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How long will a guy stay with you if you say you don't want to have sex! Watch

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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Okay so I just got into a relationship with this guy. He's way more serious about us than I am. I just got out of a 3 year serious relationship that had a bad breakup and don't really want to get into anything serious or have sex yet. He obviously wants to though and hes told me he loves me and everything. I know he does and hes not lying about that, and he's been really amazing so far about the no sex thing (we've been together 8 months now) He says almost everyday though that he loves me and wants to have sex and all that. I still dont...and he isnt forcing me to, but i know he really wants to! How long will he continue being okay with this though? I know sex is something most guys want in the relationship, but how long will you be okay with not having sex?
    I think you don't want to have sex with him just yet cause you don't completely trust that he isn't going to hurt you just yet. You need to let him know you want to take things slowly & if he loves you as much as he says he does he will wait for you!
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    Approximately 3 weeks, 2 days and 16 hours.
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    I'm guessing most guys would go for 6-7 seconds.
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    Aww, how come you dont want sex though? Its good yeah anyway hes waited a long time, so i guess he'll stick around until your ready, he clearly loves you. So dony worry!
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    (Original post by Lizia)
    Frankly, after an 8 month relationship, I'd be pretty insulted that my girlfriend didn't trust me not to hurt her when I'd been putting up with waiting for her to feel able to have sex. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're prepared to never have sex again. OP needs to make up her mind what she wants, and tell the boyfriend straight if she's ever going to have sex with him. Otherwise, she's just leading him on.
    Yeh bt what if she didn't believe in sex before marriage ? The he would be bang out if he didn't wait for her! At the end of the day someone shouldn't feel pressure to have sex with someone if they don't want to. You're right though if someone isn't ever going to have sex or feel the sexual lust between you and that person the relationship probs isn't going to work!

    I was with my bf 4 months before we slept together & that was just for the reason we talked so much and got so close was like we were best friends & we didn't wanna ruin everything so we took things slow and things have worked out good for us so waiting can be good sometimes!
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    Indefinitely if he knows he's going to get it at some reasonable stage.
    • #2
    #2

    4 Months and I've done nothing with my girlfriend, she doesn't feel ready, I don't mind waiting... but if we had done nothing after 8 months, I would start to get annoyed.. and sex after a year then I might just get bored to be honest..

    And to all the people that say "If he loves you" thats ********, doesn't matter how you say it, turning down your man for sex for what could potentially be over a year, thats going to knock his confidence a bit, and it could get quite boring, we talk about love.. but how many people get married cause they think they are in love, then give it 5 or 6 years and they get bored, and thats with sex.
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    Have you done ANYTHING sexual at all or just avoided fully blown sex? you're lucky you have a guy that is waiting, a lot probably wouldn't... how old are you both?
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    (Original post by Lizia)
    No, he wouldn't. If the OP had never told him this before they entered the relationship, he wouldn't be "bang out" to dump her when he finally found out. Things like that are things you mention at the start of the relationship, or when the topic of sex first comes up. You don't brush him off and pretend you're just not ready at this time, when really you won't be ready until marriage. If that's what the OP is doing, it would be her who was "bang out".


    Of course not. But the other partner isn't obliged to wait around for their partner to decide they want sex. If the boyfriend decides that 8 months of waiting is enough, then they're perfectly allowed to dump the other partner and find someone who gives them what they want.


    Sorry, but there's a big difference between 4 months and 8 months. I'm not saying waiting is wrong, but stringing someone along for nearly a year and not giving them any hint as to whether you ever want to sleep wit them is. A decent guy could deal with, "let's take it slow, but I do want to sleep with you at some point in the near future". It isn't fair to expect them to deal with, "Let's take it slow, and after 8 months I'll still be planning to make you wait indefinitely".
    If he isn't happy with it though he would finish with her though wouldn't he? At the end of the day if the dude isn't happy he should grow a pair and tell her straight he wants sex but I agree she shouldn't just do it cause he wants to and she dosen't want him to finish with her!

