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(Long) My story, do I tell them? watch

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    Anon or delete, please.

    So. I've experienced my fair of **** through life. I had to move out when I was 15 cos my dad kept beating me up, those sorts of things. The list is long.

    I'm a girl, and I'm very social. This might sound like bragging, but I actually have a lot of friends. A very few of them knows things about my background, most of them knows only things that has happened to me the last few years, and nothing from my upbringing or anything like that at all.

    The thing I struggle the most with, is my panic disorder. Because of what my dad, my brother, my first bf, some random guy in the street one winter night last year and one of my best friends, - did to me, I have developed anxiety for guys. Not _every_ guy. I work in a shop, and I've never been afraid or nervous of any of the male customers, not any strangers at all, I flirt, I get with guys, and have loads of male friends. But it's the close friends! The friends I should be able to trust, the guys that really cares about me.. I'm dead scared of them! I know in my heart that they won't, but I keep thinking that they will hurt me. Be violent, rape me, try to kill me, anything really. So, obviously I've had to tell some of them. And the reactions has been varied. And I haven't dared to tell them all.
    One of my best mates surprised me with a hug once, and I started hyperventilating and fainted. Had to sit down with him afterwards and try to explain. Which is hard, cos I hardly understand it myself. And I don't want people to feel sorry for me.

    So.. The question, and reason for me starting this thread is;
    When I move to this new place, hopefully I will get new male friends, and should I tell them? Is this something that people tell? And when? And if, at all, how?
    I can't imagine telling many people, as a handfull knows by this point. And I can't imagine telling them before I know them very well. But here, I have people to call, mates to ask for advice and get comfort from whenever I'm down cos they know my story. So, I've been thinking maybe it could be good to have somebody in the new place that knew?
    I dunno.. this got messy.. write whatever you want..

    I'm moving now, moving from all of my friends, to a completely new place, to start at uni.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete, please.

    So. I've experienced my fair of **** through life. I had to move out when I was 15 cos my dad kept beating me up, those sorts of things. The list is long.

    I'm a girl, and I'm very social. This might sound like bragging, but I actually have a lot of friends. A very few of them knows things about my background, most of them knows only things that has happened to me the last few years, and nothing from my upbringing or anything like that at all.

    The thing I struggle the most with, is my panic disorder. Because of what my dad, my brother, my first bf, some random guy in the street one winter night last year and one of my best friends, - did to me, I have developed anxiety for guys. Not _every_ guy. I work in a shop, and I've never been afraid or nervous of any of the male customers, not any strangers at all, I flirt, I get with guys, and have loads of male friends. But it's the close friends! The friends I should be able to trust, the guys that really cares about me.. I'm dead scared of them! I know in my heart that they won't, but I keep thinking that they will hurt me. Be violent, rape me, try to kill me, anything really. So, obviously I've had to tell some of them. And the reactions has been varied. And I haven't dared to tell them all.
    One of my best mates surprised me with a hug once, and I started hyperventilating and fainted. Had to sit down with him afterwards and try to explain. Which is hard, cos I hardly understand it myself. And I don't want people to feel sorry for me.

    So.. The question, and reason for me starting this thread is;
    When I move to this new place, hopefully I will get new male friends, and should I tell them? Is this something that people tell? And when? And if, at all, how?
    I can't imagine telling many people, as a handfull knows by this point. And I can't imagine telling them before I know them very well. But here, I have people to call, mates to ask for advice and get comfort from whenever I'm down cos they know my story. So, I've been thinking maybe it could be good to have somebody in the new place that knew?
    I dunno.. this got messy.. write whatever you want..

    I'm moving now, moving from all of my friends, to a completely new place, to start at uni.
    I do this for various reasons. Being around men can terrify me if it's a day when I'm at all predisposed towards having an anxiety attack. Yeah, it's a good idea to find someone you can trust in the new place. I've built myself up a little group of people here who know some of the messed-up-stuff that's happened and can be relied upon to help (although, obviously, this goes both ways and I can sometimes find myself being called upon for 5am drinking and angsting sessions, hahah).

    As for being funny about men- I don't know either. I have a handful of men in my life I trust, but only one of them absolutely. I try to think of them as family. It kinda works because I don't really have much of an actual family to speak of. So long as there's absolutely nothing sexual from any of them, I cope just fine.

    Eh, this was kind of messy, too. :p:
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    Wait until you've made a few close friends at uni first, don't go around in freshers week telling randomers about your anxiety and panic attacks, you'll probably scare them off.

    Seriously though, don't just tell people because you want to have people there who know, wait until you get to know people better. You can still call friends from back home who know about your problem if you need to.
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    I wouldn't tell people straight off. Your new friends may be untrustworthy et cetera and may use it against you. And maybe you'll get over it if you're not thinking about it as much. Don't use it as an excuse to be afraid of guys though... nor an excuse not to trust them. Sometimes they're actually better than women...
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    I would give it a while before you start telling people. Firstly because then you can decide who can be trusted and who you want to know but also because you never know being in a new place might actually make things a whole lot better for you. You will get a new start after all.

    This sort of info is very personal and because of that you would only want your close friends to know and Freshers month at uni can be quite tempremental. You may not be mates with the same people you were at the beggining in 2/3 months time.

    Use your judgement and don't feel bound to tell people, just do what feels right and what you are comfortable with.
 
 
 
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