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Advice from girls needed (about being mates with a loser) Watch

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    I'm not the OP but have similar problems, its all catch 22, I actually do get weird looks and comments and called fat(even when im thin) weirdo and have had random people walk past me and laugh and shout "virgin" or similar.

    I think its part due to the fact I have aspergers(recently told but not officially diagnosed) so cannot connect with people and I am essentially a mixmash between a kid and a adult as I find most adults immature and the idea of being a kid fun, so I often walk around without a care in the world smiling and maybe a bit slouched and with either messy hair or just brushed tidy hair so im not hip or trendy enough.

    So its not as simple as saying "change your looks, be more confident"
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    aw get a grip mate, stop feeling so sorry for yourself
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    (Original post by yermaw52)
    aw get a grip mate, stop feeling so sorry for yourself
    why bother saying that?!!

    OP, chin up, you seem lovely!
    perhaps shes worried you think she likes you as more than a friend because she talks to you? :erm: i know if that is the case there isnt really anything you can do, but try not to see it as a hugely negative thing that she wont speak to you - she might be trying not to hurt you!
    you should deffo try speaking to people in lectures and around uni, you never know they might be in exactly the same boat and you might end up having loads in common it gets easier the more often you try it!
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    I think it's probably more likely that she's avoiding you because you were trying too hard to be "friendly" and it came across as you fancying her, rather than her thinking you're a "loser"
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    (Original post by Jelephant)
    I think it's probably more likely that she's avoiding you because you were trying too hard to be "friendly" and it came across as you fancying her, rather than her thinking you're a "loser"
    On reflection today, I think you've summed it up in a nutshell.

    But how can I deal with this problem now? I feel confused. Surely if I continue to back off it shows that I acknowledge a problem, yet if there wasn't a problem there would be nothing to ackowledge therefore I would carry on as normal? I seem damned if a do and damned if I dont.
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    neck clicker
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anonymous plz, I dont want ppl to know my situation.

    I am a loser.

    I try to get on with life, but I cannot really hide the fact I am a loser. I have no friends, hardly anyone of note likes me. I do not like to lie or hype myself up, because I don't see the point. I just like to let people know who I am and how bad my life is.

    But even though I am a uni student, I find that at my dayjob it is the only place where I know people properly. I don't fit in at uni either (surprise) and just sit in lectures on my own until the day comes where I dont bother going to lectures again. So when I'm at work I can occasionally talk to people a little who actually give me a chance (usually managers or elder colleagues who dont judge people on 'loser' stuff).

    I work on this department at work with a girl, who I guess is very popular and very good-looking (not that I'm ever going to be interested in sex or relationships), and because I see her more than other colleagues, I always say the odd thing to her most, even if it's just a passing comment.

    Anyway I thought a while back that this girl was the closest thing to a friend that I had in my life, and I tried much harder with her to become friendlier and everything. I only wanted to be a workmate, someone to chat to at work. I was never creepy or anything like that, I always tried to say the right things, make conversation, be cool, show interest in her life etc (even if all that is hard for me as I don't have experience in talking like that). However, I have noticed that she now seems to be avoiding me for some reason, and it's hurting me a lot (partly because I get lonely with no-one else to talk to really).

    I want some advice from girls mainly, do you think it's probable that a girl like that is avoiding me because she doesn't want to be associated with a loser?

    What would your reaction be if a guy tried to be matey with you, yet you knew most other people at work absolutely disrespected him behind his back and was a figure of fun?

    In a way I know what your answers will be. I am becoming very low. Very low indeed.

    I think you need to chill out a bit matey!! I know someone who does similar things to what you seem to be doing and it isn't a case of not wanting to be associated with a loser more like being a bit creaped out if you are trying too hard to be someones friend! You just need to chill out a bit and think to yourself they would be lucky to have you as a friend rather than coming across so desperate to make friends!! You seem very unsure of yourself. Have you tried joining more clubs like the gym or something to get you out a bit more and to be around people so you don't feel so lonely!!
    Chill out and don't take things so seriously!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anonymous plz, I dont want ppl to know my situation.

    I am a loser.

