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    It's not your parents getting married and if you're over 18, how the hell would they stop you from marrying?
    Tell them, be honest but plan it properly (like practise what you're going to say etc), maybe tell some of your close mates what you're doing too so that if things ever get violent (God forbid, I got a few punches in culturally-chalenging situation o__O) you have people who know where you are etc... also do it with your bf but I thought that was implied...
    • #5
    #5

    im in a similar situation.

    im hindu and my boyfriend is a yadav. we've been going out for almost three years now and are quite sure we want to get married. yadav's, like sikh really particular about marrying in the community and his parents, especially his father had told him that he had to marry a yadav. we broke up two years ago because he said his father would never allow him to marry outside the community. needless to say i was devastated as so was he. then we got back together a few days later since he said he wanted to marry me and he would deal with his dad and the whole situation somehow. since then he has told his mom and sisters, and his dad recently as well. we're in different cities now and he told his dad he had to come see me because he loved me and wanted to marry me and no one else. his dad wasn't happy at first but now hes fine with it to an extent that he says u better marry her now and no one else! hes told his family all about me and i even have his sisters on facebook now!

    it seemed pretty impossible that this would happen for me, but if u want it bad enough then just talk to ur parents. if u really love each other dont let anything stop u. ur parents might just surprise u...once they know how much u care about ur guy and that hes a nice person etc.

    dont worry! nothings
    • #5
    #5

    im in a similar situation.

    im hindu and my boyfriend is a yadav. we've been going out for almost three years now and are quite sure we want to get married. yadav's, like sikh's are really particular about marrying in the community and his parents, especially his father had told him that he had to marry a yadav. we broke up two years ago because he said his father would never allow him to marry outside the community. needless to say i was devastated and so was he. then we got back together a few days later since he said he wanted to marry me and he would deal with his dad and the whole situation somehow. since then he has told his mom and sisters, and his dad recently as well. we're in different cities now and he told his dad he had to come see me because he loved me and wanted to marry me and no one else. his dad wasn't happy at first but now hes fine with it to an extent that he says u better marry her now and no one else! hes told his family all about me and i even have his sisters on facebook now!

    it seemed pretty impossible that this would happen for me, but if u want it bad enough then just talk to ur parents. if u really love each other dont let anything stop u. ur parents might just surprise u...once they know how much u care about ur guy and that hes a nice person etc.

    dont worry! nothings impossible, really!
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    Lets all calm down with all this hatred by listening to the best anthem: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftD3gDA-5S0
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    will everyone stop saying things like @ least hes not muslim you make it sound like it doesnt happen lol

    loves love regardless of background, caste, colour, creed.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey,

    Well basically for a year now I have had a Hindu boyfriend and I am a Sikh myself. We are scared to tell our parents incase they won't let us get married! Also restrict me from seeing him .

    But both our families are originally from India! We are British Indians. So they should right? What should I do!!?

    I need advice and help asap!

    Thanks
    A former teacher of mine is Sikh and her husband to be is Hindu.

    They got permission from Sikh temples or whatever and they are allowed to be together.
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    Have him get swine flu then he'll be sikh too!

    (apologies if someone else has made this comment before)
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    just both convert to Buddhism
    problem solved

    Your situation just proves how pointless and irrelevant religion is
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    Er, don't tell your parents he's hindu? O_o
    • #6
    #6

    It's a tad annoying that some people think that as long as you love your partner then its fine to tell the parentals to **** off... what about their love that they've given over the last 21 years of your life??

    Personally, seriously sit down, and think LONG and HARD about whether this relationship will really really last. Turn off the love goggles, be realistic and harsh. Hollywood romance happy endings sometimes don't happen in real life.

    good luck!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's a tad annoying that some people think that as long as you love your partner then its fine to tell the parentals to **** off... what about their love that they've given over the last 21 years of your life??

