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How can I get my girlfriend to lose weight? watch

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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    if you're shallow enough not to be attracted to someone who has a bit extra to hold on to then you're really not worth it and should sort out your own ******* problems before you take your insecurities out on your poor girlfriend.
    **** OFF
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    (Original post by haz220807)
    I hope she dumps you and then you see her in a few months looking better and slimmer than ever with a guy much more attractive than you

    This would make her better than him how? : O
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    If the OP's girlfriend dumped him she'd lose several stone of useless weight right away...
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    (Original post by Smtn)
    So honesty, except when things matter and are important? ok great!

    I'd want to know. Communication - every heard of that word? I'm sure you'd rather let small issues kill a relationship from the inside out, however other couples are more secure and mature.

    P.S losing weight isn't a huge problem like girls make it out to be. They often simply don't understand how to go about it. This equates to the issue getting pigeon holed into something sacred that should never be talked about in a relationship
    Okay you make no sense but I'll give it a go:

    There are lines you simply don't cross in a relationship and telling your girlfriend she's putting on weight is one of them. Being honest is all well and good, but how can a bit of weight be something that matters hugely and is incredibly important, unless you're shallow and immature?

    Fair enough you'd want to know if you were **** in bed, but I bet a lot of men wouldn't, so kudos to you. Personally I'd be heartbroken if my boyfriend told me I was **** in bed, or if he called me fat, which he would never do. I would never let a small issue ruin my relationship, but like I say, I don't consider putting on a bit of weight to be 'an issue' and like I said in a later post, my boyfriend and I have both put on a bit of weight and it's not a huge issue in our relationship because we're mature enough to see past the shalowness and superficiality you clearly embody.

    Since when do women find losing weight a huge problem? We sure do know how to go about it, but for women who are on the pill and have **** loads of oestrogen just swimming about it IS pretty hard to do.
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    (Original post by Adonis)
    he has eyes right?

    that or you are super chubby

    and 14st 15st same difference.
    :hmmm:
    I weigh 10 stone?!
    And not every guy is obsessed with their girlfriend being uber-toned and close to anorexia...
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    lol, OP goes out with a fatty.
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    (Original post by Adonis)
    this is ********

    he loved her AS SHE WAS

    she has become chubby

    therefore he wants her to reverrt back
    Putting on a few pounds does not mean she's now chubby or fat.
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    (Original post by ~Amy-Eliza~)
    http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ilies/hmmm.gif
    I weigh 10 stone?!
    And not every guy is obsessed with their girlfriend being uber-toned and close to anorexia...
    so you went from 9st to 10st?

    what time period was it?

    in all seriousness - that'd be hard to miss if it was in a space of a few weeks

    he probs has noticed just not said anythng
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    Putting on a few pounds does not mean she's now chubby or fat.
    true

    but she could just be less attractive now

    i wouldn't dump a girl cos she gained it, but i'd make her aware of it and get her to come gym with me

    why i've always said i'll get hitched to a naturally skinny girl or a gym bunny
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    (Original post by Smtn)
    You give the impression that you're living in some kind of romantic novel fantasy. Even the two most suited people in a relationship will have problems, bottling things up and creating topics which can't be discussed is a sure fire way of screwing up something good.
    I don't mean to give that impression. I find myself and my boyfriend pretty damn suited but we have problems, we talk about them (scream about them, whatever) when we feel we need to and we both comprimise and learn from it in order to make our relationship stronger, but I'm talking about real honest to God arguments here, not something trivial like a few pounds extra.
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    (Original post by Adonis)
    true

    but she could just be less attractive now

    i wouldn't dump a girl cos she gained it, but i'd make her aware of it and get her to come gym with me

    why i've always said i'll get hitched to a naturally skinny girl or a gym bunny
    That's fair enough! If you want a woman who's constantly skinny and toned then you should go for the skinny girls or the gym bunnies, but if you're gonna go out with a curvy girl who puts on a bit of weight even if she just looks at a cake, then have the audacity to say 'look you're fat, change it or **** off' is cruel.
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    (Original post by Adonis)
    so you went from 9st to 10st?

    what time period was it?

