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    please keep anonymour or delete/

    I had a bf when i was 16 and we were together about 2 years. We broke up january last year and have been no contact since.

    I always felt so happy when i was with him, he was pretty much perfect in my eyes and i have not met anyone like him or felt as strong about. He was attractive, eccentric, fun, good in bed, deep, thoughtful, funny, in touch with emotions, sensitive etc. We got on so well. He was always there for me, lots of affection, was so committed, and he really listened to me, was really patient and made so much effort. It seemed like unconditonal love, that we really cared for eachother despite our flaws.

    He went to uni about a a year and a half into our relationship and things changed. We started arguing loads, and he was changing and it seemed he wanted me to be like him. He became really short tempered and inpatient with me and turned into a bit of an ******** tbh. He was really mean and rude when breaking up and then just never spoke to me after that. Hes into drugs and casual sex and stuff now so i have heard from people so hes not the type of person i want to be with anymore because hes so different.

    But even after all this, i still think about him everyday and every guy i have come across isn't as good as my ex (before things changed anyway).

    Do people ever get over their first love? Will I?
    Should i settle for someone who i quite like and get on well with or wait til i find someone i see as perfect for me like he was?
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    Give it time, you'll get over it. Don't rush yourself into a new relationship though, the time will come.
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    You are still emotionally attached. It'll take time but you will get over it. Don't try and force it though that never works.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    please keep anonymour or delete/

    I had a bf when i was 16 and we were together about 2 years. We broke up january last year and have been no contact since.

    I always felt so happy when i was with him, he was pretty much perfect in my eyes and i have not met anyone like him or felt as strong about. He was attractive, eccentric, fun, good in bed, deep, thoughtful, funny, in touch with emotions, sensitive etc. We got on so well. He was always there for me, lots of affection, was so committed, and he really listened to me, was really patient and made so much effort. It seemed like unconditonal love, that we really cared for eachother despite our flaws.

    He went to uni about a a year and a half into our relationship and things changed. We started arguing loads, and he was changing and it seemed he wanted me to be like him. He became really short tempered and inpatient with me and turned into a bit of an ******** tbh. He was really mean and rude when breaking up and then just never spoke to me after that. Hes into drugs and casual sex and stuff now so i have heard from people so hes not the type of person i want to be with anymore because hes so different.

    But even after all this, i still think about him everyday and every guy i have come across isn't as good as my ex (before things changed anyway).

    Do people ever get over their first love? Will I?
    Should i settle for someone who i quite like and get on well with or wait til i find someone i see as perfect for me like he was?
    Yeh, people do get over their first love :bigsmile:

    Sadly, it's a long, difficult and painful process, but there will be a day when you can look back on these memories you long to have again and just smile about it, knowing that memories are exactly what they are.

    It might even be easier for you, knowing he's a **** now :dontknow: Anyway, concentrate on new opportunities, find something/someone else to spend all this thinking time on and get over it in your own time and your own way.
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    (Original post by shorty.loves.angels)
    Yeh, people do get over their first love :bigsmile:

    Sadly, it's a long, difficult and painful process, but there will be a day when you can look back on these memories you long to have again and just smile about it, knowing that memories are exactly what they are.

    It might even be easier for you, knowing he's a **** now :dontknow: Anyway, concentrate on new opportunities, find something/someone else to spend all this thinking time on and get over it in your own time and your own way.
    I'm not in pain over it, i think i am over him but i still miss him and what we had. I have been in one relationship since him but that only lasted a month. He is one that i am in pain over!

    I look back at the memories and do feel happy but doubt i will ever find someone like him or who made me feel the same way.

    In a way its harder that hes a **** now because he really hurt me and i know because hes not the same, that he doesn't miss me and there is no chance to have him back.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm not in pain over it, i think i am over him but i still miss him and what we had. I have been in one relationship since him but that only lasted a month. He is one that i am in pain over!

    I look back at the memories and do feel happy but doubt i will ever find someone like him or who made me feel the same way.

    In a way its harder that hes a **** now because he really hurt me and i know because hes not the same, that he doesn't miss me and there is no chance to have him back.
    what a shame it didn't work out. I find missing someone and memories one of the most painful things tbh. Although I have learnt that eventually I do get past it. I have amazing memories with one guy, with a very select few awesome friends and some times in my life I would give anything to have again, but now I'm just greatful that I ever had them. God I think I'm just talking my thoughts now sorry... You've made me think though!

    Maybe you'll find it easier when you find someone who you are really connected to? Maybe one day you'll find someone who makes you feel completely different to what he did... which is still as amazing? Hope you find that someone who can make you feel the way he did x
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    i don't know if you do get over your first love, i still love my first love and its been like a year and 5 months since we split up.. but the thing is me and him r good friends, i saw him the other day and we just talked and hugged and kisses loads.

    so i dont think anyone can get over there first love
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i don't know if you do get over your first love, i still love my first love and its been like a year and 5 months since we split up.. but the thing is me and him r good friends, i saw him the other day and we just talked and hugged and kisses loads.

    so i dont think anyone can get over there first love
    I'm forced to disagree.

