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    Hi everyone,

    Basically, I'm male and I was wondering whether males (obviously they're not all the same) can raise a 2/3 yr old child to adulthood (say 18 and possibly beyond) completely on their own without domestic help from a woman (or another man).

    Also, do you think it is ESSENTIAL to take time out of a career to do this.

    I intend to adopt a child (maybe two but not sure at what interval from each other) in my mid 30s. Sometimes people can randomly have urges to want children but obviously this needs to be thought about rationally.

    I currently work in financial services but still study and intend to switch to another division within that sector soon. I'd want to change career in my late 30s though and that would a 4-yr retraining period with maybe 2 years where I would have no formal income within that period. Given that I would have savings and investments would the retraining period maybe be convenient since the child would be young.

    Would it be important to match working hours with the hours that the child was at school. Obviously I would be dependent on after school clubs and childminders but I would always have weekends free (unlike now).

    There is a stereotype that many single parents are not at work (even part-time) and I wouldn't want to be like this as it would not set a good example to my child.

    I would also like to be a single father since obviously then the child would not have to witness things like marriage difficulties and break-ups which could be traumatizing.

    Are you a single parent? Or would you like to be one? Do you think that a woman may possibly make raising a child easier but leave the potential for messing up relationships which the child could be severely affected by?

    Just to add - finances would not be a problem for me so I think it is a time issue.

    Would anyone else like to raise a child in this way?

    squish.
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    Thats good of you wanting to adopt a child but on a serious note i did say that you are probably a bit too naive in thinking that you can take care of a child completely on your on as it is terribly hard work enough even for two married couples living together. You'll definitely need extra outside support and input in raising one or you may end up having a break down cause of doing everything single handed all the time.
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    I think men are just as capable of raising a child single handedly as a woman, so in that respect I see no issue. Lots of single parents manage to hold down a full time job also, as hard as it may be. Often family or friends are relied on heavily I think.

    I do however take issue with people who intentionally set out to be single parents. This is entirely my own viewpoint on the matter however. It just seems very selfish to me (excluding cases where the other parent would actually be a burden ie if they were some drug taking criminal who was always in and out of prison)

    I think children should atleast have the chance at family life and whilst it doesnt always work out like that and whilst plenty of kids grow up fine in single parent families I know that for me personally I would never ever want to bring a child into the world knowing that they would never have the chance at having a mum AND a dad (or two parents who would love and care for him/her)

    I duno, perhaps im being illogical and silly, but its not something I would ever do, and its not something I can really understand.
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    (Original post by xps.systems)

    I would also like to be a single father since obviously then the child would not have to witness things like marriage difficulties and break-ups which could be traumatizing.
    Thats a very pesimistic view of marriage and becoming parents. It's true lots of parents do break up, including my own but only in certain circumstances is it traumatizing for the child. I'd say it's more 'traumatizing' for a kid to grow up with no mother.
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    I dont think single people are even allowed to adopt in the first place so you should confirm this before you carry on planning at the rate you obviously have been....
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    go for it. you better know what your doing though.
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    Ok so i did some reading and you can adopt as a single parent but you need a lot of support from others to help you.
    And also i'd hate to be brought into a family with no chance of having a mother. You're deffinately depriving it of something from the outset. At least when marriages break down, the kids have some years of experience of a complete family. And after divorce etc they still have the benefit of a relationship with each parent even if they are totally seperate.
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    Children need a mother.
    Sorry.
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    (Original post by Bubbles*de*Milo)
    Children need a mother.
    Sorry.
    What would you think of a gay couple adopting then?
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    Naw U Canie
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    (Original post by generic hybrid)
    What would you think of a gay couple adopting then?
    It's preferable to being in a foster home or having terrible parents, but not something I necessarily think is right.
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    Anything is possible , hard work and determination are key , and also willingness. It will be hard work , and is not as simple as you seem to percieve it.

    If you go ahead with it , good luck
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    (Original post by Bubbles*de*Milo)
    It's preferable to being in a foster home or having terrible parents, but not something I necessarily think is right.
    Why? Studies have consistently shown that gay couples are just as good at parenting as straight ones.

    OP, I imagine it could be difficult to adopt a child if you are working full time and won't have anyone else caring for him or her. I guess if you adopt a school-age kid then it might be okay but I don't know if adopting a baby and then immediately leaving him or her at daycare for most of the day would be so great. It seems kind of early to plan this all out though, especially the definite single parent thing.
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    Good on you for wanting to adopt though.
    • Thread Starter
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    Oh sorry, I shouldn't have said definitely intend. If I do have children though there's a pretty strong chance that I'd want to adopt. What with a rising global population etc. and the chance to give a disadvantaged/orphaned child a better home.

    Isn't stability the key during childhood? So a marriage break up is probably worse (at an early stage in childhood as opposed to say at the age of 18) than stable but single parenthood (or gay/lesbian couple).

    Obviously there is going to have to be other people's input in situations like these! Do you think psychologically children REQUIRE a mother figure (just a female who happens to live in the same house as the male guardian)?

    In light of this, does anyone know if it is common for a man and woman who do not participate in sexual relations or fancy each other to sign an agreement whereby they agree to cohabit and raise an adopted child. Because children don't often see overt sexual activity (but often see holding hands etc.) would the obvious lack of couple-bond between the man and woman be obviously evident to the child?

    squish.
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    i know a single father who raises his son alone. he does well. but having children is just so much work, and needs absolute dedication, and i can't think of any parents i know of have heard of where none of them had to draw back to only working part time on order to be there for the kids, apart from people who had a nanny or au pair. after school clubs are fine, but with a 2yr old you will at frst need time to really bond, and i don't feel it's right to have a 2yr old in a crib or kindergarden from 9 to 5. also, depending on your employer and your job, you will sometimes need someone to look after the kid when it's sick or during school holidays. running a household with a kid is hard work and will be very exhausting to do alone for 18 or so years. you never have a day off from kids, you know. so if making a career and work full time is what you want to do, then being a single parent is definatley an obstacle...
    also, i do find children should have one important, present adult of either sex in their life, to identify or orientate. it doesn't have to be a mother, it could well be a granny, or aunt, or nanny.
    that being said, i do think men can raise children on their own.
 
 
 
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