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About to have an abortion but receiving no support from anyone especially the dad watch

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    #1

    Hi,

    so about 2 months ago i had sex with a **** buddy, we didnt know each other that well so we werent that friendly outside of the bedroom. That part was fun, until the condom split and he didnt tell me/didnt realise. miss a period and im pregnant. Now for various reasons i cant tell my family or my friends. Mainly because i feel great shame about getting pregnant with someone who i was just having sex with and didnt really know. But i told him. His reaction was ok, he was a bit shocked but apologetic and calm. He said straight off though get an abortion and didnt exactly leave me much choice. Although i think an abortion is sensible but just scary and a big deal.

    So i tell him just he knows about it and he says he will be supportive. But often if i text him he wont reply despite living on his phone all the time. Also he makes promises to ring me so we can talk and arrange stuff and he just doesnt and doesnt even bother texting to tell me he isnt going to call. This has just been added stress. But i cant get cross with him because when he apologises he acts nice to me. :redface:

    He told me a couple of days ago though, when i said could we meet for a coffee so he can stop evading talking to me and i felt very very scared and alone, he said he couldnt because he was still attracted to me. :confused: This has just made me think wtf?! I need someone to be supportive but he cant meet me because he is attracted to me but is wanting to stay with his girlfriend. (he turned out to have a girlfriend, which he hadnt mentioned to me :rolleyes: but she found out about it the same day i did she doesnt know im pregnant)

    The abortion is Friday and ive been literally petrified, ive taken days off of work and everything, yet he wouldnt take one shift off to come to the abortion with me, and i text him today to see if i can ring him and he says he cant talk till Friday because his girlfriends down. I know he probably wouldnt put me above her in priorities, its just made me feel so sad and confused about everything. Any advice? I know its very long, sorry :redface:
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    Personally I'd tell his girlfriend what a jerk he is, she deserves to know.

    Do you have a close friend who you trust enough to keep the secret? If my friend was in this situation I wouldn't judge them about sleeping with the guy I would support them and go to the clinic with them if that's what they needed. I'm sure your friends would be there for you if you trusted them?

    I hope you're ok.
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    Wow you're in some deep ****:\.
    You should go ahead with the abortion. For support, talk to your friends. I wouldn't try to get any...closer to the guy you slept with.
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    The reason you feel bad and scared is because you are doing something that is fundamentally wrong. Would you feel the same if you were going in for a normal operation? I think having the abortion could cause you more problems than having the child.
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    Stay calm, keep cool.

    You've done everything right from the off here. You used protection when sleeping with him. Granted, it broke, but now you've already sorted out the abortion. This is all good.

    To me, it sounds like you just need to talk to somebody close to you. I'm sure you're closest friend(s) would support you.

    Ultimately, this is one of those life experiences which you can eventually call "Character Building".
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    Maybe he doesn't agree with the abortion. It's not as if he has to support you. Seriously, life is a lonely place. If you expect everybody to walk down the path with you, especially the big scary path that has teeth, you're in for a few more shocks. Like millions of people every year, you're pregnant. Fact is, 99.99999999% of people aren't going to give a flying fandango. I'm sorry but that's how it is. Get a better taste in men next time.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The reason you feel bad and scared is because you are doing something that is fundamentally wrong. Would you feel the same if you were going in for a normal operation? I think having the abortion could cause you more problems than having the child.
    If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

    This poor girl is in a really difficult situation and although I don't personally agree with abortions if she feels it is the only option for her who are we to have a go?

    I'm sure she already feels awful about the situation and you have no right to make her feel worse.

    You clearly knew what you wrote was going to upset or you wouldn't have posted it anonymously.
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    What a horrible situation for you to be in, and what a ****** the father is being. Hearing that won't help you though I would second the suggestion of telling one friend. There must be one person you are close to, who can keep it secret from everyone else. They would much rather know than have you facing this alone, and be able to provide some sort of support. Best of luck dear, I know it must be scary but it will be for the best, just be strong.
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    To those saying im a disgusting child killer or w/e, it wasnt my first choice necessarily. However i was told by him that he didnt want a child, wouldnt provide anything for the child and would go mad if in x amount of years someone came up to him claiming to be his son/daughter. I then took what he forced upon me, and thought that i could have the baby, but i know that if i did have it i wouldnt be able to provide a quality of life for it that it would deserve. Also im not fit to be a parent right now. If i had the child i'd be kicked out and thus homeless as well as loosing any chance of uni etc. I didnt say i was proud or happy with the decision or that it was an easy one. But i dont think calling me an evil child killer is fair
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    He sounds like a horrible person. Not only is he cheating on his girlfriend, but he's not being supportive of something that is 50% his fault.

    Just think of the positive side of the abortion: you won't have a baby in 9 months. And once you're done with the operation your life can go back to normal. Just put it behind you and move on, don't talk about it too much if you don't have to.

