Am I throwing away a good thing? =/ Watch
Fast forward two years, Im' a pretty fit, semi-professional athlete, I'm not 'amazingly' good looking or a model or anything but I do get attention when I go out. However for these full two years I ignored it all and just told girls flirting with me I had a girlfriend, I went of girls altogether for fear of being hurt again.
Six months ago I met a girl and for three months we saw each other as friends. Usually girls I met as soon as I said lets be friends they just lost interest and moved on. This girl however was happy to hang out and talk about stuff, come train with me in my sport and we talked for hours on the net as well as real life. She told me quite often she wanted more but I kept making excuses about too much on (work, uni, etc, etc) and she never pushed me.
One night I stayed at her house (honestly fell asleep on her bed) and woke up and after talking for a bit I kissed her. That was that, we carried on as normal, the next few weeks I stayed round and kissed her before the forth week we had sex.
Things are going good I guess, it has been 6 months of dating with 3 months of being sexually involved and actually being 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. However I just don't seem to really care that much what I do or what she does. Like... I care so much about her... but in the back of my mind is just thoughts like 'well you will probably lose her oneday anyway'.
For example the other morning she was pissed off because I got up late and pretty much ignored her. I knew it was a bit harsh, but I didn't really want to appologise, no reason I just had no motivation to do it... I was thinking that I could train that evening on my own if we were not talking... This evening for example I was meant to go out and see her but I told her I was sick because I felt like watching a film on my own...
I dunno why, I mean I don't want to lose her but something is stopping me commiting... do you think this will pass or is this something that sticks with you after your first relationship ***** up and you realise you can't always know how things will work out?