Id never heard if the condition vaginismus untill i looked it up on the internet and im pretty sure i have it , im 20 and a virgin and up untill seeing my boyfriend had never tried to have sex before, ive never even tried to put a tampon in.
But this last week me and my boyfriend have got very close, i really want to sleep with him and hes desperate too, weve done everything else (given oral on each other) and i love doing that, and i can get very wet, but when he goes to try and put his penis in i completly freeze up and my vagina tighens and goes completly dry, its so frustratihg, hes getting anoyed with me now and thinks that i dont fancy him or something but its notihng to do with that. Hes not even able to put his little finger in without me telling him to stop because im in pain.
Im just feeling so fed up and embarresed about the whole thing, i so badly want to have sex but my bidy just wont let me. Its not like im not ready, i do feel 100% ready and im so comfortable with him, its like i just cant control the musles in my vagina, they just tighen up when he goes near there.
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- Thread Starter
- 19-07-2009 13:33
- 19-07-2009 13:41
Take things slow, try penetrative masturbation at home with something small (i.e. finger) then work your way up. Otherwise, go see a doctor, it could be a psychological block.
- 19-07-2009 13:44
Alcohol. Relax a bit, often works.
- 19-07-2009 14:02
- 19-07-2009 14:17
I've had this problem, I'm 19 and I've never been able to have anything up my vagina. I went to the doctor about it and was referred to a gynaecologist who told me that there's a wall of tissue blocking the entrance to my vagina. As my periods are normal it's not a great problem, but I've had quite a few tests (ultrasound, MRI and I'm having an endoscopy next week) to find out what's going on an eventually I'll probably have to have it operated on.
Not trying to worry you, your situation just sounds very similar to mine and I thought I'd share my experiences.
- 19-07-2009 14:20
- 19-07-2009 14:46
As the dude above said, first try penetrative masturbation with some lubricant. You have to make your mind understand that it's not gonna kill you
Then try it with bigger objects and hopefully you'll become comfortable with it
- 19-07-2009 16:33
Hi I have the same problem as you, and I was referred to a gynaecologist. Everything was physically normal, but my muscles would tighten whenever anything penetrated my vagina. This was because I had had an unrelated skin condition before which made my skin quite dry and painful, but even after that was cleared up I still subconsciously expected pain from penetration. My gynaecologist gave me vaginal dilators, which look like sex toys (they're basically dildos ) from very small to fairly large. You relax and insert the smallest dilator as far as is comfortable, leave it for five minutes, then stop. If you do it every day, you are essentially retraining your muscles to relax, and once you've worked your way up to the biggest dilator you are probably OK to try penetrative sex.
So my advice is go to your GP and ask to be referred to a gynaecologist. You're problem might be different, but gynaecologists are trained to deal with psychological and well as physical problems (vaginismus is both.) As for your partner, I would explain to him, or if you'd prefer have your gynaecologist explain to him, what the problem is and how he can help. It's obviously natural for him to feel frustrated or upset, but if he understands that it's not something you can help, then he can support you.
I hope this helps, remember don't despair, the problem is almost definitely a minor one and it won't be long until you can sleep with your partner!
- 19-07-2009 20:12
Try touching yourself - that way you're completely in control and can stop the second it starts to hurt. Also, chances are that you have smaller fingers. Now you've got into the mindset of everytime you try it hurts, your going to automatically clamp down and dry up from that. If you can't even manage to touch yourself, going really slowly and gently building up, i think you really do need to go and see a doctor about it, because that's not normal, and if you have a problem, chances are it can be helped. But if you can, stretch it as gently as you can with your fingers, then see if you're okay with your boyfriend as well, before you should even consider trying to have sex, you probably need to build up to it. If he can't accept that you can't have sex because it hurts so much, you shouldn't be with him (personal opinion, obv.), but do make sure he knows that it's not him and you want to, you just can't control your vagina!
Since you can have, and enjoy oral sex together, i don't think it should be a problem not having sex, and since you do get wet from it it should be obvious you do enjoy it and it's not him. I hope you sort your problem out soon