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    I'm 18, should be going to Uni in a couple of months and live with just my mum, and was wondering (almost a mini survey) whether any of you find the following normal at my age in terms of parent-"child" relationships.


    Every day after college I have to call my mum and tell her I'm coming back home. If I want to pop round to a friend's house or do something else, I have to ask for permission.

    I almost certainly get a bed-time. Round 11 pm on school nights and can go up to 2 am over the holidays.

    I HAVE to eat every time a meal has been cooked and cannot choose to skip meals if I am not hungry/ not feeling well.

    I can't lock my own door.

    My mum barges into my room whenever she likes, and cleans it up. All my other friends' rooms are absolute tips, they feel much more homely. I just feel as if I'm living in some hotel room.

    My mum knows where everything is in my room better than I do. She feels free to open my cupboards/drawers/everything as well as rearranging my room as often as possible.

    She insists my bed is made every single ******* day.

    She tries to peer over my shoulder to see what I'm doing on the internet, if I change the window because I'm typing something personal I always get accused.

    I have to ask permission to go to the corner shop.

    I have to ask permission to go out with friends and tell her who I am going with and where exactly.

    I always get comments like "dry your hair" "wash your hair" "wear a jumper" "don't drink too much water".

    No alcohol is kept in the house, because having the odd drink when I want it makes me an "alcoholic". Last time I managed to find it, I had a good few friends round and finished it off. I got some huge lecture about how much of a degenerate alcoholic I was and that people of my age go out and have one drink and "debate stuff" on their nights out.

    So far my holiday is going ****.


    Sigh.
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    Uni will be a nice break for you. I have a couple of friends with parents like that, so it's not so abnormal that it seldom exists, but I don't think that the majority of parents are that controlling (especially after you've turned 18).
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    Your mother sounds like a control freak.

    Have you tried talking to her? Explaining you're not a child anymore?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18, should be going to Uni in a couple of months and live with just my mum, and was wondering (almost a mini survey) whether any of you find the following normal at my age in terms of parent-"child" relationships.


    Every day after college I have to call my mum and tell her I'm coming back home. If I want to pop round to a friend's house or do something else, I have to ask for permission.

    I almost certainly get a bed-time. Round 11 pm on school nights and can go up to 2 am over the holidays.

    I HAVE to eat every time a meal has been cooked and cannot choose to skip meals if I am not hungry/ not feeling well.

    I can't lock my own door.

    My mum barges into my room whenever she likes, and cleans it up. All my other friends' rooms are absolute tips, they feel much more homely. I just feel as if I'm living in some hotel room.

    My mum knows where everything is in my room better than I do. She feels free to open my cupboards/drawers/everything as well as rearranging my room as often as possible.

    She insists my bed is made every single ******* day.

    She tries to peer over my shoulder to see what I'm doing on the internet, if I change the window because I'm typing something personal I always get accused.

    I have to ask permission to go to the corner shop.

    I have to ask permission to go out with friends and tell her who I am going with and where exactly.

    I always get comments like "dry your hair" "wash your hair" "wear a jumper" "don't drink too much water".

    No alcohol is kept in the house, because having the odd drink when I want it makes me an "alcoholic". Last time I managed to find it, I had a good few friends round and finished it off. I got some huge lecture about how much of a degenerate alcoholic I was and that people of my age go out and have one drink and "debate stuff" on their nights out.

    So far my holiday is going ****.


    Sigh.
    And have the ability to change ALL THAT, If you have an arguement with her bring it all up, get mad tell how you feel like you are being controlled, tell her that you can take care of yourself and how when you are going to uni this is not good preperation to ease you in.

    Question are you male of female?

