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How can I get my girlfriend to lose weight? watch

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    Could you try being a little less shallow?
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    (Original post by mipegg)
    As expected this thread is full of angry women giving you grief. I dont agree with the people who are saying 'its all your problem so deal with it', a relationship is a 2 way thing, in order to make relationships successful you need to work with eachother. Tell eachother what you dont like/want to happen then change for eachothers sake. In that view I dont see why its such a crime to want a girlfriend whos in better shape. (Though wanting to dump her is a bit much (unless she's gotten extremely unattractively big)).

    Maybe ask her if theres anything she wants to change about you and hope that she asks you back but be careful with the language you choose.
    It is his problem though if he's shallow enough to consider a 'couple of pounds' a huge problem.

    I do agree that relationships are a two way thing and you're right, you need to work together in order to make them successful; but that doesn't come from him telling his girlfriend she's put on weight; it's insensitive and unneccessary.

    Telling each other what you like/want doesn't really work if he's telling her she's fat and he wants her to be thin; demoralising your girlfriends character for your own gain isn't really a two way relationship, is it? It only works if there are actual problems in the relationship; you see each other two often and it's causing arguments, your boyfriend would rather play xbox than see you, your girlfriend ignores you when there are other men around: they are real problems, a few pounds is not a problem.

    If you want a girlfriend who keeps herself in a constant state of excellent shapedness then go to the gym and pick up one of the girls from there, because real women don't slave away at their figure constantly in order to impress men, nor should we have to; we are attractive in our own right, no matter how wobbly our tummies are and you shoudl respect that. Just as we respect the fact that you males are all hairy and that your *** sometimes tastes weird and that you fart in bed and stuff like that.
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    Use a stick and poke her stomach whilst chuckling.
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    Sorry but the amount of people having a go at you about what you want being unforgivable should get off their high horses.

    Yeah so it's a little shallow - but HONESTLY, who isn't!? I mean sure it would be great if the world was a lot more understanding and willing to see inner beauty but it just isn't and we all have our preferences.

    You're entitled to your choices and the idea of having more sex sounds like the best way forward - for both of you!
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    Putting on a few pounds doesn't really qualify as long term pain, nor does it even qualify as short term pain. There isn't any acceptable time when a man can tell a woman he thinks she's put on a few pounds and in order to "satisfy him" she ought to slave away at the gym to get rid of a few pounds which she has probably put on due to being on the pill so he doesn't have to wear a condom.

    I find a lot of the men on TSR pretty pathetic in some respects. A lot of you seem to have some cooked up notion of how relationships should be: the male's opinion is the only opinion, and that their girlfriend should look exactly like the girls in the magazines they **** off to, and that any tiny flaw should result in a demoralisation of her character and crushing her feelings.

    I don't think a lot of you realise that if a woman puts on a bit of weight in a relationship it means she's happy and doesn't feel the need to be slaving away at the gym or constantly dieting because she feels secure enough with her boyfriend to know that if she does put on a bit of excess weight he won't run for the hills like the toss pots she meets in town who are only after a shag. And if you are purely with her because she's thin or whatever then you're obviously a **** and don't deserve her.

    It's really not fair of anyone to tell their partner they're putting on weight, male or female, it's not really a detrimental problem in a relationship and if you're shallow enough not to be attracted to someone who has a bit extra to hold on to then you're really not worth it and should sort out your own ******* problems before you take your insecurities out on your poor girlfriend.
    attraction can be shallow; get over it. You do make some valid points, the main one being that people should be able to look past looks when in a relationship; however you seem to forget that attraction does play a big part in why people are in a relationship in the first place. If you are no longer attracted to your partner; i think it'd be a terrible thing to continue the relationship under the delusion of 'doing what is right.' Is it not better to talk about issues and resolve them instead of ignoring them? The fact is guys, most guys aren't solely attracted to personality but also to looks- if she no longer looks attractive to the partner for whatever reason, surely it's a better course of action to talk it out, find out why and find a solution. Relationships are all about compromise, about give and take, if there's an issue the girl wants sorted, the guy should try his best to sort it out; likewise the other way round. In short: the guy should try to live with it, but if it's a big enough issue that he's contemplating breaking up, he should have a serious talk with his gf and find a solution that suits both parties. This is reasonable, no?
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    (Original post by cpj1987)
    How about just dumping her then? She shouldn't have to change for you - it's you with the issue.
    Relationships are about sacrifice. If he isn't attracted to her when she gains weight, then losing weight is one of the options
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    Does the OP mean a few pounds or 1 stone + weight gain? If it is only a few pounds you are being very picky as girls can fluctuate in weight now and again. I wonder if you've got a body like David Beckham :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    It is his problem though if he's shallow enough to consider a 'couple of pounds' a huge problem.

