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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    No, she's saying see whatever good there is in the situation - a mum that didn't care wouldn't bother with all that (=/= a mum that doesn't bother with all that doesn't care). Understand?
    Not at all, just because ur mum isnt controlling and on ur case all the time doesnt mean she doesnt care enough about you, understand?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18, should be going to Uni in a couple of months and live with just my mum, and was wondering (almost a mini survey) whether any of you find the following normal at my age in terms of parent-"child" relationships.


    Every day after college I have to call my mum and tell her I'm coming back home. If I want to pop round to a friend's house or do something else, I have to ask for permission.

    I almost certainly get a bed-time. Round 11 pm on school nights and can go up to 2 am over the holidays.

    I HAVE to eat every time a meal has been cooked and cannot choose to skip meals if I am not hungry/ not feeling well.

    I can't lock my own door.

    My mum barges into my room whenever she likes, and cleans it up. All my other friends' rooms are absolute tips, they feel much more homely. I just feel as if I'm living in some hotel room.

    My mum knows where everything is in my room better than I do. She feels free to open my cupboards/drawers/everything as well as rearranging my room as often as possible.

    She insists my bed is made every single ******* day.

    She tries to peer over my shoulder to see what I'm doing on the internet, if I change the window because I'm typing something personal I always get accused.

    I have to ask permission to go to the corner shop.

    I have to ask permission to go out with friends and tell her who I am going with and where exactly.

    I always get comments like "dry your hair" "wash your hair" "wear a jumper" "don't drink too much water".

    No alcohol is kept in the house, because having the odd drink when I want it makes me an "alcoholic". Last time I managed to find it, I had a good few friends round and finished it off. I got some huge lecture about how much of a degenerate alcoholic I was and that people of my age go out and have one drink and "debate stuff" on their nights out.

    So far my holiday is going ****.


    Sigh.
    No, I don't think that's quite normal; I think your mother is being suffocating, but on the other hand, you WILL be at uni soon and have a chance to have more freedom.
    It does sound like she doesn't realise your age or respect your privacy enough. I think there's a way for parents to strike a good balance between being liberal and being protective; e.g. my mum wants to know what time I'll be home if I'm going out late, but won't ask my where I'm going in the middle of the day. Frankly, asking permission to pop to the shops seems a little bizarre, OP. Would it be possible to calmly discuss this with your mum some time and ask her to give you more independence? Or is she generally resistant to this? Again, perhaps on the other hand you could bear in mind that you will be living away from home now so it might not be worth the row.
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    (Original post by s_h17)
    i can tell you my mum cares a lot about me.
    but she doesn't go to the extremes of that okay and im younger than 18.
    Did you even read what I wrote?
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    (Original post by learner_dancer)
    It took me a good while to persuade my mum to let me live in halls, despite the fact that my cousins who are the same age as me, as well as being Muslim, live in their own house in Central London. I look forward to it, but I'm scared I'll spiral out of control...
    You won't spiral out of control, you will be living with your new made friends and for once everything will be fine in your new found home.
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    (Original post by Gibb~)
    You won't spiral out of control, you will be living with your new made friends and for once everything will be fine in your new found home.
    Thanks...
    Remind me to rep you for this!
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    (Original post by yermaw52)
    Not at all, just because ur mum isnt controlling and on ur case all the time doesnt mean she doesnt care enough about you, understand?
    And another one! The person was saying a mum that does these things cares (to some degree) about the child, not that a mum that cares must do these things!

    If you wanted to be controlling and your child didn't have a job, you would let them become an alcoholic.

    And my mum's dead thanks, but for a period, she was very controlling, then she calmed down. In both sitautions, I know she cared for me. Ok?
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    Did you even read what I wrote?
    sorry, that's totally my fault, i quoted the wrongg person !
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    (Original post by learner_dancer)
    I just don't see why she has to hide it, and why there's a complete lack of trust when I've never ever done anything to break it!
    also- my mum didn't have a career, she's never worked. Ever. It's a slightly different situation...
    I think you should tell your mother this. Not in an argument... but it might help her understand your POV.
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    (Original post by Brouhaha)
    I think you should tell your mother this. Not in an argument... but it might help her understand your POV.
    I have. I can't reason with her....

    sigh...
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    And another one! The person was saying a mum that does these things cares (to some degree) about the child, not that a mum that cares must do these things!