    These strong actions and this arguement will be the only way to get through to her. (and the easiest)
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    I think you already know it's not normal, you just wanted to let it all out. Stick up for yourself. You're 18. An adult. Do something about it! Explain to her why the situation is ridiculous and if she refuses to see sense then either a) refuse to conform any longer or b) just stick it out until you get to uni when you can do whatever you please whenever. At least you won't have to put up with this **** for too much longer, which means you'll probably appreciate the freedoms of uni more than most!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18, should be going to Uni in a couple of months and live with just my mum, and was wondering (almost a mini survey) whether any of you find the following normal at my age in terms of parent-"child" relationships.


    Every day after college I have to call my mum and tell her I'm coming back home. If I want to pop round to a friend's house or do something else, I have to ask for permission. Yep, common curtesy, imo

    I almost certainly get a bed-time. Round 11 pm on school nights and can go up to 2 am over the holidays.When I'm working/studying, I have a bedtime

    I HAVE to eat every time a meal has been cooked and cannot choose to skip meals if I am not hungry/ not feeling well.A little over bearing, but I can see her point

    I can't lock my own door.Nope, me niether, never wanted to

    My mum barges into my room whenever she likes, and cleans it up. All my other friends' rooms are absolute tips, they feel much more homely. I just feel as if I'm living in some hotel room. Dear God, I'd cry with happiness if my mum did my room

    My mum knows where everything is in my room better than I do. She feels free to open my cupboards/drawers/everything as well as rearranging my room as often as possible. Got something to hide?

    She insists my bed is made every single ******* day.Just being tidy

    She tries to peer over my shoulder to see what I'm doing on the internet, if I change the window because I'm typing something personal I always get accused. I hate this, I'm with you on this one!

    I have to ask permission to go to the corner shop.As above

    I have to ask permission to go out with friends and tell her who I am going with and where exactly. As above

    I always get comments like "dry your hair" "wash your hair" "wear a jumper" "don't drink too much water".Yes, same, because my mum cares...

    No alcohol is kept in the house, because having the odd drink when I want it makes me an "alcoholic". Last time I managed to find it, I had a good few friends round and finished it off. I got some huge lecture about how much of a degenerate alcoholic I was and that people of my age go out and have one drink and "debate stuff" on their nights out. Well, no, it's not really normal to actively seek out alcohol and drink it with mates til it's all gone... I don't mind a little drink of an evening and I know where you're coming from but at the end of the day, if you can't exercise control (which TBH it sounds like you can't) then you're better off without it.

    So far my holiday is going ****.


    Sigh.
    At least you still have a mum, and a mum that cares about you enough to do these things.
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    i feel sorry for you. im 16 and i thought i had it bad haa
    tell your mum all that you've told TSR.
    i hope she gives in a bit.
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    No, that's not normal. You need to be assertive, let her know you're 18 and your own boss (to a certain extent). Parents are supposed to be whipped. I broke mine down psychologically over a period of years. Only, it sort've backfired because I ended up getting thrown out the house and had to live in my own flat for half of this year. I would just grin and bear it until you go to university! You should stuff lots of porn in your bedroom, full on traumatise her, then she may leave it.
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    I know this seems to be atypical of replies but I really don't see how that is all so awful. She's just a mum. If she's cooked you a meal and you don't eat it for example- a little ungrateful perhaps? Talk to her about some things but really I don't think you have amazing grounds for complaint- I have friends who aren't allowed a mobile/ ears pierced till their 18 amongst other things.
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    Yeah. Having a bedtime at 18 is a bit harsh, I can totally understand the need for it during School times thats just sensible. But it sounds like they don't really give you much room to grow and learn for yourself. Which is important.
    Just make sure you don't go too crazy with freedom when you hit uni! Have fun though!
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    Bide your time - uni beckons. Presumably you are going away to uni?
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    Go to Uni ASAP! :L
    Jeez... im only 16 and I've had more freedom then that since I was like 12...
    Talk to her.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    At least you still have a mum, and a mum that cares about you enough to do these things.

    there's a difference, between a mum who cares about you
    and one that basically controls you - bearing in mind she's an ADULT- 18.
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    I'd say everything on that list isn't normal - except maybe for locking your door.

