours it over his
    head.>

    SG2: Get lost, you f**king AFC's!
    FG2: What the f**K?
    SG3: <rubbing my chest> yeah, we found some alpha males. Go back to the
    frat house and jerk off!

    <With that, they leave, my grinning face the last thing they see. Me
    and lex piled the girls into my BMW and head over to their sorority
    house.>

    That night, I was pleasured for hours by two sorority girls: a cute lil
    asian and her blonde friend, while Lex had the other two.
    Lex wakes me up at 7AM, telling me I need to drop him off at home so he can
    to to work. I walk out the door, sunlight streaming in
    from the morning sky.

    "Wait!" one of the girls screams as I walk out. "are you ever coming back?"
    <I sling my jacket over my shoulders and strap my aviators on>
    "My mama said to never break promises I cant keep". Me and Lex lat flared
    back to my beamer and sped away from the house, never to return
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    Last night, my ex finally convinced me to meet her ex-boyfriend of 3 years.
    They have been friends since high school, dated through college,
    and broke up in November but are still good friends. So I agree, if I can
    wear a wifebeater, I tell her. She obliged.

    So we roll up to Richard’s house. Holy f**k this guy was loaded. No wonder
    she dated him. I mean, I have my own place and a BMW but this
    cat must be swimming in dough. I didn’t expect this but shook it off.
    Richard answers the door in a Donovan McNabb jersey, with what
    appeared to be 12” biceps peeking out. First he greeted Jen (my girl)
    and then he saw me. Though being a few inches taller than me, it
    was obvious from the first look that I intimidated the f**k out of Richard.
    “How ya doin, ****,” I said, shaking his hand and feeling
    his bones crunch beneath my grip. He cried out in pain and invited us in.

    Jen and Rich get to small talking. He’s showing her pictures of the tsunami
    (he’s with the red cross and helps with disaster relief…
    sleazy way to get pussy if you ask me), then they discuss the presidential
    debate and the Iraq elections. *Yawn* Finally while watching
    the super bowl, Rich mentions something about football players being huge,
    and how its “no surprise since they are all juiced up”
    Jen mouths “No” to me, but can already see I’m about to spout off.

    Me: So you think a little juice makes you huge?
    Rich: <nervous laugh> Well, it certainly helps out
    Me: Lemme tell you something, Rich. You think if you incorporated some
    D-Bol into your Elliptical Cardio and Nautilus Machine you
    would be Ronnie Coleman?
    Rich: What’s D-Bol? Who’s Ronnie--
    Jen: Guys, guys please

    From there, Rich decides to serve us “Dinner” or as I call it, CATABOLIC
    DELIGHT
    Are you kidding me? Some Middle Eastern Bread,
    smelly dip, and cous-cous?!?!?

    Me: <staring at the table> What the f**k is this?
    Rich: It’s pita bread, hummous, and---
    Me: No, I mean, WHAT THE F**K is this? <I’m fuming at this point>
    Jen: <nervously> I THINK what he needs is some protein. He’s big into
    bodybuilding
    and needs to get his protein intake in.
    Rich: <nervous> Just go in the kitchen man… take… take whatever you want.

    I rampage through Rich’s cabinets, settling on a gallon of milk, peanut
    butter,
    and oatmeal. Rich watches in horror as I sit transfixed
    on his couch, shoving food down my throat and slugging my milk gallon.

    after about 20 minutes... I break the silence..

    Me: “T.O. is a f**king warrior tonight, isn’t he Rich?”
    Rich: Yeah. Look, I wanted to apologize about the food. I had no idea and
    I’ll do anything to make it up to you.
    Me: <mouthful of food> Anything?
    Rich: Anything
    Me: I want to armwrestle.
    Rich: Armwrestle? <laughs> Come on, what are we, 10 years old?

    Rich could see that I meant business though, and he came over to the table
    and rolled up his sleeves. I fought not to laugh at his
    12 inch pipes. With my girlfriend screaming “Please don’t do this!”
    I slammed Rich’s arm into the table as he started screaming
    “OH GOD WHAT THE F**K DID YOU DO!?!?!”.

    “I’m done with this s**t,” I said, grabbed my coat and Jen and said we
    need to get out of here. “We can’t leave him like this!,”
    Jen cried. “SHUT THE F**K UP AND GET IN THE CAR” I snarled and pushed her
    out the door, slamming it behind me.

    I think it's safe to say Rich will be staying away from my girlfriend
    from now on.
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    Too long; didn't read. I assume copypasta though
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    They're all seperate stories, all god damn hilarious if you've ever been to the gym or seen big muscular blokes around town you should find them well funny.
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    wtf
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    Go to party at Uni

    I heard about a frat party from one of the cardio bunnies I slammed last
    week.
    Called me up and said I should make it if I get a chance. After another
    grueling workout, I decide to take Lex along with me.