    in all seriousness - that'd be hard to miss if it was in a space of a few weeks

    he probs has noticed just not said anythng
    It was over a year, during my first year at uni (fresher's weight)
    I went from 9 and a half stone to 10 and a half stone,
    I've lost half a stone already, trying to lose the other half (extra weight doesn't suit me at all).
    Even if he had noticed though, I'm glad he hasn't said anything, because it means I'm losing the weight for me, and not for him.
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    (Original post by Adonis)
    **** OFF
    Right back at you!
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    Dump her and she will lose the weight. People often put on weight in relationships, they give up on making an effort with diet and exercise that they were prepared to do when single. The false sense of security makes them not bother. But the likelihood is that she would just gain more weight in future. It happens on an even more monumental scale with marriage. It might just be a temporary lapse, so you could tell her in a polite way and give her a chance.

    The girls on this thread who are getting angry with you are thinking that its just a few pounds and they know how difficult it is to stop yourself gaining a pound or two and how difficult it is to loose, but its all a matter of direction and degree, if she were to gain weight significantly and they saw photos they would for the most part agree with you, but weight gain is a slippery slope, and unless you are committed to maintaining a healthy energetic lifestyle in a relationship you are letting yourself and your partner down. People say she shouldn't have to change for you, but she has changed 'against you' and may continue to do so if its because she feels secure in a relationship. If that's the reason where will it end?

    Its not shallow to expect that people shouldn't let themselves go, for their own sake as well as for yours. You deserve to be with someone you find attractive, so if a guy or girl gains weight and you find them less attractive and they do nothing to rectify it and stay healthy its understandable that their boyfriend or girlfriend would think twice about staying with them. Of course you have to stay healthy too. There is nothing worse than two self-reinforcing people getting fatter together and having fat kids. Being in a serious relationship should not be about the slow loss of libido, attraction and coming to terms with their causes - your partner's creeping weight gain.

    Some people would like to distort the debate by saying "she shouldn't have to be borderline anorexic". Being anorexic and being overweight are both unhealthy. Being a healthy weight is good not just for your partner but for you, it makes you feel better about yourself, you have more energy and you live longer. We don't need to choose between two unhealthy options. If a guy were pressuring his girlfriend to be unhealthily thin we'd all criticise him of course, but that is completely different to wanting his girlfriend to stay a healthy weight rather than become overweight. Being in shape is good and healthy, and love is not about accepting your partner's unhealthy changes.
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)

    There are lines you simply don't cross in a relationship and telling your girlfriend she's putting on weight is one of them.
    Why not?

    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    Being honest is all well and good, but how can a bit of weight be something that matters hugely and is incredibly important, unless you're shallow and immature?
    Caring about appearance is shallow and immature? Let me guess, you don't bother with hair cuts, nice clothes and makeup then?

    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    Fair enough you'd want to know if you were **** in bed, but I bet a lot of men wouldn't, so kudos to you. Personally I'd be heartbroken if my boyfriend told me I was **** in bed, or if he called me fat, which he would never do.
    Only idiots would want to be lied to rather than having the chance to improve, and OP didn't mention calling her fat.

    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    I would never let a small issue ruin my relationship,
    Why would it ruin a relationship?

    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    but like I say, I don't consider putting on a bit of weight to be 'an issue' and like I said in a later post, my boyfriend and I have both put on a bit of weight and it's not a huge issue in our relationship
    That's nice, but entirely irrelevant. Incidentally, why don't you answer my previous question - would your boyfriend care if you put on 10 stone?


    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    Since when do women find losing weight a huge problem? We sure do know how to go about it,
    The sheer amount of fad diets and weight loss pills around tell a different story.
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    (Original post by Smtn)
    If you gain 10st, your bf wouldn't have a problem? Because he has true love for you?
    Uhm... sorry I'm struggling to find the relevance in this?

