Yes, thats right... ANOTHER thread moaning about an ex
So, here it is.. all in easy to read points!
1.Got together with my ex in Dec 06
2.We fell stupidly head over heels for eachother, we were that annoying soppy couple everyone hates!.. And for about a year the longest we went without seeing eachother was about 4 hours
3.Was a pretty much perfect relationship, rarely fell out... he was my best friend
4.We met at uni, but we're from the same town, so he finished in May 08 and moved back home
5.Relationship was still the same from May 08 onwards, only thing that changed was that we were eachother about 4/5 days a week instead of 7. We still confided in eachother about stuff, had a good sex life and got on really well still
6.August 08 he meets up with me... and then randomly breaks up with me in the middle of the street.
7.He refused to speak to me in private, so we ended up sitting on a park... random families & kids + me crying my eyes out = extremely awkward
8.Completely cut me off after this, said there was nothing else to be said and I couldnt change his mind.
9.Two weeks later I see him on a night out and he blanks me completely. Which made me feel even worse.. cos I mean Id know the guy for nearly 2 years, Id not said/done anything nasty towards him to deserve being blanked
10.His reasons for breaking up were he apparantly 'just wanted to be single'
11.6 weeks after the break up he gets a new girlfriend
12.3 weeks after that they break up
13.Another 2 months down the line, taking us to about dec/jan time we start chatting again. He then goes on to say he still has feeling for me... which lead to him giving a massive speech about how much he'd missed me,, how much of an idiot he'd been, and loads of promises about how he'd never treat me like that again
14.After ALOT of talking, we get back together
15.After about a month, he starts slacking off... we agreed to go halfs on the train fare every week, and it got to a point where I was having to nag him for it because he'd never offer the money
16.Another month after that, things had got alot better... until one night we were chatting on the phone, he was talking about how he was going out saturday night- which I had no issue with, why would I ever have an issue with that?... Then he asks if Im coming home that weekend, I say yea.. and he starts saying he cant afford to go halfs on the train ticket. Which was 7.50.
17.I understandably was like 'err you can afford £50 for a night out but not 7.50 to see me?'.. to which he got really defensive, and said he didnt want to be in the relationship anymore
18.Even worse, this time he refused to speak to me face to face.. once again saying there was nothing to be said, and he wasnt going to change his mind
19.reasons this time were that we were apparantly arguing too much, and he wanted to be single. Cant say anything about the latter... but the former was not true, we hadnt argued for weeks until that night.
20.I was completely gutted, and felt really stupid because everyone had warned me not to get back with him in the first place
21.So, as if being dumped again wasnt bad enough... he starts ****ging me off to people, calling me pretty much every name under the sun. I know theres always two sides to every story, but I really had done NOTHING to provoke him into saying nasty things about me
22.Around a month after the break up, I hear that he's seeing some girl he works with
And after allllll of that, this leads me up to 3 months on from this.
Im starting to think Ive got serious issues. Im not over him in the slightest. Him and this girl officially started going out a couple of weeks ago, and I cant stop myself from looking at her facebook profile.. which is filled with statuses about how she's excited that he's home (he's just come off holiday), and crap about how things are going really well & whatnot. Whats worse is that it actually makes me want to cry when I see that stuff. Makes me wonder whats so special about her?
Its ridiculous, he's treated me like absolute crap... but Ive got some sort of mental block where all I keep picturing is the 1 year & 8 months where he was such a nice guy, and my best friend.
Has anyone got any advice? Or any numbers for a half-decent mental asylum?
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- Thread Starter
- 17-07-2009 00:24
- 17-07-2009 17:15
Judging by the last paragraph: He obviously didn't treat you very well and you should realise that you can't hang around besotted over someone who didn't treat you well. I know this is the worst advice really but you're just going to have to move on. Meet some new people, and smile though your heart is breaking
- 17-07-2009 17:20
Don't get back with him, obviously you will still have feelings for him but that's natural. They will fade in time and you will be able to move on.