    Personally, seriously sit down, and think LONG and HARD about whether this relationship will really really last. Turn off the love goggles, be realistic and harsh. Hollywood romance happy endings sometimes don't happen in real life.

    good luck!
    If the parents clearly cared about their childs happiness, then there wouldn't be such an issue.
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by WildBerrySpirit)
    If the parents clearly cared about their childs happiness, then there wouldn't be such an issue.
    I'm sure they do care, but they (in my experience anyway) rarely ask for anything as major as that, so disrespecting that one wish completely is a little unwarranted IMO. Especially being prepared to disown them. They want the best for their kids anyway, and I'd say 90% of the time, they do know what they're on about.

    For example, my sister told my parents that she wanted to marry a guy, and after meeting him they were like 'nah hes not marriage material, will mess your life up, PLUS hes hindu, meaning cultural difference are harder to overcome'. In the end, he was such a **** - cheated and was a headstrong ******, and my sister ended up marrying a sikh guy, and they're now very happily married for almost 9 years now.

    I'm not proposing it's not possible for these marriages to work - my current gf is hindu and I'm sikh, I just couldn't disown my parents for any girl if I was forced to, no matter how much I loved her, because parents come first no matter what IMO... I'm not even a conservative sikh :p:!

    Parents ultimately want whats best for their kids.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm sure they do care, but they (in my experience anyway) rarely ask for anything as major as that, so disrespecting that one wish completely is a little unwarranted IMO. Especially being prepared to disown them. They want the best for their kids anyway, and I'd say 90% of the time, they do know what they're on about.

    For example, my sister told my parents that she wanted to marry a guy, and after meeting him they were like 'nah hes not marriage material, will mess your life up, PLUS hes hindu, meaning cultural difference are harder to overcome'. In the end, he was such a **** - cheated and was a headstrong ******, and my sister ended up marrying a sikh guy, and they're now very happily married for almost 9 years now.

    I'm not proposing it's not possible for these marriages to work - my current gf is hindu and I'm sikh, I just couldn't disown my parents for any girl if I was forced to, no matter how much I loved her, because parents come first no matter what IMO... I'm not even a conservative sikh :p:!

    Parents ultimately want whats best for their kids.
    So you'd rather be unhappy for most of your life, just to please your parents? I mean in such circumstances, if parents truly knew that their daughter/son was in fact in a happy relationship, but disregarded it due to their cultural differences, then they realy don't care do they?
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    (Original post by Ladipidoo)
    How old are you both? If you 2 are old enough, your parents shouldn't really mind since you're both Indian. :erm:
    Lol, have you not seen Bend It Like Beckham
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by WildBerrySpirit)
    So you'd rather be unhappy for most of your life, just to please your parents? I mean in such circumstances, if parents truly knew that their daughter/son was in fact in a happy relationship, but disregarded it due to their cultural differences, then they realy don't care do they?
    I wouldn't rather be with someone who makes me unhappy just to please them, but I don't believe there is only one person in the world capable of making me happy. I don't go for some of the soppy 'the one' visions of hollywood and that things always work out.

    If my parents made me choose between a girl who perhaps might stick around till the age of 40 then divorce me, vs my parents who will always have my back, then I'd have to go with the latter. Theres no guarantee a marriage would last, so I'm supposed to lose my parents over that?

    The cultural differences can be overcome, but for example, this hindu girl would expect me to choose her over my parents, but she wouldn't let me raise kids sikh, or learn punjabi, and would impress upon them her own culture, before mine. Conflict due to cultural difference? in this situ there are.

    My parents would ultimately want me to be with someone who makes me happy too. However, if they wanted me to marry a sikh girl or they'd disown me, then being with a hindu girl wouldn't make me happy as I'd lose my parents...

    The two shouldn't be mutually exclusive, and if there is no convincing the parents, then I can't change them can I? I can only control what is in my hands - who I marry.