    I try to get on with life, but I cannot really hide the fact I am a loser. I have no friends, hardly anyone of note likes me. I do not like to lie or hype myself up, because I don't see the point. I just like to let people know who I am and how bad my life is.

    there is your problem right there, if someone comes up to you and says "you all right" or "whats up" they tend to not want to hear about all your problems and how life is "bad".

    its called small talk, if someone asks "u alright" you should reply "yes, how are you", you'll probably find you will have alot more conversations that way
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    (Original post by kultist)
    My advice is a course of prozac alongside a course of cognitive behavioural therapy, you glum little thing you. Get treated for that depression you have before it spoils your life.
    Did you just prescribe someone with prozac over the internet?
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    Aw, OP don't be so hard on yourself. It's possible she is avoiding you but it's just as possible that you're being paranoid (as others have said) because you have some self esteem issues. Either way, you've done nothing wrong, so just carry on as you are (or just tone it down a bit if you've been a bit over the top friendly recently).
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My life is bad, it just is. I know people 5lag me off behind my back and this influences other people. I don't have the confidence to talk to confident people as they will just rip me to shreds. And obviously they won't talk to me either because they know I'm a loser. So I have to avoid eye contact with over 50% of my workplace for that reason alone.

    I would love to just approach people, lie, and tell them how great I am and all the great things I am doing this weekend, but you know, everybody KNOWS I am lying. I cannot get away with that kind of lie.

    In fact, if somebody knew/thought I had friends, my friends would automatically get picked on because they would be seen as an easy target (i.e. they must be as bad as me if they want to know me).

    My 'friend' on my department at work obviously realises that all her mates hate me, and as such she hates me too. She must realise that it will only do her image harm to be seen around with me, hence she avoids me.

    What else can I do though? I always try to make conversation, but unless I make that first move, she won't even say hello to me, let alone start a convo with me. So it's all a bit pointless.
    You sound like a nice guy
    You just have self-esteem issues, I don't know what to suggest because I really don't want to give the wrong advice =\ Perhaps see someone about it? You'll be able to get your feelings out and find out why things are the way they are, and then move on from that. There's no point being stuck in a rut - we only live once! Talk to someone professional/someone you trust, get proper, sound advice and begin to move forward with your life.

    Things will change, but you have to go at it with a positive attitude. Wish you all the best
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    (Original post by matt2k8)
    Did you just prescribe someone with prozac over the internet?
    I'm an amateur gynacologist, i'm allowed to make prescriptions from afar.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, lots of people advise me to do such a thing, but I don't know, if I suddenly came into work with a different hairstyle, people would wonder why I am doing it. In my experience, people only do stuff like that for attention - and I won't get an attention from anyone because I get avoided. So that would be an epic fail, and people would know it's an epic fail. I think in my case it is better not to try stuff like that.

    I would love a good body such as larger arms and a toned upper body, but I'm not confident enough to go to a gym. I cannot compete with other men, and my body is weak and fragile, it would simply take too long for me bulk up to the required standard, so that's not worth doing either.
    you sound like you have an inferiority complex.

    What are you good at?
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    she probably thinks you have started to fancy her from your friendly behavoir ...and she dosen't fancy you back so is trying to distance herself from you.

    that is what i think has happened here after reading your story.
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    Are you the same guy who made that other thread about being 'rejected' by a friend from work?

    Chances are that she's not even avoiding you. She might just not have much to say to you. Either ways she's not a friend, she's a co-worker, so stop giving her so much importance in your life. You seem to need to build up some confidence, which I know is easier said than done (I'm rubbish dealing with people). Just make small chat, ask them questions about their day, what their plans are, sound interested. It seems like there are some genuinly nice people at your work place. Don't rite them off cos they're older, make more of an effort talking to them. It will be good practise and you might make some friends.

    Look at the positives in your life YOU HAVE A JOB!!! So you can't be that much of a loser. I know so many people who are unemployed, been made redundant or doing something below thier skills. So you should be really proud of yourself and take comfort in the fact your CV looks really good.

    Is there anyone you can talk to about your feelings? Maybe your parents or a sibling. You don't necessarily about this girl, but that you find it hard to talk to people. Just opening up to someone could make you feel less lonely.

    And don;t worry about not having friends in Uni. Uni isn't always everything its built up to be. Just concentrate on your studies and passing your exams. If you do have some free time maybe you should get a new hobbie or do some volunteering. It'll give you the opportunity to mix with new people and force you out of your comfort zone. And you'll have something in common with other people.
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    She may think that you fancy her, some girls avoid boys who fancy them but they dont fancy back. Just make it clear that you want to be her friend
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    You say that you can't lie about having an interested life, cause everybody knows you haven't got one..
    Well, I think you should go create an interesting life then. You must have some interests, maybe join a sports club and in that way you can build up your body too? Join a club where nobody knows you, get a haircut some nice clothes and you can go there as any person you want to be cause nobody knows you from before..
    Sometimes when i'm feeling a bit stuck in a "role", i like to take up a new hobby or move to another place and then meet new people, so i can show them who i really am rather than who others "made" me to be!
    I know you have uni and a job, so moving probably wouldn't work for you, but i defenitely think you should consider joining a club or take up a new hobby, get some interest into your life you can then talk to others about
 
 
 
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