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Is he doing these things to make me jealous?? im confused! Watch

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    Basically my boyfriend is a bit insecure and has low self esteem, he doesn't hate himself or anything but he doesn't love himself either. He's quite short and has skin problems. It's not helped by the fact that I get alot of attention from men, in the street guys check me out or make passing comments, I ignore it completely. People have said to me on the occasion "Clearly you're the better looking one", again this is just shallow stuff.. I love him for him.

    We've been together 7 months, nearly 8 (we're both nearly 20) and as a person i love him, but i feel as if he's trying to put me down or make me feel jealous alot. But I can't tell if it's just me being paranoid so maybe you people can help me out?

    A few things which make me wonder:

    - He's a big flirt, he will flirt with women in my company then talk about said woman days later when we're out somewhere or at home doing something. It hurts me because I don't get why he has to tell me this? Why not keep it to himself? He would be really hurt if I did that to him.

    - He sends me text messages telling me that some fit woman tried it on with him. He ends it with 'she was soo fit though'. Why tell me this? :confused: Why keep mentioning that she was fit? :confused:

    - We were having a pub lunch and this woman walks in with her boyfriend. She's tall, blonde, pretty etc. He turns to me, as says "God, she's the fittest woman in this town"... and then continues to stare at her. WHY would he say that to my face for no reason? why not just keep it to himself? Again, if I did that, he'd be hurt deeply.

    - We can't watch a film without him pointing out all the fit women. It's fine once but he keeps doing it, we're trying to watch a film and all i can hear is "look at that!" "she's perfect" "look at her thighs!!", "and that perfect figure", "god, she's so perfect" the whole way through! and everytime he said it, he looked at me to see my reaction. :confused:

    - A guy came on to me one night when my boyfriend was at the bar, he was the usual tall, dark, handsome type and he started chatting me up. To be fair, he was actually a nice person, he was flirty but not in a disrespectful way and when I told him I had a boyfriend, he was fine about it and just chatted with me. Later that night, my boyfriend came over to me and said "C'mon, he was probably turned down by those fit blondes over there and then tried it on with you" ... crushed my self esteem right there. And he (my bf) was catty to me all night.

    - When I talk to guy friends, he starts asking me "you'll never leave me will you?".

    It crushes my self esteem when he does these things, i feel like im not as good as those girls and i just feel so ugly sometimes. I never used to feel this way before him.

    I'm so confused by him.
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    Dump him... sounds like a douche...

    Although, the "It's not helped by the fact that I get alot of attention from men, in the street guys check me out or make passing comments" statement does seem like you subconciously like winding him up...

    Not all attention is good attention... if I see a girl dressed like a [email protected] I may look at her, but not for the reasons they think... generally it's a 'christ, look at the state of that'
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    Whether he is insecure and jealous or not, I'm surprised you still with him!
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    People do that when theyre jealous for some reason. Try to turn it round onto you to make it so theyre not the only jealous one. He sounds very insecure, but this'll probably get better with time when he realises that youre not shallow and youre not going to leave him for looks.
    Has it gotten worse or better since youve been going out with him?
    Maybe try explaining to him how those comments make you feel. Or tell him not to question your judgement and doubt your feelings.
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    (Original post by ToeRag)
    Dump him... sounds like a douche...

    Although, the "It's not helped by the fact that I get alot of attention from men, in the street guys check me out or make passing comments" statement does seem like you subconciously like winding him up...

    Not all attention is good attention... if I see a girl dressed like a [email protected] I may look at her, but not for the reasons they think... generally it's a 'christ, look at the state of that'

    1. I'm never dressed as a ****
    2. I'm not winding him up or even enjoying the attention, i'm just stating that he sees these guys looking at me and making comments which doesn't help the situation at all.
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    (Original post by Easykill)
    People do that when theyre jealous for some reason. Try to turn it round onto you to make it so theyre not the only jealous one. He sounds very insecure, but this'll probably get better with time when he realises that youre not shallow and youre not going to leave him for looks.
    Has it gotten worse or better since youve been going out with him?
    Maybe try explaining to him how those comments make you feel. Or tell him not to question your judgement and doubt your feelings.
    Thanks It's gotten worse as time's gone on. He tells me that he loves me and that he's really fallen for me, yet it's as if he's constantly trying to make me jealous or make me feel like he's in demand or something.

    Any sign of me getting fed up and he panics and tries to make it up right away. :confused:

    I just want a normal happy relationship, we could have that but by doing this all the time, he's making the two of us miserable.
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    Get rid.

    He's doing it because he obviously never had any attention when he was younger. Which won't change. Trust me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    1. I'm never dressed as a ****
    2. I'm not winding him up or even enjoying the attention, i'm just stating that he sees these guys looking at me and making comments which doesn't help the situation at all.
    I didn't say you were dressed as a ****... (offers hand of friendship)

    I said 'sounds like' and 'subconciously'- just how it seems...