    If you wanted to be controlling and your child didn't have a job, you would let them become an alcoholic.

    And my mum's dead thanks, but for a period, she was very controlling, then she calmed down. In both sitautions, I know she cared for me. Ok?
    I never even said anything about ur mum.....
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    (Original post by yermaw52)
    I never even said anything about ur mum.....
    Well, you said 'your mum', I guess you meant 'one's mum'?
    It doesn't matter anyway, that wasn't the important part of the post. If you've actually understood what I meant now I'd like you to say.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Every day after college I have to call my mum and tell her I'm coming back home. If I want to pop round to a friend's house or do something else, I have to ask for permission.
    That is kinda weird. I usually ask my mum (out of politeness) if i can go out incase anything is happening, but she never does say no, and can easily be convinced.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I almost certainly get a bed-time. Round 11 pm on school nights and can go up to 2 am over the holidays.
    My mum always says be in bed by this that etc etc... I don't meet it, no-one cares long after breakfast the next day.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I HAVE to eat every time a meal has been cooked and cannot choose to skip meals if I am not hungry/ not feeling well.
    My food is usually cooked for me, I eat with my family in the living room but at seperate times. My family would usually love not to have cook all my meals
    your case does kind of seem a bit of a nuisance and annoying though
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I can't lock my own door.
    I don't feel the need to use my own room much, and
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum barges into my room whenever she likes, and cleans it up. All my other friends' rooms are absolute tips, they feel much more homely. I just feel as if I'm living in some hotel room.
    Its wrong to just barge in, all my family knocks and respect my privacy. Although you should count yourself lucky that your not just told to clean it up yourself.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My mum knows where everything is in my room better than I do. She feels free to open my cupboards/drawers/everything as well as rearranging my room as often as possible.
    My Nan knows where all my clothes are simply because she is the one who washes it then puts it in random places throughout the house. My mum rearranges the whole house to "clean it", big deal.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She insists my bed is made every single ******* day.
    I make my own bed and hers, so yeal... no big deal.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    She tries to peer over my shoulder to see what I'm doing on the internet, if I change the window because I'm typing something personal I always get accused.
    My mum does that occasionaley when shes on the desktop behidn me, although jokingly, she respects my privacy.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have to ask permission to go to the corner shop.
    I tell them if I'm going out, rather than just randomly leaving. If your mum ever says no for no reason, then that is a problem.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have to ask permission to go out with friends and tell her who I am going with and where exactly.
    Tell her where your going, my family want to know where I am, aslong as she knows where I'm goign and who with I can stay out as long as I want. It just about safety (probally), little more.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I always get comments like "dry your hair" "wash your hair" "wear a jumper" "don't drink too much water".
    And my family never lets me use incorrect grammar and bad table manners, what's your point. It's called family life, get over it.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    No alcohol is kept in the house, because having the odd drink when I want it makes me an "alcoholic". Last time I managed to find it, I had a good few friends round and finished it off. I got some huge lecture about how much of a degenerate alcoholic I was and that people of my age go out and have one drink and "debate stuff" on their nights out.
    My family drinks more than I do, so they really couldn't care less, they think drinking is all part life and teenage years especially =D
    PS. Party tip from my Nan: Always make the first drink the strongest!

    So yeah, most of the stuff you talk about is just life. Some just is annoying and intrusive I agree, but its part of family life. All families are strong, and all have downsides. Just remember that they're yours and that whatever is wrong, one day you will miss them.
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    dont worry dude, wen u go uni it'll alll change...don't explode at her whatever u do... at the end of the day it is controlling but she has your best interests at heart. xx
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    (Original post by learner_dancer)
    I had a job actually, at the FCO! But I was forced to quit- because my mother 'doesn't like the government'.
    I can't even get a basic job, ie at a supermarket, because my mum said she would rather I'd be dead than stoop that low. I basically told her to **** off and stop being so elitist, and went on to rant on about how she expected students to pay their way through stuff.
    to put things into perspective she's never worked, ever, she just happens to have a very very large inheritance.
    This sounds horrible to ask, but is she so, erm, strange that she'd actually do something if you got such a job?
    Did you manage to save much from the job? Any chance of you getting your hands on some of that inheritance and moving out soon?
    Also, is the behaviour new-ish? Any chance it's the menopause?

