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Mother and boyfriend problem :( watch

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    Keep anon as my brother uses this forum too.

    Ok, so basically my mum can't seem to accept the fact that I have a boyfriend who I love. I've been with him 10 months now, I met him at uni, everything's great, I feel comfortable and happy and we're having a great time. The problem is my mum just puts a downer on everything.

    She seems to constantly remind me that we're "still young" and it "probably won't work out" etc. Now I'm not even all obsessed about him, I'm not one of those, "Oh my god I love my baby sooo muchhhh!" people, I'm not dependent on him (we live about 2 and a half hours away from each other when not at uni so I'm used to living my own life!) so it's not like she's trying to stop me from getting hurt or anything. It's like she just doesn't want me to have a boyfriend, or she doesn't like him, or both, I really don't know. She's always telling me to make sure I don't "tie myself down"...she basically suggests I should go and pull other guys. We have had so many rows about it and it really upsets me.

    I KNOWWW that we are young, (we've both just turned 20) and I KNOWWW that things can go wrong and stuff. But it's just my mum seems so intent on making me miserable about it. I don't know what her problem is. The HYPOCRITICAL thing is she met my dad when she was my age!!!!

    And what frustrates me more is that when I get defensive she makes comments like, "well you obviously are scared he's going to dump you" "you obviously have issues about him"....WHAT??? YES my issue is that you are intent on making me feel like me and my boyfriend are destined for disaster, that I shouldn't be with him, that he's going to dump me etc.

    I'm just so upset. I can't cope with this. And the horrible thing is, I feel now that IF god forbid we were to break up...she'd be thinking HA!!!

    Anyone else EVER had similar problems?

    It
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    P.S i don't know why "it" is at the bottom lol.
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    Tell your mum that its your life and if it goes tits up then its yours to deal with.

    And mention the fact that she was with your dad at your age so she's one to talk
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    yes. my mother is exactly the same. just today she told me my boyfriend and i wont last
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    it's a tricky one. You need to tell her that you can handle your own life, without ruining the relationship you have with her.

    Do what makes you feel good, you've got one life. live it.
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    your mums first job is to protect her children, so even though you might not think she is directly doing this...she is really.

    on the other hand, i know from personal experience that parents always think their kids are naive. even though your not in one of those sickly, schmoopy relationships where you depend on each other for everything, you mum probably thinks you are, even if you say otherwise.

    maybe she's saying things like "dont tie yourself down" because to some degree she regrets tying herself down when she was young (i dont mean that to sound offensive).

    also its very likely that she is afraid she might "lose" her daughter to some "bloke". she probably still perceives you as her little girl and probably always will, no matter what you do or say. so she might just be trying to hold onto you.
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    I think its just what mums do, my mum said my relationship would never last but 8 yrs down the line, and a wedding later, we are still solid as a rock.
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    (Original post by emilina)
    yes. my mother is exactly the same. just today she told me my boyfriend and i wont last
    What do you say to her??

    It just makes me so angry because I know we aren't married or anything, I'm just happy with him.
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    (Original post by samjoe)

    maybe she's saying things like "dont tie yourself down" because to some degree she regrets tying herself down when she was young (i dont mean that to sound offensive).
    This is a good point, my mum actually admitted to me she was scared I would follow her path - she was married with a baby by 19yo, and I can along when she was just 21, so she missed out on her late teens and 20s to being a mother.
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    Get married. That'd show her.

    Better yet: Adopt a child together.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What do you say to her??

    It just makes me so angry because I know we aren't married or anything, I'm just happy with him.
    No point arguing or getting upset as she is just being a mum. I used to just Shrug and say "we will see"
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    (Original post by samjoe)
    your mums first job is to protect her children, so even though you might not think she is directly doing this...she is really.

    on the other hand, i know from personal experience that parents always think their kids are naive. even though your not in one of those sickly, schmoopy relationships where you depend on each other for everything, you mum probably thinks you are, even if you say otherwise.

    maybe she's saying things like "dont tie yourself down" because to some degree she regrets tying herself down when she was young (i dont mean that to sound offensive).

    also its very likely that she is afraid she might "lose" her daughter to some "bloke". she probably still perceives you as her little girl and probably always will, no matter what you do or say. so she might just be trying to hold onto you.
    I think it's probably more likely to be the latter. She has issues with the fact that I'm not as close to my home friends anymore too. I think it's cos she's worried that if I'm too close to a bf I'll not want to come home or something.

    Plus, she's ALWAYS wanted me to go out with this guy who lives on my street, who's her friend's son. We're friends but that's IT and she has ALWAYS been "certain" that I have feelings for him. It seems she can't accept ANYONE other than that stupid boy.

    So it makes me think that all this talk is selfish- a) because she doesn't want me to drift away into my adult life with a bf and new friends etc and b) because she'd rather me be with a guy she totally adores. :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Keep anon as my brother uses this forum too.

