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Small talk and finding common ground watch

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    As you probably guessed by the title, I'm awful at talking to people for the first time. I'm going to uni this year and because I'm not the type of person who likes to party hard, get drunk or has common interests all boys have (like football and weightlifting), I will have to chat about random things and find some common ground with people. I'm awful at that though! I just don't know how you do it. I kind of begin by talking about something then just freeze up, before I've found out their interests. This is no way to get friends or a girlfriend (from the threads on TSR, I have learnt that girls like boys who talk to them, understand them and make them laugh. I can understand them, but not much else). Well that was rather long lol So if some people could help me, that'd be great. Cheers!
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    Get rid of preconceptions that all boys like football and weightlifting.
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    Ask them what course they're doing, where they're staying, where they're from..They're the kind of questions everyone will be asking during your first week at uni when meeting all new people
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    I get that same problem too. Highly annoying :sad:
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    Someone has the same problem as me! How is it for you?
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    It is very annoying to say the least. A major problem :sad:
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    Its pretty easy, just seem really enthusiastic and interested (even if ur not). When i was charity fundraising u just have to talk to people off the street about stuff. Most people will be quite talkative if u open the conversation. People follow more easily than they lead, so seem happy and enthusiastic, and don't be afraid of seeming stupid. This will put the other person at ease, and conversation should flow... should..
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    OK can I have some proper advice now please?
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    Just notice something about them, if they are wearing a band t-shirt for example, talk about the band. Relax!
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    Your a guy. Do what all guys do and have banter about stuff. Find something banterous to say about something. And banter together.
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    - ask about anything, as long as it's not too personal or controversial.

    - ask open questions, and not questions that only have a yes or no answer.

    - play devil's advocate from time to time. purposely disagree, just to make sure they don't think you agree with everything you say.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    OK can I have some proper advice now please?
    wtf? the answers so far have been perfectly friendly and helpful.

    erm try asking them whether they would rather be an orange or a banana. Or maybe whether they think that Budica would have been a tory. That'll definitely work :rolleyes: .
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    (Original post by n0c0ntr0l)
    Your a guy. Do what all guys do and have banter about stuff. Find something banterous to say about something. And banter together.
    In a banterous tone of voice???
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    (Original post by nexttime)
    wtf? the answers so far have been perfectly friendly and helpful.

    erm try asking them whether they would rather be an orange or a banana. Or maybe whether they think that Budica would have been a tory. That'll definitely work :rolleyes: .
    that's easy for you to say when you go to oxford. I bet they asked you that in your medicine interview. also I bet their are nerds at oxford who like those questions and stuff.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    that's easy for you to say when you go to oxford. I bet they asked you that in your medicine interview. also I bet their are nerds at oxford who like those questions and stuff.
    Most definitely.

    Are you a troll? Its just your random accusation of lack of advice when it has clearly been given and the above childish response seem a little out of place for someone who genuinely wants advice.
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    me: so do you think it all has meaning?
    them: what?!
    me: the life, the universe and everything? You know, or is it a whole load of random coincidences?

    If they're intelligent then they'll replly with something quite intersting and get an awesome conversation going. If they're not they'll walk off and think you're a freak.

    The former are the ones you get to buy you drinks and have one night stand with if that's you're thing (it isnt mine). The latter are the ones who you buy drinks for, take on dates, make your first time with them extremely special and love lots and lots and lots
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    It depends on the situation. However, most times I casually slip in something intellectual or thought provoking and then that somehow makes them carry on the rest of the conversation.
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    Ok I like Football, Girls, drinking, but not weight lifting as to me that's a chore but I do still do it to gain muscle actually anyway the point is everything in the whole world can be a subject of discussion.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    that's easy for you to say when you go to oxford. I bet they asked you that in your medicine interview. also I bet their are nerds at oxford who like those questions and stuff.
    Dude...wtf....

    Look, when you meet new people, they're probably in the same boat as you anyway. Ask generic questions. Open with a 'So...' that's what I do. Like if I went to a society meeting that I signed up to go to after Fresher's fair, I'll talk to the person sat next to me and say, "So...are you here to act or help out backstage.../ sooo are you really good at bowling? Because I'm crap!"

    Then be like, "what are you studying/do you live in halls/where you from/how you finding so and so/ what are your flatmates like/where'd you go out to?..."

    Also I made sure that if I was talking to someone new they weren't already in a group...people are more likely to talk to you if they're not already with their pals in a group.

    It's actually not that difficult. Just open with generic questions and it goes from there. Don't feel self conscious. No one's gonna bite your head off.
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    (Original post by nexttime)
    Most definitely.

    Are you a troll? Its just your random accusation of lack of advice when it has clearly been given and the above childish response seem a little out of place for someone who genuinely wants advice.
    Sorry. I have awful social skills and don't know how to deal with people as you can probably tell. I haven't left my house for several weeks now, as an example.
 
 
 
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