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How can I get my girlfriend to lose weight? watch

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    you want to break up with her just because she gained a few pounds ? I would understand why you would be shocked if she had gained like 20 pounds but seriously, for a few pounds ? I think you are too shallow. Break up with her if she is not good enough for you anymore. On the other hand, if you love her, then stay with her and maybe try to make her see that it would be good for her health if she was thinner ?
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    Surely if you're in a relationship with someone you truly care about, then there should be no 'shallow' aspect of your attraction towards one another?

    I could fully understand if the relationship was casual and they had only been seeing each other for a few weeks and she had put on weight, then it's understandable if he was no longer attracted to her. But, if the relationship has been going for a while and the feelings are genuine and more than 'I fancy you', then not being attracted to a bit of weight gain is pathetic.

    As I've said before, putting on a bit of weight shouldn't be a relationship issue, if two people genuinely care about one another then their weight gain should be secondary to everything else. If they had real problems then talking them through and resolving them is the best option, but weight gain isn't a 'real' problem.

    Sitting down and telling her that all of a sudden he finds her unnatractive because he noticed her pants look a bit tighter and that this is a serious problem is the most absurd thing I've ever heard, and anyone who thinks that this equates as a serious problem is ridiculous.

    My boyfriend has put on a bit of weight since he stopped going to the TA (which he started for the purpose of getting fit but stopped because he didn't like being away every weekend) and I have put on a bit of weight over the summer because I haven't been going out nearly every night dancing (which is my main way of staying fit, now I power walk because I don't like the gym and don't feel comfortable enough to go swimming in a tiny costume) and it hasn't changed our opinion towards each other at all. In fact, I started crying hysterically the other day because I thought I looked fat in my dress and didn't want to go out and he told me that I could turn into a fat little Buddah and he'd still love me, because he thinks I'm beautiful. That's a relationship right there, not 'uh my girlfriend has put on like 4lbs isn't she a whale i'm gonna dump her cos i could like, never be seen with a whale OMG what would the lads think?! I'd much rather stare at girls in FHM and have a ****"
    At the end of the day, people are different: what constitutes attraction to one may not bear any significance to the other. Attraction is a major part of any relationship; I mean can you seriously say that if for whatever reason you stopped finding your bf attractive- you'd wash it away under the notion of 'I genunily care for him...' what's the difference between that and friendship? The fact is IF it is an issue for him; IF it makes him emotionally unattracted to her then it is a problem- regardless of whether you see it as one or not. Are you telling me that if your bf felt unattracted to you even for a reason that you didn't agree with you'd rather he ignored it than told you?
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    Is a couple of pounds reeeeally that noticeable...?
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    (Original post by mipegg)
    Agreed in the most part. Telling someone that their fat and telling them to get thin is just a stupid thing to do. Though I would hardly describe 40 minuets a day->3 days a week 'slaving'

    As far as Im concerned a relationship is made up of equal amounts of emotional, mental and physical attraction. If there is a problem with any of these in my honest opinion it needs to be sorted out by either conceding yourself to the fact that the other person has changed, possibly not how you want them to but has changed or by talking to eachother and getting it out in the open.

    As for not having to keep in shape to impress men, I agree. Guys shouldnt have to go to the gym to get muscly for women either ('Tone', muscle, its all the same thing). However, keeping yourself in shape and attractive to the person you care about is something that, at least I, find important and enjoy doing.

    If telling your girl or boy friend that you think they would look better in a certain way is demoralizing then you havent done it right, you havent built the trust and care into a relationship or havent spoken to them in the right way.

    Though my view on this particular matter is slightly different to most, I view the body as easily changeable as what clothes you wear or how you act. Put the work in and its easy to end up how you want.
    I do agree with a lot of your post, but I don't think anyone should have to keep themselves in shape simply to make their partner happy; male or female. Keeping in shape is important, of course, but you should be doing it for you, not for anyone else. Looking attractive is a fair enough argument to make; dressing nicely, doing your hair, wearing make up (depending on sex of course, if my boyfriend turned up wearing make up I'd be slightly alarmed) but doing it solely to keep your partner happy is ridiculous; dressing a certain way, wearing your hair a certain way or even wearing tonnes of make up just because he likes it, is silly.