    I'm sure if I somehow miraculously gained ten stone, I'd realise the problem myself and do something about it MYSELF. My boyfriend may have a problem with it, but he wouldn't have to say 'look pet, you're a porker' because I'd know and I'd already be doing something about it. But I'm sure he'd still love me cos he's not a **** like the male population of TSR
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    (Original post by Smtn)

    The sheer amount of fad diets and weight loss pills around tell a different story.
    That and the fact that in the gym the rack is opposite all the running machines/bikes/cross trainers and all I ever see girls do is sit on them for 15-20 minuets. I even ask them what their trying to do and when they give me the inevitable answer of 'get thin' or 'get toned' and you tell them to do some free weights they treat you like an idiot. Only once have I ever seen a girl do real training and thats 'cause its one of my friends from athletics who asked me to help her!
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    Putting on a few pounds doesn't really qualify as long term pain, nor does it even qualify as short term pain.
    It does if it causes the relationship to deteriorate. If the OP doesn't find his GF attractive any more than that is a problem for their relationship.

    I'm not going to be judgemental about the OP, I assume he knows it shouldn't matter if she's gained a little weight. Do you think he chooses to be less attracted to her ?

    Like any other problem in a relationship, he should speak to his partner. It's a problem and it needs to be solved, and that doesn't necessarily mean by his girlfriend losing weight. It could be as simple as talking with his girlfriend helping him to realize he's attracted to her anyway. There are a million different ways the problem could be resolved.

    But living in denial and ignoring the problem isn't one of them.
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    (Original post by nouvelle_vague)
    Surely if you're in a relationship with someone you truly care about, then there should be no 'shallow' aspect of your attraction towards one another?

    I could fully understand if the relationship was casual and they had only been seeing each other for a few weeks and she had put on weight, then it's understandable if he was no longer attracted to her. But, if the relationship has been going for a while and the feelings are genuine and more than 'I fancy you', then not being attracted to a bit of weight gain is pathetic.

    As I've said before, putting on a bit of weight shouldn't be a relationship issue, if two people genuinely care about one another then their weight gain should be secondary to everything else. If they had real problems then talking them through and resolving them is the best option, but weight gain isn't a 'real' problem.

    Sitting down and telling her that all of a sudden he finds her unnatractive because he noticed her pants look a bit tighter and that this is a serious problem is the most absurd thing I've ever heard, and anyone who thinks that this equates as a serious problem is ridiculous.

    My boyfriend has put on a bit of weight since he stopped going to the TA (which he started for the purpose of getting fit but stopped because he didn't like being away every weekend) and I have put on a bit of weight over the summer because I haven't been going out nearly every night dancing (which is my main way of staying fit, now I power walk because I don't like the gym and don't feel comfortable enough to go swimming in a tiny costume) and it hasn't changed our opinion towards each other at all. In fact, I started crying hysterically the other day because I thought I looked fat in my dress and didn't want to go out and he told me that I could turn into a fat little Buddah and he'd still love me, because he thinks I'm beautiful. That's a relationship right there, not 'uh my girlfriend has put on like 4lbs isn't she a whale i'm gonna dump her cos i could like, never be seen with a whale OMG what would the lads think?! I'd much rather stare at girls in FHM and have a ****"
    I think when the OP used the phrase "a few pounds" he meant it in the colloquial, turn of phrase kind of way - not literally 1-2 pounds. Because as you say that wouldnt really have any visible effect.

    And the OP never mentioned the contraceptive pill being involved. I dont know where you got that from.

    An unfortunate fact of nature is that all people (maybe men more than women) have little or no conscious control over what they find physically attractive. If you put on an extra 2-3 stone your boyfriend would find you less physically attractive. sorry to be blunt. Im sure he would still stand by your side and love you but he wouldnt be able to help his animal instincts and it might affect your sex life. I'd hope that in that situation you would have the maturity and self-awareness to just cut down on what you were eating a bit because you love him and you think he deserves a beautiful girlfriend.

    I agree with everything you said about the whole FHM culture etc but in the real world attraction/sex is a big part of any relationship. And if the OP finds his gf less attractive that's not a conscious decision hes made; its just an unfortunate side effect of having a penis.
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    (Original post by Smtn)
    Yes, how dare he care about how his GF looks
    He's basically saying she needs to lose weight. It's just rude!
    Obviously it would be different if he was concerned as she was morbidly obese and wanted her to eat healthier and exercise a bit so that she didn't develop serious illnesses.
 
 
 
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