    Ok, so basically my mum can't seem to accept the fact that I have a boyfriend who I love. I've been with him 10 months now, I met him at uni, everything's great, I feel comfortable and happy and we're having a great time. The problem is my mum just puts a downer on everything.

    She seems to constantly remind me that we're "still young" and it "probably won't work out" etc. Now I'm not even all obsessed about him, I'm not one of those, "Oh my god I love my baby sooo muchhhh!" people, I'm not dependent on him (we live about 2 and a half hours away from each other when not at uni so I'm used to living my own life!) so it's not like she's trying to stop me from getting hurt or anything. It's like she just doesn't want me to have a boyfriend, or she doesn't like him, or both, I really don't know. She's always telling me to make sure I don't "tie myself down"...she basically suggests I should go and pull other guys. We have had so many rows about it and it really upsets me.

    I KNOWWW that we are young, (we've both just turned 20) and I KNOWWW that things can go wrong and stuff. But it's just my mum seems so intent on making me miserable about it. I don't know what her problem is. The HYPOCRITICAL thing is she met my dad when she was my age!!!!

    And what frustrates me more is that when I get defensive she makes comments like, "well you obviously are scared he's going to dump you" "you obviously have issues about him"....WHAT??? YES my issue is that you are intent on making me feel like me and my boyfriend are destined for disaster, that I shouldn't be with him, that he's going to dump me etc.

    I'm just so upset. I can't cope with this. And the horrible thing is, I feel now that IF god forbid we were to break up...she'd be thinking HA!!!

    Anyone else EVER had similar problems?

    It
    Your mother is wrong. Love has no age that states "you're too young!".
    There are pedophiles and perverts out there at age 50 as well as at age 15. Age rarely has anything to do with it.
    There are 18 year olds more wise, nicer, and caring than 40 year olds. Age does not reflect readiness.

    Love meets a criteria: You love and understand the other, and the other loves and trusts and genuinely cares for you.
    That is love, no matter what the "age" is.

    Society is stupid for believing age reflects "readiness" for something.
    Love is love.
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    (Original post by Savahl)
    No point arguing or getting upset as she is just being a mum. I used to just Shrug and say "we will see"

    I know, I wish I could, but then I feel as though I'm tempting fate there and it's bound to hit me back in the face and she'll be there all smug and "I told you so" and happy that I'm not with my bf anymore. ARGH. Sometimes I wish she'd just be one of those, "That's nice dear" mums who don't get so involved.
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    (Original post by Ken321)
    Your mother is wrong. Love has no age that states "you're too young!".
    There are pedophiles and perverts out there at age 50 as well as at age 15. Age rarely has anything to do with it.
    There are 18 year olds more wise, nicer, and caring than 40 year olds. Age does not reflect readiness.

    Love meets a criteria: You love and understand the other, and the other loves and trusts and genuinely cares for you.
    That is love, no matter what the "age" is.

    Society is stupid for believing age reflects "readiness" for something.
    Love is love.

    THANK YOU!

    Plus, I'm 20, not 10, so surely I'm getting to the stage where the "age argument" can't really apply anymore anyway??

    I was saying, "so... what age would you say is SAFE to go out with a boy? 25?? 30??" and she told me to stop being so stupid.:rolleyes:
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    (Original post by emilina)
    i just let her get it over with tbh. she didn't settle down till mid 30's, and i'm only 18 so she is always telling me we wont last, i should be out 'enjoying myself' blah blah blah.
    i just leave her to rant it out an ignore everything she says :dontknow:

    i can sympathise though tbh, i find it fairly upsetting that my mum is always telling me my boyfriends will leave me . . .. .

    :console:
    EXACT same. Seriously I think she'd prefer it if I acted like a whore and got with a different boy every night. You'd think she'd be happy that I'm in a stable relationship where (at the moment OF COURSE :rolleyes: ) i'm happy and feel secure.
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    (Original post by Electric Eel)
    Get married. That'd show her.

    Better yet: Adopt a child together.

    I LOL'd
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    EXACT same. Seriously I think she'd prefer it if I acted like a whore and got with a different boy every night. You'd think she'd be happy that I'm in a stable relationship where (at the moment OF COURSE :rolleyes: ) i'm happy and feel secure.
    yea i know, what's worse is my mum was telling me this when i had my first serious relationship. AGED FIFTEEN. btw it lasted two years, hardly as bad as she kept saying it would be

    mums eh? :rolleyes:
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    Ignore her. When she starts on you about it walk into the next room, or act as if you can't hear her. She'll eventually stop when she knows you don't care about listening to her opinion anymore.
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    Sorry I haven't completely read the thread so I might repeat something but to me it sounds like she's just jealous that she's going to lose you to your boyfriend, and that you're growing up and you're not her 'little girl' any more.
    She's just attention seeking by saying what she is :p: it can't be nice though, I don't envy you
 
 
 
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