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    basiclly im bored and could use some laughs anyone hear a good joke they can share?
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    No.
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    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

    Apparently the world's funniest joke.
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    (Original post by Deano88)
    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

    Apparently the world's funniest joke.
    hahaha i like it
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    This is an EXTREME and MEAN joke. DO NOT click on the spoiler if you're unprepared to be offended, ESPECIALLY if you're FEMALE. SERIOUSLY.

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    I called that rape advice line the other day. Unfortunately it's only for victims :shifty:
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    John mccain almost won the election!
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    Spoiler:
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    How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles ?
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    Nail its other hand to the floor.


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    What does a baby do in a microwave?
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    I don't know i was too busy masturbating!


    I have worse..
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    (Original post by Lefty Leo)
    This is an EXTREME and MEAN joke. DO NOT click on the spoiler if you're unprepared to be offended, ESPECIALLY if you're FEMALE. SERIOUSLY.

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    I called that rape advice line the other day. Unfortunately it's only for victims :shifty:
    Spoiler:
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    I called that rape advice line the other day. They told me to wear a cape! :shifty:
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    do you wanna hear the butter joke?


    you sure?




















    nah doesn't matter ... i don't want to spread it
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    its not a joke, more a list of a load of useless facts :p:

    # A can of SPAM is opened every 4 seconds
    # If you gave each human on earth an equal portion of dry land, including the uninhabitable areas, everyone would get roughly 100 square feet.
    # The average person makes about 1,140 telephone calls each year
    # In just a century’s time, Islam has converted 1/3 of the world.
    # The most common name in the world is Mohammed
    # If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
    # The earth weighs around 6,588,000,000,000,000,000,000,00 0,000, tons.
    # The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year
    # Experts at Intel say that microprocessor speed will double every 18 months for at least 10 years.
    # There are only four words in the English language that end in “-dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
    # The world record for rocking non-stop in a rocking chair is 440 hours.
    # Only one person in 2 billion will live to be 116 or older.
    # 1/4 of the bones in your body are in your feet.
    # Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails.
    # A sneeze travels out of your mouth at over 100 miles an hour
    # There are 1,525,000,000 miles of telephone wire strung across America.
    # The average person laughs 15 times a day
    # The average person spends about 2 years on the phone in a lifetime.
    # When glass breaks, the cracks move at speeds up to 3,000 miles (4827 km) per hour.
    # The average talker sprays about 300 microscopic saliva droplets per minute, about 2.5 droplets per word
    # The Earth experiences about 50,000 earthquakes every year.
    # The number of cars on the planet is increasing 3 times faster than the population growth.
    # The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.
    # The average human produces 25,000 quarts of spit in a lifetime, enough to fill two swimming pools.
    # About 17% of humans are left-handed. The same is true of chimpanzees and gorillas
    # On average, there are 178 sesame seeds on each McDonalds BigMac bun

    hang on i'll add a joke as well... what do you call a deer with no eye???



    no eyed deer :p:
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    Lol
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    whats the difference between a nun praying and a nun in the bath?









    one has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.
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    (Original post by chilliann)
    whats the difference between a nun praying and a nun in the bath?









    one has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.
    You win and I like ham
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    What's white at the top and black at the bottom?

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    Society.
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    Whats black, white and red all over?

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    A nun with a machete:ahee:
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    Jewish Sex

    No matter what this husband did in bed, his wife never achieved an orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to consult their Rabbi.

    The Rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the following suggestion: 'Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help your wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm.'

    They go home and follow the Rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he waves a towel over them as they make love. It does not help and the wife is still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they go back to the Rabbi.

    'Okay,' he says to the husband, 'Try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them.'

    Once again, they follow the Rabbi's advice. They go home and hire, the same strapping young man. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The young man gets to work with great enthusiasm and soon she has an enormous, room-shaking, ear-splitting screaming orgasm.

    The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly, 'See that, you schmuck? THAT'S how you wave a towel!'

    -------------

    An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a
    stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at
    midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed
    and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

    As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
    about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you
    been?" Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it". And on and on and on.

    Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went
    and poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak
    in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he
    dragged
    himself up the stairs.

    While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told
    that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of
    execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight. Finally
    realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go
    upstairs and give him the good news.
    As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her
    husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

    "They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said. To which he whirled
    around and screamed,

    "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!"
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    An office manager arrives at his department and sees an employee sitting behind his desk totally stressed out. He gives him the advice: "I went home every afternoon for two weeks and had myself pampered by my wife. It was fantastic and it really helped, you should try it too!". Two weeks later when the manager arrives at his department he sees the man happy and full of energy at his desk. The faxes are piling up and the computer is running at full speed. "I see you followed my advice?".

    "I did", answers the employee, "It was great! By the way I didn't know you had such a nice house!".
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    why did the chicken cross the road? :awesome:
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    I am on a bumping mission and i will not be stopped!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbu mpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpvv bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbu mpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbu mpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump vvbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbu mpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbu mpvvbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbu mpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump bumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbu mpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump bumpvvbumpbumpbumpbumpbumpbump bumpbump
 
 
 
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