    Your last sentence; "put in the work and its easy to end up how you want" what if his girlfriend is happy with a bit of weight gain? I'm quite happy that due to my weight gain my boobs have grown even more, because, to be frank I love my boobs. If you're happy with the way you look, your partner should be too...if he/she really cares about you, that is. If they can pick fault at your appearance then odds are, they don't care about you at all. They certainly don't care about your feelings (emotional/mental) enough if they're going to say 'eww you're fat' or 'your hair looks **** like that'

    I do believe physical attraction is important but once a relationship has delved past the realms of solely physical attraction and the emotional side of things have taken over and you love them; then a bit of weight gain isn't a big enough reason to break up with someone, nor is it reason enough for you to be unhappy in your relationship.
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    (Original post by Smtn)
    Well yes, if you mean that men are more pragmatic, logical and won't fly off the handle over issues.



    So honesty, except when things matter and are important? ok great!




    I'd want to know. Communication - every heard of that word? I'm sure you'd rather let small issues kill a relationship from the inside out, however other couples are more secure and mature.

    P.S losing weight isn't a huge problem like girls make it out to be. They often simply don't understand how to go about it. This equates to the issue getting pigeon holed into something sacred that should never be talked about in a relationship


    God damn it this as well. Most people dont understand effective fat loss and exercise procedures, male and females alike. The difference being girls tend to get their information out of crappy gossip magazines and guys get it off people who actually know what their on about (Alot more guys than girls at least)
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    nor is it reason enough for you to be unhappy in your relationship.
    People don't have a control over physical attraction, and if one person is no longer attracted to the other due to an easily remedied problem - why can't they talk it out?
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    (Original post by René Artois)
    Couldnt you also say if she loved him she would want to change if he asked her?
    In my experience, if you truly love someone then you wouldn't want to change them, anyway.
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    diy liposuction

    rohypnol + knife + hoover = problem solved
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    This.

    http://buyanabolicsteroid.com/shop/i...lenbuterol.jpg
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    (Original post by Low Key)
    Either this is a troll, or the best thread evar.
    can it not be both?
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    In my experience, if you truly love someone then you wouldn't want to change them, anyway.
    this is ********

    he loved her AS SHE WAS

    she has become chubby

    therefore he wants her to reverrt back
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    I do agree with a lot of your post, but I don't think anyone should have to keep themselves in shape simply to make their partner happy; male or female. Keeping in shape is important, of course, but you should be doing it for you, not for anyone else. Looking attractive is a fair enough argument to make; dressing nicely, doing your hair, wearing make up (depending on sex of course, if my boyfriend turned up wearing make up I'd be slightly alarmed) but doing it solely to keep your partner happy is ridiculous; dressing a certain way, wearing your hair a certain way or even wearing tonnes of make up just because he likes it, is silly.

    Your last sentence; "put in the work and its easy to end up how you want" what if his girlfriend is happy with a bit of weight gain? I'm quite happy that due to my weight gain my boobs have grown even more, because, to be frank I love my boobs. If you're happy with the way you look, your partner should be too...if he/she really cares about you, that is. If they can pick fault at your appearance then odds are, they don't care about you at all. They certainly don't care about your feelings (emotional/mental) enough if they're going to say 'eww you're fat' or 'your hair looks **** like that'

    I do believe physical attraction is important but once a relationship has delved past the realms of solely physical attraction and the emotional side of things have taken over and you love them; then a bit of weight gain isn't a big enough reason to break up with someone, nor is it reason enough for you to be unhappy in your relationship.
    Your arguments have quite clear counter arguments to them. Your argument as to if the girl is happy how she is then the guy should accept it and be happy for her is just a nonsensical thing to base a position upon because surely, if the girl cared about the guy she would respect what HE thought as much as he respected her and she would try change for him? Body image is important but if you have a happy partner who is there to support, love and care for you I count what they think as, if not more, important than you when it comes to how you look.

