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About to have an abortion but receiving no support from anyone especially the dad Watch

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    Abortion is the right thing to do. Forget asking this sorry exscuse of a human shag buddy of yours. Chin up and dont look back afterwards. Next time use the pill as well as the partner using condoms.
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    You shouldn't go through this on your own.
    Talk to someone you can trust, you don't have to talk about the father, just explain that you need support through the abortion.
    The guy sounds like a complete ***** to be honest, and I imagine that any support he did give you on the day would be forced. You don't need someone like that with you on Friday.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To those saying im a disgusting child killer or w/e, it wasnt my first choice necessarily. However i was told by him that he didnt want a child, wouldnt provide anything for the child and would go mad if in x amount of years someone came up to him claiming to be his son/daughter. I then took what he forced upon me, and thought that i could have the baby, but i know that if i did have it i wouldnt be able to provide a quality of life for it that it would deserve. Also im not fit to be a parent right now. If i had the child i'd be kicked out and thus homeless as well as loosing any chance of uni etc. I didnt say i was proud or happy with the decision or that it was an easy one. But i dont think calling me an evil child killer is fair
    Wherever you are there must be a health service nearby you could have gone to and gotten support and counselling, bit late being 3 days away but you could still go. Also wherever you are your college/uni will have student advisors etc. who are there to talk to you at times like these.

    And you must have a sibling/parent/close friend who you can talk to, I wouldnt judge a friend/relative even if their pregnancy was a result of casual sex with someone they barely knew. The important thing would be theyre now pregnant and getting an abortion they need support and a sounding board as their decision doesnt really seem like its theirs.
    • #3
    #3

    I'm so sorry you are having to go through this alone. I have just been through a very similar situation, except the guy doesn't like me in that way but is being very supportive. I had my abortion last week. How far along are you? When you go to the doctors/clinic, ask to talk to a counsellor, it will really help. This is a huge decision, and one that you wont ever forget. I'm a complete mess at the moment, so i do suggest telling friends and getting their support. It's hard though as i know that most people never know what to say and just want you to get over it. If you need anyone to talk to, i can post unanoned quickly (before deleting) so you can pm me.
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    OP youve got my unconditional support.
    Dont know anything about the subject but talk if you want.
    Hope you're okay.
    x
    • #4
    #4

    Be brave, smile, and slap the dad

    Honestly, it will feel GREAT!

    Good luck hun xxx
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    Can we keep this thread to constructive advice for the OP.

    There are other forums where you can have a debate on abortion if that is what you want.
    • #1
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    #1

    Thanks for all the advice so far

    I think im going to talk to him tomorrow evening, i really kind of need to vent and it will probably sound wrong but just kind of get mad and cry and stuff :o: i know i probably shouldnt though. I think part of me is still angry with stuff other than how he has been recently with the pregnancy. But no dount tomorrow i will chicken out. But i think if i bottle it up its going to just get harder and harder until it gets too much. Better to say it while its here.

    Sorry :o: I think im a bit of a hormonal mess atm
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for all the advice so far

    I think im going to talk to him tomorrow evening, i really kind of need to vent and it will probably sound wrong but just kind of get mad and cry and stuff :o: i know i probably shouldnt though. I think part of me is still angry with stuff other than how he has been recently with the pregnancy. But no dount tomorrow i will chicken out. But i think if i bottle it up its going to just get harder and harder until it gets too much. Better to say it while its here.

    Sorry :o: I think im a bit of a hormonal mess atm
    I still think you could benefit from the advisors at whatever institution youre at now or at a health centre.

    Or

    http://www.careconfidential.com/Manc...l/Default.aspx

    Because I agree youll probably chicken out or hell be no help again, either way you need to speak with people before you go through with anything.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for all the advice so far

    I think im going to talk to him tomorrow evening, i really kind of need to vent and it will probably sound wrong but just kind of get mad and cry and stuff :o: i know i probably shouldnt though. I think part of me is still angry with stuff other than how he has been recently with the pregnancy. But no dount tomorrow i will chicken out. But i think if i bottle it up its going to just get harder and harder until it gets too much. Better to say it while its here.

    Sorry :o: I think im a bit of a hormonal mess atm

    Did you go threw with the abortion?
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    (Original post by rachael-69)
    Did you go threw with the abortion?
    *through?
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    The reason you feel bad and scared is because you are doing something that is fundamentally wrong. Would you feel the same if you were going in for a normal operation? I think having the abortion could cause you more problems than having the child.
    this is the stupidest thing to say to someone in OP's position. i've been through the same experience, and it takes a lot of guts to come to that decision.
    im sure its not something she took lightly.
    • #1
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    Yes i went through with it. I am still really sad from doing it and have been feeling horrible since.

