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23 and never had a girlfriend! Watch

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    I've had an unusual life. I dont particularly enjoy the clubbing scene and prefer to have only a few friends that I can get to know really well and be close to.

    I've just completed my Masters at Uni and am starting a job in the healthcare profession soon so its not all bad - but the fact is I still feel about 17/18 as far as social experience is concerned. I've got used to spending evenings in watching TV or on the computer and have wasted many days doing nothing but strumming my guitar and feeling sorry for myself. I honestly dont know what to do about meeting girls. Nearly all females have had relationship experience before and the only place where to meet women seems to be clubs ( not my scene), and despite being reasonably attractive I dont know how to ' hit it off' with a girl. Sometimes they talk so fast that I can barely take in anything they have said and most are so upfront that they genuinley scare me. I got rejected by a girl when I was younger and this kind of left a lasting shyness in me - I feel incapable of asking a girl out because I fear rejection.

    I've looked on gumtree but a lot of the profiles appear to be fake - any ideas? Thanks.
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    First off i would say a club is the WORST place to meet someone. They are drunk and you hardly know them, id say thats a bad idea. Just get to know a girl first, be her friend then see how things go. I don't think anyone can really give you advice because only you will know when the time is right. There must be so many girls out there who are thinking exactly the same as you. Rejection is a part of life, if you ask someone out and get rejected then hey, its better than never asking at all. Just try to keep looking
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    (Original post by mickykayla)
    First off i would say a club is the WORST place to meet someone. They are drunk and you hardly know them, id say thats a bad idea. Just get to know a girl first, be her friend then see how things go. I don't think anyone can really give you advice because only you will know when the time is right. There must be so many girls out there who are thinking exactly the same as you. Rejection is a part of life, if you ask someone out and get rejected then hey, its better than never asking at all. Just try to keep looking
    Good advice.

    I'd add that I've found it better if you get to know a girl who's in your circle of friends, or friend of a friend, rather than a completely unknown quantity.
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    Match.com has a week's free trial at the minute.

    Some people see online dating as sad but it's actually a really good way to meet somebody who has a similar personality to yourself.
    • #2
    #2

    You sound like a nice guy, I would like to meet you
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    There you go. :awesome:
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    I used to be the same but then I began going out to pubs and met a few girls. It is hard at first to approach someone but the trick is to take a deep breath and go in for the kill (or pull if you must). Remember to only go for the girls who are in a group of two because they are also looking to meet someone and the ones who are along usually have a boyfriend.

    Also try talking to girls on myspace or facebook.
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    I'm very serious here.

    A lot of people who just "can't seem to find anyone right" for them... may be looking for the wrong sex. I don't know you personally, but it won't hurt considering your sexual orientation before actually taking yourself as straight by default. If you're sure it's not that, then maybe you're not sure what kind of girl you want, so you're not sending the right signals out there. If everything fails, just focus on other things. When you're not looking, you'll find someone. But don't give up and keep your youth drive running
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    I know how difficult it is to meet people if you don’t like clubbing and/or are not particularly outgoing, let alone approaching them! I would agree that clubs are probably not the best place to meet people who share your interests or are interested in a long term relationship. Having never been out with anyone either, however, I’m not really an expert on where to meet people!
    You do sound like a really nice guy :yep: ; I’m sure you’ll be fine.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I've had an unusual life. I dont particularly enjoy the clubbing scene and prefer to have only a few friends that I can get to know really well and be close to.

    I've just completed my Masters at Uni and am starting a job in the healthcare profession soon so its not all bad - but the fact is I still feel about 17/18 as far as social experience is concerned. I've got used to spending evenings in watching TV or on the computer and have wasted many days doing nothing but strumming my guitar and feeling sorry for myself. I honestly dont know what to do about meeting girls. Nearly all females have had relationship experience before and the only place where to meet women seems to be clubs ( not my scene), and despite being reasonably attractive I dont know how to ' hit it off' with a girl. Sometimes they talk so fast that I can barely take in anything they have said and most are so upfront that they genuinley scare me. I got rejected by a girl when I was younger and this kind of left a lasting shyness in me - I feel incapable of asking a girl out because I fear rejection.