    His comments especially about real people in bars and not just peeps on TV are very disrespectful to you and I personally wouldN'T go out with someone who had so little respect for me-

    Good luck, you'll need it as in my experience blokes like your bf don't change..
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    (Original post by ToeRag)
    I didn't say you were dressed as a ****... (offers hand of friendship)

    I said 'sounds like' and 'subconciously'- just how it seems...

    His comments especially about real people in bars and not just peeps on TV are very disrespectful to you and I personally would go out with someone who had so little respect for me-

    Good luck, you'll need it as in my experience blokes like your bf don't change..
    I'm sorry, lol, i didnt mean to sound harsh with my reply. :p: It's only 1 and it's already been a rough day to say the least! But thank you
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks It's gotten worse as time's gone on. He tells me that he loves me and that he's really fallen for me, yet it's as if he's constantly trying to make me jealous or make me feel like he's in demand or something.

    Any sign of me getting fed up and he panics and tries to make it up right away. :confused:

    I just want a normal happy relationship, we could have that but by doing this all the time, he's making the two of us miserable.
    Don't give up on the relationship easily because you're in love and sometimes youve just got to work at it. Its probably gotten worse because hes loving you more and more as time goes on, making him more insecure.
    The only way I can think of getting him to stop is by telling him next time he does it how it makes you feel and that the only reason you'd break up with him was for eroding your self-esteem, not for a better-looking guy.
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    Huh? Have you posted this before? Sounds very similar to an old thread. :hmmmm:
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    To me it seems a case of trying to put you down in the sense of 'you'll never have anyone better then me' kind of thing?
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    Huh? Have you posted this before? Sounds very similar to an old thread. :hmmmm:
    I'm pretty new to be honest, but im sorry i didn't check first before posting :p:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm sorry, lol, i didnt mean to sound harsh with my reply. :p: It's only 1 and it's already been a rough day to say the least! But thank you
    No worries... at least it's Friday...

    Just speak to him I suppose... maybe he doesn't know he's doing it..

    He just seems insecure and is trying to show you he's desirable to other women, hense you should count yourself lucky being with him when in fact he knows deep down that its the other way round...or summat.
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    (Original post by EGjeff)
    To me it seems a case of trying to put you down in the sense of 'you'll never have anyone better then me' kind of thing?
    Sometimes i wonder this too, as in he wants to keep me by making me think i wont get anyone else.. I'm glad you pointed that out, I wasn't sure if i was being paranoid or not.
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    (Original post by ToeRag)

    Not all attention is good attention... if I see a girl dressed like a [email protected] I may look at her, but not for the reasons they think... generally it's a 'christ, i'd tap that!
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    (Original post by EskimoJo)
    Huh? Have you posted this before? Sounds very similar to an old thread. :hmmmm:
    thought the same!

    anyway, OP, i had a similar situation... always commenting on how fit my mates were, always all over them, making out i was his last choice, making me feel ugly, etc, which he would always manage to spin around to make out that it was me over-reacting. i'd always believe him.

    SO glad i got rid. looking back i feel so dumb! he was an idiot.

    i'm not saying you should dump him- but is he really worth damaging your confidence and self-esteem in the long run? if you try and talk to him about it, i've a feeling you'll get the same as me and you'll come out of it feeling like a drama queen. but just don't fall for it, stand your ground.

    hah sorry that was useless!
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    Have you talked to him about it?

    If he's really doing it like that all the time it would be so over the top he either really has a problem that needs to be addressed or he's one of those taking pleasure in making another person feel bad and empowering over their emotions, in which case you should really get rid of him.

    I think you should try and tell him exactly how much you feel hurt by his behaviour. Give him a chance to explain himself - there is a good chance he is trying to show you that he's up there with you or something like that and that it makes him even more insecure that you stick around him (maybe he'd expected you to just play with him?).
    Is your relationship otherwise well balanced? You said he tells you how much he loves you, do you tell him that you love him as well?
    You should make it clear that this kind of behaviour evokes all the feelings in you that he is trying to make up by it and that he needs to understand that you are both meant to make each other more happy and not equally sad and that continuing like this is the fastest way to loose you.
    Maybe you should also suggest that, in situations where he feels especially insecure, he rather turn to you (this needn't be talking, it could be something as simple as hugging you out of the blue or holding your hand tight) to get reassurance than go after other women and test your loyalty (which essentially is what he's doing when he's looking out for your reaction).

    Whatever he says though, do not let him put you down, his behaviour is 100% wrong and needs to change!

    Good luck!
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    Wow, that's really not on...if it was me I'd dump him!
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    He sounds very, very immature.
 
 
 
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