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Same old story, couple going to different universities! Watch

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    Hey all, I know this has been posted 100 times, but I'd still like any idea's tailored to my situation.

    This story follows the same theme that most of these threads follow, myself and my girlfriend are potentially going to different universities this October/September, and I'm trying to find a way to either avoid this outcome, or ease it in this eventuality.

    My offers are from ICL and Warwick (firm and insurance respectively) to study Compsci
    Her's are from LSE and Cardiff (firm, insurance as above) to study Law

    The original plan was to end up in London together, and grades permitting, that would have been fine until a couple of weeks ago. Recently, she has really gone off the idea of going to London and has come up with many reasons not to go. Without being too possessive and dismissive of her opinions, these reasons do not seem strong enough to turn down LSE and go to Cardiff instead in my opinion.

    We've both always been pushed to get to the best uni's we could and it has come as quite a shock that she no longer want's to go, not to mention put quite a hurdle in front of me.

    I had an offer from Cardiff but declined it, this poses the question as to whether or not they would want me even if I was to decline my choices in favor of Cardiff. Also, what impact would going to Cardiff have on my job prospects? would i struggle to get the jobs that I'd maybe be able to get in London coming out of Cardiff?

    Another problem that has arisen is that she is going in to study Law, however, the close we get to going to uni, the more adamant she becomes that she doesn't want to do law anymore, she want to peruse midwifery.


    As I've said above, I know stories like this are posted frequently, but I'm desperately seeking and solutions or advice that could be offered.

    We've been together for just over a year now and it would kill me if we were to be torn apart by this, it's so hard to try and find some way that everything can work out!

    Excuse the long story, but any suggestions or help would be much appreciated!!

    Many thanks
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    Is it her way of saying that she isn't happy with her life (and part of that being her relationship) and therefore needs some space from both?
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    (Original post by Sarky)
    Is it her way of saying that she isn't happy with her life (and part of that being her relationship) and therefore needs some space from both?

    I dont think so, I hesitate to say no because obviously, I cant read minds!

    Since we've both finished college I passed my driving test and we've just been so great together. To throw another spanner in the works, we booked a holiday together last Wednesday to go in mid Sept (we started talking about the "what if we end up in different places?" that night.)
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    Completely unhelpful I know, but I can't BELIEVE that she's turning down the chance to study Law at LSE (an opportunity most would kill for!).

    Your job prospects are far higher in London, and my understanding is once you've turned the uni down that's it anyway. So I guess it's going to be a long distance relationship, but if she doesn't even want to do Law at all anymore then I don't know :dontknow:
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    (Original post by xmarilynx)
    Completely unhelpful I know, but I can't BELIEVE that she's turning down the chance to study Law at LSE (an opportunity most would kill for!).

    I know... I can't understand it! I've been trying to get her to explain but she just seems sure she won't be happy there. It makes me feel quite bad to see her potentially mission out on such a great opportunity because I know she'd thrive there, she works harder than anyone I've ever met... I'm sure if she went, the world would be for her taking
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    Let her do what she wants and stay well out of her choices. What might be best for her is not what you think might be best, she might be happier doing a job she enjoys rather than doing a job she hates just for the money.

    If she wants to go to Cardiff then encourage her, and then try long distance. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt.
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    (Original post by Cj-Tj)
    Let her do what she wants and stay well out of her choices. What might be best for her is not what you think might be best, she might be happier doing a job she enjoys rather than doing a job she hates just for the money.

    If she wants to go to Cardiff then encourage her, and then try long distance. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt.
    The problem there is she doesn't want to have a long dist relationship, thus the desperation!
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    (Original post by Zebrahead)
    The problem there is she doesn't want to have a long dist relationship, thus the desperation!
    Think that sums it up tbh, sounds like she maybe wants some space or wants out the relationship. Going to uni will be an easy way to achieve this without that many issues.
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    (Original post by Cj-Tj)
    Think that sums it up tbh, sounds like she maybe wants some space or wants out the relationship. Going to uni will be an easy way to achieve this without that many issues.
    Would she have booked a holiday with me 5 days ago to get away from me?

