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    (Original post by s_h17)
    yea i said i took your point. which i really do.
    but come on now seriously, we could say that about everything in the world.
    the fact is, her mum is pissing her off, she has a right to feel like that.
    im sure she loves her mum deep down, and she gets all that " gratefullness", ( / im pressuming here ) but her mum is being a bit OTT on some things, SURELY you have to admit that.
    serioulsy. 18.
    she's an adult.
    Thanks, that's exactly what I wanted to say. I am grateful, very grateful, but I'm just depressed over feeling like a caged animal and being told I feel worthless pretty much all of the time...


    I am intentionally not posting anon btw.
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    (Original post by learner_dancer)
    I agree that I DO sound like a spoilt brat, but I didn't want to elaborate too much in the OP. My father was basically a run-down alcoholic who beat her nearly every day. She thought that having a child would be her salvation, and has tried to mould me into the person she could have been if her life weren't as messed up. My A-levels were chosen for me, as were my GCSEs, a lot of the time my clothes are chosen for me. If I dare argue against it, it'll be constant insults and violence from my mum's side.
    Did you not stop for a second to think that your mum might have a reason for doing what she does?

    If your Dad was an alcholic, then I wouldn't expect there to be alcohol in the house, and I certainly wouldn't expect your mum to let you drink that much, she doesn't want you to be like him.

    Newsflash - Parents do that! My mum has been trying to push me into her career choice for the last three years, go visit the Med. forums, 80% of those posts start with 'both my parents are doctors...'

    Honestly, she just sounds like she's over protective, and she doesn't know where to stop. When you go to uni, try not to cut her out completly, it might be the space that she needs to realise that you're not 5 and you don't need complete molly coddling.
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    Apart from the alcohol and 'wear a jumper' etc thing, that all sounds very strange. I think you know it's not normal, so the question is, what can you do about it? Well, I don't think there actually is much you can do, except get a job for the summer. Once you go to Uni (please tell me you're leaving home for it!) things will get better. The freedom will feel great, but don't go crazy with it! :yy:
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    you know i wouldnt worry too much,
    cause im the youngest and both my sisters have moved out my mums really protective of me,
    shes not quite as strict as your mum but she isnt far off,
    and i do get really pee'd off with her sometimes as im sure you do,
    but at the end of the day its only because she cares about you,
    id bet any money that she calms it down when you go to uni because shes really going to have no choice,
    until then you just gota grin and bear it im afraid

    and hey youre lucky really!
    ive got a whole year before uni



    edit : yeah just read your latest post and on reflection my mum is nowhere near as bad
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Did you not stop for a second to think that your mum might have a reason for doing what she does?

    If your Dad was an alcholic, then I wouldn't expect there to be alcohol in the house, and I certainly wouldn't expect your mum to let you drink that much, she doesn't want you to be like him.

    Newsflash - Parents do that! My mum has been trying to push me into her career choice for the last three years, go visit the Med. forums, 80% of those posts start with 'both my parents are doctors...'

    Honestly, she just sounds like she's over protective, and she doesn't know where to stop. When you go to uni, try not to cut her out completly, it might be the space that she needs to realise that you're not 5 and you don't need complete molly coddling.
    I don't want to cut her out- I do love her for trying hard and putting in the effort. I can easily say that too much effort is ruining our relationship. But what I cannot withstand is the constant stream of hurtful abuse towards me, the random insults, as well the gratuitous violence.
    I've never ever turned up drunk home, and she has never ever seen me drunk once: she drinks, but she hides the alcohol from me. I've been to dinner at many of my friend's houses and their parents always offer a glass of wine to their kids. I just don't see why she has to hide it, and why there's a complete lack of trust when I've never ever done anything to break it!