    As for him, he hasn't been that great as i had expected. Bar shouting at me a lot because i text when his girlfriend was there and she may have read his text :nothing: I did kind of stand up for myself back at that though. I think he was being very unfair. Im hoping to be able to move on, but he is my only option really if i want to talk about it :sad:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The reason you feel bad and scared is because you are doing something that is fundamentally wrong. Would you feel the same if you were going in for a normal operation? I think having the abortion could cause you more problems than having the child.
    Careful on the way down, wouldn't want to fall too far off your high-horse.


    OP: I'd try and separate myself as much as possible from the bloke, he sounds like an absolute arse and if you're not getting any support and its making you feel worse it seems best just to leave it entirely.

    Considered counselling at all? Someone to talk to can be very helpful.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yes i went through with it. I am still really sad from doing it and have been feeling horrible since.

    As for him, he hasn't been that great as i had expected. Bar shouting at me a lot because i text when his girlfriend was there and she may have read his text :nothing: I did kind of stand up for myself back at that though. I think he was being very unfair. Im hoping to be able to move on, but he is my only option really if i want to talk about it :sad:
    As said before there are people to talk to -
    (Original post by Jennie1987)
    I still think you could benefit from the advisors at whatever institution youre at now or at a health centre.

    Or

    http://www.careconfidential.com/Manc...l/Default.aspx

    Because I agree youll probably chicken out or hell be no help again, either way you need to speak with people before you go through with anything.
    Or post before that:

    (Original post by Jennie1987)
    Wherever you are there must be a health service nearby you could have gone to and gotten support and counselling, bit late being 3 days away but you could still go. Also wherever you are your college/uni will have student advisors etc. who are there to talk to you at times like these.

    And you must have a sibling/parent/close friend who you can talk to, I wouldnt judge a friend/relative even if their pregnancy was a result of casual sex with someone they barely knew. The important thing would be theyre now pregnant and getting an abortion they need support and a sounding board as their decision doesnt really seem like its theirs.
    Youve gotta start helping yourself OP by going to more reliable/supportive/available people.
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    The only real thing I can think to say is that the piece of infectious waste that is the father should man up and take responsibility, which entails making sure you are okay and to attend the abortion if that is what you decide to do.

    If he's man enough to put his **** in you, he's man enough to support you through any consequence. Real men take responsibility for their actions and support their partner through any situation, similar to yours or otherwise.
    • #5
    #5

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi,

    so about 2 months ago i had sex with a **** buddy, we didnt know each other that well so we werent that friendly outside of the bedroom. That part was fun, until the condom split and he didnt tell me/didnt realise. miss a period and im pregnant. Now for various reasons i cant tell my family or my friends. Mainly because i feel great shame about getting pregnant with someone who i was just having sex with and didnt really know. But i told him. His reaction was ok, he was a bit shocked but apologetic and calm. He said straight off though get an abortion and didnt exactly leave me much choice. Although i think an abortion is sensible but just scary and a big deal.

    So i tell him just he knows about it and he says he will be supportive. But often if i text him he wont reply despite living on his phone all the time. Also he makes promises to ring me so we can talk and arrange stuff and he just doesnt and doesnt even bother texting to tell me he isnt going to call. This has just been added stress. But i cant get cross with him because when he apologises he acts nice to me. :redface:

    He told me a couple of days ago though, when i said could we meet for a coffee so he can stop evading talking to me and i felt very very scared and alone, he said he couldnt because he was still attracted to me. :confused: This has just made me think wtf?! I need someone to be supportive but he cant meet me because he is attracted to me but is wanting to stay with his girlfriend. (he turned out to have a girlfriend, which he hadnt mentioned to me :rolleyes: but she found out about it the same day i did she doesnt know im pregnant)

    The abortion is Friday and ive been literally petrified, ive taken days off of work and everything, yet he wouldnt take one shift off to come to the abortion with me, and i text him today to see if i can ring him and he says he cant talk till Friday because his girlfriends down. I know he probably wouldnt put me above her in priorities, its just made me feel so sad and confused about everything. Any advice? I know its very long, sorry :redface:
    Hi
    I was in this position in January. If he won't come along with you, you do not need him there. You need a friend, good magazines and lots of chocolate!! I didn't have my ex with me when I had mine, but I wasn't fussed, to be honest I tried to pretend that the whole experience was not happening, I'm pro choice so this probably aided me! My friend was really supportive and the doctors are all kind anyway.
    You should be fine, just keep calm about it
 
 
 
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