    I do agree that relationships are a two way thing and you're right, you need to work together in order to make them successful; but that doesn't come from him telling his girlfriend she's put on weight; it's insensitive and unneccessary.

    Telling each other what you like/want doesn't really work if he's telling her she's fat and he wants her to be thin; demoralising your girlfriends character for your own gain isn't really a two way relationship, is it? It only works if there are actual problems in the relationship; you see each other two often and it's causing arguments, your boyfriend would rather play xbox than see you, your girlfriend ignores you when there are other men around: they are real problems, a few pounds is not a problem.

    If you want a girlfriend who keeps herself in a constant state of excellent shapedness then go to the gym and pick up one of the girls from there, because real women don't slave away at their figure constantly in order to impress men, nor should we have to; we are attractive in our own right, no matter how wobbly our tummies are and you shoudl respect that. Just as we respect the fact that you males are all hairy and that your *** sometimes tastes weird and that you fart in bed and stuff like that.
    Agreed in the most part. Telling someone that their fat and telling them to get thin is just a stupid thing to do. Though I would hardly describe 40 minuets a day->3 days a week 'slaving'

    As far as Im concerned a relationship is made up of equal amounts of emotional, mental and physical attraction. If there is a problem with any of these in my honest opinion it needs to be sorted out by either conceding yourself to the fact that the other person has changed, possibly not how you want them to but has changed or by talking to eachother and getting it out in the open.

    As for not having to keep in shape to impress men, I agree. Guys shouldnt have to go to the gym to get muscly for women either ('Tone', muscle, its all the same thing). However, keeping yourself in shape and attractive to the person you care about is something that, at least I, find important and enjoy doing.

    If telling your girl or boy friend that you think they would look better in a certain way is demoralizing then you havent done it right, you havent built the trust and care into a relationship or havent spoken to them in the right way.

    Though my view on this particular matter is slightly different to most, I view the body as easily changeable as what clothes you wear or how you act. Put the work in and its easy to end up how you want.
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    (Original post by Smtn)
    Relationships are about sacrifice. If he isn't attracted to her when she gains weight, then losing weight is one of the options
    Yes, but sacrifice should be for more than 'I'm shallow and you've put on a few pounds'.
    Anyone with that opinion isn't really worth making the sacrifice for, if the OP's girlfriend is happy in herself.
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    Well, I do agree that two people who genuinely care about one another should be totally honest, but I certainly don't agree that a guy should ever tell his girlfriend to lose weight. There are lines you simply do not cross in a relationship. It would be like a girl telling you that your sexual performance does absolutley nothing for her, could you get some hints and tips to make you better; it would crush you, just as telling your girlfriend she's put on weight would crush her.

    Surely if you genuinely care about someone you'd prefer not to crush them with insensitive chauvenist views?
    :ditto:
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    I like Mipegg and Complex Simplicity :-)
    And how they win over nouvelle_vague
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    (Original post by Complex Simplicity)
    attraction can be shallow; get over it. You do make some valid points, the main one being that people should be able to look past looks when in a relationship; however you seem to forget that attraction does play a big part in why people are in a relationship in the first place. If you are no longer attracted to your partner; i think it'd be a terrible thing to continue the relationship under the delusion of 'doing what is right.' Is it not better to talk about issues and resolve them instead of ignoring them? The fact is guys, most guys aren't solely attracted to personality but also to looks- if she no longer looks attractive to the partner for whatever reason, surely it's a better course of action to talk it out, find out why and find a solution. Relationships are all about compromise, about give and take, if there's an issue the girl wants sorted, the guy should try his best to sort it out; likewise the other way round. In short: the guy should try to live with it, but if it's a big enough issue that he's contemplating breaking up, he should have a serious talk with his gf and find a solution that suits both parties. This is reasonable, no?
    Surely if you're in a relationship with someone you truly care about, then there should be no 'shallow' aspect of your attraction towards one another?

    I could fully understand if the relationship was casual and they had only been seeing each other for a few weeks and she had put on weight, then it's understandable if he was no longer attracted to her. But, if the relationship has been going for a while and the feelings are genuine and more than 'I fancy you', then not being attracted to a bit of weight gain is pathetic.

    As I've said before, putting on a bit of weight shouldn't be a relationship issue, if two people genuinely care about one another then their weight gain should be secondary to everything else. If they had real problems then talking them through and resolving them is the best option, but weight gain isn't a 'real' problem.

    Sitting down and telling her that all of a sudden he finds her unnatractive because he noticed her pants look a bit tighter and that this is a serious problem is the most absurd thing I've ever heard, and anyone who thinks that this equates as a serious problem is ridiculous.