    also- my mum didn't have a career, she's never worked. Ever. It's a slightly different situation...
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    Apart from the alcohol and 'wear a jumper' etc thing, that all sounds very strange. I think you know it's not normal, so the question is, what can you do about it? Well, I don't think there actually is much you can do, except get a job for the summer. Once you go to Uni (please tell me you're leaving home for it!) things will get better. The freedom will feel great, but don't go crazy with it! :yy:
    Rep for this tomorrow. Thanks- I won't go crazy with it!
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    (Original post by learner_dancer)
    I've tried everything! My teachers were well informed of the situation at school, and knew that she was like that and were in fact able to tell from Day 1. They had to write my reports differently after I came into school with a black eye.
    Thier is some out thier, Thier is childline even though I know your 18, I would honestly call social services you should not just put up with the abuse as the longer it continues the longer it will haunt you in your later life.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18, should be going to Uni in a couple of months and live with just my mum, and was wondering (almost a mini survey) whether any of you find the following normal at my age in terms of parent-"child" relationships.


    Every day after college I have to call my mum and tell her I'm coming back home. If I want to pop round to a friend's house or do something else, I have to ask for permission.

    I almost certainly get a bed-time. Round 11 pm on school nights and can go up to 2 am over the holidays.

    I HAVE to eat every time a meal has been cooked and cannot choose to skip meals if I am not hungry/ not feeling well.

    I can't lock my own door.

    My mum barges into my room whenever she likes, and cleans it up. All my other friends' rooms are absolute tips, they feel much more homely. I just feel as if I'm living in some hotel room.

    My mum knows where everything is in my room better than I do. She feels free to open my cupboards/drawers/everything as well as rearranging my room as often as possible.

    She insists my bed is made every single ******* day.

    She tries to peer over my shoulder to see what I'm doing on the internet, if I change the window because I'm typing something personal I always get accused.

    I have to ask permission to go to the corner shop.

    I have to ask permission to go out with friends and tell her who I am going with and where exactly.

    I always get comments like "dry your hair" "wash your hair" "wear a jumper" "don't drink too much water".

    No alcohol is kept in the house, because having the odd drink when I want it makes me an "alcoholic". Last time I managed to find it, I had a good few friends round and finished it off. I got some huge lecture about how much of a degenerate alcoholic I was and that people of my age go out and have one drink and "debate stuff" on their nights out.

    So far my holiday is going ****.


    Sigh.
    Excuse me, is this my sister? Or is my mum living a double life.


    The bit in bold and the alcohol thing is the worst. My mum bought me some cider, and when I drank it she said I was showing signs of being an alcoholic. When I denied it, apparently 'i didn't understand'.


    If I disagree with anything, I get a row and I'M WRONG! That's what infuriates me. There's nothing you can do about it, wait for university and move far far away. I am.

    /rant
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    (Original post by Gibb~)
    Thier is some out thier, Thier is childline even though I know your 18, I would honestly call social services you should not just put up with the abuse as the longer it continues the longer it will haunt you in your later life.
    I have plenty of things that will haunt me in later life... I just try and deal with them, and usually the best way is not to resort to silly things like self-harm, drinking, or drugs...

    And thanks for the advice. :o:
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    (Original post by learner_dancer)
    I have plenty of things that will haunt me in later life... I just try and deal with them, and usually the best way is not to resort to silly things like self-harm, drinking, or drugs...

    And thanks for the advice. :o:
    So you living away from home then when you go to uni? Things will change because of that and it can only be positive things.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    At least you still have a mum, and a mum that cares about you enough to do these things.
    so if ur mum isnt like this, she doesn't care about you enough?
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    (Original post by Gibb~)
    So you living away from home then when you go to uni? Things will change because of that and it can only be positive things.
    It took me a good while to persuade my mum to let me live in halls, despite the fact that my cousins who are the same age as me, as well as being Muslim, live in their own house in Central London. I look forward to it, but I'm scared I'll spiral out of control...
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    (Original post by learner_dancer)
    Rep for this tomorrow. Thanks- I won't go crazy with it!
    Aww, cheers!
    Any way for you to get a job? Are you struggling because of the recession or is that something your mum discourages or do you have one already?
    It'd be great to be able to say 'I'm going to work, bye!' or 'I already ate at work, sorry!' or just to start saving for your own place! Because after 3 years of Uni, I can already tell you it will be awful for you to have to go back to that!
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    That's the total opposite of my parents. For example; this weekend my parents just left and went on holiday -leaving me a note, £100 and a free house. Silly buggers