    I also just cannot understand your points about keeping in shape purely for yourself. Im an athlete, a climber, a down hill mountain biker. I go to the gym 3 times a week to help these things so Im in pretty good shape but what made me actually start going was to make my (then) girlfriend happier, seeing her eyes light up and beaming smile whenever I got a bit bigger or bit leaner for her was one of the best feelings you can have. Knowing that all the effort you put in has made the person you care about happy, I couldnt think of anything better or more important in a relationship.

    Different ideologies I guess
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    In my experience, if you truly love someone then you wouldn't want to change them, anyway.
    You give the impression that you're living in some kind of romantic novel fantasy. Even the two most suited people in a relationship will have problems, bottling things up and creating topics which can't be discussed is a sure fire way of screwing up something good.
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    Difficult because you could really upset her.
    If it is just a few pounds then I don't see what your problem is really, and if you don't want to go out with her anymore then your relationship can't be very strong (no offence), it's not like you're asking because you're concerned or anything.
    If it's not putting her health at risk or anything, and you really can't see past it then it doesn't seem like you really want to go out with her. But don't tell her that it's because she's too fat!! That would be horrible.
    If she needs to lose the weight then just suggest sporty type things for you to do together, and go to places to eat with lots of healthy options and stuff. But you can't expect her to change for you and if it's that big of an issue it doesn't seem like a great relationship to be in. What if her appearance changes in some other way? (pregnancy, she needs glasses, she changes her hair colour etc etc) you need to base it on something other than her size
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    (Original post by Rayel)
    Humble opinion: the kind of relationship you're on about isn't all that common so while its great you saying that a *true* relationship should transcend physical attraction *and on the whole I kinda agree with you* you're not going to find much of those here.
    I generalise but most of us here are young and probably not going to end up in a super serious awesome relationship where we all love each other unconditionally any time soon and as said before a relationship is a mix of many things and for me at least physical attraction makes up for some of that.

    Just saying.
    No, no you're right in what you're saying. Sensitivity and TSR seem to be mortal enemies :p:

    It's sad that you find relationships like mine uncommon, as I know plenty of people (even seventeen year olds :p:) in the same boat as me. I guess it just comes with maturity and who grows up quicker, but they're certainly not uncommon. And it's understandable that at seventeen (I spied your profile), you value physical attraction over anything else because if you haven't been in a 'super serious' relationship then you haven't experienced anything other than physical attraction and lust.
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    (Original post by ~Amy-Eliza~)
    This has to be a troll thread, what guy notices a difference of a few pounds?
    I put on nearly a stone and my boyfriend didn't notice!
    he has eyes right?

    that or you are super chubby

    and 14st 15st same difference.
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)

    It's sad that you find relationships like mine uncommon, as I know plenty of people (even seventeen year olds :p:) in the same boat as me. I guess it just comes with maturity and who grows up quicker, but they're certainly not uncommon. And it's understandable that at seventeen (I spied your profile), you value physical attraction over anything else because if you haven't been in a 'super serious' relationship then you haven't experienced anything other than physical attraction and lust.
    If you gain 10st, your bf wouldn't have a problem? Because he has true love for you?
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    I hope she dumps you and then you see her in a few months looking better and slimmer than ever with a guy much more attractive than you
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    (Original post by ttx)

    If you feel less attracted to your girlfriend for whatever reason, not telling her isn't going to make the situation any better. Be honest, talk to her about it (but be delicate).

    Breaking-up with someone you care about without trying to fix it first ? - that's a truly horrible thing to do.

    I've thought hard about this. I absolutely agree with ttx. If you bf/gf was doing something that you didn't like, you would tell them. As long as it is done with their feelings in mind and for gods sake be supportive over it, rather than it being an ultimatum ('loose weight or we are breaking up') she will eventually be pleased you were able to be honest.
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    (Original post by haz220807)
    I hope she dumps you and then you see her in a few months looking better and slimmer than ever with a guy much more attractive than you
    Yes, how dare he care about how his GF looks
 
 
 
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