    For I hate the thought that I will never get over my ex. :p:
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    Because your idealising him as the 'perfect' guy, you're not giving yourself a very good chance.
    It is entirely possible to get over him, just think of how he was in the end.
    It is good, though, that you're so aware of what you like in potential partners, but don't attribute it all to him because there are plenty of similar people out there (believe it or not!)
    I'm sure if you found one as young as 16, you won't struggle to find another lovely guy who hopefully stays like it.
    You're pinning all your hopes and dreams for future relationships on this one ex which you really need to avoid to get over him. He's not worth it.
    Also, there's no harm in going for someone you quite like even if you don't immediately see him as perfect - it's entirely possible that he'll become perfect in your eyes over time anyway. The worst that can happen is that relationship ends and you keep on going. That said, don't rush into anything else just to get over your ex - you'll know when the time is right for you.
    You clearly want someone in your life who can make you as happy as your ex (but definitely not him now he's changed) - stop thinking that no one will ever be as good as him. All you can do is live each day to the fullest and wait for things to work themselves out. I've always met the best people when I haven't been looking for them good luck
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i don't know if you do get over your first love, i still love my first love and its been like a year and 5 months since we split up.. but the thing is me and him r good friends, i saw him the other day and we just talked and hugged and kisses loads.

    so i dont think anyone can get over there first love
    you kiss him loads??
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    (Original post by malleablegrace)
    Because your idealising him as the 'perfect' guy, you're not giving yourself a very good chance.
    It is entirely possible to get over him, just think of how he was in the end.
    It is good, though, that you're so aware of what you like in potential partners, but don't attribute it all to him because there are plenty of similar people out there (believe it or not!)
    I'm sure if you found one as young as 16, you won't struggle to find another lovely guy who hopefully stays like it.
    You're pinning all your hopes and dreams for future relationships on this one ex which you really need to avoid to get over him. He's not worth it.
    Also, there's no harm in going for someone you quite like even if you don't immediately see him as perfect - it's entirely possible that he'll become perfect in your eyes over time anyway. The worst that can happen is that relationship ends and you keep on going. That said, don't rush into anything else just to get over your ex - you'll know when the time is right for you.
    You clearly want someone in your life who can make you as happy as your ex (but definitely not him now he's changed) - stop thinking that no one will ever be as good as him. All you can do is live each day to the fullest and wait for things to work themselves out. I've always met the best people when I haven't been looking for them good luck
    That is very true... though being with him has kind of giving me high standards in what i want, and there are not alot of guys who can give me that. I guess i will just have to wait and see :o:
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    Yeah, my ex was perfect too.

    When I picture how a guy should look, I think of my ex. When I think about the personality type I'd be compatible with, I think of him. I'm constantly comparing my current bf to to my ex. It's ****, we split up about 6 months ago now after being together on/off for over two years. I have no advice for you but I thought I'd let you know that you're not alone :sad:
    • #2
    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    you kiss him loads??
    well we both kissed eachother.. we just cant seem to be just friends without the hugging and kissing haha

    i dont really mind as its good to have the attention but at the same time i wish i could get over him
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    well we both kissed eachother.. we just cant seem to be just friends without the hugging and kissing haha

    i dont really mind as its good to have the attention but at the same time i wish i could get over him
    Your both kissing eachother, so clearly you both still have feelings for eachother, why not get back together?
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    cause he wont get back with me as he dont want to ruin our friendship
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    To me, it just seems you're still idolising him in your head to be this 'perfect' guy. But the reality is that he's not, and you know that by listing how badly he treated you... even though all those good times were true, you've got to remember the bad times too. He's not so great when he was hurting you and that's part of who he is too.

    I find that people have certain memories of people or places which they build up in their head, usually after not possessing whatever it is anymore. I do that with my childhood memories, and I certainly know many people who do that with their first loves, and in turn it becomes so much harder to get over them, but when you finally let someone else in to make you happy - happier! - you will finally realise the first relationship wasn't as perfect as you thought because obviously there must've been some bad times for it to have ended.

    What I'm trying to say is, don't let yourself keep thinking of him as some kind of god who no one else will ever measure up to, but just as who he was... how he made you happy and how he made you sad and all.

    I hope this helped. Was very rambly...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    cause he wont get back with me as he dont want to ruin our friendship
    If he had real feelings for you, he wouldn't care about "ruining the friendship". I went through a horrendous break-up back in October and am still not over him, and I found it was good to focus on his bad traits and keep distance - talking to him and especially seeing him will make it all the harder to get past it.

    People change, and it's upsetting when we miss the old them. Try to remember that there will be others as funny, kind, eccentric, handsome, sensitive etc. as he used to be, even though it's hard to believe that now.
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    Have you ever heard the expression, 'diamond in the rough?'. I suggest once you feel comfortable with yourself you should give other guys a chance and get to know them better before u brush them off, and who knows you might meet mister perfect.
 
 
 
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