    My boyfriend has put on a bit of weight since he stopped going to the TA (which he started for the purpose of getting fit but stopped because he didn't like being away every weekend) and I have put on a bit of weight over the summer because I haven't been going out nearly every night dancing (which is my main way of staying fit, now I power walk because I don't like the gym and don't feel comfortable enough to go swimming in a tiny costume) and it hasn't changed our opinion towards each other at all. In fact, I started crying hysterically the other day because I thought I looked fat in my dress and didn't want to go out and he told me that I could turn into a fat little Buddah and he'd still love me, because he thinks I'm beautiful. That's a relationship right there, not 'uh my girlfriend has put on like 4lbs isn't she a whale i'm gonna dump her cos i could like, never be seen with a whale OMG what would the lads think?! I'd much rather stare at girls in FHM and have a ****"
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    (Original post by cpj1987)
    Yes, but sacrifice should be for more than 'I'm shallow and you've put on a few pounds'.
    Anyone with that opinion isn't really worth making the sacrifice for, if the OP's girlfriend is happy in herself.
    Why is it shallow? Physical attracted is needed in every relationship. People have no control over what they find attractive.

    Exactly what Complex Simplicity is saying.
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    (Original post by Smtn)
    Why is it shallow? Physical attracted is needed in every relationship. People have no control over what they find attractive.

    Exactly what Complex Simplicity is saying.
    Suppose that's the whole male/female difference at work, then.
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    Fold her fat in half and **** that.
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    Sneak diet pills in her food.
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    That's ridiculous! If a guy truly cares about his girlfriend he would never ask her to lose some weight to make him happy, how absurd!

    My bet is, she's put on a few pounds due to the pill. Tell her she doesn't need to use it anymore and start using a 'sensation losing' condom. Insensitive ******.
    Couldnt you also say if she loved him she would want to change if he asked her?
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    Surely if you're in a relationship with someone you truly care about, then there should be no 'shallow' aspect of your attraction towards one another?

    I could fully understand if the relationship was casual and they had only been seeing each other for a few weeks and she had put on weight, then it's understandable if he was no longer attracted to her. But, if the relationship has been going for a while and the feelings are genuine and more than 'I fancy you', then not being attracted to a bit of weight gain is pathetic.

    As I've said before, putting on a bit of weight shouldn't be a relationship issue, if two people genuinely care about one another then their weight gain should be secondary to everything else. If they had real problems then talking them through and resolving them is the best option, but weight gain isn't a 'real' problem.

    Sitting down and telling her that all of a sudden he finds her unnatractive because he noticed her pants look a bit tighter and that this is a serious problem is the most absurd thing I've ever heard, and anyone who thinks that this equates as a serious problem is ridiculous.

    My boyfriend has put on a bit of weight since he stopped going to the TA (which he started for the purpose of getting fit but stopped because he didn't like being away every weekend) and I have put on a bit of weight over the summer because I haven't been going out nearly every night dancing (which is my main way of staying fit, now I power walk because I don't like the gym and don't feel comfortable enough to go swimming in a tiny costume) and it hasn't changed our opinion towards each other at all. In fact, I started crying hysterically the other day because I thought I looked fat in my dress and didn't want to go out and he told me that I could turn into a fat little Buddah and he'd still love me, because he thinks I'm beautiful. That's a relationship right there, not 'uh my girlfriend has put on like 4lbs isn't she a whale i'm gonna dump her cos i could like, never be seen with a whale OMG what would the lads think?! I'd much rather stare at girls in FHM and have a ****"
    Humble opinion: the kind of relationship you're on about isn't all that common so while its great you saying that a *true* relationship should transcend physical attraction *and on the whole I kinda agree with you* you're not going to find much of those here.
    I generalise but most of us here are young and probably not going to end up in a super serious awesome relationship where we all love each other unconditionally any time soon and as said before a relationship is a mix of many things and for me at least physical attraction makes up for some of that.

    Just saying.
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    Tell her she's a fat ***** every two seconds. That'll crush her self esteem and hopefully make her anorexic. She'll lose more than a few pounds that way.:rolleyes:
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    (Original post by cpj1987)
    Suppose that's the whole male/female difference at work, then.
    Well yes, if you mean that men are more pragmatic, logical and won't fly off the handle over issues.

    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    Well, I do agree that two people who genuinely care about one another should be totally honest, but I certainly don't agree that a guy should ever tell his girlfriend to lose weight. There are lines you simply do not cross in a relationship.
    So honesty, except when things matter and are important? ok great!


    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    It would be like a girl telling you that your sexual performance does absolutley nothing for her, could you get some hints and tips to make you better; it would crush you, just as telling your girlfriend she's put on weight would crush her.
    I'd want to know. Communication - every heard of that word? I'm sure you'd rather let small issues kill a relationship from the inside out, however other couples are more secure and mature.

    P.S losing weight isn't a huge problem like girls make it out to be. They often simply don't understand how to go about it. This equates to the issue getting pigeon holed into something sacred that should never be talked about in a relationship
 
 
 
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