Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

I am a muslim...I'm gay..What can i do :( Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm a gay lad...thing is i'm muslim and i don't know what to do? My family will just completely disown me...They are very westernised but do stick to their religion. I don't want to cause my family any stress or make them ill or anything...most of all i dont want to loose them. I'm 21 and cant imagine my life without a family. I do also believe in islam i just cant help my feelings at all i feel like im committing the biggest sin possible and i just cant live my life with a woman its unfair to her thinking i love her and what if we have kids?!?! being born into a loveless marriage I want kids etc but then i can't have one can i? I just don't know what to do so many problems and complications in my situation!!! anyone else in this situation? or anyone know anything?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    If there's a conflict between who you know you are and the doctrines of a religion...think carefully about how sure you are the religion is true. Take into account the conflict - why would a god create you gay but then make it a sin to be so? "Created sick and commanded to be well" indeed.

    Even if you decide that Allah does exist, can you be sure Islam is the right interpretation of Him? It claims to be the final, unalterable revelation. Do some research - is there even one contradiction within it? Why *do* you believe it? Do you have to accept the entire account, or can you, for example, reject the part about homosexuality?

    In the end, your choice is between yourself and your religion. In my opinion the latter is but a set of shackles, and keeping yourself within them will make you far less happy...but it's your choice.

    The bigger issue is your family. Even should you decide to sort out this conflict by abandoning Islam and embracing yourself, your whole family network and perhaps many of your friends will, as you say, possibly be lost. There's not much one can say on that except that if they prioritise blind faith over their own son, brother or nephew, they are not thinking straight and likely never will. It would not be your fault. In the end, the choice is between short-term happiness and security, or honesty and integrity - potentially leading to a longer-term, deeper happiness, you proud and happy to be yourself among people - and there are many of them out there - who accept you for who you are, not who they're told you should be.

    Good luck. I'm thankful every day that I was not born into a family dictating whether I could be gay or straight, theist or atheist, eat pork or not, when and with whom I could have sex, and most of all that did not mutilate my genitalia, with the threat of eternal damnation to back it up. I hope to have helped you, who clearly are in this situation!
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    Lifes too short for religion just be who you want to be!
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Simple... be a gay muslim.
    Offline

    10
    Well if you want to remain muslim, don't tell any other muslim you're gay, and suppress your urges and force yourself to be attracted to women, because when it comes to homosexuality, Islam is pretty doctrinal (as it is on most subjects).

    If you want to be gay, become an atheist or agnostic or something? Although you need to logically arrive at the conclusion that religion is pointless and god is unlikely to exist to do that, which i don't believe Muslims find easy to do.

    You're in a tough situation. Hope you find your way out of this one
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Well it all very much depends on what you mean by muslim

    Do you actually believe in Allah/Mohammed was his messenger etc?
    If so you only have one choice obviously - and that is to be celibate.


    If you do not then DO NOT screw over your life obviously - relationships are an amazing/fun/fulfilling part of life - not to mention sex!


    As said dude, it very much depends on whether you believe or not. Obviously you can keep secrets from your family. I mean I let my family know about my gfs but I could have quite easily not done so!


    Good luck man
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    Dye your hair ginger and you're all set.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    It seems that your religion and your family aren't helping you right now. Try and find some good friends to confide to and make sure you have a good support network that won't disown you for your sexuality. Then decide where to go from there.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    'I am a muslim...I'm gay'

    I'm pretty sure many muslims will say the latter automatically cancels out the former.
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Well, you have to sort out your priorities.

    If you do truly believe in Islam (as you've stated), you'll see your sexuality as one of your greater tests in life and practice abstinence, knowing that this could be your door to heaven and salvation. There is nothing wrong with possessing homosexual feelings in Islam, it is only considered a sin if you act on them- we're not judged for thoughts we can't control.

    If you didn't believe then it would only be a matter of figuring out whether your family were worth the sacrifice or how well you could hide it.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by C++Hacker)
    'I am a muslim...I'm an sexually active gay'

    I'm pretty sure many muslims will say the latter automatically cancels out the former.

    If my correction takes place - then yes.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Singhz)
    Simple... be a gay muslim.
    I'm not religious myself, but I doubt it's that simple.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    OP you should become catholic. you're allowed to do anything and confess later to be absolved
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Philosoraptor)
    Well it all very much depends on what you mean by muslim

    Do you actually believe in Allah/Mohammed was his messenger etc?
    If so you only have one choice obviously - and that is to be celibate.


    If you do not then DO NOT screw over your life obviously - relationships are an amazing/fun/fulfilling part of life - not to mention sex!


    As said dude, it very much depends on whether you believe or not. Obviously you can keep secrets from your family. I mean I let my family know about my gfs but I could have quite easily not done so!


    Good luck man
    LOL at your sig.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by C++Hacker)
    'I am a muslim...I'm gay'

    I'm pretty sure many muslims will say the latter automatically cancels out the former.
    Only if you act on the gay thoughts is it a sin!
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    That's harsh. Just hide it in the best way possible. Talk about relations with women when your around your family and just say that they just haven't worked out.

    Try not to arouse suspicions.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Why do you want to be part of a religion that hates you?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Rocious)
    OP you should become catholic. you're allowed to do anything and confess later to be absolved
    As a Catholic, I take offence to that. It isn't that simple.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a gay lad...thing is i'm muslim and i don't know what to do? My family will just completely disown me...They are very westernised but do stick to their religion. I don't want to cause my family any stress or make them ill or anything...most of all i dont want to loose them. I'm 21 and cant imagine my life without a family. I do also believe in islam i just cant help my feelings at all i feel like im committing the biggest sin possible and i just cant live my life with a woman its unfair to her thinking i love her and what if we have kids?!?! being born into a loveless marriage I want kids etc but then i can't have one can i? I just don't know what to do so many problems and complications in my situation!!! anyone else in this situation? or anyone know anything?
    I feel so sorry for you and people in this situation *hugs*

    I would say one thing. You can't choose to be gay. You do choose what religion you do or do not follow. That's the personal stuff anyway. About the family and disownment I can't do much to help you

    I wish you the most luck I can.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Thomasmc135)
    That's harsh. Just hide it in the best way possible. Talk about relations with women when your around your family and just say that they just haven't worked out.

    Try not to arouse suspicions.
    isnt lying a sin in islam?
 
 
 
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: September 6, 2009
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Brexit voters: Do you stand by your vote?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.