Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So I'm transgender (I'm a guy - just to make it clear) I've always know I was but it's only in the last few years I've really had any idea that people really live as the opposite gender to thier birth gender or had sex changes or dressed up. I crossdress basically as often as I can, although this is quite infrequently as I'm too terrified of peoples reactions to do it outside my house and I don't want my family knowing, so the only time I get to crossdress is when I'm alone (which isn't very often). I would love to be able to live full time as a girl, crossdress 100% of the time and all the rest ... but I can't. Mainly because I'm scared, but also I don't want to to suffer the stigma that can be attached to transgenderism. So over the summer holidays I have to opertunity to live (for a few days) 100% female behind closed doors (my family will be away) and I'm really looking forward to it but it does raise problems.

    I don't want to be a closet transperson. I want to beable to discover who I am, and the only way I can do that is to stop hiding my female side. But how? By october I wil be at uni living in halls, how can I crossdress then? I'm scared that it would only hurt me and the self-esteem boost I would get from being out would be lost due to peoples negative reactions.

    I guess I should actually be asking a question here ... so here goes. What do you think I should do? Should I crossdress in public and risk meeting people I know? Should I crossdress at uni infront of people (on a perminent or temperary basis)? Or do you think there's a more mild approach I could take? I want to live as a girl, I'm just not sure I'll beable to hack living as a transsexual without getting hurt by my own lack of self confidence or other peoples negative reactions.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    For many people university is a chance to express themselves in a way they've never had the chance to before.

    You'll be able to be yourself and do whatever you feel comfortable with. They'll likely be a LGBT group at your university which you can joing and go to lots of icebreaker events where you'll be able to meet knew people and get advice and think about how you want to express your gender.

    For you to suddenly start dressing as a female could be a big shock to your friends and your family - at university though you'll have an opportunity to experiment and slowly start to dress how you feel comfortable untill you feel ready to talk to you family and friends about it - who i'm sure will support you.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Ignore him, why do you think he has negative rep?

    I would just say do it when you feel like it and when your comfortable with it, and at times when you feel safe doing it, etc.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    At uni you can reinvent yourself. Ever see chris on hollyoaks. If people don't accept you for who you are then they aren't worth knowing. Good luck, and just for the record, I totally don't judge you, and wouldn't judge any transgender person I met.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by joshphillips999)
    Ignore him, why do you think he has negative rep?

    I would just say do it when you feel like it and when your comfortable with it, and at times when you feel safe doing it, etc.
    Aww thanks, it's just annoying that at nearly 20 years old I can't express myself as fully as I'd like. When I go to uni I'm just terrified that if i dress up in a small way one day then all of a sudden everyone will label me as ... well ... a freak . It's hard because I think people see people who dress up in womens clothing as gay men who dress in pink mini-dresses and go out on a night to clubs and get drunk, I just wanna throw on a regular outfit and go out shopping.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    Does anyone on this site have any experiences of coming out as transsexual or transgendered in thier late teens and if so what sort of responce they got from people.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    To be honest, I think at this point it sounds like the best thing for you would be to meet and get advice from other transgendered people. It sounds as though you're feeling quite alone in facing these decisions as you have nobody to confide in. It may well help you to consider and strengthen your identity if you're able to talk to people who have shares similar experiences to you.
    I think you should be able to access information about transgendered groups/therapy/support etc on-line (let me know if you want any help). There will be lots of information and support out there for you, if only you're able to find it.
    There are individuals who have chosen to live as the opposite gender at university. This is probably a much easier step if it's done with the knowledge and support of the individual's family though. Do you feel confident enough to talk to any member of your family about your gender identity?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Also, I just sent you a PM with a website address. Please let me know if it got to you or not, as I'm not sure whether messages can or can't be sent to anonymous users
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by McCoy)
    Also, I just sent you a PM with a website address. Please let me know if it got to you or not, as I'm not sure whether messages can or can't be sent to anonymous users
    No, they can't. Sending a PM to an Anonymous user sends the PM to http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/member.php?u=3. The same applies for repping anonymous users, actually.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Dalimyr)
    No, they can't. Sending a PM to an Anonymous user sends the PM to http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/member.php?u=3
    Ooooh, thank-you. Seems a little silly that I can click on someone's name and 'send them a PM' without it getting there. That option shouldn't be available when someone is anon
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Dalimyr)
    No, they can't. Sending a PM to an Anonymous user sends the PM to http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/member.php?u=3
    Out of interest - are you able to tell us how many PMs this lucky member has received since the start of the anon function? :p:
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    do this....

    this is what my friend did: go somewhere far away from home within UK and only take womens clothes and just see how you feel being a woman full time for say a week but only wear man clothes on travels and dont use them or it will lose the point.

    edit: the reeason not to take male clothes is that it removes the option of being a man when it gets hard to go out

    my advice: do as above or talk to friends and at uni see if you have a soc for that.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    As an LGBT Officer for my SU, and a sensible person, it would be deeply inappropriate for me to tell you what I think you should do. I wouldn't want to suggest you get yourself into a potentially messy situation.