    We live a good 40/45 min drive away from each other and until I passed my test we barely got to see each other. It's not like I've been cramping her every minute or anything. Since day one we've said how great it would be to be together, and until recently, the dream was always to be in London together, being able to see each other whenever we wanted... I really dont think she wants to get away from me.
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    Yeah, no-one in the right mind unless they have an offer from Oxbridge would turn down LSE for Law. It is obvious she either doesn't want to be with you at University - well in London. Sorry i suppose?

    To further this it seems everything you try - car, long distance, holiday is instantly turned down...
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    (Original post by Troubled_Student)
    To further this it seems everything you try - car, long distance, holiday is instantly turned down...
    I kinda understand, but she hasn't turned down the car, I've seen her when I've not been working and she's been happy. I've really been able to see it in her, she's been happier with me since I've been able to see her frequently.

    And the holiday wasn't turned down, we booked. As it stands, we're going, she paid her share in full...


    I really dont understand
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    (Original post by Zebrahead)
    I had an offer from Cardiff but declined it, this poses the question as to whether or not they would want me even if I was to decline my choices in favor of Cardiff. Also, what impact would going to Cardiff have on my job prospects? would i struggle to get the jobs that I'd maybe be able to get in London coming out of Cardiff?
    This worries me.
    Do NOT turn down ICL for Cardiff to stay with your girlfriend. Just DON'T.
    Going to a university just because your gf/bf is going there is a really bad idea. Just try long-distance if you have to.
    (Also, I know this doesn't add anything to the discussion - but why would she turn down an opportunity to take Law at the LSE??)
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    (Original post by weet_ABI_x)
    This worries me.
    Do NOT turn down ICL for Cardiff to stay with your girlfriend. Just DON'T.
    Going to a university just because your gf/bf is going there is a really bad idea. Just try long-distance if you have to.
    (Also, I know this doesn't add anything to the discussion - but why would she turn down an opportunity to take Law at the LSE??)


    I dont want to, i wish this whole thing could solve itself! As for declining LSE... From what I've gathered its because she doesn't want to do law, she think's she'll be miserable in London whereas she has family in Cardiff and it's closer to home so she'll be happier (and it'll be less expensive).

    Other than that i can only put it down to cold feet maybe?
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    It is more expensive in London yes, but Law at LSE! you don't turn it down, if she's decided to change now totally from Law to "midwife" why?
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    She may just be panicking about uni, about how hard it is going to be. She may be doubting herself and her ability to do well. Law at LSE is an amazing opportunity but it is also a very daunting one. We all go through phases of doubting ourselves, maybe this is just her worrying that the workload will be too great.

    On the other hand, if she wants to change unis but doesn't want a long distance relationship then what is she wanting from you? Does she want you to change unis too? If not then this may be her way of saying she is getting nerves about your relationship.

    In terms of advice, try and be supportive of her without smothering her. Just try to talk to her about it. I wouldn't advise you changing your uni if she changes hers - even if you felt it was a worthwhile sacrifice at the time you could end up resenting her for it. And if she does want to change uni just remember that it is her choice - don't pressure her to do what you want. Good luck OP.
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    (Original post by Troubled_Student)
    It is more expensive in London yes, but Law at LSE! you don't turn it down, if she's decided to change now totally from Law to "midwife" why?
    Well, she was never really set on law, she had straight 100% in her law AS and tutors in college pushed her to go for it, saying she could breeze oxbridge with grades like that, her parents liked the idea and she was kinda just swept up by it.

    She's always kinda mentioned midwifery, its not that that is so sudden.

    It's only now that she's decided that London isn't for her, and it's that part that's really getting me.
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    Repeating what others have said, but don't follow her just because she might be going somewhere else.
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    Yeah don't follow her, if you split up which seems likely you've wasted your chances of a better uni education etc.
    Just ask her if she really wants to stay with you or is she just messing about with all this stuff, obviously in a politer way.
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    Don't follow her, I know noone ever likes or listens to this advice but in any circumstance you're better off starting university single.
 
 
 
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