    We walk into the frat house, and it’s exactly what I expected. 135 pounders
    in
    Abercrombie tshirts. Pathetic. I walk through the crowd in my aviators
    and beater, pushing guys at the party out of the way to establish Alpha
    dominance.
    We head into the kitchen, where one frat boy is making mixed drink
    for a few hotties. “Blender belongs to me now” I snarl at him, dump out the
    contents and begin to make my patented Mega Shake. Eight scoops of N-Large2,
    a jar of natty peanut butter, and 2 bananas all blended with lowfat milk.
    I blend up my mix, toast Lex in our bb.com shakers, and drink.

    Apparently not all party participants liked the fact that me and Lex had
    stolen the blender. One girl had brought the “bouncer” over.

    Bouncer: What’s going on over here?
    Lex: <taking off his aviators> We got a situation here boss, looks
    like 19 inch pythons on this guy.

    I take off my aviators to get a better look.

    Me: <giggling> Fatceps.

    I notice a tattoo on the bouncer’s arm, “Big Daddy” it says.

    Me: Big Daddy?
    Bouncer: <pissed off> Bigger than you.
    Me: Maybe so, chief. But I’m swoler.

    I reach into my bag and get out my body fat calipers.

    Bouncer: Man, get those things away from me!
    Me: <grinning> Aw, come on, lets see how much fat are on
    those fatceps of yours.
    Bouncer: <crying> F**k you man, leave me alone! <He runs
    out of the room while I explode into laughter>

    After about 20 more minutes of lat flaring around the
    party, I realize I have to take a huge ****. That Mega
    Shake wasn’t sitting too well. I head
    into the bathroom with the newspaper. (I knew it was
    gonna be a messy struggle). A few minutes later, some
    drunk girl comes into the bathroom.

    Drunk girl: Hi, ummm, I just wanted to say that you are
    really sexy and ummm…
    Me: Get the f**k out? I’m trying to **** in peace
    here
    Drunk girl: Well, ummm, could I give you a blumpkin?
    Me: F**k’s a blumpkin?
    Drunk girl: Well, its when you give someone head while
    they are taking a ****.

    <I look her up and down. Decent sized tits and a good face.>

    Me: Yeah why not. Just don’t use your f**king teeth.

    <I continue to read the paper while she blows me. She ended
    up swallowing every last drop.>

    Drunk girl: Was it good?
    Me: Not bad. I’d give it a C+


    <Drunk girl lays down and passes out. I realize there is
    no toilet paper. So I take drunk girl’s shirt and wipe my ass with it and
    walk out>

    Me: Nice knowin’ ya, sweetie.

    I decide to find Lex so we can go home. On the way I run into two frat boys.

    Frat boy 1: Excuse me? Do you think you could give us some
    weightlifting tips? I mean we don’t want to get huge or anything,
    just Brad Pitt
    in fight Club, you know? Any pointers?

    I felt the rage boiling up inside of me but kept my cool. I decided
    not to punch them out (no need to go back to prison). I bang on the door
    Lex is in.

    Me: Let’s f**King go, I’m tired and I want to go to sleep.
    Lex: I got this ***** licking my nuts right now!
    Me: Hurry up and nut in her face so we can go home. I’ll start the car.

    I walk outside to my beamer. I look at the car next to me, an
    d Bouncer
    is in it, crying. Not only that, but he was driving a Jetta. I’m sorry,
    but if you are a bodybuilder you cannot drive a Volkswagen.
    You could be Ronnie F**kin’ Coleman and you would get no respect from me if
    you
    are tooling around in a golf. The only time you could get head by
    driving a VW is from Gary down at the local Starbucks.

    I lit up a cigar and waited for Lex to emerge. “Blumpkin,” I
    thought to myself, smiling. “Hugh Jackman, sometimes you even impress
    yourself.”
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    Get to da CHOPPA
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    I read one. Propa lol m8
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    i will rep anyone that is going to really read all that
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    Your stories are rubbish. Too much muscle is gross. Accept it!
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    Wat.
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    :rofl:
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    (Original post by jay234)
    i will rep anyone that is going to really read all that
    It's like 4 to 5 short stories, got plenty more as well, well a few more.
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    PS Helper
    (Original post by jay234)
    i will rep anyone that is going to really read all that
    I just did. I'm ill. I had no choice.

    I feel even more ill now.
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    :wavey:
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    Come one dude are you trying tp do a Lord of The Rings on us, i doubt anyone would read all the stories you just posted.

    Edit: I stand corrected.
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    I can't tell if nobody gets that this is a piss take or they're all damn good at pretending in synchronisation.
 
 
 
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The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

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