    Anyway, goodnight and good luck! :yy:
    And if it was you that repped me, thankies!
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    I understand if your mum wants to know where you are/when you'll be in, just because you live with her and she'll know not to panic if you're not in the house all of a sudden. And her tidying your room isn't the worst thing in the world! :P

    The rest of it sounds a little controlling though, just bide your time until you go to Uni. My parents were a little controlling before I went, and since I've completed a year they've been a lot more relaxed about things.
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    My Mum is like that to a certain extent, and it's ****, so it must be ******* unbearable for you.
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    This sounds horrible to ask, but is she so, erm, strange that she'd actually do something if you got such a job?
    Did you manage to save much from the job? Any chance of you getting your hands on some of that inheritance and moving out soon?
    Also, is the behaviour new-ish? Any chance it's the menopause?

    Anyway, goodnight and good luck! :yy:
    And if it was you that repped me, thankies!
    Nah, it's been like this for years and years...
    Can only get my hands on it when she dies, which sounds really harsh...

    I'm moving out in Sept once I get to uni, when I meet my offer... or if I meet my offer...


    Thanks and
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    Think Psychiatric help is needed
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    Your mother sounds kind of crazy, to be honest. Mine refuses to knock on my bedroom door, and often moves things about in my room, which I hate because I really like to have privacy and my own space that I can manage as I want and be alone in should I wish - the familiarity of it helps me to avoid stress, things not being where I left them in my own room is awful.

    I can live with that, since I'm not paying for board or anything (until I can find a job), but if she insisted on choosing my GCSEs or A-Levels or clothes it'd be a real problem. Stifling someone's individuality like that is very unhealthy. Making you quit what sounds like a perfectly good job or telling you not to work somewhere totally innocuous like a supermarket is just bizarre and hardly has your best interests in mind.

    I guess your mother needs therapy, especially if she hasn't received any before, but she doesn't sound like the type to be open to the idea of it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 18, should be going to Uni in a couple of months and live with just my mum, and was wondering (almost a mini survey) whether any of you find the following normal at my age in terms of parent-"child" relationships.


    Every day after college I have to call my mum and tell her I'm coming back home. If I want to pop round to a friend's house or do something else, I have to ask for permission.

    I almost certainly get a bed-time. Round 11 pm on school nights and can go up to 2 am over the holidays.

    I HAVE to eat every time a meal has been cooked and cannot choose to skip meals if I am not hungry/ not feeling well.

    I can't lock my own door.

    My mum barges into my room whenever she likes, and cleans it up. All my other friends' rooms are absolute tips, they feel much more homely. I just feel as if I'm living in some hotel room.

    My mum knows where everything is in my room better than I do. She feels free to open my cupboards/drawers/everything as well as rearranging my room as often as possible.

    She insists my bed is made every single ******* day.

    She tries to peer over my shoulder to see what I'm doing on the internet, if I change the window because I'm typing something personal I always get accused.

    I have to ask permission to go to the corner shop.

    I have to ask permission to go out with friends and tell her who I am going with and where exactly.

    I always get comments like "dry your hair" "wash your hair" "wear a jumper" "don't drink too much water".

    No alcohol is kept in the house, because having the odd drink when I want it makes me an "alcoholic". Last time I managed to find it, I had a good few friends round and finished it off. I got some huge lecture about how much of a degenerate alcoholic I was and that people of my age go out and have one drink and "debate stuff" on their nights out.

    So far my holiday is going ****.


    Sigh.
    Awwww I feel for you!

    I live alone with my mum and I thought it was bad enough, but your mum seems very controlling. Are you an only child? If so, that's probs why she's very overprotective, but it's still annoying though, I know

    Uni should be great for you to cut the apron strings and finally do your own thing without having her checking up on you. I think the best you can do is just try and get through the rest of the summer, try to be as independant as possible, and count down the days till uni Not long now...
 
 
 
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