Visiting his ex's mum

Last night my boyfriend asked me if I'd mind him visiting his ex's mum while we're over visiting his parents. Is this a normal thing to ask or is it a little odd?

I don't quite know what to say. On the one hand I don't want to come across as a controlling, possessive girlfriend. But on the other hand I'm not exactly comfortable with the idea.

Hmm. Opinions please?

Reply 1

Reue

20

New...Romantic

Last night my boyfriend asked me if I'd mind him visiting his ex's mum while we're over visiting his parents.

"No thanks".

Theres a difference between being controlling and just not wishing to put yourself into unnessesary awkward situations.

Reply 2

inksplodge

17

...Why does he want to visit her in the first place? I wouldn't be comfortable with it either...

Reply 3

serrellen

11

I wouldn't have a problem with it. Might come across as a bit controlling if you do - I'd say it's more strategic to let it go. No one is going to have a long-lasting friendship with their ex's mum, to be honest, and it's not worth making a stand over if it's going to make him feel a bit peeved that you'd try to tell him what to do.

Reply 4

punktopia

3

serrellen

I wouldn't have a problem with it. Might come across as a bit controlling if you do - I'd say it's more strategic to let it go. No one is going to have a long-lasting friendship with their ex's mum, to be honest, and it's not worth making a stand over if it's going to make him feel a bit peeved that you'd try to tell him what to do.

Strategic? She's in a relationship, not a military campaign.

Reply 5

New...Romantic

OP

16

I asked him why, and he said it was because they 'got on well'. She's ill too, well not ill but there's something wrong with her back I think? And the ex was talking to him on msn and said it would cheer her mum up if he went round. (I'm not overjoyed about the msn conversations either...)

Actually the more I write the worse it seems :s-smilie:

I just don't want to be unreasonable because I've had a few 'issues' shall we say with this girl in the past. He knows I'm not that happy with it and said he won't go if I'm not okay with it because he doesn't want to make things funny between us.

Reply 6

EskimoJo

18

I wouldn't mind. :dontknow:

Reply 7

mollymustard

14

Maybe you could tell him you'd rather not go over but that you don't mind him visiting?
He obviously would like to go round, otherwise he wouldnt have asked and although such a request may seem odd its clearly something he'd like to do.
I'm sure there is nothing fishy going on, and at the end of the day you do trust your boyfriend so it might just be best letting him get on with it.
You have every right to say you wouldnt be comfortable popping over but preventing him from doing so would be a little unfair.

Reply 8

Livilah

I'm always seeing my ex's mum, we've always got on well even before I went out with him. I don't have another boyfriend to drag along though, so it's not too weird. I would let him go, although maybe say you feel a little uncomfortable with the idea so that he knows how you feel.

Reply 9

Smile88egc

15

He already knows you're uncomfortable with it so you'll look very understanding if you do act fine with it. It's not like he's always going to be friends with his ex's mum, these things tend to fizzle out over time i've found so don't be too worried about it, and be grateful your bf is so considerate for the feelings of others...even if that doesn't always mean you.

Reply 10

FireDeuce

14

Can he not go by himself? It'd be a bit awkward for you to be there when you don't know her/her daughter.

Reply 11

New...Romantic

OP

16

Oh he's not asking me to go, sorry if I didn't make that clear.

Ugh I'm even more confused now.

Reply 12

tea_cakes

10

I wouldn't mind my boyfriend doing something like that, I'd actually probably think it was really nice of him. Maybe that's just me. :dontknow:

Reply 13

la fille danse

17

Why on earth would you have a problem with that?

Reply 14

sugarlumps.

I guess it depends on their relationship. I absolutely LOVE my boyfriend's family... and his younger sisters have both they'd miss me if we break up. So whatever happened, and for whatever reason I broke up with Jack... I would always always go and visit his family...probably for as long as I can imagine. Even when I was old and remarried (since my parents live in the same village)...I'd never be able to go home without wanting to see them. And that wouldn't be because of my relationship with Jack or anything related to him...it'd just be because of his family.

I hope that helps lovely. I can understand how he feels, and I can completely understand why it would bother you... but if he says it's nothing to do with his ex... then you have to trust that, difficult though it may be. He's with you for a reason, and she's an ex for a reason... and though you might not understand the relationship he has with her... if he wants to see her you have to trust his reasons for that.

Reply 15

serrellen

11

New...Romantic

(I'm not overjoyed about the msn conversations either...)

Get a grip!

Reply 16

malleablegrace

13

I see why you're not feeling entirely sure about it, I think I'd feel the same.
Thinking about it though, his ex's mum is obviously just an adult he happens to get along with well and he doesn't want to lose contact with her, it's just unfortunate that she's the ex's mum really.
I'd just let him know you're a little bit uncomfortable about it but say it's okay if he goes and see what happens.

Reply 17

New...Romantic

OP

16

Thanks. I did say that he can go if he wants but he said no, it'll make things difficult between us. So now I feel bad because I don't want to stop him doing anything, but I can't help how I feel.

I think I'd be okay with it if we had just got together and this was something he did, visit her. But we've been together since before Christmas and as far as I know, he hasn't seen her since he broke up with her daughter over a year ago. He definitely hasn't seen her since Christmas. So I suppose I don't know why he wants to start up the contact again?

Reply 18

Alessandro90

I think that if u trust this bf enough to not be hookin up with the ex then there should be no problem, he did tell you he was thinking of going and did ask your opinion. It's not as though he went behind your back and went to the ex's house which would have looked dodgy

Reply 19

Couldxbe

16

I'm not really sure. I know that if me and my boyfriend broke up, I'd like to stay in touch with his family and he with mine. I can see why you'd be uncomfortable with it because it's slightly awkward, and you've got issues with his ex too which doesn't make things any easier. But tbh you have to deal with things you feel slightly uncomfortable with, and if you want to stay together long-term then you have to trust him: msn conversations, meeting with old friends etc.

The fact of the matter is that he asked you, which means he doesn't want you to get hurt. But without being harsh, I'd say you were being slightly paranoid (though I am myself often, it's not an insult of any kind). You need to look at it rationally.

Visiting his ex's mum

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you