    They've said they want me to marry a sikh girl, and they know about this hindu girl too, and they're not massively happy about it, and I want my marriage to be a celebration for everyone, not just me and my partner.

    I don't believe in 'the one' so as harsh as it may sound put into a short sentence, if I couldn't be with the girl who currently makes me happy, then that doesn't mean there are no other girls out there who couldn't make me equally, if not moreso happy...

    I'm young anyway, so how am I supposed to choose between a girl who MAY be with me for the rest of my life, or may leave me at some point, vs my parents who have always been there, and will always have my back no matter what?

    Anyway, marriages can last or fail, but parents are always there, no matter what, so to disregard what they say like that is tantamount to a slap in the face IMO.

    Theres too many factors in the argument, its no where near black or white, and so it depends on each individual situation, but if you believe in 'the one' and consider them worth losing your parents over should push come to shove, then go for it, but in my current situation, as much as I love her, I couldn't turn against my parents for a girl.

    I imagine a lot of what I've said is probably fairly controversial, but I don't think I've expressed it exactly how I see it, its difficult to put into words, hence the essay trying to say it in a few different ways, but its been a long day, so can't really hit the nail on the head with it so to speak.

    To the OP, I'd talk to your OH about every aspect of your future together, and see if you're perfect for each, can see it lasting as long as you'd both want it to, then approach the parents, and talk it all through with them, get him to meet them, and just take things real slow.
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    no offence but your opinion "others can make me happy" just makes it seem as if you arent deeply in love with y gf and wont ever love yr wife whoever she maybe more than yr mum n dad... u know? it sounds like you arent certian and dont want to even TRY to convince your parents seems like you are willing to admit defeat quite quickly if your parents argue your marriage to your gf... maybe SHE is better off with someone else who will make her happy and see she is worth a struggle if one is presented
    • #6
    #6

    None taken. I do love her. I think about her all the time, want to have her by my side all the time.

    I wasn't saying that I wouldn't fight, I was saying that in the event that after the struggle, if either way I had to choose, a life with my GF without my parents, vs having my family with me without her, then I don't think I could choose her.

    I don't think that makes me a bad person, but it's a lot tougher in strict indian families, as there are always so many different politics going on.

    Maybe she is better off with someone else, but like I say I don't inherently believe in the one, so I'm sure theres at least one other guy out there who could make her as happy as I currently do, if not more so.

    I'm not saying I wouldn't fight, it's just I've seen what tension, hurt and conflict such a situation brings into a family, and ultimately, after all that, how can it not end in hurt, or at least put a very bitter end to it all?
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    Love is a concept generated and enforced by the media. What "love" (in the relationship sense) actually is, is a close friend whom you have sex with.

    Based on this principle, I would advise you not to proceed with this nonsense under the false pretence which you blinded people call "love"

    Religion is an ancient law and a form of control. It is a set of morale rules that you are to follow. For obeying these rules would entitle you to some sort of reward or self fulfillment. Religion is for the weak and narrow minded.

    The Roman gods are a prime example. It is believed that emperor's of the time would create God's or simply say "It is the will of Mars - god of war" to justify their actions and provide morale. Only the weak minded would believe such nonsense.

    Don't let religion cloud your judgement.

    Me being bought up in a Sikh family, I can somewhat understand your predicament. Don't cause your family, depending on how religious they are, to implode on the basis that you are "in love". Such reasoning is just ridiculous in my view.

    What people don't understand is that we asians are stuck when it comes to this. You can either have your family or you can have the girl/boy you want. The media would encourage you that "love" is worth fighting, and destroying your family for.

    But really... it isn't.
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    My cousin (Hindu) had a Sikh boyfriend for 6 years and at 24 HE proposed to her but then his dad opposed it so they had to break up. Quiet sad =(
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    i think they would be fine with it as long as its not a male muslim. and least its not a white guy. both religions are in peace with one another you go to hindu temples there will sikhs there and same other way.
 
 
 
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