- 17-07-2009 17:22
Wow, he sounds like an arse. Move on, he's not worth your time and tears. Find a real man ;D
- 17-07-2009 17:24
He sounds like an idiot, just try and forget about him.
- 17-07-2009 17:28
So. You fell off the gullible tree, sorry.
He ****** you once and you forgave him. Ok - some people would.
He ****** you again and you let it go.
He ****** you again and you're still not over him?
You deserve better. Good for you in being able to have the motivation and belief in a relationship to keep it going.
He does not deserve you. He'll **** the new broad over too. People don't change
- 17-07-2009 17:30
Points are only easier to read than paragraphs if there aren't that many of them.
The rule: If it can be written in a short list, then do it. If not, just stick to paragraphs and don't be verbose!
- 17-07-2009 17:33
Try not to get yourself upset about it. There's nothing wrong with you, why would he have spent so long with you if there was? The problem is him. He will probably do the same thing to this girl if she doesn't see through him first.
What you need to make sure is that you keep your guard up. You can guarantee he will be back after this relationship fails, you've already been through him randomly breaking up with you, don't allow yourself to go through it again - you're better than that.
I say this with every ounce of sincerity, you just don't want to go through that again. I spent almost 18 months in a relationship with a girl that kept dumping me at the drop of a hat and it has a lasting effect.
As hard as it is you have to move on and forget him, he's not the guy you fell in love with. Stop checking this girls facebook too, if she's aware you're checking it (or on her friends list) she may just be putting these status updates to wind you up. Don't rise to it.
- 17-07-2009 17:34
best advice i can give, try to hate him and his new girl friend, rather than feeling upset about it. Probably not brilliant advice, but last time that kinda thing happened to me, I found it a lot easier to get over it by feeling hate instead of being upset.
- 17-07-2009 17:36
aww, thats awful, to be honest that feeling will probably not go away while u stare at her facebook. so if u dont really talk to her why dont you hide posts, so you cant see what she is putting. you gave him a second chance and he blew it. go out with your mates and enjoy life and just try and forget about him, i know this will be hard but your friends will be with you
- 17-07-2009 19:16
Thank your lucky stars that he's someone else's problem!
- 17-07-2009 19:22
Dont get yourself down about it move on and try to forget..
- 17-07-2009 19:31
Well its obvious he's not worth it. Put yourselves in our position and imagine what you would say to a girl (or guy) in this situation. You'll have to forget about him... he obviously doesnt deserve a relationship whereas you do. Move on and be happy
- 17-07-2009 19:35
You spent far too much time together, far too much.
- 17-07-2009 19:50
A situation like this is never going to be easy. Don't beat yourself up. I think the problem is you're remembering those good times, that 18 months of so where he was a great boyfriend etc- but what about all the crappy things he's done to you? What about that time in the park where you were crying your eyes out in front of everyone because he wouldn't talk in private? If you concentrate on that it'll be easier not to keep thinking "if only...."
You're better off without him, so stop moping around and get out there and find someone who will treat you properly! Good luck!
- 17-07-2009 20:46
I've read it all, have your talked to his closest mates about him as they can give a real good insight.
- Thread Starter
- 17-07-2009 22:27
Thanks for the advice everyone
This situations just so hard because although Ive been in relationships before, when they ended I felt upset but I always knew Id be okay within a couple of weeks, and I always was. But this relationship felt really different.. which is why its thrown me off so much.
And not that all of the advice isnt helpful.. but its stuff I already know. I do go out with my friends, and many a time Ive sat and thought/talked about how much of an arse he is. I dont spend my entire day being depressed about it either... but it seems like everything I do to make myself feel better works at the time, but I always go back to feeling like this.
And just to make the whole thing a little weirder - I dont actually want to get back with him. I know Id never be able to trust him and it would never be the same as it was... but still, that sad feeling doesnt go away.