    It looks like your Mum is being too over bearing and restricting your independance - have a chat about it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    I almost certainly get a bed-time. Round 11 pm on school nights and can go up to 2 am over the holidays.

    I HAVE to eat every time a meal has been cooked and cannot choose to skip meals if I am not hungry/ not feeling well.

    I can't lock my own door.

    My mum barges into my room whenever she likes, and cleans it up. All my other friends' rooms are absolute tips, they feel much more homely. I just feel as if I'm living in some hotel room.

    My mum knows where everything is in my room better than I do. She feels free to open my cupboards/drawers/everything as well as rearranging my room as often as possible.

    She insists my bed is made every single ******* day.

    She tries to peer over my shoulder to see what I'm doing on the internet, if I change the window because I'm typing something personal I always get accused.

    I have to ask permission to go to the corner shop.

    I have to ask permission to go out with friends and tell her who I am going with and where exactly.

    I always get comments like "dry your hair" "wash your hair" "wear a jumper" "don't drink too much water".

    No alcohol is kept in the house, because having the odd drink when I want it makes me an "alcoholic". Last time I managed to find it, I had a good few friends round and finished it off. I got some huge lecture about how much of a degenerate alcoholic I was and that people of my age go out and have one drink and "debate stuff" on their nights out.

    i go to bed at those times voluntarily, why stay up later?

    youd think it was worse if she didnt cook for you

    i cant lock my door either...so what?

    my room is an absolute ******* TIP and my mum never touches it. frankly, id be quite grateful if she did.

    the similarities end there, but to be honest, it will probably make uni even better for you that you will get so much more freedom than usual.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    At least you still have a mum, and a mum that cares about you enough to do these things.
    Precisely. To me, what you have described is veryy positive, and I am in a similar situation...
    Obviously, it sounds a little OTT, but it's a damn sight better than having a mother who is apathetic about your wellbeing, or as kiss_me_now pertinently suggested, none at all. You should be thankful that you have someone to help you, guide you through life and take an interest in you, more than anything - no matter what. There are a lot of people who have lost out on a decent life because they had little guidance from someone who really cared.
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    (Original post by s_h17)
    there's a difference, between a mum who cares about you
    and one that basically controls you - bearing in mind she's an ADULT- 18.
    There's also a large difference between, to put it crudely, having a mum to do these things for you and NOT having a mum at all.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    There's also a large difference between, to put it crudely, having a mum to do these things for you and NOT having a mum at all.

    point taken. but that's not what im saying. im looking at the facts in front of us- it is OTT what her mum is doing
    if that makes any sense lol
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    It's seems that you KNOW this isn't normal by listing these things in the first place, maybe you are trying to find someone with a similar situation? I know others, often single childs who's parents treat them that way... it seems suffocating.
    Tbh, I'm surprised you haven't cracked already! I have lived a life with a fair amount of freedom and I'm thankful for it, but this could also be because it's more difficult to be strict with a family of 6.
    Uni is going to be... interesting for you. Not meaning to sound patronising, but someone who has led such a closeted lifestyle until now could go down a number of extreme paths... You could go mental, after finally finding freedom but with no experience of boundaries you won't know limits and slide down a slippery slope;
    You could stay the same, calling your mum every night and let her order you about down the phone;
    You could be fine, (the preferred option obviously) try and find some "sensible friends" (ie. ones who won't attract you to do the rebelicious things that you could never do, and probably shouldn't, but now can) to teach you how to be freee and happy and hide from that over protective mummy of yourss!!
    GOOD LUCK
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    OP I feel really sorry for you. To get what I wanted when I got to 18, I had to stand up to my Mum who's a pretty strong character. She didn't like it but it worked. There was a bit of a change when I reached 18 simply because my Mum realised that I was technically an adult and she couldn't tell me what to do, but there was still an air of my house, my rules.

    Standing up to a parent is tough and a little scary, but it sounds like you need to.
 
 
 
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