    I've looked on gumtree but a lot of the profiles appear to be fake - any ideas? Thanks.
    If you've considered gumtree, why not consider a site devoted to online dating? I know a few of my friends who are very attractive, successful girls but who have a hard time meeting the right men (clubs are AWFUL places to meet someone). The Guardian's dating website seems quite popular.
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    (Original post by Flying Cookie)
    I'm very serious here.

    A lot of people who just "can't seem to find anyone right" for them... may be looking for the wrong sex. I don't know you personally, but it won't hurt considering your sexual orientation before actually taking yourself as straight by default. If you're sure it's not that, then maybe you're not sure what kind of girl you want, so you're not sending the right signals out there. If everything fails, just focus on other things. When you're not looking, you'll find someone. But don't give up and keep your youth drive running
    lol - just reminds me of someone who once said, in response to being asked if he was bisexual, "if it doubles my chances..." :lolwut:
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    Also - with regards to the other things you've written, I've been in a similar position. If you ever want to chat PM me.
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    (Original post by Flying Cookie)
    I'm very serious here.

    A lot of people who just "can't seem to find anyone right" for them... may be looking for the wrong sex. I don't know you personally, but it won't hurt considering your sexual orientation before actually taking yourself as straight by default. If you're sure it's not that, then maybe you're not sure what kind of girl you want, so you're not sending the right signals out there. If everything fails, just focus on other things. When you're not looking, you'll find someone. But don't give up and keep your youth drive running
    <3ing the L Word sig, btw! :top:
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    Sorry for appearing ignorant here but,

    a) do you actually WANT a firlgriend? or

    b) are you asking us whether you think it strange that you are 23 and have never had a firlgriend.

    If the answer is a) then as a person who has always been single myself I don't think I could help you too much, but if the answer is b) then my input will be pretty handy!

    I suppose I'm quite similar to you in that I rarely went to clubs (haven't been since Nov 2007) and spend most of my Saturday nights studying or researching etc. If I have free time then I prefer to play computer games with guys etc.

    Is it that you feel social pressure from friends/family to meet women? Is it that many of your male friends may be devoting more attention to their partners so you feel a little left out? I was also rejected very bluntly when I was younger so wouldn't ask a woman out either - if it's going to have a very negative effect on you if you fail I'd recommend you don't do it (cost-benefit analysis). Are you very committed to your career?

    squish.
    • #3
    #3

    I don't think clubs are very good place to meet girls. Not interesting girls from my experience.
    I think this would be worth a shot;
    (Original post by Vicious Fishes)
    Match.com has a week's free trial at the minute.

    Some people see online dating as sad but it's actually a really good way to meet somebody who has a similar personality to yourself.
    Stay positive OP
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    don't worry, you seem nice enough, you'll meet someone clubs arnt the best place to meet people though. i would suggest finding a new interest that involves others, such as a sports club or a band or something, becasue then youll be meeting people with similar interests to you. be confident in who you are, and youll find it easier
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    Clubs are not the place to go if you want to find a proper girlfriend, imo.

    You play guitar? That alone could charm the pants off a load of girls. Did you not get into any clubs/societies in Uni?
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    (Original post by Floofy)
    You play guitar? That alone could charm the pants off a load of girls.
    its so true.
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    (Original post by Floofy)
    You play guitar? That alone could charm the pants off a load of girls.
    This. Women tend to love musicians, unless they only play bass.

    Try somewhere more relaxed than a club to look for women, even the pubs or cafes are better.
    Also match.com like someone else mentioned, it's worth a shot. Good luck OP.
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    (Original post by Flying Cookie)
    I'm very serious here.

    A lot of people who just "can't seem to find anyone right" for them... may be looking for the wrong sex. I don't know you personally, but it won't hurt considering your sexual orientation before actually taking yourself as straight by default. If you're sure it's not that, then maybe you're not sure what kind of girl you want, so you're not sending the right signals out there. If everything fails, just focus on other things. When you're not looking, you'll find someone. But don't give up and keep your youth drive running
    That seems like strange advice, but then again my own sexual orientation has always been pretty obvious to me. If he was gay surely he'd have realised by now that he finds men attractive?
 
 
 
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