    But you should definitely get this guy out of your life. As irresponsible as you were being, he was being 10 times more irresponsible. And you're the hormonal pregnant one.
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    while normally i wouldnt condone abortions (tbh the idea makes me feel quite sick), you've already decided on it and its probably, in this situation, for the best

    so, screw the dad (not literally, we know how that ends), he clearly doesn't want to be hanging around with you because he wants to be with his girlfriend, and doesnt trust himself with you or whatever, selfish but what can you do

    i agree that confiding in a friend is a good idea tho, just so you have someone to go with you and talk to about it...

    hope it all works out for you :o:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To those saying im a disgusting child killer or w/e, it wasnt my first choice necessarily. However i was told by him that he didnt want a child, wouldnt provide anything for the child and would go mad if in x amount of years someone came up to him claiming to be his son/daughter. I then took what he forced upon me, and thought that i could have the baby, but i know that if i did have it i wouldnt be able to provide a quality of life for it that it would deserve. Also im not fit to be a parent right now. If i had the child i'd be kicked out and thus homeless as well as loosing any chance of uni etc. I didnt say i was proud or happy with the decision or that it was an easy one. But i dont think calling me an evil child killer is fair
    Nobody in this forum has a right to do so, either.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To those saying im a disgusting child killer or w/e, it wasnt my first choice necessarily. However i was told by him that he didnt want a child, wouldnt provide anything for the child and would go mad if in x amount of years someone came up to him claiming to be his son/daughter. I then took what he forced upon me, and thought that i could have the baby, but i know that if i did have it i wouldnt be able to provide a quality of life for it that it would deserve. Also im not fit to be a parent right now. If i had the child i'd be kicked out and thus homeless as well as loosing any chance of uni etc. I didnt say i was proud or happy with the decision or that it was an easy one. But i dont think calling me an evil child killer is fair
    You sound like you've thought through the decision well, ignore them. Why can't you tell a friend? I think you have to, or it will be a very lonely operation for you.
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    Definitely tell a friend. Just one, really close friend, or maybe if you have a sister. But don't try to force him to come with you, it doesn't sound like he'd be actively supportive even if he did. Go on the pill as well and it won't happen again.
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    the choice is yours and yours alone, considering the potential father was only a "**** buddy" he has no real choice in the matter. if you know you cannot support the child financially, emotionally etc and there will be no true father (it sounds like he will not be there for the kid) who will help you raise the kid when its born, then i would advise going ahead with the abortion.

    your dad and your family will support you no matter what, even if they disagreed with you initially, they love you unconditionally.
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    (Original post by samjoe)
    your dad and your family will support you no matter what, even if they disagreed with you initially, they love you unconditionally.
    Sadly this is all too easy for someone whose parents love them unconditionally to say. It's not always the case for other people.
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    I cant really confide in a friend, my close group of friends are all catholic and pretty judging. They might be ok with it and supportive, but i'd rather just have friends once its done rather than them go bezerk and lose more than atm by telling them. My parents would be the same, probably worse. Theyve said before this all happened if any of their children got pregnant in these kinds of circumstances they'd throw us out. I'd rather they just didnt know. Thats probably the one main reason im still hoping he will be supportive. Either that or hormones are playing around with my rational senses.
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    (Original post by d.b.asf)
    If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all.

    This poor girl is in a really difficult situation and although I don't personally agree with abortions if she feels it is the only option for her who are we to have a go?

    I'm sure she already feels awful about the situation and you have no right to make her feel worse.

    You clearly knew what you wrote was going to upset or you wouldn't have posted it anonymously.

    Well said. Although I also do not agree with abortions, it's her choice.

    OP I say you tell his gf all about what a **** he is.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He told me a couple of days ago though, when i said could we meet for a coffee so he can stop evading talking to me and i felt very very scared and alone, he said he couldnt because he was still attracted to me. :confused: This has just made me think wtf?! I need someone to be supportive but he cant meet me because he is attracted to me but is wanting to stay with his girlfriend. (he turned out to have a girlfriend, which he hadnt mentioned to me :rolleyes: but she found out about it the same day i did she doesnt know im pregnant)
    He has a gf - so the bit in italics is ********.
    Do what you feel is best, but keep this guy out of your life, he is unwilling to support you, he's staying with his girlfriend, he still thinks you're attractive (so it wouldn't surprise me if he wouldn't mind still having you as a **** buddy, yet still treating you like ****). And he's said some pretty awful things about how he would be if he had the baby. I'd learn from this mistake, and move on.
    Hope everything works out for you.
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    Make sure you deff want the abortion sometimes if you go to a clinic and they dont think your sure they wont do it. He sounds like a total **** if i was you id cut him out completley if he rings in a few weeks after his gfs gone again dont sleep with him obv ur choice but it will make things worse. You can do so much better and his gf prob could aswell altho if she nos about you and dont dump him then maybe shes stupid. No matter what happens you still have your friends at the student room. Most of us aint ****** and wont judge you. good luck hun. always people on here you can talk to if you need to. xx
 
 
 
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