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Can somebody with a lot/just enough friends tell me how they do it? Watch

    • #1
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    #1

    This sounds really sad but I always feel like its hard for me to make friends and its getting me down

    I have a good few friends but I have a real fear of rejection and I don't know how to go about making more without 'sucking up'.

    I'm going to uni in September to live in halls but just now, stuff like top friends is getting me upset. I just want to be comfortable with the amount of friends I've got, any advice?
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    There is no magic secret to having lots of friends, certain things often attract 'friends', like money and fame but that's not really genuine, is it?

    You've just got to be yourself and accept you for who you are! And ofcourse only be friends with people who do too.

    It's all about quality not quantity!
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    I have many friends, but hardly any "close" friends. I found seeing i went to college on my own and universty on my own, i have friends all over but no close friends. But seeing as you're going to be living in halls you should make plenty of friends from the get go, just talk to people. Until then why not join a group for anything you find interesting?
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    Don't be shy, be funny, outgoing, sweet and nice.
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    First, RELAX. If you're relaxed, you're approachable, people will want to talk to you. Don't feel pressured into filling every second with speech or make people like you. Just talk to people, some may talk more and others might not.
    And try to keep in contact wth the friends you have now.
    You'll be fine
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    At uni, people aren't all going to be exactly the same, have loads of friends, be outgoing and popular - think about the mix of people that you had at school/college at it'll be an even more diverse mix of people going there with you than that. However, everyone's in the same situation: everyone's secretly worried that they're not going to make friends or get along with every single person, and that no one will like them because they're not necessary the most confident person around. Think about it - you should feel proud of your friends because that's who you are and you should never lose sight of your past when you go off to uni

    Everyone's in the same boat and feeling nervous too - no matter to what extreme or however much they choose to show it : )
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    You'll get to know a lot of people at university. But you can't plan to make friends, that's just something that happens naturally. Don't worry about it, just have fun and good things will happen.
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    make the effort to get to know as many people as possible. Meet them before you pass judgement ie. just because somebody says someone is a cow doesn't mean you should believe them
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    Its not the thing to make friends thats hard, its about the ability to keep your friendships. You need to stay in touch with people, meet them as often as possible in the vacations and then you'll find life alot of fun. However, i fyou just sit back at home and cry nothing is ever gonna happen. The easiest way is to invite someone to your house (ask the decent guy/girl of your class) see what happens.....hope this helps.
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    stop being a pussy, why be scared of rejection from other people? - they are nothing - you are the centre of your own universe!
    • #2
    #2

    Argh i completely know how you feel...
    i have a good bunch of friends mainly girls and i have moments where im really close to them...you being able to confide in conversations with them... but that only seems to be in school... when im home like now in the holidays i feel so bored. and the couple friends i am close with it feels as though they have best friends and dont see me as a close friend to talk to enough...
    i just wish i had one best friend who wouldnt let me down ....

    i always feel left out usually in a circle... everyone is busy with their own 'best friend' or boy/girl friend...

    lol i seem to myself that i sound so primary school yet im in college
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    The best way is to just make the effort with everyone. When you meet someone new at a party or whatever, follow them up, even if its just a "hi great to meet you yesterday" on facebook. You'll end up with more acquaintences than friends, but some of these will undoubtedly turn into better friends.
    And its worth trying to become closer to your existing close friends etc. The better the friends you have are, the less need you'll feel for more.

    However never try too hard for a friendship that clearly won't go anywhere. It'll get you even more stressed about the situation. I used to have the same worries as you, I had various groups of friends scattered here and there, and when I started drifting from those outside of school I got really upset. But now I have a wider circle of much closer friends from within school who I'm much happier with because my friendship with them comes naturally
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    I didn't really have friends before university, but once I moved into halls I honestly found it hard not to make friends. Everyone's out to make friends, a lot of people knew who I was through the facebook group that was set up prior to moving into halls, and it's so easy to just go 'fancy checking out this night?' or 'want to go to this art gallery tomorrow?'. Just let it happen.

    (For the record I am terrified of rejection. Even now I sometimes get scared that my friends don't like me. Then they all laugh at me and throw things at me, which, weirdly, helps a lot).

    Also, smoking. Not that I would advise anyone to smoke. But three of my closest friends were made via standing outside halls freezing our arses off sharing ****.
    • #2
    #2

    oh that a nice reply... thankyou ...

    i guess i should try a little more i just have this feeling like im arse licking or being fake (grr im a freak lol )
    • #2
    #2

    totally random but my account says my join date was Nov 1999 ... i joined only this year
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    When you go into Halls make sure your door is always open, that way people feel they can come and talk to you.....

    But as long as your not horrible to people then making friends shouldn't be a problem, people want to like others its part of human nature....
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    i have a really big group of friends, but then ive got about two who i actually like and am close to. hhmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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    Just be cool, be friendly. Start conversation and stuff. Don't be a total biatch.

    Keep it simple and you'll be fine.
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    Don't be completely self-righteous - i.e. "he's common riff raff"/"that rah's head is so far up her arse" (it works both ways) - or self-conscious - i.e. "s/he's too good for me". Be approachable, and be yourself - for one person that doesn't particularly like you, there'll be plenty of others that do
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    Don't change yourself to make friends. Be friendly and be yourself and you'll naturally gravitate towards certain people.
 
 
 
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