    They just sound very old-fashioned. Personally, I'd get very pissed off if my mom tried to go through my personal stuff and would never do that to my kids. I suppose shes just doing what her parents did to her.
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    (Original post by yermaw52)
    so if ur mum isnt like this, she doesn't care about you enough?
    No, she's saying see whatever good there is in the situation - a mum that didn't care wouldn't bother with all that (=/= a mum that doesn't bother with all that doesn't care). Understand?
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    Aww, cheers!
    Any way for you to get a job? Are you struggling because of the recession or is that something your mum discourages or do you have one already?
    It'd be great to be able to say 'I'm going to work, bye!' or 'I already ate at work, sorry!' or just to start saving for your own place! Because after 3 years of Uni, I can already tell you it will be awful for you to have to go back to that!
    I had a job actually, at the FCO! But I was forced to quit- because my mother 'doesn't like the government'.
    I can't even get a basic job, ie at a supermarket, because my mum said she would rather I'd be dead than stoop that low. I basically told her to **** off and stop being so elitist, and went on to rant on about how she expected students to pay their way through stuff.
    to put things into perspective she's never worked, ever, she just happens to have a very very large inheritance.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    At least you still have a mum, and a mum that cares about you enough to do these things.
    Don't be a ****. The OP wasn't objecting to the things she wanted them to do, they were objecting to being forced to do them. It's common courtesy in your opinion to be forced to inform someone that you're coming home at 3:30pm, as you have done practically every day for the last year or two? Being forced to eat when you're ill is "a little overbearing", but you can "see her point"? Adults tend not to want privacy in their lives unless they've "got something to hide"?

    My biggest complaint about what you said was the one about alcohol:
    Well, no, it's not really normal to actively seek out alcohol and drink it with mates til it's all gone... I don't mind a little drink of an evening and I know where you're coming from but at the end of the day, if you can't exercise control (which TBH it sounds like you can't) then you're better off without it.
    Let me address this in a list, because I'm too lazy for prose.

    1. Yes, it is normal. I do it, most of my friends do it, most of their friends do it. The vast majority of young people in this country do like a drink.
    2. How do you not "actively" seek alcohol? Just happen upon it?
    3. Don't say "drinking until it's all gone" as if they've just gone out and bought seven bottles of vodka and finished it because it was there; they might have simply bought no more than they needed. Good money management if you ask me.
    4. The OP can't exercise control? If they can't, it's because they've been held back from drinking alcohol all their lives and are now only just managing to start with a pathetically low tolerance and no knowledge of their own limits; but frankly I see nowhere in their post that you've deduced they can't exercise control from. Sounds to me like they just had a few drinks with their friends. No mention of destruction of the house, of vomiting anywhere, of going out and vandalising cars. Sounds pretty controlled to me.
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    Altough she probably thinks shes helping she really isn't as you need to become more independant especcialy at the age of 18.
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    No, she's saying see whatever good there is in the situation - a mum that didn't care wouldn't bother with all that (=/= a mum that doesn't bother with all that doesn't care). Understand?
    i can tell you my mum cares a lot about me.
    but she doesn't go to the extremes of that okay and im younger than 18.
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    (Original post by learner_dancer)
    I had a job actually, at the FCO! But I was forced to quit- because my mother 'doesn't like the government'.
    I can't even get a basic job, ie at a supermarket, because my mum said she would rather I'd be dead than stoop that low. I basically told her to **** off and stop being so elitist, and went on to rant on about how she expected students to pay their way through stuff.
    to put things into perspective she's never worked, ever, she just happens to have a very very large inheritance.
    you know what, please ignore the others about telling you to appreciate it blah blah. we know deep down you are grateful but
    your the one living with her, if you don't like it, please do tell her.
 
 
 
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