    You can't discuss something like that when the topic of sex 1st comes up cause how do you know when you are going to feel ready to do it ? Sometimes it just happens and good on her for not sleeping with him just to keep him. If she is happy to carry on how things are & thats fine but if he isn't he should do something about it!
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    i'd stay till the end. i think sex ruins a relationship.
    okay, that wasn't fair, there are loads of good things about sex in a relationship, like intimacy, and getting to know each other, building trust etc.
    but sometimes, along with those things, it builds high expectations that neither of you can fullfil, you lean on each other and rely on each other too much. it might sound good on the surface, but it becomes REALLY painful when something goes wrong. the feeling of betrayal is unbearable. i'd say, save it till you're married. (oh, and once you start having sex, you can't really go back, so don't rush it. have a good think)
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    Wow props to the guy, i would have lasted tops 2 months, unless your REALLY SPECIAL then i'd wait an eternity lol
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    (Original post by Gibb~)
    I'm guessing most guys would go for 6-7 seconds.
    im guessin your a guy so i agree with this
    if a girl said no sex, id be like "cya, wouldnt want to be ya... boyfriend"
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    (Original post by Lizia)
    How can he finish with her? After eight months, he probably presumes she'll be ready fairly soon. If the OP wants to make unusual demands (and wanting to wait 8 months is an unusual demand, however valid) then she needs to tell him. She's the one who needs to grow a pair and be honest, rather than kidding this guy she'll sleep with him soon.




    Of course you can discuss it when it first comes up. How hard is it to say, "I do want to sleep with you soon, but I'm not ready yet". In the scenario you laid out, you were talking about sex before marriage. That is something you absolutely, 100% tell someone before you start dating them, or at the first opportunity.

    As I said, how can the boyfriend be happy with how things are? He hasn't been told how they are! From the OP, it seems she isn't planning to sleep with him any time soon. I doubt she's told him this, since she's asking us how long he'll hang around, rather than telling him and finding out for sure. So he's being kept in the dark thinking she'll be ready soon, when she knows she won't and isn't telling him.
    Yh sex before marriage u mention but if you just don't feel ready to sleep with him she doesn't feel ready. It is personal choice! She has told him she doesn't want to have sex yet but she can't possibly guess when this is going to be! You can't put a time scale on being ready for something & she probs just dosen't want to ruin what they have! But if he really wasn't happy with the situation he would leave her if he wanted to. He obviously loves her enough to wait as long as she needs! Everyone is different!
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    You sound like you still like your ex tbh.
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    'Just' got into a relationship? 'Just' got out of a 3 year relationship? Come on, you've been with the guy 8 months now. There's no 'just' about it. You sound like you're not over your ex and the sex thing aside, you don't sound like you're being very fair to the guy you're with.
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    (Original post by Clements-)
    'Just' got into a relationship? 'Just' got out of a 3 year relationship? Come on, you've been with the guy 8 months now. There's no 'just' about it. You sound like you're not over your ex and the sex thing aside, you don't sound like you're being very fair to the guy you're with.
    Bingo. :rolleyes:
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    Well aside from it generally sounding as if you're not quite over you're ex, I waited a year and a half to have sex with my gf, though it was her first time so I suppose that might partially explain it.

    He's already waited a hella long time, he's obviously genuine, now it's just up to you.
    • #3
    #3

    My fiance waited around five years before we had sex. It was both our first times. We are still together.
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    Normally after 8 months you know if you want to have sex with someone. To be fair, sex is something most girls also want in a relationship.

    And if you don't want to have sex with them after 8 months... Then why are you with them? You might as well be friends.
    • #3
    #3

    And just to clarify the above, the reasons for having sex after five years were:

    1. I did not believe in sex before "a large commitment" such as moving in together/marriage(?) (I was partly influenced by religion), but that belief slowly changed over time.

    2. The other reason was, we met when I was fourteen, so I did not want to have underage sex, and I wasn't ready either (fourteen is too young to have sex in a relationship imo).

    3. It was my first time and hence a really big deal for me.

    I'm really grateful he waited, shows he has a lot of self discipline. :p: My experience with it seems very different to most of the others on here, so if you have any questions, just ask.
 
 
 
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