    What I will say, however, is 'coming out' is often a very difficult time and a difficult process. Sometimes it goes really well, sometimes it doesn't. Only you know your family and friends and how they will react, and only you know if you can handle negative reactions if you come out at university.

    I know many trans people who have made very sucessful transitions and are now fully accepted as their true gender, not the one they were born with/prescribed by society. It is perfectly possible to transition in such a manner that you 'pass' without the majority of people knowing you are trans. However, this usually takes a while to achieve and it *may* be a bumpy ride. It might just as easily be a smooth ride.

    This isn't advice on whether or not to come out. I just want you to think about your options, how the process could work and how you will feel when you encounter the full range of human reactions.

    I'll prod some of my trans friends and see if anyone would be happy to chat to you. If you feel comfortable doing so, you're very welcome to send me a PM and we can chat more privately.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by McCoy)
    Also, I just sent you a PM with a website address. Please let me know if it got to you or not, as I'm not sure whether messages can or can't be sent to anonymous users
    youll have to post it if you want him to see it
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by kexy)
    Out of interest - are you able to tell us how many PMs this lucky member has received since the start of the anon function? :p:
    Dunno but they have started 34,725 threads and made 153,360 posts.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    Never did Eddie Izzard any harm.

    Just do what you want to, there's bound to be a LGBT soc at any university. From there you could meet like-minded people, or at least people who won't judge you for it.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by kexy)
    Out of interest - are you able to tell us how many PMs this lucky member has received since the start of the anon function? :p:
    Nope. Could if I still knew the password, but pig changed it back in 2007.

    (Original post by McCoy)
    Seems a little silly that I can click on someone's name and 'send them a PM' without it getting there. That option shouldn't be available when someone is anon
    I agree...but there's no real harm in it


    OP, if you want, feel free to join us in LGBT Chat. You wouldn't be the only T there (there was a FtM user who just joined the soc fairly recently, actually) and we wouldn't judge you at all and would be perfectly happy to give you support and stuff
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by McCoy)
    I think you should be able to access information about transgendered groups/therapy/support etc on-line (let me know if you want any help).
    I just PM'd you from my actual account because it would be great if you could point me in the right direction

    (Original post by Schmokie Dragon)
    I'll prod some of my trans friends and see if anyone would be happy to chat to you. If you feel comfortable doing so, you're very welcome to send me a PM and we can chat more privately.
    Thanks for your help I've sent you a PM.

    (Original post by McCoy)
    Do you feel confident enough to talk to any member of your family about your gender identity?
    If only. I know my family would be supportive, but I don't think they would understand, I'm scared that on the surface they'd seem ok with it, but underneath they would think I was wierd or it was "just a phase" and as soon as I showed the slightest sign of femaninity they wouldn't be able to cope with it and would treat me really differently. To be honest I'm very ashamed of things infront of my parents (I don't know why) but I find it hard to talk about anything personal infront of my parents (I won't even tell them if I have a cold - I know ... wierd).

    Luckily I'm not like this with my friends and I have told two of them. One of the people I have told was REALLY lovely about it and is really helping me out.

    (Original post by DOA)
    this is what my friend did: go somewhere far away from home within UK and only take womens clothes and just see how you feel being a woman full time for say a week but only wear man clothes on travels and dont use them or it will lose the point.
    This is what I'm thinking of doing in a few weeks. I'm going away with a couple of VERY accepting friends who know about my "issue", so I'm going to go away with them and dress 100% female and see how I deal with it, it's only a few days so if I freak out then I won't be trapped and it's in a city where I know no-one so won't run into any sticky situations. I must admit the biggest problem with my plan at the moment is money , even if I have some female clothes I don't have enough to keep me going for very long ... so I'm trying to build a little collection. I must admit sizings are a nightmare too.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)

    This is what I'm thinking of doing in a few weeks. I'm going away with a couple of VERY accepting friends who know about my "issue", so I'm going to go away with them and dress 100% female and see how I deal with it, it's only a few days so if I freak out then I won't be trapped and it's in a city where I know no-one so won't run into any sticky situations. I must admit the biggest problem with my plan at the moment is money , even if I have some female clothes I don't have enough to keep me going for very long ... so I'm trying to build a little collection. I must admit sizings are a nightmare too.
    where do yyou keep your female clothes? and how much could this hold. goood for you talking to friends, great step forward
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by DOA)
    where do yyou keep your female clothes? and how much could this hold. goood for you talking to friends, great step forward
    Aww thanks - I have a few female clothes in a box right at the back under my bed, you'd have to pull everything else out from under there so I'm pretty sure no one will find them. In my little collection I have mostly tops, so they hold down really small, and I don't have anything big like jeans, I've only bought female clothes for the top half of me because I have enough trouble finding mens jeans that fit so I'm pretty sure finding female trousers would be almost impossible. Plus it would mean spending alot of time trying on jeans in a shop which I see as an almost impossibility.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 2, 2009
Poll
Are you going to a festival?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.